Authors note: Wow! Thank you so much Dextolan, Cherubim, Sunshine-Midnight123, and Pembie for the lovely reviews. I really appreciate them! Thank you also to all you lovely folk who decided to follow this story!
I have categorised this as a Romance / Fantasy so you will have to suspend your disbelief a little bit for this next part, haha! I also don't have any medical background, so if the terminology isn't right, I apologise. I'm keeping it a little vague for that reason. I hope you enjoy it!
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Chapter 2
i.
"Family of Spencer Reid?" called a thin nervous looking doctor, as he glanced around the waiting room.
The team had basically been living at the hospital, in between cases, so most of them were on first name terms with the ICU staff, especially Morgan and JJ. They could often be seen sitting around the waiting room with piles of paperwork and case files, and they'd even conducted a couple of briefings in a quiet area of the hospital canteen. The hospital staff had actually been very accommodating, probably a little awed at having the FBI take up camp there, and by the fact that they were largely an attractive bunch. Prentiss had even hit it off with one of the neurosurgeons, and Rossi had something going with one of the nurses. They'd settled in to all extents and purposes.
That was why it struck Morgan as a little odd that he didn't know this doctor. In all the time that Reid had been in here, this was the first time that he'd laid eyes upon him, not even in the hallways. The profiler on him was suddenly on alert.
"Spencer Reid?" the doctor repeated.
They all jumped to their feet, but Hotch took the lead and walked straight over to him.
"I'm Aaron Hotchner with the FBI's Behavioural Analysis Unit…" he said, holding his hand out to shake hands, "Dr Reid is a part of my team…" He motioned to the others standing behind him. "We've been waiting some time for someone to come and speak to us… I understand that he's awake? Can you tell us what's going on?"
"I really should speak to his next of kin" said the man. The team had crowded round him now and he was obviously a little unnerved. "A family member?" he ventured.
"We are his family!" said Morgan, stepping forward a little threateningly.
"I'm named as his next of kin" said Hotch, holding a hand up in warning, to tell Morgan to back off, "I have medical power of attorney… We've been through this with the hospital administrators… They have all the paperwork."
"Very well" said the doctor, frowning a little, "I'm Dr Nash… I'm an attending Psychiatrist… If you could uh… follow me?"
"Whatever you have to tell me" said Hotch, "I'd like the team to hear it… We're the closest thing he has to a family."
"Okay" he replied, looking a little uneasy about the situation, "We'll go to the family room then…" He quickly counted the number of worried faces and then gave a curt little nod, "I think we should uh… all fit in there."
They followed him down the corridor and filed into the family room. One by one, they took position on one or other of the two grey sofas that were arranged to face each other. The three women took one of couches, and Rossi and Hotch sat on the other. Morgan perched on one of the arms at the far end, and watched as the doctor took his seat in the one remaining armchair. Again, he couldn't help wondering at the choice of furniture. It was like they'd purposely chosen the most uncomfortable sofas they could find, probably to make sure you didn't hang around too long.
Dr Nash waited for everyone to settle while he fidgeted nervously in his seat. He obviously had something to say to them but he didn't seem quite sure how to broach the subject.
"Okay…" he said, "So… Mr Reid…"
"Doctor" said Morgan.
"I'm sorry?" asked Dr Nash, not following.
"He's Dr Reid" he corrected him.
"Right" he said, sounding a little irritable, "Well, 'Dr' Reid has regained consciousness, as you all know… but…he uh… he seems to be in what we'd call an 'acute confusional state'."
"A what now?!" asked Garcia.
Her eyes met Morgan's and she gave a sad little smile. She knew what he was thinking. If Reid was here right now, he'd be telling them exactly what that was. She could just imagine him spouting definitions, as though reading it directly from a medical journal, and talking animatedly about genetic factors and the number of Americans affected every year.
"A confusional state?" asked Rossi, "Like a concussion?"
"No" said the doctor, "It's what we used to refer to as 'delirium'… Now we might call it an 'altered state'.
"Can he talk?" asked JJ.
