Past Is The Past
"So what did he say that upset you so much?" JC asked, walking AJ home, more so to help his conscience than anything else. He knew Chicago's streets better than anyone.
"Nothing terrible." AJ admitted, "He thinks that because I'm not in his shoes that I don't get to have an opinion on things." She said, "And he's just like you. He doesn't talk about anything. I mean… he'll talk about things but he'll never really open up." She said.
"So this has nothing to do with anything he said tonight?" JC asked.
"Well yeah, he pissed me off tonight but… when I get pissed at him I start thinking about all the other things that is wrong with our relationship." She said.
"April, take it from me, there's nothing wrong with your relationship." JC said, "Couples do fight. It'd be incredibly weird if you didn't." He said.
"I know that." AJ said, "I just…" She shook her head and turned away to hide her tears as JC looked down.
"Hey, what is wrong?" JC asked as she just shook her head and wiped her eyes quickly.
"April, c'mon. What's going on?" He asked.
"Nothing." AJ shook her head tearfully as they got outside the house.
"You wouldn't be upset over nothing. What's happened?" He asked.
"I just… I can't imagine how he feels every day." She shook her head, facing him outside the house as she dried her eyes.
"What are you talking about?" JC asked.
"Death row." AJ said, "Sometimes I just think about what it would feel like to be told that in a few weeks… someone is gonna kill me." She said as JC sighed, "And what they did to him in there. What they thought he did, and how they treated him. He has to live with that."
"I think he would rather live with that, than not live at all, don't you think?" JC asked her, "Why are you getting so upset over this? It's not like you."
"I just… I feel like it's something that hurts him more than he ever lets onto. The other day Keala came home from school and said that kids were saying that her dad was going to die. People still talk about it. People still stare." AJ said, "And I can't imagine how that is for him."
"Look, April… I may not know my son as much as I should, but I know him enough to know that people staring and talking about him, will not bother him. He's pretty annoying like that. He can let things go over his head. You getting upset right now, that's not something he would ignore. What is it you're afraid of? Is he… is he showing signs of something?"
"No, it's nothing traumatic, I just… think about it. And then him saying that you're not my dad. You didn't leave me… it's like he's rubbing it in my face that I don't have a dad." She folded her arms, "Which never bothered me, but he's just-"
"He's just… been through a lot." JC finished for him, "You're right. I can't imagine how awful it was for him to be in prison, waiting to die. It's unimaginable and I get that you're worried that he's still suffering, but look what he has here. He's got two kids he loves, a good job, he has you… I don't need to list the reasons why having you benefits him… a lot." He said, "We can go through rough patches. We all do. That's normal."
"I just don't want to bring it up because I don't want him to have to go back there but… I don't want him to hold it all in either." She sighed.
"He's tough as nails." JC said, "And I'm sure if you brought up your concerns to him he would listen and he'd talk." He said, "Maybe the reason he snapped at you is because he's just not feeling like himself. It happens. But it's best you question it instead of ignoring it. It shows you care." He nodded, "You can't constantly think about the past. You should be looking forward to the future, and living in the present." He said.
"I know. I know I'm just being stupid." AJ told him.
"No, you're not." JC said, "You just care. You're right. He went through a lot, and considering how much you care about him and love him, that must have been hard for you, whether you were married at the time or not. Seeing someone you love and care about in a situation like that can't be easy. So yeah, it's normal that it creeps up on you every now and then, and I'm sure it does the same with Phil. It's important you talk about it." JC nodded.
"Thank you." AJ nodded, she appreciated him taking the time to talk to her. He was the closest thing she really had to a dad, or even just a parent as a matter of fact, and even though it might not have been much to Phil, it meant a lot to her that he took the time to talk to her, especially when she did have worries and stresses.
"You don't need to thank me. You're my daughter-in-law. Family." JC nodded, "Go on in and put your feet up. When Phil gets home just talk to him, tell him how you feel. He's a lot of things but one of them is understanding." He said, "We all have bad days. Trust me, I've had more bad than good." He said as she nodded, "On you go." He nudged her as she just smiled and nodded, walking down the path and into the house.
Punk got home later on after leaving the restaurant. He felt bad as he never intended to snap or hurt his wife's feelings, especially when she wasn't trying to hurt his. He never thought she would have actually left, otherwise he would have went after her, but by the time he noticed she was gone he figured there was no point in rushing after.
