I'd like to take this chance to apologize for this chapter, the beta reader had to take a week off, and the alpha reader was busy, so I'm not sure if I caught all the mistakes I'm bound to make. Not to mention I had to put this off two days from my usual time due to various things around the house for Mother's Day. But I hope you all enjoy it none-the-less.

geetac: Thanks, so do I.

badkidoh: Thank you, here it is.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thank you and all the usual answers... Roshi was fun... and I had considered that ending in a few of the endings in my mind... not sure if I'll go through with it though.

Elemental Dragon Swordman: Well it's just a short snippet of a personality that's likely to be highly multi-faceted, and highly influenced by the demon in him... sorry you don't like it.

CelticReaper: Thanks, the girls are around... somewhere... Ino has a special role in my mind, but for right now she and Chouji are on a mission somewhere... updated

volrath77: Oddly enough I laughed more thinking about that joke than I did writing any chapter of this story.

spottedstar2: Thank you for signing in, and the compliment. Well he's older, more in control, has that nose thingy probably filtering what goes in, and not as exposed as the others.

HikariNoTenshi-San: Sorry about Roshi, he was meant more for comic relief than horror inducing terror. Roshi's personality is my fault, the character, not so much. I had other inspirations for Roshi though. Updated.

AkioofWind: Sorry about the whole M-rated debate you had to go through, but like I said, I felt it needed the bump in rating for several weeks, and the second person advising it confirmed it for me. Naruto's libido is just made of Win and good humor, isn't he? I have to say though that I prefer Kon, and might reuse her. Ara ara... am I causing mental division among all my readers? Naruto/Yugito might be a good idea... maybe for another fic.

Alyondria: Yes, so many wonderful things, and so little time to fully explore everything... I do so love corrupting minds ^.^

FairoNeko: Umm... happy Birthday? Be it belated or on time, glad that my cheap gift of crack fics is an acceptable one. Ara ara... enjoy.

Kenta-Sonek-Raikiri: I'm evil? Anyone could pull this off... and I can probably name three people off hand that could do it better than me. Ara ara... Naruto's luck is a beautiful thing.

The-Eighth-Sin: Yeah, where is that chapter Kishimoto? Huh?

: Ara ara... there are just so many guys that it's easy to lose the girls in the shuffle (seriously, I draw names from a hat sometimes to decide who's in a chapter). Also, Yaoi is not wrong, it's just not right for you. Beyond that... Anko has been in a few times... Ara ara... well hope you continue to enjoy the fic.

CaptDutchboy: - Are you watching me write this? I mean Pepe was the inspiration for a lot of what Roshi did. And he is eating properly, for a snake...

90MLLu: Glad you're enjoying this chapter, it was such wonderful insanity, wasn't it? Perverted and gross? Isn't that the basis for this entire fic so far? Ara ara... don't tell me if I'm wrong or right, just enjoy. Most of the ideas that people like are the ones I come up with on the fly it seems... ara ara... so nice.

Lover of Ikuto: Thank ya so bloody much!


Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 25

Naruto sighed as he kept walking along the woods; there was a lot he had to consider. First was the Jinchuuriki meeting up, it might be a good idea, may even lead to peace between the Elemental nations... or get the lot of them arrested as traitors. After that, there was the fact that he was being hunted by an unknown number of shinobi, with something far worse than death as a consequence of being caught. Then there was the fact he seemed to be suffering a breakdown of some sort, because he knew that hearing voices wasn't a good thing.

"That's because you don't want to listen to me..." said annoying voice spoke up proving Naruto's point, especially since the nerves based tic at his left eye was growing worse. "Come on... let's just find that Hyuuga hottie, that stoic Shino, that sexy little pussy cat Yugito, and maybe that hot Anko woman and screw them into the ground!"

Yeah, he really needed to get some help getting rid of that particular annoyance, maybe he'd want to take care of that before he planned anything long term. Really, he didn't want to have people running from him because of this new voice in his head, as if Kyuubi wasn't enough. With a sigh he looked around him and groaned seeing a armor clad form directly in front of him.

"Let me guess," Naruto started calmly, "You're the five tails, aren't you?"

Getting a nod from the stoic male, Naruto let out another sigh of dismay. "You're here for me, right?" After another nod from the massive Jinchuuriki, Naruto grimaced painfully. "How long until you start chasing me?"

