Author Notes: Thank you so much, this story is being received better than I expected it would. I really felt I wanted to explore the depth of how Jane might feel if she lost Angela is such tragic circumstances. We all know she's a little rude with her mother, but deep down I think she loves her an awful lot. There's not much more that is already written, so it may take a little longer to update from here...
Jane still sat at Frankie's bedside when Maura returned the next morning. Nina perched on the chair opposite. Book ends in Frankie's life. The doctor's diagnosis hurt, and Maura wasn't sure how much longer she could stay strong for Jane. Losing Angela and Kiki had been hard enough. She stood at the end of Frankie's bed and watched Jane sleeping, her head against Frankie's thigh and her hand gripping his like a child clutched a teddy bear.
"Would you like to sit down?" Nina asked, standing.
Maura shook her head, her voice barely a whisper. "I'm okay. Has she been here all night?"
"Yes." Nina headed for the doorway. "We both have. She only fell asleep an hour ago."
"I'll take a chair from outside," Maura said.
"Have mine. I need to stretch my legs," Nina said, slipping out of the room. Maura walked around the bed and smoothed Frankie's hair back against his head. His facial hair had started to grow, covering his chin in a small layer of stubble, just enough to make it look like he'd been there for a while. Nina reentered the room and placed a chair beside the one she'd vacated. Maura sat down beside her. "Thank you."
She took Frankie's other hand and held it in her palm. She ran her other one over the back, along his fingers. She turned it over and stared at the rough skin inside his knuckles. Every cut, every scar told a story she'd never get to hear. Hunched forward, Maura felt tears prick her eyes again. She couldn't keep crying, it was exhausting. Nina rested a hand on her shoulder. It all felt like it was turned upside down.
Jane moaned from her spot across the bed, then sat upright, her arms outstretched above her head. She locked eyes with Maura, then glanced away. "What time is it?"
"After nine." Maura forged a smile, despite the pain pushing tears into her eyes. "We need to talk about Angela's funeral."
"Hey Frankie," Jane said, ignoring her. "You remember that time we went to the beach and we got stuck in a cave at high tide? You were such a wuss, scared of the waves as they splashed at your feet. Ma and Pop were screaming at us from down the beach but we couldn't even hear them."
Nina gave her a reassuring nod, and Maura persevered. "The church is booked, as is Father Thomas. He was saddened to hear about Angela's death."
"Probably wouldn't have been so bad if we didn't have Tommy with us, he just sat on the floor and played with the shells he picked up. Didn't have a clue. That's our Tommy. You always saw the dangers, while I pretended I was strong and Tommy didn't have a clue there was anything wrong."
"Jane, listen to me," Maura said. "We need to know who is going to carry the coffin. Frankie would have been an obvious choice, with Tommy, and your father. I can ask Vince."
"Tommy isn't coming," Jane said, squeezing Frankie's hand. "You know what he was always like about funerals, he hated the damn things. Wouldn't go anywhere near Grandpa's, and he was only ten."
"He isn't?"
"He's too upset," Jane said, still talking to Frankie. "I think TJ's taking it hard too, which is why you need to wake up and get better so we can go and visit them. Let TJ know he's still got all his family looking out for him."
"Jane," Maura tried again, but Jane didn't respond.
"That good for nothing father of ours should have left Ma long ago, he never deserved her. He won't even come and say goodbye. I should have let you punch him when you were angry at him in ninth grade, instead of stopping you. He deserved it then and he deserves it now."
Maura sighed and stood up, moving around the bed to Jane's side. She glanced at Nina, who didn't say a word. She rested a hand on Jane's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.
The physical contact made it impossible for Jane to ignore. She dropped Frankie's hand and leaned forward, her shoulders shook with great gasping sobs.
"It's just me, Frankie," she said, her words distorted by the tears. "Just me saying goodbye to Ma, she deserved better than that. She deserved her whole family."
x
Angela bought her the dress the last time she tried to set her up with someone. Being Jane, she groaned at every second of their shopping trip, and cursed at her mother when she finally revealed her plan. If she could go back to that day, she would have hugged her tighter and told her she loved her.
But she couldn't.
She stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom, a room that had no personal connection whatsoever. It felt like the safest place from her pain. Maura's house was cluttered with reminders of her family.
She ran her hands down the front of the black and white skirt, and back on up across the bust. Behind her, Maura appeared in a simple black tight fitting dress, far fancier than anything Jane or Angela could afford. Jane stared back into her reflection's eyes. She felt as tired as they looked.
"You look beautiful," Maura said, walking up behind her.
Jane stared straight ahead, her smile forged like every other one since the shooting. Tears gathered beneath her eyelids and she blinked, felt the sting of tears on their journey down her cheeks. Maura wrapped her arms tightly around her, pulling her against her. The physical connection battled her grief for something more. She turned into Maura's embrace and closed the gap, forcing her lips down against Maura's until she responded in the desired way.
