Chapter 4:
If Edward's hands on the bare skin of my side had felt amazing, there were not words able to describe the sensation of his hands stroking over my exposed stomach. I noticed his eyes dart quickly to my breasts, now covered by nothing more than the filmy fabric of my bra. My chest was rising and falling rapidly; never before had I felt such need for anyone.
Edward's eyes flashed back to gaze piercingly into mine, no doubt noticing my flushed cheeks and kiss-swollen lips. He took a deep breath and looked at me, an unspoken question in his eyes.
"Please, Edward," I whispered. I did not think I could bear it if he stopped this now. I reached up, clasping my hands behind his neck, pulling his face down to meet mine. As our lips joined, it almost felt as if his need was as pressing as my own. This surprised me. I usually felt as if I was the one making all the running; never did it seem like Edward desired me in the same uncontrollable way I did him.
I was incredulous that things had gotten this heated this fast. Less than an hour before we had been having an agonising conversation about our upcoming marriage, now we were in the middle of what was probably the most passionate experience of my life to date. I had fantasised about having Edward's bare skin against mine many times; imagining how it would feel to have those same hands that worked the keys of a piano so skilfully playing over my body. And now it was happening!
As Edward's lips moved away from my lips, I gasped for air as his mouth moved to my neck. His icy breath felt incredible against my hot skin, and I moaned as his lips continued their descent down the sensitive skin of my throat. The sounds I was making seemed to spur Edward on. He emitted a low growl, and lowered his head to nuzzle the fullness of my left breast where it spilled out from my bra. "Edward..." I whimpered at the unfamiliar sensation. "That feels..." I didn't have the words to convey what I was feeling, to describe the longing that was bubbling up within me.
"Tell me," Edward groaned, his voice low and sultry, continuing to worship my breast with his lips. He moved his hand to delicately skim his fingers over the point where my raised nipple was evident through the thin fabric of my bra. "Tell me how it feels, Bella."
"I...it...it feels...oh..." Increased moaning was my only response as Edward dipped his fingers under my bra, softly stroking me.
I still could not believe this was happening. How did we go from being upset to doing this?!? Although my body was crying out for Edward's touch, the rational part of my brain was questioning this sudden intimacy. Why now? What had made Edward change his mind so abruptly about maintaining the boundaries in our physical relationship?
Who cares! I lost the ability to think as Edward raised me slightly from the bed, and I felt his cool hand unclipping the fastener of my bra. As I leaned forwards, helping him slide the straps down my arms, I could not take my eyes off Edward. The expression on his face was one of utter lust. I smiled nervously as he allowed the bra to drop to the floor. I had never felt so exposed. Still, the expression on Edward's face had not changed; if anything, a new urgency had entered his eyes. I moved my hands to the button at the top of his jeans, expecting him to stop me at any moment. But he did not. Edward allowed me to unbutton his jeans, and as I tugged at the zipper, I glanced back at his face. His eyes were closed, and his jaw was clenched. Still, he had not moved to stop me yet.
Taking advantage of Edward's lack of resistance, I nervously slid my hand between the brushed cotton of his boxers and the denim of his jeans. My hand hesitantly brushed against the hard bulge of his erection, and I inhaled sharply as Edward's hand moved from my breast to encircle my wrist. Here comes the rejection...
But I was wrong. Instead of stopping me, Edward moved my hand to press against him more firmly. I gasped at the physical evidence of Edward's desire for me. Edward kissed me deeply again, then moved his lips to my ear. "Never doubt how I feel for you, Bella," he said urgently. "Never doubt that I desire you in every way."
Thrilling at Edward's words, I kissed him almost frantically, and began to push down his jeans as best I could with only one hand. Edward's actions mirrored my own, and he opened my jeans and slid the down over my hips, leaving me wearing nothing but a pair of simple boyshorts. I kicked off my jeans as Edward did the same. My senses reeling, I pressed myself against Edward once more. Having only the thin barrier of our underwear between us felt amazing, yet it only made me want him more. "Edward," I begged.
He continued to kiss me, worshipping my body with his hands as his lips and tongue did unspeakable things to my mouth. "Bella," he murmured reverently. "You are the most exquisite thing I have ever seen. You're beautiful...I've never wanted anything the way I want you."
"I'm yours," I murmured in response.
Edward froze, stopping what he was doing. His beautiful face clouded over. "No, Bella, you're not," he whispered, pulling away, not meeting my eyes.