A single hand full of extended digits told Naruto all he needed to know. While he bolted away, the fingers began dropping. Shortly after the index finger tucked in to the palm, the five tails sighted in on the bright orange clad Jinchuuriki and began plowing straight through the trees instead of around them.

Naruto looked behind him when he began hearing the sound of trees being destroyed and falling over. A second later he found himself leaping over an odd ball of milky white that he wasn't entirely sure what it was for. He watched it crash into a tree in front of him, and exploded like a katon jutsu, causing his eyes to widen almost like he was using the Hyuuga's Byakugan. He knew he didn't even want to be nearby where that hit, but still he knew that Kyuubi would heal him up just in time for the other to catch him.

"HEY! YOU WANT TO TRY NOT KILLING ME, YA BASTARD?!" Naruto called back just to attempt reasoning with his highly aggressive pursuer. Apparently, Naruto needed to work on his diplomacy for his future position as Hokage, or even to live for the next ten minutes.

Leaping over the swarm of incoming steam bombs, Naruto let out a cry of dismay as he started leaping over tree tops as they fell in his path. Looking back, Naruto prepared to call out something, but instead dove towards the ground to avoid the gout of flames shot out of the psychotic Jinchuuriki's back. This was insane! If the five-tail intended to mate with him, he was showing him it in weird ways.

Naruto's attention was diverted by a flash of pink going past him on his left. Turning around, he spotted Sakura leaping in at the five tails. A minute later the five tails container was flying away from the girl, with his hands cupping his groin as Sakura casually lowered her leg. Naruto decided against sticking around to thank her, when she turned a gleaming gaze upon him and ice flowed down his spine.

Unfortunately Naruto's attention was diverted with Sakura and he took a header right through a boulder. Following the boulder's trajectory back to it source, one would see Tenten and Temari smirking at the side of a huge catapult. Sakura chose to check on and bind Naruto before scolding the two about being overly enthusiastic.

Naruto meanwhile found him stuck standing in front of a familiar cage in the bowels of the sewers. "Oh great... what's up fox? I'm in a jam here, ya know?"

"Listen good brat!" Kyuubi shouted the blonde down with his insane presence, "The stupid five tails is out to kill you because I stole some eggs and tried to eat him a few times. He's blowing completely out of proportion... stupid chicken couldn't take a joke."

Naruto's reply was cut off by getting shoved out of the sewers by whatever force Kyuubi always used. The last thing he heard was Kyuubi's voice, "Just don't die on me brat!"

Naruto woke up and groaned into whatever gag was in his mouth, blinking he found himself bound and gagged, bouncing along on a stick between Sakura and Temari. Sliding his eyes around he found that he had no less than a dozen ninjas surrounding him as they walked along.

"I'm telling you Sakura," Temari called out from by his feet, "We should just take him off by ourselves and have some fun after he wakes up!"

"No Temari, we promised the others that we'd bring him back so he could shadow clone and initiate a massive orgy with us," Sakura countered just above Naruto's head, which he had to admit, her backside was very nice.

"Dammit! Just play unconscious and let them have their way with you!" his libido called out while pointing neon arrows at Sakura's assets. "Seriously! Just look at that juicy cut of prime rump roast! You want to tap it! BELIEVE IT!"

Naruto sweat dropped at the last lines of his libido's psychotic rant. There was no way he'd ever say that, not in a million years. Someone would have to drag it physically out of him with pliers first. Instead of focusing on that, he decided to try and escape, despite his libido's mournful cries of dismay. Summoning all his focus, he brought his legs and hands together in the middle of the branch, and used the rope to break through the stick with just a touch of chakra. He couldn't figure out why it blew up the way it had.

Instead of pondering that, he sprung away, using both of his feet to power his jumps. Leaping through the trees again, he pulled down the gag and used his teeth to gnaw through the ropes around his wrists. For the first time in his life, he was thankful for his sharp teeth as they cut through the ropes with ease. Leaning down slightly in the middle of a jump, he undid the knots on his about his ankles, letting him regain the use of both legs. Maybe his life as a prankster wasn't wasted after all. Since this was how the ANBU had caught and held him more than once.