"We need to talk about this," Maura whispered, leaning back.
Ignoring her request, Jane silenced her with another kiss. She reached down and pushed up the edges of her little black dress. She fumbled with the waistband of her panties.
"Jane," Maura tried again, but her name on Maura's lips spurred her on and the moment her fingers reached under the fabric, Maura resisted her previous need to discuss. The next time she said her name was on the edge of a moan, her lips pressed against Jane's ear as she battled through the intensity.
Untangling herself from Jane, Maura gripped her cheeks and captured her mouth. She should never have given in to her but the fire burning between her thighs made it harder to ignore. Jane's grief provoked something deeper in her. She tugged her back toward the bed and pushed her down onto it. She worked her way down her body, tugging at fabric until her mouth wrapped around Jane's breast. She trailed her mouth down, Jane pulled up the edges of her dress and wrapped her legs over Maura's shoulder, helping bring her closer.
Once it was over, Maura stood up and tugged her panties back up under her dress. She watched Jane do the same, her whole body tingled at the sight of her toned thighs. Thighs that moments before were wrapped around her head, caging her there as she embraced an orgasm.
"We need to talk about this," Maura said.
"Not right now," Jane replied. She closed the gap and pressed her lips to Maura's forehead. "Not today. Today I have to bury my mother, can you just help me forget for a moment, so that I don't have to think about that?"
She nodded against her forehead. So close she could reach out and kiss her again. She resisted the urge, turned toward the mirror to check she was suitably tidy. Anything to ignore the incessant voice in her head telling her that what she was doing was not right.
Not then.
Maybe not ever.
x
Officers in uniform climbed out of several cars and gathered around the coffin. Jane stared across the entranceway of the church. Her hands shook. Korsak, in his old uniform, draped a flag over the mahogany. Five officers and Korsak got into formation and lifted the coffin onto their shoulders.
"How…?" Jane asked, her voice drifted off, shaking uncontrollably.
"They wanted to do it," Maura said. "Everyone loved her when she worked at the café, and she knew them all by name, they followed her to the Dirty Robber. With Frankie in hospital, they wanted to do this for both of you."
Maura rested a hand on Jane's back. If she'd realised how shaken it would make Jane, she'd have told her sooner. "I'm sorry."
"No." Jane wrapped her fingers around Maura's hand. "It's…"
"It's okay."
"Tommy should be here." Her jaw ached, her teeth clenched tightly together. "Pop should be here. She deserved better from both of them."
"I know. But they aren't, so we have to carry on."
Jane's eyes bugged, she stared at Maura like she was seeing her for the very first time. "How?"
"I wish I knew." She rested a hand on the small of Jane's back, trailing it up and down briefly. "But we will."
The procession moved forward into the church, with Korsak and an officer at the helm. Jane, her arm linked with Maura's, followed behind. She glanced around, desperately hopeful of familiar faces, of family. She tried to focus on putting one foot in front of the other, one step at a time. As they took their seats at the front of the room, Jane felt tears flow down her cheeks. Looking back, every seat was full, and all the space at the back was crowded right out the door.
"Tommy should be here to see this," she whispered, her voice broke through.
Maura clutched her hand, holding it steady. "It'll be over soon."
"That doesn't help."
"I know."
Father Thomas stepped up to the podium, his eyes downturned. He looked across the mourners, his eyes landed on Jane. He sent her a brief, but saddened smile. He opened his mouth to speak, pausing momentarily.
"Sorry," someone said loudly.
Jane turned. It was too difficult. Whilst she didn't want it to be over, she didn't want it to really begin, any delay left her stranded in the worst possible place. If they began the service, they would be closer to saying goodbye, and she wasn't ready for that. Nor was she ready for the goodbyes to be over. When she saw him, moving down the aisle, Jane's heart leapt.
"Sorry I'm late," Tommy said, stopping at the end of her pew.
Jane stood up and whacked him on the arm with her fist. Fresh tears rolled along the side of her nose. She pulled him into her arms. "You idiot."
"Sorry."
"Sit down," Maura said, tugging the back of Jane's jacket. She moved to one side to give Tommy space to sit beside her.
"No." Jane pulled her back. "Tommy can stand."
"I don't mind," Maura said.
"He's late. He stands."
"It's fine," he whispered, all eyes fixed on the three of them. Maura sat back down, her hand tucked comfortably around Jane's.
x
The hymns and prayers lingered in Jane's mind, words she'd long since abandoned fought for her attention. She stood at the door of the church, her whole body shaking, as she fought through the final part of the formal charade. Stanley, from the Division One café, wrapped both hands around Jane's. She smiled her tensest smile. "Thank you for coming."
