Evelyn was going to talk to Cullen, she wasn't really sure why, but she had something on her mind that she didn't really know how to share with Dorian. She approached the door to his office/bedroom and was about to knock when she heard something that sounded like smashing glass. She opened to door to see Cullen hunched over, arms shaking.
"Cullen?" Evelyn asked, her voice startled him, he hadn't seen her come in.
"Eve, I uh, I didn't hear you." He said weakly.
"Cullen are you alright?" She asked, taking a few steps forwards.
"I'm fine I just-" His knees buckled.
Evelyn ran forwards and caught him before he hit the ground, she helped his to his chair and stood in front of him, "Cullen what's going on?"
Cullen looked at her with uncertainty, but he still said, "It's the withdrawal, today's been a... bad day."
"Withdrawal from what?" Evelyn asked with concern.
"Lyrium, I stopped taking lyrium." Cullen said, and looked at Evelyn's face, which was frozen with shock.
"Cullen..." She breathed, "That can kill you."
"I know, I just... I can't be a part of that life anymore. What I did... What I almost did..." His hand brushed hers before gripping the arm rest of the chair, "Lyrium controlled my mind... never again."
Cullen then tried to stand and swayed, "Cullen, what are you doing?" Evelyn asked, grabbing his arm to steady him.
"I have so much work to do." He said, putting a hand on her shoulder to further balance himself.
"Cullen you're about to pass out, you need to sleep." Evelyn said, "You can barely stand."
"I don't have time to sleep, there are reports, important reports. I need to-" Cullen was cut off by Evelyn.
"You need to sleep." She said, "I'll read your reports."
"But the soilders need to-"
"Cullen." Evelyn started firmly, "I'll handle it, go to sleep."
Cullen sighed but nodded, he carefully climbed up the ladder to his 'room' where he took off his armor and collapsed into the bed.
It had only been two hours and Evelyn was already stressed, she did not know how Cullen did this. She had read what felt like a million reports on basically nothing, and the ones that were important were extremely long and detailed. Along with that there were soldiers and scouts coming in constantly to speak to Cullen, most of their problems she could handle, the others she sent to Cassandra.
It was during a rare moment of peace that she heard murmuring from above her, she also remembered Cullen's tendency to have horrible nightmares, so she quietly climbed the ladder. He was covered in sweat and was tossing and turning all over the place, murmuring things like, "please" or "leave me", Evelyn could tell he was dreaming of Ferelden.
She sat on the edge of his bed and looked at his pained face, she brushed his cheek and said, "Cullen, wake up."
He woke with a start, and looked at Evelyn with confusion, "Eve?"
"It was just a nightmare, go back to sleep, I'll be here." Evelyn said.
Cullen nodded and hummed before quickly slipping back into sleep. Evelyn smiled softly at his peaceful face before slipping back down the ladder to finish reading the most recent round of reports.
It was about half an hour later when Cassandra came into Cullen's office, "Commander, what's-" She stopped talking as she noticed that it was not Cullen behind his desk, but Evelyn. "Oh, uh, Lady Trevelyan, where is Commander Cullen?"
"He's not feeling well, I'm taking over for him today." Evelyn said.
"I am aware, but where is he?" She asked, genuine concern showing.
"Oh, he's asleep." Evelyn said, understanding what Cassandra had wanted to know.
"What was wrong?" Cassandra asked.
Evelyn was not sure what to say at this point, she wasn't sure if Cullen had told her about his lyrium withdrawal, "He was just exhausted, he looked like he hadn't slept in days."
"Hmph," Cassandra said, "That's becoming a bad habit of his." Cassandra looked at Evelyn and said, "If you need help let me know."
"Sure, thanks Seeker." Evelyn said as Cassandra left the room.
Many Hours Later...
The sun was now starting to set and Cullen was still fast asleep, Evelyn had finished all the work she could, so she wrote Cullen a note to find in the morning and went to sleep herself.
The sunlight was pouring through the windows of Commander Cullen's room, awakening him from his very restful sleep. He sat up and stretched his arms, dressed quickly and then climbed down the ladder to find his desk (which was usually in absolute disarray) neat and organized. On it was a letter written in perfect cursive from Evelyn.
Dear Cullen,
I think I handled everything quite well, anything I couldn't I sent to Cassandra. If you want to be briefed on what you missed you should ask her and Jim.
