AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you to all you lovely folks (Pembie, Juna Izumi, Village Mystic, and Dextolan) who took the time to read and write reviews. You have no idea how much your comments mean to me! They really brighten up my day! And thanks to everyone else who's reading this. Hope you enjoy this one!
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Chapter 7
i.
"Why do …y-you have to go away?!" whined Reid, holding tightly onto Morgan's hand and staring up at him with big wounded eyes. "I don't… un-understand!"
"I told you!" he said, giving him a kiss on the forehead and a little smile. "I have to go away for a case… They need me in LA, and I don't really have a choice in the matter. Strauss' orders. You know what it's like."
Reid gave a heavy sigh and his eyes started to well up with tears. "But, I need you!" he said, pouting in an exaggerated way, ruby red lipstick painted on his lips. "I d-don't… think I can do this… Not without you!"
Morgan sat down on the side of the bed and gave him a sad and sympathetic look. "Yes, you can!" he said, planting a soft little kiss on his forehead. "You can… You're strong! You know you are… And besides, you've got the rest of the team to help you through it!"
"That's right!" said JJ, giving him a big smile. "You've got me… and Hotch, and Prentiss, and Rossi… And 'Reid' too… We're all gonna help you."
Prentiss smiled and nodded at him from the end of his bed. "Yeah, we're all here… Anything you need at all… You know that Garce"
Reid nodded at them and gave them a half-hearted smile. "It's not the same …th-though" he said, turning to look back at Morgan. "You're the one I want… I'm going t-to be so l-lonely." He dropped his voice to a whisper and said, "Y-you know I don't like sleeping alone."
"Hey?!" said Morgan, putting his arm around him and pulling him in for a hug. "Baby Girl, you can still call me… and we can even video call if you want."
"It's not the same!" he sobbed, as tears streamed down his cheeks. "What am I supposed to do without m-my Chocolate Thunder? …I love you, and I don't want you to g-go!"
Looking at the hurt and anguish on his face, Morgan couldn't help feeling that this was incredibly cruel. How was he supposed to just walk away from him?! How was he meant to just leave him here when he needed him most, and when he was literally begging him to stay? How could Hotch really expect him to do this?! It was like kicking a puppy.
Prentiss walked over and reached for Reid's other hand. "Garcia, it's only for a couple of weeks… and you can still keep in touch!" She reached out and gently wiped at the tears on his face for him. "C'mon, sweetie, you've still got all of us… and we'll do some fun things! Won't we, JJ?!"
JJ nodded and flashed him a big white smile. "Girly nights and chick flicks! We'll do mani's and pedi's! And I've had some fun ideas for your hair too… and Prentiss said she'd help!" she said, patting his foot softly. "Come on, Sweetheart! It'll be fun!"
"See?!" said Prentiss, nodding at him encouragingly and fixing his hair for him a little. "C'mon now, sweetie, chin up! It won't be so bad!"
Reid nodded and turned to give Morgan a sad little smile. "Sorry… I'm just s-scared." he said, sniffling and wiping at his eyes with his pyjama sleeve. "This is so h-hard already… without you going too."
"I know" said Morgan, throwing JJ a worried glance. "But I'll be back soon, Princess. You'll hardly know I've been gone."
ii.
3 days later…
Morgan sat at his desk, keeping his head down, as he sifted through a mountain of paperwork that had built up for him over the last few weeks. Hotch had been true to his word. He hadn't sent him to LA, but he'd certainly made sure that he would be busy. He seemed to have the paperwork for every single cold case there was! They'd all been hauled out here and stacked on his desk ready for his arrival this morning. They wanted him to go through them and see if there was anything that they'd missed. There was also the current casefile that they were working on, and JJ and Prentiss had taken the opportunity to dump some of their work on him as well. The general idea was to keep his mind off Reid, but it really wasn't working!
He couldn't stop thinking about him. He couldn't stop himself from wondering what he was doing right now or if he was missing him. He looked at his watch and gave a little sigh. It was just after 10am, so he knew that he'd probably be in physiotherapy right now, but that just made him feel guilty because he wanted to be the one to support him through this. He wanted to be the one to help him learn to walk again. He wanted to be there in every way he could. It was killing him not to be.
He leaned back in his chair for a moment and rolled his shoulders to try to relax a little but his eyes drifted up to the window of Hotch's office. He could see him in there now having a chat with Rossi, him at his desk, and Rossi sitting with a coffee on the couch. It all looked very casual. Rossi was even laughing.
He shook his head and looked back down at his desk. 'It's not his fault' he told himself, as he felt a little rush of anger towards his boss, 'You know you'd do the same if you were him. This whole thing is so messed up! He has to protect Reid… Even if it's from you.' Even so, he couldn't help being resentful. In some ways, he felt like a grounded teenager. Like a kid whose parents won't let him see his boyfriend.
