Not much for an authors note except thanks for the reviews and here's the next chapter.
Enjoy!
Jonah's POV:
I pull away from the hug. My eyes bloodshot, and me probably looking horrible. I avoid looking Cyrus in the eyes. Or at the least where I think his eyes are.
"Jonah"
"Yeah"
"It's okay, we all have or issues, some of us just have more issues than others. I always though I was alone in my issues. By that meaning that no one had them. I would look at you and just wish to only have two emotions happinesses and serenity."
"Sorry"
"What? Don't be! I always was down on myself and I guess in some selfish way that I'm glad you have more to you."
I just laugh.
"Docious magocious" I say with sarcasm.
"No really Jonah, it's fine."
He reaches in for another hug. This time in seems without the intention of letting go anytime soon.
"I just never tell anybody, I feel like I'm going to puke."
"Not on this shirt hopefully"
I laugh.
"It gets hard."
"I know, you can tell me anything, not like I'm going to use it against you."
"I'd hope not."
"Try Me"
"Okay, but this is a long one."
"I got all night, literally."
"Some times I really miss having a relationship with my parents. How do you think that I can just hang out with you guys all the time. Even show up to your guys' houses without anyone caring. I mean that's the good part. The shit part comes when no ones home all night, and I can't feel comfortable. I get pissed at the fact you guys get this unconditional love thing, I have to go find it somewhere. I never did till you guys."
Cyrus squeezes me a bit tighter.
"I love you, but, not, like in a creepy way"
I laugh.
"Cyrus, I know you used to obsess about me, and the other athletes at our school. You always seemed jealous of them."
"Yeah, I guess you could say that."
"Anything else that bugs you?"
"I don't want to drag you down."
"Jonah, you're not dragging me down."
"I was always that ray of sunshine though."
"And now you're not, well to Andi and Buffy you still are."
"Don't tell them, don't tell anyone."
"We all know that 'anyone' is one person."
"Well tell your parents or something, but not anyone our age, at our school, or wherever. I don't want this to come back and bite me."
"I won't, but can I ask something that's been on the back of my mind?"
"Sure"
"Why did you tell Andi that you don't like labels?"
"I don't. I don't want people to see me and label my personality, sexuality, relationships, friends, and just my life. I don't want any of it. I'm sick of it. People shove others in these boxes. I don't want a box anymore."
"Well cardboard's pretty easy to break through."
"Yeah"
I wonder if I should continue. I've already said way too much. I guess I will, I already said things I regret, why not add to it.
"Labels annoy me. People just take one look at me and decide how they're going to treat me. People look at my personality and decide what I like and what our conversations will be about. It usually ends up being horror movies if films are the subject or sports in all areas. Even if the conversation had NOTHING to do with sports!
They look at my sexuality and get pissed if I'm with ANOTHER girl. As if that's the only gender that matters.
They label my relationships. Amber and Andi took one look at me and decided that we'd be boyfriend and girlfriend, never what I wanted. They took what they wanted and freaked out when I was less than ideal. Their ideal, not mine.
People look at my friends and judge me. I get treated differently by others when I hang out with different people. As if they expect I have many faces, not that I'm just the same person.
People look at my face I put on for the outside world. They like it more that the real me. When I let people into my world they treat me differently. Like I'm a stranded puppy, not like me. Then they don't even offer to help, just stand from a moral high ground and throw their message of pity and judgement.
Judgements all I get, I don't want it."
"Jonah"
I swipe at my eyes. I really shouldn't be crying. Cyrus is kinda girly and was raised by shrinks so I don't know if he cares. He hasn't told me to man up like my dad has. So that's a good thing.
The last few hours have been so awful. It's like my world is collapsing in itself. Like I'm drowning. Not only that I'm dumping this all on Cyrus who has his own problems. I've been really self centered tonight.
"Sorry, I haven't really been a great friend tonight."
"Jonah, stop saying sorry. You don't have to be. I'm not going to tell you how to feel though. I'm not going to label you either. If you don't want labels or boxes or expectations I won't force them on you."
"Really?"
"Of course not, I'm not Andi or Amber or any girl breathing down your neck."
"Thanks dude."
I'm still in Cyrus's arms. I guess it's weird that I'm resting on his shoulder crying. I always thought that was an expression, one that never actually happened. I quickly glance at the clock. 4:11, I guess I've kept myself and Cyrus up all night.
"Sorry I've kept you up this late."
"I'm not going to go to sleep now, if I do I'm going to mess up my sleep schedule. I honestly don't want to do that AGAIN!"
"Want coffee? If we can make it like an hour and a half more we can see the sunrise."
"Sure"
Not like sleepless nights are anything I'm not used to. Sometimes I'll just be to stressed or anxious to go to sleep. As much as I hate that side of me it helps me to finish the "procrastinate till the last minute" papers or projects.
Me any Cyrus walk down the stairs and he sits at the island in the middle of the kitchen. I put the filter and coffee in the machine and wait for it to brew. Me and Cyrus don't talk, wouldn't want to wake my mom up.
After the coffees done brewing I make a cup and sit next to Cyrus. It's 4:48 now. Cyrus looks like he wants to say something.
"We can talk, we just have to whisper" I whisper.
"Why don't you just tell Andi that."
"I did, she freaked out. I went to her doorstep and told her I wanted something I didn't in a last ditch attempt to get her back. She said umm. Nothing else. So I gave up."
"Woah, woah, woah, why didn't you tell me that."
"Because you're her friend and you're probably going to take her side."
"I'm not"
"What?"
"No Jonah, she shouldn't make you conform to a label you don't want. On the other side you shouldn't be in the relationship if you or her aren't getting what you want."
"Yeah, I shouldn't of stringed her on, I get it, I suck"
"You don't suck."
I try to take a sip of my coffee before realizing there's none left. I walk over to the sink and set my mug in.
"The sun should be up soon" I comment.
"Yeah" Cyrus lets out.
Hey guys do you want me to make this a Jyrus fic? I wasn't planning on it, but I can do it.
Also if you want me to continue let me know.
Thanks for reading!-MA
