Ara ara, so many wonderful reviews, I'm touched, really I am. No Naruto, you don't need a doll to tell the court where... everyone in the Elemental Nations touched you... this is different... I'm glad that everyone enjoyed it so far, and I hope that you all continue to. Sadly, my main is still unable to visit , but I'm still able to use my ancient laptop to submit and read stories. Anywhosits. Time to respond to reviews!
geetac: Thank you, I'm glad to make people laugh.
spottedstar: Heh, nice to see you anyhow. Captain Porno, a super powers super being from the village Konoha, masquerades by day as mild manner Jounin Hatake Kakashi... Someone has to write about that now... NOT IT! And yeah, Kon'll be revealed eventually...
CelticReaper: Thank you, glad to have made your day, where can I deliver it to? Here's the update.
Anonymous: Well Bob, I'm glad that you're enjoying more appropriate songs instead of laughing through sad ones. Hopefully those odd looks stop soon... So much love for this chapter, and this story itself. I just can't seem to love you guys enough in return. Yep, Captain Porno... so much crack in this fic, I think the grand canyon could be filled. I try to be unpredictable with my cliffhangers, makes it more interesting for everyone, ne? As for the OC... well I guess the main thing with her is that I basically needed a character to fill in a protector/comedic relief role, and could only thought that a little fox kit would work... and her character just snowballed from there. I've already established limits for her powers to myself and I think that they're fairly balanced. *bows* Please forgive me if she seems... as with your example, Mary Sue-ish. I'm glad that it's a cool story and that Kon is enjoyable. As for your friend's study hall teacher... I feel really sorry for her, should she write fanfics too. Updated. Ja ne!
anotamous: I'm just punishing Naruto for sins he never commited, there's more coming.
Terminally Ambivalent: I'm glad you liked that pun. Yeah poor Naru-chan, the worst is yet to come. I do show mercy... sometimes... don't I? *looks at the characters breaking down in laughter* Hmph for that YOU'RE on my list... *sees them stop laughing and start crying* Anyways, thanks, updated!
The-Eighth-Sin: K... here's more.
badkidoh: Wired? Like on caffeine? And yeah it was a little flashy at that point & stuff. Updated.
Senyor Fier Mensheir: Multiple-S rank mission? It's just training in survival and evasion... against entire nations of people... and animals... Uhh... *grins sheepishly* Sorry Naruto-kun...
Elemental Dragon Swordman: I'm glad someone noticed little fox!Hinata... little sweety isn't she? And ya know... Iruka barely held himself off... Kon is Kyuubi's daughter, and well... Oro-teme might just be to blame...
HelKat: I dunna think that the Shinigami can offer them without clearance from his boss, seeing as how rare they're likely to be... But it'd be an interesting Bloodline Limit... the Nine lives of a cat... Most of this fic has been the amusing but frightening, so Kakashi sorta fits... and yes... Daddy!Kyuubi! Who makes an appearance in this chapter.
Alyondria: Yeppers, Kyuubi's baby girl, gotta love her, she da baby! Uhh... Kyuubi's male isn't he? Did anyone bother to check? OI KISHIMOTO-SENSEI! Can we get a ruling? But Kon called Kyuubi her daddy, so for this fic, he's a male... I'm glad to keep improving.
Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thank you. Will do. Updating. Yes you can wait, you just don't wish to. I've always thought it was interesting, yeppers, Kon's Kyuubi's precious daughter. I pity any man that tries to date her... I mean a regular dad's bad enough... but the nine-tailed fox... yikes... Yeah, Zabuza and Haku are really wanting to see him... Raiga, not so sure about.
90MLLu: Thanks! Glad you liked it, especially with all that was happening, and my original character Kon-chan, Kyuubi's daughter! Huh... I wonder if someone were to draw it, what she'd look like... she's still learning to transform, hence her lack of clothing... I'm glad that people liked the cracktastic "CAPTAIN PORNOOOOOO!!!" Maybe someone should write that story... or better yet, draw him... hmm... maybe I should... . . ANYWHOSITS! Thanks for the review, yeah you can wait, just no longer for it is HERE! I hope it's good for you, like it's good for me.
jolteonforever: That'd be a bit messy don't ya think? Twisted crap... yeesh. Yeah, Kyuubi's got a daughter, and everyone's failing will saves left and right... Poor Naruto... And no, he's not womanizing her... he's vixenizing her. But hey, her reputation probably just went up ten-fold with the other one tails, no? Seeing as a two-tailed, one persued by everyone from three-tails and containing the great and powerful nine-tails paid attention to her, and only her. And the speedos may make a comeback... kukuku
Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism
Chapter 14
Naruto stared blankly at the grinning face of the Shinigami before him. He didn't know if telling the very representation of death itself that he needed to work on his jokes would be a bad idea or just really stupid. Instead he just rolled up off his back and looked around the land of the dead quietly.