He wondered if it would be different if it was a heterosexual relationship. If Prentiss had woken up thinking that she was Garcia, and he'd come to her aid, and slowly fallen in love with her? Would Hotch and the others be making such a big deal then?! Was this really all just good old-fashioned homophobia?
'Jesus, Derek! Get a grip!' he growled in his own head, 'Stop it! Just stop obsessing! There's no big conspiracy here, just a lot of worried people doing their best for Reid'
"Coffee" he said out loud, as he got up from his desk and made his way to the coffee dock, "Coffee will definitely help…"
As soon as he walked in the door, the two agents that were in there stopped talking and made an abrupt exit. Much to his annoyance, he got the distinct impression that they'd been talking about him, and probably even more likely, about Reid. Word had gotten around the office that Reid was suffering some kind of breakdown, and people had done nothing but whisper since he'd been back here today. He wanted to smack them in their stupid gossiping mouths!
"Assholes" he muttered to himself, as he stepped over to the coffee machine and picked up a cup.
"Who's upsetting my burning hunk of love?" asked Garcia, from the doorway, "Tell me and I'll hunt them down and end them."
Morgan spun around to face her, and suddenly that frown he'd been wearing all day broke into a big bright smile. "Baby Girl!" he smiled at her, "Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?!"
"Uh uh!" she scolded, "I want details… I walked in here and you had that Derek Morgan 'I'm gonna rip someone's head off' scowlon that beautiful beautiful face of yours… So, you're gonna tell me right now what's eating at you!"
"Or what?" he asked, making a half-hearted attempt at flirting, "You'll spank me?"
"Don't think I won't" she warned, with a mischievous sort of smile, "But it won't be the fun kind."
He grinned back at her and took a sip of his coffee.
"Come on, Derek" she said, stepping over beside him so they were leaning against the counter, side by side, "What's going on with you?"
He looked down at her, looking deep into her big brown eyes, and just for a moment he thought about pouring his heart out to her. He wanted to unburden himself in some way. If anyone would understand, she would. But it wouldn't be enough to tell Garcia. Once he told her, the whole thing would snowball out of control. He wasn't ready to 'come out' yet, even if what he really wanted to do was shout it from the rooftops. He wanted to go out into the middle of that office and tell every one of those sniggering idiots that he was in love with Spencer Reid.
Derek Morgan was in love with their geeky resident genius, and on some level, he wanted everyone to know it… He wanted to be honest for once in his life.
But he couldn't. He knew that he couldn't do that.
"You know this is hard for me too" she sighed, when he still hadn't answered her, "I can't even be there to support him… because it's just too weird for me. He thinks I'm him and I'm just so scared in case I do something or say something that's so 'me' that I freak him out… I mean, I can't talk the way that Reid would… I can't be him!"
"No-one can" he said, nodding slowly, "Pretty Boy is one of a kind!"
Garcia smirked a little at that. "I don't think I could live with all those mismatched socks either… Not really my style."
He looked down at the floor and held his breath for a moment. He knew he was going to cry if she kept this up. What he wouldn't give to be able to tease him about those weird socks of his right now. "I just… I miss him." he said quietly.
"I know you do" she said, "We all do."
He gave a little sigh and pushed away from the counter. "Guess I'd better get back at it… Hotch wasn't kidding when he said he was gonna keep me busy with paperwork… I'm drowning in it!" He gave her a little smile and started to walk away.
"Hey Derek?" she called out after him, "Whaddya say you come over to my place tonight and I make you dinner? …I mean… maybe it'll take your mind off things… and we can… catch up… I feel like I never see you these days!"
He didn't say anything immediately. He'd been planning a night in with Clooney and a six-pack of beer.
"I mean…" she began to babble, "You don't have to… I just thought…"
"Sounds good" he said, cutting her off mid-babble, "It's a date, Baby Girl! I'll bring the wine."
Once he got back to his desk, he sunk into the seat and glanced back up at Hotch's office. The man was on his own again, frowning down at some papers on his desk, while Rossi was back in his own office too, and having a rather animated phone call with someone. Like a true Italian, he was waving his arms about in an exaggerated way.
"Okay, come on!" he groaned at himself, as he picked up a file that someone had thrown down on his desk, "Concentrate!" He opened it and began to read.
Three years ago, a string of suicide bombings happened in industrial areas of major cities across the country. One in New York, one in Seattle, one in Los Angeles, and two in Chicago. Seemingly unrelated at first, mainly because the unsubs were from different ethnic groups, with no known ties to any type of organised terrorism, it had taken some time to make a connection. When the Unsubs' remains were examined, it was discovered that they'd all been exposed to a particularly strong mind-altering substance, a psychotropic drug in gaseous form. From the lung tissue that was recovered, it seemed that their lungs all showed a degree of scarring, probably from the prolonged use of the drug. The case had gone unsolved, partly because the bombings seemed to have stopped, and because there was no way to know where or when someone might strike next.