"Yes, he's talking" said Nash, "I mean… he can talk when we cover the tracheotomy tube… He can whisper."
He motioned with two fingers to his neck to show how to cover the hole.
"That'll be removed in a day or two… It's just…" He paused, obviously struggling to find the right words. "It's just that he seems very confused. His speech is very delayed… and he's not giving… 'appropriate' answers to the questions that he's being asked."
"What do you mean 'appropriate' answers?!" asked Hotch, frowning at him, "You mean that his memory has been affected?!"
"It's not just a memory problem" said Nash, "More a case of an identity problem."
Morgan gave him a very confused look. "Dr Nash?!" he said, "We're stressed enough about all of this! Can you stop dancing around whatever it is, and just tell us what we're dealing with?!"
"Okay, well… One of the standard questions to establish level of consciousness is 'what's your name? can you tell us your name?" he said, sitting forward in his seat and making his fingers into a sort of steeple shape, like a politician.
"And he can't answer that?!" asked Rossi, shooting Hotch a look of real concern. How could the 'boy genius' not answer such a simple question?! This couldn't be good news!
"He thinks he's someone else" said the doctor, cutting to the chase, "He's identifying as someone other than Spencer Reid."
"He what?!" exclaimed JJ, "Who does he think he is?"
"We asked him to tell us his name" said Nash, "And he told us his name was Penelope Garcia."
"What?!" gasped Garcia, snorting a little, "You're saying he thinks he's me?!"
"I'm afraid so" he said, gathering that she must be Penelope Garcia, especially from Reid's own description. The fifties style glasses were a dead giveaway.
"Well, that's just stupid!" she said, starting to get up. "He's just asking to see me!"
She started to move towards the door but Hotch caught her by the wrist and stopped her in her tracks.
"No, Garcia!" he warned sternly, and then gestured with his head for her to sit down again.
The doctor glanced at the looks of confusion on everyone's faces and gave a heavy sigh
"He's not asking to see Penelope Garcia… He thinks he is Penelope Garcia. He became very distressed when one of the nurses tried to convince him otherwise… He… um… He identifies as female."
Garcia looked at Morgan, and started to laugh incredulously, before looking back at the doctor in anger.
"This is ridiculous!" she snapped at him, "I mean… It's a joke, right?! Some kind of sick joke?!"
"No, ma'am…" he said, "I'm sorry, but it's not a joke... We asked him to describe himself… He said that he has long blonde hair, with bangs, and big brown eyes… Fifties style glasses..." He let out a slightly nervous laugh and said, "He's asking to see his friend 'Reid' who he called his 'delicious boy genius', and um… well…" He looked a little out of his comfort zone as he glanced nervously across at Morgan. "He's asking for his… his 'Chocolate Adonis' of a boyfriend, a someone called 'Morgan' … I'm guessing that's a little out of character?"
"He thinks I'm his boyfriend?!" exclaimed Morgan, as he sat forward and looked at the doctor in shock. "What the… But… I…?!"
"Well he thinks you're Penelope's boyfriend… and he thinks that he's Penelope." said Nash, "So, yes… I believe he's asking for you."
Morgan looked at Garcia, and they both started to laugh, more out of nerves than anything else. "It's not funny." said Garcia, both laughing and crying. "…but it kind of is."
"But…" said Prentiss, who'd been shocked into silence until this point. "How… I mean… How does something like this happen?!"
"Well" said the Doctor, "I have to admit, this is a first for me… It's certainly… an interesting case!"
"He's not an 'interesting case'!" sneered JJ, "He's our friend!"
"I'm sorry" said the doctor, "I didn't mean to offend anyone… Just that, clinically, it's the most pronounced case I've seen in nearly ten years of practice." He looked around the faces of the team and then settled on Hotch. "Now, you said you're with the Behavioural Analysis Unit?" he said, "So, would I be right in thinking that that would involve a great deal of empathy, and the ability to put yourself in the mind of another person? …To emulate their thought process? …Yes?"
"Yes" replied Hotch, "That is one of the key skills of a psychological profiler… "
"And I've been told that he possesses an eidetic memory" he continued, "…and an exceptionally high IQ?"