"Oi, why am I back? Am I going to see my parents again?" Naruto asked hopefully, his eyes searching for them.
"I'm afraid not Naruto-kun... there are a few others that want to talk to you though..." the Shinigami explained before turning and leading Naruto away. "Come, we mustn't dawdle, the afterlife comes from being late, so I find people prefer punctuality."
Naruto chuckled nervously at the lame joke for a moment before a black streak of hair knocked the wind out of him, and he was pretty sure shattered a few ribs. When he regained his senses, all he could hear was squealing of a girl. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SOOOO CUUUUUTE!!! CAN I KEEP HIM ZABUZA-SAMA~"
"Haku..." the gruff man growled as he plucked the younger ninja off Naruto, "You know very well you can't keep him, he's only visiting."
Looking down Zabuza smiled widely with his serrated teeth. "Hello again Brat."
Naruto stared up at the man who had tried to kill him last time, smiling warmly at him, holding an androgynous young man by the scruff of the neck with seeming ease. He did the only thing he could think of. He started laughing until his sides hurt.
Zabuza let him catch his breath before unleashing the squealing and clutching force that is Haku on the poor, unfortunate, and pinned temporary kitsune boy. A smirk of vengeance served crossed Zabuza's face as Naruto tried to claw his way out of Haku's grasp. He'd seen many an animal try that same tactic, only to meet the same result as Naruto was having now. None.
Eventually, the Shinigami interceded on Naruto's behalf, pulling Haku off by the ear and putting him facing a tree in time out. He then bade Naruto to rise, not wanting to risk accidentally killing Naruto before his time. The paperwork on that alone would make an entire century of being Hokage seem a breeze."Sorry about that Naruto-kun, but Haku has been dying again to see you."
Zabuza groaned loudly at the joke, pulling Naruto aside with an arm slung over the blonde's shoulder. "Look kid, I pulled a few favors to get you up here, so I just wanna tell ya one thing. Thanks for burying us, I really don't want to be animal chow. Also, keep trying to do that thousand years of death on that Kakashi-bastard, he deserves it." Zabuza schemed before muttering off to the side, "Though that pervert probably would enjoy it..."
Naruto blinked and edged away from the dead ninja slightly. "Look, I don't know if you've been watching recently... but I'm not really wanting to try anything like that for a while... Especially since that means 'piercing' them..." Shuddering at the memories, Naruto turned to walk away. "Well it's nice seeing ya guys and all, but I think I have others to go meet."
"That's right Naruto-kun," the Shinigami answered as he signaled for the blond to follow him. "We must get there soon, after all, you're falling towards the ground and the you have pressing matters to deal with before then."
The pair walked a ways away, heading towards a large orange mountain. As they got closer, they found that the mountain was in fact the Kyuubi, who was sobbing his eyes out into a massive tub of tootie-frootie ice cream. "It's not fair, I find out my daughter's alive... and I'm stuck in the gut of the brat she calls daddy."
"As you can see... Kyuubi isn't taking finding out his daughter's alive that well..."the Shinigami explained as the giant fox used its nine tails to shovel ice cream into its maw. Afterwards, the fox picked up the container and tossed it off to the side, forming a new sports center that smelled delicious, and would eventually be swarmed by bugs. Kyuubi then glared down at Naruto and the Shinigami angrily, before breaking out in tears. "IT'S MY PRECIOUS WIDDLE KOOOOOON-CHAAAAANNN!!! AND SHE LOVES NARUTO!!!"
Naruto stared at the demon fox for a few minutes as it continued to bawl his eyes out, before he slowly turned to look the Shinigami into where he assumed his eyes were. "I'll be going home now, please."
Naruto blinked his eyes, and found himself staring up at an orange ball of fluff falling towards his face. Sticking his arms out he caught the fox and smiled as Kon giggled and licked his nose. "Hey Kon-chan, your dad says hi..." Naruto laughed before a whistling noise caught his attention. Looking around he let out a string of cussing and tucked Kon against his chest. Using his now free hands to form the familiar cross seal, he summoned a swarm of clones underneath himself, hoping to use them to cushion his fall.
His plan would have worked... save for the swarm of pheromone incised people and foxes diving after him. Instead of being splattered into the ground, he'd instead be crushed by nearly two or three tons of lust filled beings. This would be one death that would definitely be remembered for ages. However, he found out that death was not planning for his visit again, when something tackled him from the air and tumbled with him into a building.
As the dust settled, Naruto was disturbed to find he had somehow been placed into an orange wedding dress, and the scarred and sadistic interrogation specialist was kneeling before him in a full tuxedo, bared head and everything. In his outstretched hands was a tiny felt box with a sparkling diamond ring in the center. "Naruto Uzumaki, would you do me the honor of being my man-bride?" Ibiki Morino asked quietly, almost drowned out by the sounds of dispelling clones and people yelling outside.
