AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay… so here's chapter 3! Thanks to Dextolan, Pembie and tannerose5 for your lovely comments! Really glad you're enjoying it. To anyone else who is reading this, any feedback (good or bad) would be very much appreciated. Anything at all? Yay or nay?
Chapter 3
i.
"I keep thinking that I'm gonna wake up and this whole thing will just have been a bad dream" said Garcia, resting her head on her hand.
It was the first time in weeks that she and Morgan had had the opportunity to spend some time together that wasn't in Reid's hospital room. Despite that, they'd only gone as far as the hospital canteen, and neither of them really had an appetite.
"This is just too weird!" she sighed, prodding angrily at her uneaten pasta with a plastic fork.
"Weird?!" snorted Morgan, "I just kissed Reid… and I mean, kissed kissed him! …On the lips!" He felt himself blushing and began to laugh a little nervously. "Mama, you don't need to tell me how weird this is!"
He lifted a slice of pizza and took a bite, but his stomach was full of nerves, so he set it down again. He blew out a big breath and reached for his cup of coffee. His hand trembled a little, and he looked a little embarrassed when he saw that Garcia had clocked it. She leaned across and put her bejewelled hand on top of his.
"Hey, come on?" she assured him, "No-one's gonna think you're gay… If… y'know… if that's what you're worried about? …Your player image?"
"You think I'm that insecure?!" he asked, in a mock offended tone.
"No, course not" she smiled, "But I get why it's… a little outside your comfort zone… y'know… after…"
She gave him a meaningful look that said 'I'm not going to actually say 'Carl Buford', but we both know why kissing a man might make you uncomfortable.'
He shifted a little in his chair, clenching his jaw, as an uneasy tension settled in his shoulders. She didn't even need to say the man's name to set off a whirlwind of unpleasant memories in his head. They were always there, lurking in the background… Never too far from the surface. Hotch had spoken to him briefly with similar concerns and even offered to help him take a step back if he needed to, but that had just made him feel guilty. Kissing Reid had indeed made him uncomfortable, but not for the reason that they obviously thought it had.
"…but it's not like it's just any guy" she continued, "I mean… this is my sweet little Baby Cakes…"
He smirked a little at her pet name for Reid.
"I mean, isn't it…?" she said, unsure of how to put it, "I don't know, he's just so… innocent… He's like… a little puppy?"
"He's a grown man" said Morgan, sounding a little defensive on his behalf, "He's 26 years old!"
He knew how much Reid hated the way the team babied him, even if he was probably just as guilty of it himself. Maybe more so than anyone.
She looked a little offended and he shook his head at her in a way that said 'Don't mind me, I'm just tired!'
"What am I gonna do?" he asked, putting both elbows on the table and rubbing his head with both hands, "I mean… I can't really keep pretending to be his boyfriend, can I?!"
"I think you're gonna have to!" she said, biting her bottom lip in a nervous sort of way, "I know this is really weird… and awkward… and messed up… But he really thinks that he's me… and for some reason he thinks we're together…"
She blushed a little and looked down at the table. She didn't know why Reid had incorporated that particular detail into his delusions. They obviously weren't together, and Reid knew that… Not that she would have minded an alternative reality where that were true. The faces of their beautiful future babies flashed through her mind and made her heart ache. However much she liked to pretend that they were just very close friends, the thought of writing 'Mrs Penelope Morgan' on anything made her heart flutter… She shook herself a little and looked up at him again.
"If he thinks he's me" she continued, "…and you're his boyfriend …Then he needs you… If it was me in there, and I was lying there in that bed… all scared, and hurt really bad, and not able to move? Then you'd be the one person that I'd want to see… more than anyone else in the world!" She looked at him pleadingly, with big teary eyes. "Please?! Please, Derek?!" she begged, "…You need to do this for him! …No matter how weirded out you get…"
"Hotch wants to send me to L.A." he sighed, "He thinks it's gonna get too complicated… That I'm overstepping the mark with this whole 'boyfriend thing'… and he's probably right… He offered to tell Reid that I've been called away on a case until things blow over…"
She crossed her arms across her chest and shook her head at him in a disappointed way. It was her 'mother hen' scolding pose, and he knew it all too well.