"Edward?" I said urgently. "I am yours! You're all I want! Doesn't the fact that I'm here with you now prove that?" How had I managed to ruin this incredible moment?!?
Edward sat up, moving away from me. He sat with his knees pulled up, his strong arms wrapped around them. His bronze hair was even more unruly than ever after me running my hands through it, and his fringe had fallen forward to partially obscure his still-dark eyes. As Edward looked sadly at me, I thought how he had never before looked so vulnerable, so human.
"If you want me, Bella," he said sorrowfully, "why won't you become my wife?"
I sighed. I knew that this had been too good to be true. Conscious now of my near-nakedness, I raised myself to sit cross-legged across from Edward, hugging a pillow to my chest. "Edward, I've explained..." I began hesitantly. "I thought you understood why I..."
Edward cut me off. "I understand why you have reservations about the wedding itself, Bella, but I can't comprehend how you can hold me and kiss me and touch me like you were just doing, and then claim to be against the idea of marrying me! Marriage means having all that and more for as long as we both shall live! I know I want that, but you..."
I shook my head, not knowing what to say to make things better between us. I spared a thought for poor Jasper. The way our emotions were changing so rapidly must be causing him all kinds of trouble.
I reached a hand out to Edward, laying it on his bare knee. He tensed at my touch. "I love you, Edward. I want all this too. I just don't need a big ceremony to do this. I thought you'd changed your mind. I mean," I gestured to our discarded clothing strewn across the bed and floor surrounding it, "this made me think that maybe you had changed your mind about waiting for marriage before we got more physical." I said, somewhat embarrassed.
Edward sighed, and reluctantly placed his hand over mine, completely obscuring it. "I can understand how you might think that. I wanted all this to be on our wedding night, Bella. If you only knew how many times I've fantasised about undressing you, about kissing every inch of your body as you reveal it to me..." Edward's face fell. "If we're not going to have a wedding night, I figure why wait any longer? This is what you want, Bella, and I'm not going to force you into waiting for something that isn't going to happen. I release you from our engagement. Marriage is no longer a prerequisite. We can do this tonight. I'll even change you afterwards, if you still want that."
My heart leapt at Edward's words. He was offering me all I had desired for months. The opportunity to make love with Edward...the chance to become immortal, and share eternal life with him... How could I refuse?
I leaned forwards to kiss Edward lightly on the mouth. He returned the kiss, but very hesitantly. I could tell his heart wasn't truly in it, and to be honest, neither was mine. I had gone from feeling hornier than I ever had before to feeling nothing but the purest kind of love for Edward.
I had a kind of epiphany then. Edward was so sweet, so giving, so loving; he was prepared to gift me with everything my heart desired. He truly loved me. In return for granting all my wishes, he just wanted me to say two words. Suddenly, the idea didn't seem quite as daunting. I realised that love is about giving, and that sometimes it might be necessary to make a sacrifice in the cause of making the one you love happy. Surely I could do this for Edward. It was such a simple thing, really, when compared to the other commitment I was already prepared to make to him. I wanted to do this for him.
I pulled away from the kiss, and moved to stand beside the bed.
Edward quirked an eyebrow quizzically. "Bella?" he asked me. "Tell me what you want, my love."
I took a deep breath, dropping to one knee as gracefully as possible. "Edward, I love you and I want to be your wife. Will you be my husband?"
Edward's eyes widened. Never before had he looked so taken aback. He moved in a blur to stand in front of me. "Do not joke about this, Bella Swan," he said desperately.
I reached out to take his hand, raising his knuckles to my lips. "Edward, will you marry me?" I said.
Edward dropped to his knees before me, his posture mirroring my own. He was breathing heavily and his eyes were boring into mine. "Bella, don't feel you have to..." he began. I placed one finger across his lips.
"My love, I want this," I said softly, surprised to hear myself saying the words. It was even more surprising when I realised that my words were true. I did want it.
"Oh, Bella," Edward murmured, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me so close that my breasts were pressed tightly against his firm chest. "Bella, my love..."
I smiled, as tears pooled in my eyes. I had the power to make Edward so happy. How could I not choose to do so? I placed gentle kisses over where his still heart was. "I take it that's a yes then?" I mumbled awkwardly.
"Yes!" he said, kissing me exuberantly.
Edward's joyful laugh of exultation was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.
