Chapter 3

"Edward, I...I don't...I mean I...." I stuttered, unsure what I could say to explain myself to him. I had just told the guy I was unsure if I wanted to marry him. Edward being Edward, that was probably more than enough to devastate him...

How did this conversation end up with me sabotaging my relationship with Edward?

He nodded his head curtly. "If that's how you feel, Bella, I'll try to understand."

"Edward, please let me explain," I implored, gazing deeply into his eyes, trying to silently convey the meaning my inarticulate words could not. I kept my left hand on his chest, tracing figures of eight lightly with my index finger. My engagement ring glittered as the myriad of tiny diamonds caught the light flowing into the room.

"Say what you need to, my love," Edward said sadly.

"I love you," I murmured, "So much, you know that. I'm nothing without you. I want to be with you forever, it's just that I'm not sure if marriage is necessary for that. We love each other. Need we put a title on that? Maybe one day, yeah, but why now?"

Edward smiled sadly. "For me, Bella, love and marriage mean the same thing. The two are inseparable in my mind. I suppose I am old-fashioned in that way. I look at you and, my God, if anything had the power to take my breath away, it would be you. All I want, all I will ever want is you as my wife."

I stopped worrying my lip long enough to reply, "And I want you. More than anything."

"But not enough to become my wife," Edward replied, forcing a tight-lipped smile.

I sighed. "I want to spend eternity with you, Edward. Isn't that enough?"

"Quite frankly, Bella, no. That's not enough for me," Edward replied, meeting my gaze. "You want me to commit to changing you, and for me to do that, I need a commitment from you. I mean, surely marriage seems but a trifle compared to the other commitment you are perfectly prepared to make?"

I shrugged. It didn't really make sense to me either, when Edward put it so plainly. I must be mad to be more apprehensive of becoming someone's wife than I was of becoming a vampire! If I was honest, it wasn't the idea of committing myself to Edward that scared me; I was already utterly his. Rather, it was the thought of what others would think, and how much of a spectacle the wedding would be. One thing I had realised quickly about Alice Cullen was that she was not one to do things by halves, and my wedding to Edward would be no exception to this rule. The ceremony and subsequent celebration would be elegant, tasteful and beautiful – certain to be discussed for months and remembered for years in the town of Forks. It was, in short, not me.

Edward's voice cut into my thoughts, "I can see that your mind is in overdrive, Bella. It's written all over your face. Just tell me what you're feeling. I want, no, I need to know what's going on in your mind right now! It's driving me mad, not knowing!"

Nodding, I signalled my acquiescence. "I'm not worried about tying myself to you, Edward, not really," I explained. "It's more that I... Ugh! It seems so stupid and immature!"

Edward smiled wryly, "Nothing new there then. Just tell me, Bella. Spit it out, as they say. I love you, and you should know by now that nothing you say can change that."

I smiled slightly at this. Even as I was destroying his dreams, Edward still felt the need to reassure me...not that it wasn't welcome, of course. His words gave me the strength I needed to continue.

"I'm embarrassed. Not about us," I added hastily, "I just really feel uncomfortable with this wedding. I mean, Alice is organising an amazing ceremony; it's like something out of a fairy tale, or rather what a bridal magazine imagines a fairy tale should look like. It's incredible... my every waking moment is spent in debates over near identical shoes, or looking at invitations to people I barely know...and the shopping! I know Alice only wants the best for me, for both of us, but it's just...gah! I don't even know what to say without sounding even more ungrateful than I am already!"

Edward's eyes softened. "I think I understand," he murmured. "Elegance, decadence... it's not very Bella Swan is it?"

I smiled, and felt rosy colour suffuse my cheeks. I love this man! "Exactly," I replied, as offhandedly as possible.

Edward nodded, pulling me against him, as he placed a tender kiss on the top of my head. "Oh Bella..." he whispered. "And there I was imagining the most ghastly reasons..."

"Oh?" I asked quizzically.

"Not now," Edward replied firmly. I sensed the topic was closed for the present. A part of me was tempted to press the issue, but it felt too good to be cradled in Edward's arms again, his lips pressed gently into my hair. For the moment, I decided that it was better to let sleeping dogs lie. Edward and I seemed to have reached a truce of sorts, albeit a fragile one, and I was not going to risk upsetting the delicate balance again tonight. Besides, the painful throbbing in my hand was more than distracting at this point.