"Boy Genius can't forget anything" nodded Garcia.
"It may explain how he's created this alter-ego" said the doctor, "Latching onto someone close to him… Maybe admiring a quality in their personality that's not present in his… An act of self-preservation?"
"You mean Dissociative Identity Disorder?" asked Hotch, with a worried glance at Rossi, "He's developed a split personality?"
"I think it would be very premature for any kind of diagnosis like that…" said Dr Nash, "His brain is still showing some mild swelling… We won't know what kind of recovery he'll make until that resolves completely."
His mom has paranoid schizophrenia" muttered Prentiss, "Could that have anything to do with it?"
There was a notable tension among the team members as they waited for his answer.
"It's possible" he sighed, "…but it would be pretty atypical."
"Oh God!" gasped JJ, covering her mouth with her hand. Prentiss put her arm around her.
"As I said, it's too early for a diagnosis like that" he said, "Let's not get ahead of ourselves."
"Can we see him?" asked Hotch.
He couldn't help looking uneasy. His mind was already racing, as he imagined the conversation that he would have to have with his superiors, and wondered how he was going to safeguard the boy's job. Would someone with a history of mental illness still be allowed to stay with the BAU? Would there be any way of keeping this under wraps at least long enough for him to recover? And what if he didn't recover?! What would they do then?!
"Well, that's why we kept you waiting as long as we did." said Nash, "I contacted a colleague… to consult on this case… A leading authority on these types of… identity issues…"
He seemed to be choosing his words very carefully, obviously anxious about what their reaction was going to be.
"Dr Ramirez feels that this may be some sort of post traumatic psychotic episode and… with a bit of luck he may just return to normal… But… he thinks that it could be very traumatic for him if we were to try to force him to accept his true identity…" He looked at Garcia and said, "In other words… He wants us all to play along…"
"He what?!" said Hotch, stiffening as he looked at Dr Nash in shock and disgust. "How are we supposed to do that?!"
"We all have to treat him like he's Garcia… Like he's a young woman… and let him come out of this in his own time."
"This is ridiculous!" said Hotch, "I can't allow my team to…"
"Agent Hotchner" warned Nash, "I understand your concern… but I'm sure, in your line of work, you've seen what can happen when a person experiencing a psychotic episode is not handled with care… My colleague's advice is that we play along for now, and try not to upset him unnecessarily… He's flying down from New York next week to assess him himself."
"You want us to pretend that he's a woman?" asked JJ, "Or… y'know… pretend that he's Garcia?"
"Both" said Nash. He looked around at the bemused look on the faces of the team and gave a little sigh. "Is it much different from what you do on a day to day basis? I don't know a lot about what you do as a team, but from what I've been led to believe, it wouldn't be unusual for you to have to try to talk to… to people with mental health issues?"
"You think he's crazy?!" gasped Morgan.
"No, I don't" said Nash, "But right now, when he looks at himself, he doesn't see what we see… He sees a woman… and you telling him otherwise is just going to frighten him."
"Yeah, but…" said Morgan, looking a little embarrassed, "What happens when he goes to the toilet… and he sees… y'know?" he asked, motioning with his eyes to his own crotch. "I mean… don't you think he'll figure it out then?!"
"We'll have to wait and see." said Nash. "It's possible that this is very temporary… and yes… he could snap out of it in a few hours… but we can't force him." He sat back in his chair and gave a little shrug. "We think his perception is extremely 'altered' at the moment… We gave him a mirror and asked him to tell us what he saw… He said that he saw 'a sexy mama', with blonde hair, and brown eyes, that desperately needed her makeup kit' and he wasn't best pleased about having his hair cut short!"
He couldn't help chuckling a little at the thought of Reid in makeup like the woman sitting in front of him, but he managed to catch himself and disguise it as a cough.
"He really thinks he's me?" muttered Garcia under her breath as she stared off into the distance. She couldn't understand what was happening. She was nearly sure that this was just a bad dream or a cruel practical joke.