"And what are we supposed to tell him?!" she challenged, "That his boyfriend just walked out on him while he was lying in a hospital bed?! That Derek Morgan, the most loyal man that any of us has ever met, just left? Just got up and left when his… his girlfriend needed him?! When we all know that if Derek Morgan cares about you at all, he'd never walk out on you… Not ever!"
She twisted one of the rings on her finger and gave a sad sigh.
"If that was me, Derek?! Do you have any idea how heartbroken I'd be?!"
"So… what?!" he asked, looking at her in an exasperated sort of way. "How do you see this playing out?! …I mean… How far do you all expect me to go?!"
He felt an involuntary little flutter in his stomach at the mere thought of taking things further than that tender little kiss. He desired it more than anything, but it also made him feel guilty. What right did he have to think about his friend that way? His friend who trusted him? How many times had he fantasised about running his hands all over Spencer's soft skin? How many times had he found himself looking at the man and wondering what it would be like to make him moan and writhe from pleasure? How many times had he zoned out in a briefing, wondering what kind of sounds the genius might make when he orgasmed? How many times had he wished that he could wake up in the morning to find that beautiful sensitive man beside him in his bed? He wanted all of it so badly it made his heart hurt, but he couldn't help feeling ashamed of himself too. How could he think about Dr Spencer Reid in that way?! When he wouldn't want him to? What would Reid think of him if he knew?!
"Baby Girl…" he groaned, with a look of embarrassment, "What if he wants to,y'know… take it further?"
"He just woke up from a coma!" she scolded, "He can barely move! …He can't walk …He can't even lift his arms! …Do you really think he's in any fit state to be jumping into bed with someone?!"
He shrugged at her, still looking very uncomfortable with the whole thing.
"Maybe" he conceded, "…But he might want to be… affectionate? …What am I supposed to do then?!"
"He won't" she assured him, "Besides, it's just a little kissing…"
He winced a little at her choice of words. Carl Buford had used exactly those words before he'd…
He pushed the thought away as quickly as it had come to him, but it left him with a deeply unsettled feeling. He supposed that Buford had probably spent his days fantasising about him too. Maybe he'd been more messed up by the abuse than he'd realised? Was it normal to have sex-fantasies about someone who would never want to sleep with you?
"I mean…?" he asked, staring down at the table a little miserably, "What if he thinks I'm like him? …Like Buford?"
"Oh honey!" she cried, throwing her arms around him and pulling him into a tight hug, "Reid would never think that, and you know it!"
"Maybe not" he sighed, "…But he's not himself right now, and he doesn't know what he's doing… What if I play along with this whole thing and he ends up thinking I took advantage of him or something?"
"Of course, he won't!" she assured him, still holding him in her arms, "…He'll know that you were only doing what Derek Morgan does best… Taking care of the people he loves!"
He sighed a little and gave into the hug. 'If only he knew how much I love him' he thought to himself a little sadly.
ii.
"Okay" said the Doctor, smiling at Reid in a kind and gentle sort of way. "That's the trach out… and we've bandaged up the stoma, so why don't you try talking? …Go ahead… say something?"
"Whherrrre's Der-ek?" he asked, slurring his words and looking back and forth between JJ and Hotch. There was a slightly hurt expression on his face. "Whheerrrre is he?"
JJ gave Reid's hand a little squeeze, as she sat on the side of his bed, and stroked what little hair he had behind his ear. "He's gonna come in to see you later" she said, "Don't worry, he'll be here as soon as he can!"
The doctor seemed pleased with his progress, making a few notes on his medical file, and then making his excuses to leave.
"Well, that wasn't so bad" said JJ, "Was it?"