Max, Dorian, Cole, Iron Bull and I are heading to Crestwood in the morning and I hope I leave before you wake up or else I'm going to make you go back to sleep.
I hope you feel better,
Evelyn.
Cullen smiled, and he began to write her a letter:
Dear Evelyn,
I do feel much better, that was the most I have slept in years. Thank you for watching over everything for me, and for understanding.
If I'm not mistaken, there was something you had wanted to talk to me about before I burdened you with my problems, if that is the case, I'm all ears.
Do be safe in Crestwood, my scouts have told me it's nearly overrun with undead. Good luck,
Cullen.
In Crestwood...
Evelyn was surprised when she received a letter from Skyhold, and even more surprised when it was from Cullen.
She read it and smiled, she decided she would write him back,
Dear Cullen,
Of course I understand, would you expect me not to? And for what it's worth I think it's really good of you to stop taking lyrium. If you ever need my help like that just ask, I didn't mind.
There was something that I had wanted to ask you, but it's not important.
I'll try to be safe, the scouts weren't under-exaggerating, there really are undead everywhere. Apparently half of the down drowned during the last Blight because of some freak flooding. Crestwood is a strange place, we encountered an underwater rift today and it was so strange, but also sort of beautiful.
Anyways, take good care of yourself not many people can do what you do, it would be a real inconvenience,
Evelyn.
Cullen was happy when Evelyn's letter came back, he read it and immediately wrote back to her.
Dear Evelyn,
No, of course you understand, it was foolish of me to think you wouldn't. The truth is I just didn't want you to pity me I suppose, but that too was strange of me to think. Thank you for offering to help, I hope I can say that it won't be necessary, but well, you never know.
Please tell me what you wanted to talk about, you're just like you always were, never telling me when something was wrong. Except this time there's no reason for it, you can trust me Evelyn, I promise.
I'm not sure I could ever consider a rift to be beautiful after the breach, but then again you always had an eye for that sort of thing.
I will try to sleep more, although I do believe that many others can do my job,
Cullen.
Dorian was there when Evelyn received that letter and he raised en eyebrow at her before immediately grilling her about it.
"I mean, who wouldn't do the Commander? I know I would, but-"
"Dorian shut up."
"You can't just forget what happened, don't let him get off easy, you have to make him work for it it all I'm saying." Dorian paused, "You can take that as sexually as you want."
"Great, just great Dorian, thanks for that."
"It's what I'm here for."
Dorian then left and gave Evelyn some time to herself in which she wrote a reply.
Dear Cullen,
What can I say, old habits die hard, I suppose that makes me a hypocrite then.
Don't worry about me, worry about my idiot brother, he nearly fell off a cliff trying to get one of those strange shards.
Don't sell yourself short Cullen, I did your job for what? Half a day, and I could barely keep up. I suspect you are the fastest reader I've ever met,
Evelyn.
Cullen read her reply and sighed,
Dear Evelyn,
You are if you don't let me help you. You're beginning to make me feel guilty for letting you make me sleep all day, I'm not sure if that makes sense, but you know what I mean.
Tell Maxwell to be more careful, it's not like an entire nation believes he's their only hope for survival.
Oh, please, you must read at least twice as fast as I do because that would have kept me up long into the night.
Please trust me,
Cullen.
Evelyn frowned and wrote her response,
Dear Cullen,
It's not that I don't trust you, it's just that I would rather talk to you about it in person. When we get back to Skyhold I'll talk to you, I promise, don't feel guilty.
I'll tell Max, although, since Iron Bull threatened to bring him drinking with the chargers he's been much more reasonable.
I am definitely not as fast a reader as you, I haven't forgotten how quickly you burned through the library at Kirkwall.
I do trust you,
Evelyn.
It was as Cullen was reading Evelyn's latest letter that Jim walked into his office, "The Inquisitor has returned sir, there are injured."
Cullen stood from his desk and asked, "Who?"
"Not sure sir." Jim said.
Cullen brushed past Jim and quickly made his way down to the healers hall. There he saw Max and Iron Bull, but not Cole, Dorian or Evelyn.
"Oh Cullen, good." Maxwell said, seeing the Commander heading their way.
"What happened?" Cullen asked, trying not to look so desperate.
"We were attacked on our way to Skyhold, we-"
Max was cut off by shouting, "Evelyn, keep these people away from me!"
"Dorian, they're trying to help you!" Evelyn shouted back.
