Author Note: Thanks to you all, you're so lovely, and I am so grateful for you. I think there's 2 more chapters after this one. I thought there's be just 1 more, but apparently another chapter sneaked in there. It's back to work for me tomorrow, which will make the writing thing a little more challenging. Not least because I'm working late on Thursday. I don't know when the last two chapters will come, but hopefully soon.
The call came in at midnight. A call not unlike many before it. Maura pulled a fresh pair of panties on underneath the dress from the day before, scooped up her cell phone and drove a couple of blocks up the street. If anything, Jane was doing her a favour.
"Thanks for coming," Jane said, holding the door open.
Maura stared into her eyes, her dark brown irises wide and aloof. She wondered if Jane would ever come back to her, the Jane from before, the Jane whom she fell in love with all those years ago. The Jane she wished had healed faster, had healed better.
"When you're in pain," Maura whispered, stepping across the threshold. "What else can I do?"
She resisted the urge to say more. She was a servant by choice, unable to resist the requests of her master. At least once more. She turned around, her cell in one hand, her keys in the other. She placed them on the kitchen counter.
"Are you okay?"
Jane shook her head, her gaze fixed on the tiles beneath her feet. She slid her bare toes across the natural grey stone. The chasm between them had increased tenfold. Maura opened her mouth and closed it again. She swallowed, a lump settled in the back of her throat, stuck.
"Frankie's in Lawrence." She sighed heavily; her chest rose and fell slowly. "I don't know if I did the right thing. Nina hates me."
"Nina will get used to the situation," Maura said, well aware of Nina's pain. Unlike Jane, she'd seen her several times over the last two weeks. "She loves him enough; she won't give up on him."
"S'pose not." Jane lifted her eyes and fixed on Maura. She stared back, the lump barely settled down. "Thank you. For not giving up on me."
The space between them disappeared as Jane stepped towards her. Maura kept her eyes on Jane's, her heart beat faster. Sometimes she said the right things. The silence between them was disrupted by the speed of Maura's breath, so loud over the sound of Jane's heart beating. Jane gripped her hand and lifted it to her chest. In her grasp, Jane's heart thrummed.
"This doesn't change anything," Maura said, lowering her head until her forehead rested against Jane's.
"There's nothing to change." Jane leaned forward and captured her lips. In the moment that followed, Maura resisted the urge to stop her and joined her in her dance. "I've needed this for days."
"Me too," Maura replied, sliding her tongue between Jane's mouth and deepening the embrace. She pushed forward, her whole body inches from Jane's.
All that Maura could hear was the thrumming of their hearts beating side by side, racing along to the beat of their actions. Jane's fingers trailed down her thigh and back up, under her dress. She hooked her finger around Maura's panties and tugged them down. Maura bunched her dress up and thrust her hips forward, grasping at Jane's shoulders, grinding her body against Jane's.
"We shouldn't," Maura said, everything that had happened over the last two weeks spiralled around in her mind, knocking her sick. She lifted her hands, forcing Jane to step back. "We can't."
"Why not?" Jane asked, capturing her mouth again. She nibbled softly on Maura's bottom lip and lifted her up.
She wrapped her legs around Jane's thighs. Blood coursed through her veins, sending a pulse down her body, a tingling sensation weakened her knees. "I…I don't…know."
She resisted again. Lost in the heady scent of Jane's body, letting her know she was ready for her. She kissed her deeply, her fingers tangled up in Jane's hair as she laid her down on the couch in the study. Maura writhed under her, lost in the moment, her body burned with every touch.
x
There was something about Maura's attempt to stop that unsettled Jane. Usually she would protest, then give in, but her words were different and Jane tried to find the words to ask, but Maura was already screaming beneath her. By the time they were both naked, their bodies tangled up in a mess of bodily fluids and sweat, the thought had drifted off into her orgasm and Jane was gasping for breath.
"You wanna go again?" Jane asked, trailing her finger in circles across Maura's breast. She chewed on her lip. "Know it's late but I could go five rounds."
"No." Maura's eyes had glazed over. Her warmth had been replaced by a look of sorrow. "I need to speak with you."
Now. She was choosing now. The moment after they'd orgasmed, one after the other, attuned to each other's bodies in a way Jane never knew possible. She shifted her position on the couch. The space was limited, but Maura's body felt colder now.
"I should go to bed," Jane said, lifting the blanket up off the back of the couch and wrapping it around her shoulders.
"Five minutes." Maura sat up, her eyes fixed on Jane's. Jane slouched into the chair beside Maura. She climbed off the couch and knelt on the chair, one knee beside each thigh. Jane stared down at the body facing her. "That's all I need. Then we can go again."
Distracted by her nipples, inches from her mouth, Jane listened to the methodical breaths coming from Maura's body.