"So, you think he might not even notice the difference in the… uh…in the toilet department then?!" asked Morgan, shaking his head incredulously. "You think he's gonna look down and see… um… lady parts?!"
"Not just any lady parts apparently" muttered Garcia, "My lady parts… That's all kinds of freaky!"
She looked up at Morgan and as soon as their eyes met they began to laugh again involuntarily. This was just too weird!
"Morgan! Garcia!" scolded Hotch, "This is not funny!"
"I know that" said Morgan, straightening up and frowning.
"Sorry, sir" mumbled Garcia, as she looked down at the floor.
"What do we do now?" Hotch asked again, turning his attention back to the doctor, "Can we see him now?"
"Well, we'd like to see his reaction to you… Garcia." said Nash, "Would that be okay with you? We'd like to see if he can recognise you… or not… To be honest, we're not sure what will happen. I think it would be a good idea if Morgan comes too."
Morgan looked a little startled and began to shake his head. His heart was hammering in his chest at the thought of going in there. He wondered if they could tell how much blood had suddenly rushed to his cheeks. His face was on fire with embarrassment.
"But… but he thinks I'm his boyfriend!" he stammered, "How am I meant to deal with that?!" He wasn't sure that he could play along with this.
Garcia turned to him and looked up at him with big teary eyes.
"Please, Derek?!" she pleaded, "Please?! …Just play along? Whatever it takes… I don't want to go in there on my own… I need you with me!"
He looked at the desperation on her face and he knew that he couldn't say no to her. He took a big breath and blew it out slowly. "Okay, Baby Girl…" he said, smiling in a very nervous way and getting to his feet with her. "But this is all kinds of messed up!"
ii.
Garcia walked slowly into the room, with Morgan trailing nervously behind her, and she smiled at Reid, who seemed to be dozing propped up in a semi-sitting position. She let go of Morgan's hand, and made her way over to the side of Reid's bed.
"Hey" she said softly, touching his hand and starting to tear up. "Hey, you?!" she said again, a little louder this time.
Reid's eyes flickered open and he turned his head slowly to look at her. He opened his mouth to speak and jumped a little at the strange whistling wheezing sound that came out through his tracheotomy tube. He looked confused by the noise and stared all around him as though he wasn't sure where it had come from.
Garcia remembered what Dr Nash had said about blocking the tube, so she put two fingers over the circular plastic opening in his neck, and nodded at him to try speaking again.
"Heeeyyy" he slurred, in a quiet whispery voice. "I'm… sssso… hhhappy to… sssee you" he said, incredibly slowly, as though he was speaking in slow motion.
Her eyes filled up with tears and she picked up his hand and gave it a little kiss. "I've missed you so much!" she cried, gently caressing the side of his face. "We all have! We love you so much…" She started to say 'precious baby genius' but caught the words before they left her mouth. "We thought we'd lost you!" she cried.
He started to move his mouth again, so she covered the trach tube for him. "Never" he wheezed, shaking his head a little. "I love you too… R-Reid."
She gasped and took her hand away, glancing across the room at Morgan, wide-eyed in shock. She pointed at herself and mouthed the word 'Reid', shaking her head at him in wonder. Reid thought that they'd swapped places! He was Garcia, and she was Reid! She wondered what on earth he was actually seeing?!
Reid followed her gaze, and suddenly smiled from ear to ear when he laid eyes on Morgan. He started making a loud whistling-gurgling sound again, and tried to lift his hand to cover the tube himself, but he was too weak. Garcia turned back, now with rivers of tears flooding down her cheeks, and plugged the tube in his neck again for him.
"Therrrrre's… my… Chocolate God… of Thunder!" he whispered slowly, with a big smile and teary eyes.
Morgan looked at Garcia with eyes wide with fear.
"Morgan! …She needs you!" growled Garcia, motioning with her head for him to come closer. "You've missed her, haven't you?" she said in a very deliberate way.
Morgan shook his head at Garcia fearfully, but hesitantly made his way over to the bed, and reached for Reid's hand. There was a whirlwind of emotions raging inside him and a large part of him wanted to run away. He wondered if she could tell how fast his heart was beating? He felt ridiculous! What was he, anyway?! A teenage boy?!