Reid looked down at the hospital gown that he was wearing and took in all the wires coming out the neckline. They'd filled him in on all his injuries, and while he was upset about the burns on his abdomen, he'd been assured that they probably wouldn't scar too badly once they'd fully healed. He was more upset about having his head shaved. And the fact that he had hairy legs! He eyed the cannula in his hand with disgust, and lifted his other hand with great effort to touch the bandage on his neck. His eyes started to fill with tears and he turned to look at JJ.
"I looook awful, dddon't I?! …That's… w-why… Derek isn't here, isn't it?! …I sssssaw… how he… looked at me yesssssterday"
Tears were streaming down his face and his chin was trembling as he tried not to cry.
"Thhhhey… cut my hair, JJ! …and I look… dis-gusting!"
"No, you don't!" she replied, caressing the side of his face. "Honey, you're not disgusting!" she said, tilting her head at him with a sympathetic smile, "You're beautiful!"
Hotch sat on the end of Reid's bed, and glanced at JJ, looking very uncomfortable. She widened her eyes and him and motioned with her head for him to say something to Reid.
"You look fine, Garcia" he mumbled, "I'm sure Morgan will be here soon."
Reid turned to JJ and whispered to her, "I nnneeeed… my… makeup, JJ… Can you g-get it …fffor me? …I don't want… that gorgeous man of mine to sssssee me… like this!"
JJ laughed involuntarily, and then started to cough, trying to hide her amusement.
"I'll ask Prentiss to bring it in for you" she said, giving him a little smile.
Reid looked at his hands and tried to move his fingers, but the movements were slow and laboured, and incredibly clumsy. He gave a big sigh of frustration, dropping his hands again, and starting to cry.
"I'm…" he started to say, "I'm… ssssoooo… I can't do anything!... How am I g-going to type… if I can't move my fingers?"
"Hey" said JJ, putting her arm around his shoulder and leaning her head in against his. "You'll be okay! …You're just a bit weak! You've been asleep for a long time and your muscles just have to remember how to do things… You'll get there!"
"Mm tired" he cried again, and JJ wiped the tears gently from his eyes. "Everything fffeeeels strange."
"Do you want to take a nap?" asked JJ, giving his shoulder a little squeeze. "We can go away for a little while if you want some peace and quiet."
He nodded and looked at JJ again with big teary eyes.
"Can you get… me ssssome pyjamas?" he asked her, tilting his head at her with a pained expression on his face. "Ssssome… of my own clothes? …I just fffeel so… ugly in these!"
He pulled at the gown he was wearing and looked down inside it. Glancing at Hotch for a moment, with a look of embarrassment, he whispered to JJ, "I nnneed some… underwear too… I just feel so… unsupported."
JJ glanced at a very disturbed looking Hotch, and gave him a little smile. He'd already voiced his disapproval about this whole thing, and was finding it hard to bite his tongue. How was this helping Reid in any way?! How would the boy feel when he came to his senses and discovered that he'd been behaving this way?!
"No problem" said JJ, wondering where they'd find some suitably 'Garcia-style' bras for someone who was essentially flat-chested, and whether Reid would notice that the bras were slightly less accommodating than what he felt he needed?
"We'll go and get you some things" she said, taking her phone out to text Garcia, "And we'll come back in an hour or two… okay?"
Reid nodded and pressed the button to lower the bed. It was obvious that he was still in pain and that he was also completely exhausted. He lay back and closed his eyes.
"Okay honey" said JJ, getting up to leave, "You have a little sleep and we'll be back in no time."
She shook her head at Hotch, wide-eyed in wonder, and motioned for him to come with her out into the hallway.
"Okay, bye…Garcia" said Hotch, finding it hard to get the word out of his mouth. He felt so strange calling him by that name. This just seemed so surreal. He was nearly sure that someone was going to jump out at any moment and tell him that this was all a joke.
As they walked out together, they heard Reid call out for JJ, so she spun around and stuck her head back through the door.
"Yeah, sweetie?" she asked.
"Can you bring the stuff before… Derek comes?" he pleaded, with an anxious look on his face, "I wwwant to look …nnnice for… him."