"I think I need to see Carlisle," I said softly, not wanting to spoil the moment.

"Of course," Edward murmured.

In an instant, he had gotten to his feet, still holding me clasped in his arms. I had to smile at his behaviour. "I can walk, you know," I said.

"I know you can, but knowing you, you'll probably tumble down the stairs and break a few more bones, my love."

I couldn't deny the truth of his words. Besides, even through my pain, my senses were tingling at the sensation of being held so closely by Edward.

A mere 20 minutes later, Edward and I were back in his room. As before, I was sitting on his lap, only this time, I was sporting a rather fetching brace on my right hand. Again.

Edward was quiet, even for him. I knew he was deep in thought, and no wonder; I had given him plenty to think about. Even so, I couldn't resist raising my head from where it was resting against his chest to place a soft kiss against the firm column of his throat.

"Bella..." he said, longing evident in his tone.

I continued to press my lips to Edward's neck, sliding up my undamaged hand to entangle it in his silky hair. My breathing was already beginning to quicken, and I could feel Edward tensing up beneath me.

"I really should be getting you home..." Edward muttered, his reluctance obvious. "I'm sure Charlie will be expecting you back soon."

"Do you want me to go, Edward?" I whispered, not ceasing my anointing of his neck.

"Stupid question," he said abruptly.

"Well then..." I trailed off hopefully. I didn't want to be separated from Edward tonight in the wake of our dispute, not even for the short time it would take him to drop his car home before returning to me. I hoped he would ask me to stay the night. It would not be the first time that I had slept in Edward's large, comfortable bed. However, these nights were usually on prearranged 'sleepovers' with Alice; spontaneously staying with Edward would be something new.

"If you want me here with you, Edward, all you need do is ask," I murmured, barely recognising the sultry tone emanating from my mouth.

I was stunned as Edward raised me abruptly from his lap. Before I could even think to protest, he had tossed me onto the bed itself, and he was above me, his mouth working on the sensitive skin between my collarbone and throat.

If my heart had been beating rapidly before, now it was practically bursting out of my ribcage. Edward's firm, unyielding body was pressed against me, my soft curves moulding to conform to his shape. As his lips moved upwards, brushing across my jaw line to find my mouth, I dimly registered that only once before had Edward kissed me with such intensity.

I gasped for breath as one of Edward's hands moved from where it had been resting on my waist, sliding up under my top, rhythmically stroking the soft skin of my side and ribcage.

Dear God! Does this man have even the slightest idea what he does to me?!?

"Edward," I murmured passionately, as he kissed my neck once more, "Please..."

Edward drew back slightly hearing the plea in my voice. His eyes were wary, almost as if he knew he was pushing his boundaries too far.

I shook my head impatiently, not wanting him to mistake my meaning. "Please don't stop," I said shyly.

Edward's eyes darkened with undeniable lust as with a slight growl, his lips returned to mine. I whimpered at the sensations his lips and hands were creating in my body... The combination of my leftover frustration from our earlier dispute, pain from my fractured hand and passion being evoked in me by the joining of our lips left my head reeling, even as my body begged for more. I felt as if I would somehow combust if this went on much longer. As Edward slid his hand across to lightly brush against the side of my breast, I almost lost it. Feeling my eyes roll back in my head, I shifted my position on the bed, my knees falling apart as I tried to get even closer to Edward. This new position was both heaven and hell. On one hand, Edward was closer to me than ever before; his body creating a new yet pleasant friction where he was pressed against me. On the other, this only increased my need for some kind of release...

Edward pulled back to look at me, need, passion and sheer covetousnessmingling in his onyx-dark eyes. I struggled to undo the buttons on his linen shirt, only to be interrupted by his hands as he impatiently tore the fabric away from his torso. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of him. I couldn't resist touching the smooth contours of his chest and stomach, even daring to dip the very tip of my index finger below the waistband of his jeans. At this, an expression of primal longing flashed over Edward's flawless features, turning my insides to jelly. Take me now! My eyes silently begged him to finish what he had started...

As Edward raised my arms, removing my top, I felt like all my Christmases had come at once. Was Edward going to give in finally, and allow this to happen? It certainly seemed so...

Oh God...His hands....