"Hey" he said softly, "How you feeling… b-baby girl?"
He was doing his best to talk to him in exactly the way that he would if it was Garcia lying in this bed. He glanced at the real Garcia in embarrassment, and then looked back at Reid, who was struggling to speak. He sighed and reached out to cover the tracheotomy tube for him.
"I love… y-you" whispered Reid, as he gazed at Morgan with eyes full of tears. He looked so scared and confused, and Morgan felt his heart ache for him. "K-kiss me?" asked Reid, in a weak sort of way.
Morgan looked at Garcia, eyes wide and frightened, desperately hoping for her help. She nodded at him insistently, and then motioned with her head at Reid, making it clear to him that she wanted him to play along. He looked back at Reid, and just about managed to get the words out, feeling that this really wasn't right. On some level, it felt like he was making fun of him, and he didn't want that.
"I l-love you too" he stammered to Reid, with his face burning hot with embarrassment. He leaned in and tentatively kissed him on the forehead, wishing that the ground would open up and swallow him. This was so uncomfortable! What on earth was going on?!
His heart skipped a beat when Reid raised a shaky hand and weakly tapped his own lips. It was clear that he wanted a real kiss.
He glanced again at Garcia, but she just nodded at him rather insistently. She was telling him to do it!
Nervously, he moved lower and pressed his lips quickly, lingering on his mouth only for a moment. A chaste kiss. Soft and tender.
Reid smiled and closed his eyes again. He looked absolutely exhausted. Garcia smiled at Morgan, tilting her head at him sympathetically, and mouthed the words "That wasn't so bad, was it?"
Morgan shook his head, and went out into the hallway, crouching down outside the door. His heart was hammering painfully in his chest and he felt like he might be sick. He wondered how he was going to play along with all of this?
They all wanted him to go along with it for Reid's sake, and he knew deep down that there was nothing that he wouldn't do for that man. They didn't even really have to ask. But how far would they expect him to take things? He knew that he was venturing into incredibly dangerous territory, and possibly unleashing a part of himself that he'd kept carefully hidden away, and buried deep inside.
That right there, was the first time that he'd ever said 'I love you' to anyone… The painful part was that he'd actually meant it. He did love Reid. He'd always loved him. It was something that he fought to push to the back of his mind every day. Something that he chose to ignore, because he knew that the object of his desires would never reciprocate his feelings. He was pretty sure that Reid was straight.
As for himself, no-one knew that he was gay. He'd spent a lifetime crafting a 'playboy' persona and convincing everyone that he was taking a different woman home every night. In truth, he hadn't had more than a couple of drunken fumbles in years. There was always an element of guilt and self-loathing for him when it came to sex, probably a legacy of the abuse that he'd suffered as a child. And as for men, he'd shut those feelings down a long time ago. He'd learnt his lesson back in high school, and never allowed himself to explore those feelings ever again. Maybe it was cowardice, and maybe it was self-preservation… but Reid was the first man that he'd allowed himself to think about in that way.
And now he felt…
He didn't know what he felt…
And that scared him…
Had he just told him he loved him?! Had he just kissed him?!
He'd imagined saying those words to Reid in many different ways. Imagined kissing him. Daydreamed about it all the time… but he never could have imagined it playing out like this! Not in his wildest dreams! Never in front of Garcia. And definitely not when he was lying in a hospital bed, and under the misguided delusion that he was a woman! No-one could have predicted that!
This whole thing really scared him. What if he got in too deep with all this make-believe and play-acting, and gave himself away? What if everyone found out about him? And what if he ended up getting hurt? Or worse, what if Reid came to his senses and thought that he'd been ridiculing him?! He couldn't bear to hurt him! This was a nightmare!
A pair of feet appeared in front of him, tidy black shoes and well-tailored pant legs, and then he felt a hand gently squeeze his shoulder. He looked up into concerned brown eyes, much softer and understanding than he'd been expecting.
"How did it go?" asked Hotch, "That can't have been easy for you."