Just as he considered that for once his infamous luck might just be holding, he heard the familiar sound of trees being plowed through. Without even looking, he knew that the five tails container had rejoined the pursuit, and that he was in trouble. Looking up at the sun, he'd guess that he'd only been out for about five minutes, so that meant that ol' Five-tails there still had well over forty-five minutes left for his time. Apparently someone hated him.

'Kami-sama, Kami-sama, please save me from this and I will do anything you ask!' Naruto pleaded mentally as he spared the breath for running as fast as he could. The five tailed seemed to be gaining no matter how fast Naruto went, and that's when it struck him. He was making it easy for the guy to build up speed.

Springing off a tree, he turned to the left, catching a glimpse of the group he'd blown away finally waking up. Instead of taking time to worry about the damage he'd done, he took another left, so that he was running parallel to his previous course. Springing over a few of the steam bombs, he smirked seeing the five tailed container furrowing the ground as he tried to stop and come back after Naruto. Smirking Naruto knew exactly what to do.

Summoning up a few clones he nodded to them, sending them off on a mission of their own. Taking several sharp turns, Naruto continued to lead the five-tails on a wild goose chase, never giving him enough time to build up speed, or even to aim a shot. He also randomized his course enough to prevent the other to guess a direction. Instead of following them, let's pay attention to that trio of clones that had broken off.

One went back to the group that had been knocked out accidentally by Naruto's blast, to get their attention. A shake of his tailed butt later, he had the whole of the group pursuing after him, heading for Konoha, nets and snares flying out at the clone which he leaped and dodged while laughing at them, bringing up memories of Naruto's prankster days again.

Meanwhile the other two Naruto clones were on a mission to begin distracting the fifth jinchuuriki who was chasing the original. They set up ninja wire trip ups, loose gravel slides, tracts of forest filled with marbles on the ground, and other such juvenile slow down points.

Seeing the original coming towards their obstacle course of discomfort, the two dispelled each other, returning their memories to the original. The blond kitsune smirked playfully as he led the hard charging rooster jinchuuriki into the trip wires, watching with a smirk as they sent him sprawling on the ground. "Guess that's what you get for being so cocky there," Naruto teased as he sprang away, laughing as the ever silent jinchuuriki pushed himself up.

Next up was the marbles, which sent the steaming and armor clad figure skating along his merry way to the gravel slides, which spilled him out in a mud pit. "Come on... don't tell me old Clucky's giving up already," Naruto taunted shaking his backside in a way he remembered one of the women Jiraiya paid to dance naked for him doing, "I thought you wanted a piece of this..."

Unfortunately for Naruto, this pissed off the jinchuuriki and demon both. This meant that old tall, red, and masked was starting to get flamingly pissed. As he got flamingly pissed the mud pit dried up, and began cracking apart, flaking off the Jinchuuriki as he rose up to his full height. Naruto decided it would be best to spare himself the wrath of the approaching killer, and ran like his tail was on fire. Moments later, the branch he'd been on was blown to bits sending shrapnel in millions of directions.

Naruto decided that it was time to make his last ditch escape effort. Taking a straight course, he leaped through the trees, listening as smiley pursued him as usual, straight through anything in his way.

Smirking, the blonde leaped over an unusually large gap in the trees with ease and leaned against his landing spot, waiting. While he waited, he studied his nails in an almost bored fashion, making sure to keep an eye on the murderous psycho coming after him. Yeah, the hand stretched out in a choking manner might have seemed threatening to anyone else, but Naruto wasn't worried.

Picking some dirt out from under his fingernails calmly, Naruto continued to wait for the steam driven engine of destruction barreling down on him without mercy. As the other made five steps away from the clearing in the trees Naruto began waving as though in greeting.

One step into the clearing explained Naruto's lack of fear, as gravity took the heavily armored Jinchuuriki down with everything but his steam trial. Naruto ducked back behind a tree and covered his ears as a large explosion of steam erupted out of the lake that had been between the trees only moments before.

Seconds later he started walking away, whistling a cheerful tune, even as a whiney, nasally tone sprang up from behind him, "Awww man! It takes forever to get the pilot lit!"

And somewhere, a bell tolls the end of the five-tails turn. Nearby a blue kimono clad man sighed as he lowered something of 'medical' purposes. "Man... what a drag... it's my turn already... so harshing my mellow man..."