He sat back for a moment, with the pages spread out on the table, his heart hammering in his chest. He felt a little sick.
Images of the bombsite where Reid had been injured flashed through his mind. They hadn't been able to figure out why the young man in question had taken all those hostages. He hadn't seemed to have a motive. They'd closed the case because he'd blown himself up. Unsub dead, case closed. Simple, even if it wasn't the outcome that they'd wanted.
But what if this was connected?! Could this be why Reid was lying in that bed right now?!
iii.
"I can't believe how well you're doing!" said JJ, walking beside Reid down the corridor. He'd just come back from physiotherapy and he was making his way back very slowly with a walking frame. "You should be so proud of yourself!" she grinned.
"I'm getting there" sighed Reid. He was shaking a little and dragging his feet with great effort across the floor. "I think I need… to sit down now though" He was clearly exhausted.
"Okay, there are some seats right here." she said, taking a seat and nodding for him to sit down beside her. She watched him sit down, noticeably out of breath and panting, and gave him a big smile and a pat on the knee. "All the way back from physio, Garcia! You did so well!"
"Thanks!" he said, leaning back and trying to catch his breath. "This is just so hard… It's so weird… that you can just wake up… and find that something… you always just… took for granted… is suddenly really difficult." The walk through the hospital corridors had really taken it out of him and he was talking in short bursts as he tried to slow his breathing. "Who knew… walking… could be so… hard!"
"Yeah" said JJ, stroking her bandaged arm and staring a little vacantly at the floor. "Things can just change overnight. You can think that your life is headed in one direction… and then something happens… and you end up headed in a completely different direction …and there's nothing you can do about it."
"Yeah, life… can really …mess up your plans" he sighed, giving her a sarcastic little smile.
She looked at him and thought for a moment that she could see some of the old Reid shining through. There was something about the way that he'd just smiled at her that didn't seem like this weird clingy Garcia version of Reid that he'd become. She wondered if it was just wishful thinking on her part though, and maybe she was just seeing what she wanted to see.
He was the only other person who knew had happened that night and she just really wanted to be able to talk to him. She turned to face him and put her hand on top of his.
"I wanted to ask you something…" she said, "I just… I was wondering what you remember from before? Like, what's the last thing you remember from before the explosion?"
He furrowed his brow and peered down at the floor. "I don't really remember much" he said, finally having caught his breath. "I think maybe we were at the station, going over the profile… and I…I don't know why I was even there …I mean… I don't remember the explosion at all."
"And what about before that?" she asked. "I mean, do you remember us leaving the station together?"
"We left the station?" he asked, looking a little worried, "Where were we going?! I mean, why would I be going out in the field?"
JJ looked a little disappointed and shook her head at him. "No, sweetie, don't worry… it doesn't matter" she said, patting his hand, "I'm just getting mixed up."
He stared down at the floor again, frowning a little, and said, "I feel like I've forgotten something… like there's something I should be doing …or something I forgot to do." He looked up at her again suddenly, with fear and concern etched across his face.
"Did we catch the unsub?" he suddenly asked, big hazel eyes so much brighter and clearer, "Are the children okay?! …Did we get them out?!"
She looked at him in shock. Something had changed in his face and she was sure that this was Reid, and not 'Garcia'. He was looking at her with such kindness and concern in the way that the old Reid would have. He seemed to remember! Maybe he was finally back?!
"Oh, my God!" she almost squealed, "Sweetie, do you remember?! Do you remember what happened?!"
"I had to go in" he said, taking hold of her hand, "I know you think I should have waited for backup, I know you think I acted rashly… That it was just another example of me acting recklessly and paying the price for it… but I couldn't let him kill those children… I had to try to talk to him. I had to!"
"I know, Spence" she said, "I know! It's okay!" She was smiling from ear to ear, and tearing up a little. She was just so happy that he'd finally come back. Her little brother was back with them! She thought she might burst from happiness.
"Did we get the kids out?" he asked again.
"You got two of them" she said, eyes brimming with tears, "You carried them out… They're alive because of you!" She put her arms around him and hugged him tight. "You're a hero, sweetie! You're a hero!"
"I am?" he asked, pulling back and frowning at her in a confused way. "What did I do? Why am I a hero?"
"What… what do you mean?" stammered JJ, but her heart sank when she saw his eyes. She already knew. It was like for those few fleeting moments, the real Reid had been back, but now he'd disappeared again, to be replaced once more with this strange version of Garcia. "Oh, sweetie" she sighed sadly.
He shook his head in a bewildered sort of way and shrugged a little. "I don't know what I was saying… I know I was talking… but I keep forgetting things."