The line of mourners continued through officers she barely knew, to a woman who did her mother's hair, to her second cousin, right down to the mailman from when she was a teenager. Each person sent her their wishes, their sympathy. She felt relief when the line ended.
"I'd best get off," Tommy said, waving goodbye to an older woman who babysat them when they were children. He wrapped his arms around Maura, then slung an arm around Jane's shoulder.
A lump formed in the back of her throat, a throat that was too dry. "Already?"
"Gotta get back for TJ."
"But…" Jane fought hard but the lump won and tears trailed down her cheeks.
"I need to be with TJ," Tommy repeated, his voice small and broken. He shrugged, ignoring the tears in her eyes, and headed for the exit.
"Wait." Jane ran out after him. "Tommy. Stop."
His voice barely gained any power. "I've gotta go."
"You need to visit Frankie."
"I can't." He shook his head, stopping mid-way down the steps. He dropped his head and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"No." Jane ran around to his front, and though it put her below him, she stared into his eyes with as much power as someone six foot taller. "I have no one today, Tommy."
He glanced behind her. "You have Maura."
A flash of red. Jane pulled her arm back and thrust her balled fist into the centre of his nose. He stumbled backward and she lunged at him, smacking his arms until he fled the steps and stared at her from the street.
"What the hell, Janie?"
"You asshole," she shouted, tears gushing down her face. "You're a selfish, egotistical little shithead."
"I need to go," he said, gritting his teeth. He held the end of his nose, blood spread across his fingers. Maura sighed and handed him a tissue. He pressed it to his nostril to stem the bleeding. "Thanks."
"Let me look," Maura said, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm fine," he said, shrugging her off.
"You need to leave," Jane shouted, her fist clenched at her side, her temple pulsed. "I need you here. Frankie needs you here."
He looked sorry, but she couldn't see past his words. "I can't."
"I don't care, Tommy. I can't. But I have to."
"Sorry," he said, heading off down the sidewalk. "I'm so sorry."
x
The Dirty Robber was full when she arrived. She stared into the crowd, laughing and joking like they weren't at a wake. She lingered in a corner, barely conscious of Maura disappearing off to the bar for drinks. She hovered in the doorway until Maura guided her towards their usual booth, which was quickly vacated. Jane slouched into a seat opposite Maura and sipped on her beer.
"The service was lovely," Nina said, approaching them, she stood at the end of the table. Jane stared into her eyes and wondered how either of them had ever become so broken. "I know Frankie will be sad he missed it."
"Thank you, Nina," Maura said, squeezing her hand tightly. Jane just stared at her, unable to find the words she needed to say. "I know Frankie appreciates you visiting him in the hospital."
She left the table and Jane stared at Maura. "Frankie doesn't even know she's there."
"You don't know that."
Jane rolled her eyes. "And you do?"
"No." She sighed. Maura glanced around the room. "Korsak is by the bar, perhaps you'd like to speak to him."
"What's the point? He hasn't returned any of my calls since Kiki died."
"He's grieving." Jane stared at her like she'd grown a second head. "It's different, Jane. They'd only just got married."
"Whatever." Jane emptied her beer and stood up, pushing her way through the crowd toward the bar. She could feel Maura's gaze follow her, but ignored it. She picked up an opened bottle of champagne and carried it towards the exit.
On the sidewalk, Jane supped on the bottle, her mind slowly disappearing into an alcohol induced stupor. She perched against a wall, her phony smile appearing every time someone walked past or exited the wake. Eventually, Maura stepped out onto the street.
"Took you long enough."
"I thought you might need some time," Maura said, taking the bottle of champagne and swallowing a mouthful.
Jane stared at her as she held onto the bottle. "Can I have that back?"
"Not until you talk to me."
Jane grinned and stood upright. She leaned forward, pressing her lips roughly against Maura's until she pushed her away. "Spoilsport."
"Now is not the time. Today is hard enough."
She chewed on her bottom lip. "That's not what you said this morning when you let me fuck you with my fingers."
She closed the gap once more, but Maura held a hand out and sighed. "Jane."
"I thought this is what you wanted!"
"I wanted to talk."
Jane rolled her eyes and snatched the bottle off her. She ran a hand down the side of Maura's dress, her body's insatiable desire fought with her mind. Maura pushed her hand away. Jane hobbled down the street, her heels made her feet ache, and the alcohol made it difficult to manoeuvre the sidewalk.
"Where are you going?"
"If you won't help me forget I'll go find someone who will."
"Don't be so ridiculous, Jane," Maura said, rushing after her.
A loud grunt escaped Jane's lips. She twisted round and glared at Maura. "You don't wanna kiss me, that's fine. Leave me the fuck alone. I'm going home."