He eventually left with Frankie in his stroller, fast asleep, and Keala walking beside him. They stopped into the bakery to buy a cupcake for AJ and then headed home.
When he got in, he didn't bother looking for his wife right away, instead he took the kids to bed. It was already way past Keala's bed time, and Frankie was already sleep, it was just a matter of lifting him into his crib.
Once he got them both in bed, it not taking long to get Keala down, he then headed back downstairs, taking the box with the cupcake in it and walking through to the kitchen where he saw AJ sitting at the table with a cup of coffee.
"Hey." Punk nodded.
"Hey." AJ smiled lightly.
"Cupcake?" He asked her, placing the box down as she smiled to him, "Apology cupcake." He said, taking a seat at the table across from her as she smiled and opened up the box to see the vanilla cupcake with strawberries on top. He knew it was her favourite.
"You don't have to apologise." AJ said to him.
"I do." Punk said, "I shouldn't have snapped. You were just telling me how me and Dean were behaving. I upset you and I didn't mean to." He said.
"No, I just overreacted." AJ said, "I just… sometimes I just get… I just think about what you have to go through, what you have to live with… when Keala came home and she was crying about… being told you were gonna die." She shook her head as Punk looked across at her, "It just… I don't know, it gets to me." She said.
"Why?" Punk asked her.
"Just… thinking about what you had to go through. Just sitting and waiting to die. I just… I think about it every now and then I just… I can't imagine how it felt and it just gets to me. I know it's stupid and it's in the past, and of course we all have bad days and we think about all the stuff that went wrong and all the what if's… but… I don't know." She shook her head.
"April, look at me." He said as she looked across at him, "I'm fine. Yeah, some days I think about it more than others, and some days I do think, man what if… what if I did die. Of course I think about it." He said, "But then I see my gorgeous wife, and my kids, and I think… why am I thinking about the past like that?" He said, "I can see it in your eyes when you look at that scar on my shoulder. I know it hurts you, and I wish it didn't." He nodded, "But it's not preventing me from living my life… in fact, it's all the more reason I should be living my life to the fullest." He nodded.
"I know I just think about it and it… it just makes me anxious and scared. Being back there again, thinking I lost you." She shook her head and sighed, "And when we fight I just… I get mad and I think about it even more." She said.
"Well don't." Punk said, "Tonight was… different. It's hard to sell my dad off as this amazing guy when… me and Dean still barely know him. We're still getting to know each other. It was wrong of me to snap at you. And I'm sorry." He nodded.
"It's ok." AJ said, "I just worry that you still suffer. That you still think about prison and what happened." She said.
"Sometimes I do. Sometimes I get the odd nightmare about it. Or I have a day where I just can't get it from my mind, but I know it's always gonna be there and… I've accepted that. It makes me more grateful for the life I have now." He said, "We get bad days. And working long shifts, not seeing you as much as I'd like to… it doesn't help my mood." He said as she smiled, "If you're ever worried about me, you can always talk to me."
"I know I just… sometimes I don't want to bring it up." AJ said.
"You can talk to me about anything, and you know that." Punk said as she nodded, "Come here." He nodded as she stood up from the chair and walked over to him, sitting on his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck as he smiled to her, "You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine." He promised her, "And if I wasn't, you'd be the first person I'd go to." He said as she nodded.
"I just worry." AJ whispered.
"I know you do. I wish you didn't." Punk said, "It's always gonna be in our past but… I'm not focused on our past. I'm focused on now, those two cute kids we got, us, our life here." He nodded, "The past… it's in the past." He nodded as she smiled.
"Yeah." She said, "I just love you and I don't want you to ever suffer in silence." She said, touching his face, cupping his cheek.
"I won't." Punk promised her, "I love you." He said as she smiled.
"Do you want a bit of my cupcake?" She asked, leaning back and taking the box, bringing out the cupcake as he just smiled.
"Ok, go on." Punk nodded, watching her as she took a bit of icing off with her finger and put it in his mouth as he took it off her finger, "Everything is so sexual with you." He said with a mouthful of icing as she smiled.
"You love it." She smiled, pressing a kiss on his lips, tasting the vanilla as she gripped her waist and let her deepen the kiss. No fight could ever be that serious with them.