"It's okay" she soothed, "It's okay, sweetheart, don't worry…"
"How can I not?!" he snapped at her, "I hate this!" He covered his face in both hands and gave a frustrated sigh. "I can't remember stuff very well… and I keep losing track of what I'm talking about! …I just feel so… stupid!"
"You're not stupid!" she said, shaking her head at him. "It's just gonna take some time to get better, that's all!"
He nodded at her and wiped at a few stray tears that had started to roll down his cheeks. "I think I want to go back to my room now, if that's okay… I'm just really tired."
iv.
"Derek is coming to visit tomorrow!" exclaimed Reid, holding up his phone and smiling at Prentiss, who was sitting at the end of his bed. "He just texted! Look!"
"Really?!" said Prentiss, taking the phone from his hand to look at the message. Morgan hadn't told her that he intended to come in, so she wondered if he'd cleared it with Hotch, or if he was actually going against orders. She looked up at Reid and gave him a big smile. "That's fantastic, Garcia! You must be so excited!"
He nodded and smiled from ear to ear. "It's only for the day…" he said, "He says he can't stay... but I can't wait! ...Emily, I've just missed him so much!"
"Yeah, I know" she said, nodding at him a little sadly. "Well!" she said, suddenly beaming at him and holding up some pink nail varnish. "Why don't we get you ready then? This colour?" she asked, waggling the little bottle at him. Then she put on a silly voice, and asked, "You like?"
Reid laughed and held his hand out for her to do his nails. "Thanks Sugar! I really appreciate all you guys help... I don't know what I'd do without you!"
Prentiss looked up from painting Reid's fingernails and gave him a little wink. "What are friends for?!"
Reid glanced at Prentiss, looking a little embarrassed and then looked away again, staring down at the bed covers. "I was wondering..." he started to ask in a very sheepish tone and blushed bright red.
"Go on" said Prentiss, too engrossed in painting Reid's nails to notice how embarrassed he looked.
"Um... well..." he started again. "I was wondering if you had any ideas..."
Prentiss looked up and saw how red Reid's face had gone. "Garcia, you can ask me anything!" she said, not entirely sure that that was true but that's what girls were supposed to say to other girls, wasn't it? She wasn't sure that she was really ready for whatever it was that he wanted to ask. If he was this embarrassed, it didn't bode well!
Reid looked up, with tears starting to form in his eyes again, and said, "I just don't feel like Morgan sees me the same way that he used to... He doesn't seem to want to... to want to be..." He was clearly struggling to find the right word and the whole thing was proving highly embarrassing. His face was burning bright red. "When we sleep together, that's all we do... I mean when he stays… He doesn't seem to want to go... any further... He doesn't seem to want to..."
"TO SLEEP WITH YOU?!" she blurted out, without meaning to sound as shocked as she did. "Sorry, I mean... to sleep with you?" she asked, correcting her tone and looking a little shamefaced.
He furrowed his brows at her for a moment, unsure of what to make of her reaction.
"Uh... yeah" he said, looking back down at his bedsheets. "I mean... I've tried... but he just keeps pushing me away... and I mean… literally pushing my hand away!" He looked back up and tilted his head at her, with tears now streaming down his cheeks, and said, "Am I really that ugly? ...Is it the short hair?!"
"Sweetie! You're not ugly!" she assured him.
In truth, she was finding it hard not to laugh. She did feel bad for thinking it was funny, but this whole thing was just getting weirder and weirder! The image of Morgan having to fight off a frisky and over-amorous Reid just struck her as incredibly funny. How could it not?! Painfully shy and socially awkward Reid getting handsy with the biggest 'ladies' man' that ever lived?! What she wouldn't give to have been a fly on the wall for that! She could just imagine the look on Morgan's face! 'Oh God, he must have been mortified!' she chuckled to herself. She was actually shaking a little from the effort not to laugh.
"Then I don't understand" sighed Reid, "He just… He doesn't seem to want me… not like he used to!"
"Maybe it's just the hospital?" she suggested, "I mean, it's probably a bit of a turnoff... and it's not like you have a lot of privacy in this place with all the nurses coming and going."
"That's what he says" muttered Reid, but he looked a little depressed. "I just want things to go back to normal!" he whined. "I'm going to be stuck in here for at least another couple of weeks! ...I just want my boyfriend back!" He tilted his head at her, looking decidedly uncomfortable, and asked in a whisper "Do you have any ideas... of how to... y'know... 'reignite' things?"
"Umm... oh god..." groaned Prentiss, as she desperately choked back her laughter. This was just too much! How was she supposed to give one male colleague tips on how to seduce another male colleague?! The giggles were coming thick and fast, and she knew that she wouldn't be able to stop once she'd started!
"Um, I'll be back in a minute" she said making a mad dash for the hallway, "Just need the toilet!"
Once out in the hallway, and far enough away that Reid wouldn't hear, she collapsed in a fit of giggles. This was just getting too weird!