"I'm fine, I don't need them to-"
"Dorian, your ankle is not facing the right direction, you need help." Evelyn said calmly.
"Ah!" He shouted in pain, "Evelyn please, please just knock me unconscious or something."
Evelyn looked at one of the healers, who nodded, "Alright, just relax Dorian." Evelyn put her hand on the side of her face and it glowed blue. His breathing slowed to an acceptable pace and his eyes closed.
It was then that Evelyn turned to face Cullen, and breathed out a sigh of relief that she seemed unharmed. Evelyn gave Dorian's hand one last squeeze before leaving his side, not really wanting to watch his horribly broken leg be put back into place.
Cullen motioned with his head for her to follow him, and together they walked towards his room/office.
Max continued his small debriefing with Iron Bull, and then he wanted to talk to Evelyn, but noticed she had gone. He checked in Dorian's tent, but she wasn't there. When he left the healing area he saw Evelyn and Cullen walk into his office.
Max wasn't sure if it was paranoia or his protective nature, but he quickly headed to Cullen's office. When he got there he hovered outside the door and listened to what they were saying.
"How do you live with that?" Evelyn asked, Max hadn't managed to catch the beginning of the conversation.
"I really don't know, you just do I suppose, and everyday it gets a little easier, except days that make it worse. I think that-" Cullen stopped suddenly, "You didn't come here for a lecture." Max was very confused, he really had no idea what they were talking about.
"No, but if you have one ready I'd love to hear it." Evelyn said in a joking tone, Cullen chuckled and they were both quiet for a while until Evelyn asked, "How do you ever feel safe again?" At this Max frowned, Evelyn didn't feel safe here?
"You don't." Cullen said, "Everyday I wake up and I think I'm back there." He let out a hollow laugh, "I am maybe not the best person to get this sort of advice from."
There was another long pause, "Thanks Cullen."
Max then heard some shuffling, an thought perhaps Evelyn was leaving, but then Cullen spoke, "Eve wait." There was a pause, "I don't say this enough, but I'm sorry." Max's eyes widened, he wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it wasn't that.
The room went completely silent for several seconds before Evelyn responded, "You weren't yourself Cullen, there's nothing to be sorry for." Max was shocked even further by this, Evelyn hated Templars and the Circle, so this seemed very much out of character. The idea that Evelyn was Cullen's forbidden mage lover came back into his head, and he considered strongly the possibility of the theory. Max, assuming that Evelyn was going to leave, and wanting to find a place where he could quietly think to himself, quickly ran off, but little did he know that the conversation continued.
"Of course there is, I sat outside your cell as you starved! I had to pretend that you deserved whatever insane punishment Meredith would give you!" Cullen said with anguish clear in his voice. He was standing in the middle of the room in front of his desk, and Evelyn was a few feet in front of him.
"Yeah well you also smuggled me medicine, and food. And when Meredith was going to make me Tranquil you convinced her not to. You stopped the other mages from killing me more times than I can count, and one several occasions you stopped the other Templars from attacking me. You broke every single rule to keep me safe." Evelyn said, and with each point she made she took one step closer to him, "Cullen without you I'dve been long dead by now." She was standing right in front of him now.
"You might forgive me, but I can't." Cullen said, his voice cracking. He turned away from her and walked a few steps to the left to put more distance between them.
"Why?" Evelyn asked, she looked hurt, which hadn't been Cullen's intention, not at all.
"Because I loved you and I was this close to killing you Evelyn!" Cullen cried.
"Well I loved you too and I was going to let you!" Evelyn yelled back, "I knew, I knew it would kill you, but I wasn't going to stop you."
"Why not Eve? You should have killed me." He said, taking a step closer to her again
"I couldn't bring myself to use magic on you, not after you had told me what had really happened at Ferelden. I would have rather died than had you been afraid of me." She said, Cullen's eyes widened and he took a step towards her.
"Did you ever think I felt the same? I wish you had killed me so that I didn't have to see the terrified look on your face when you thought I was going to do it." Cullen said. "Watching the one person that I love become afraid of me was worse than any pain I've ever felt."
Evelyn took a step towards Cullen, which closed all remaining space between them, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her. Cullen was at first extremely surprised by the kiss, before relaxing into it, he slid one hand onto her lower back, and he gently cupped her face with the other.
In that one moment everything fell away, Corypheus, the Inquisition, the Circle, nothing mattered except that he was holding her close again. And this time he would do better, be better, he would do nothing less for her.