"I'm leaving." She lifted her eyes to Maura's, her heart beat faster. "I've been offered a job at Stanford."
Jane gulped, forcing herself to stay fixed on Maura's eyes. "California?"
"Yes."
She tried to ask more questions but the words got stuck in her throat, lost in the lump that wouldn't move. She lifted her hands up to Maura's cheeks and held her there. She shook her head and pushed her off her lap.
"What the fuck, Maura?"
Maura stumbled backward, landing on her backside on the carpet. She stared at Jane, even most lost and distant than when she'd walked in the house. Jane stood over her, her chest ached. She ran her hands through her own hair and turned around in a circle.
"You can't do this. You can't leave me alone. I can't be alone. Don't do this to me. Why are you hurting me? You think you can just come over here and have sex then drop a fucking bombshell?" She stopped walking and stared down at her again. "You can't. You can't. You fucking can't."
Crawling across the floor, Maura reached for Jane's legs. "Please, don't be upset. I love you."
"If you love me so fucking much why are you leave?" Jane dropped to the ground, her knees smashed against the floor. She leaned forward and cupped Maura's cheeks. "If you love me so much, why are you doing this to me?"
Maura lowered her gaze. "I'm sorry. This isn't about you. I do love you, you know that. But I can't be responsible for you, Jane. I can't sit around and watch you fall deeper and deeper. I can't be the one to catch you when you won't let go."
Her arms slouched down at her sides. Jane leaned down onto the floor, her cheek pressed against the carpet. In the blink of an eye, her voice had lost all tone. Tears skirted down her face and landed on the material. She pushed her face into it. "You're not sorry. You're not sorry. You don't care. You've never cared. You're an icicle. It's all a lie. You're not fucking sorry."
Swiping at her own cheeks, Maura breathed slowly. She ran her fingers across Jane's back. Jane jerked at Maura's touch, then succumbed to the feeling quickly. "I'll only be in California. We can stay in touch. I'll phone you every day. You can come and visit."
"You can't leave me," Jane mumbled, her shoulders shook harder against the floor. "Don't do this to me. Haven't I lost enough?"
Sitting back against her feet, Maura let go of Jane's body. She cleared her throat and slowly climbed to her feet. Jane could feel the distance open up, metaphorical as well as physical. She rolled onto her back and stared into Maura's eyes.
"You've lost more than anyone should have to lose in a lifetime," Maura said, her voice icier than she'd ever heard it. "But I cannot be your punching bag anymore. It's been months. You've fallen apart and I tried, I've tried to be there for you. But you don't see it, and I can't do it anymore. I'm done, Jane. I'm done."
She turned around, pulling on her dress as she headed for the door. Jane tried to sit up, to speak, but an overwhelming feeling of emotion flooded her until she could barely breathe. She rolled back onto her front and sobbed against the carpet. When the front door closed behind Maura, her heart smashed into a million tiny pieces.
x
Standing in his doorway, Maura walked into Korsak's arms and let him envelop her as she crumbled. As difficult as it had been to say what she needed to say to Jane, nothing was as difficult as waking up the next morning with a weight on her chest leaving her with a feeling that she'd done the wrong thing.
"It's what you needed to do," Korsak said, placing a mug of tea on the table in front of her. He sat opposite. "Jane can't keep on like this. You know it, and deep down she knows it."
"Maybe if you'd just talk to her," Maura said, sipping the hot liquid. "Mmm. Camomile."
"I thought it would be calming." He cleared his throat. "You know I can't do that, Maura. I'm still grieving. I don't wanna feel it, but there's still resentment. I'm working through it. I need more time."
"I know." Maura settled into the chair. She closed her eyes and listened to the gentle sounds of the world around her. "I'm sorry for bringing this to you."
"Nonsense," Korsak said, patting her on the knee. "You've been my rock, and unlike Jane, I've appreciated every single thing you've done for me."
x
The elevator ride took longer than Jane expected. She ran out of the doors before they'd opened and sped into Maura's office. She skidded to a halt. A lump formed in the back of her throat.
"You okay?" Kent asked, appearing behind her.
Jane turned, her eyes bugged. "Where's Maura? Why's her office empty?"
"I expect she'll be on her way to the airport," Kent said. "She cleared her things yesterday."
"The airport?" Jane frowned. "Already?"
"It's been a fortnight," he said. "They won't keep the job open any longer than that."
Jane's heart beat so fast that she couldn't breathe. She leaned forward, her hands rested on her knees. "This can't be happening."
Kent placed a hand on her back. "She went to Korsak's this morning, she might still be there."
Jane stood upright. Her chest ached almost as much as the day her mother died. She stared at Kent. She cupped his face and pressed her lips against his cheek. "Thank you. Thank you."
x
Fresh tears coursed down Maura's cheeks and her whole body felt like it was about to crumble again. Korsak's arms tucked around her back settled her only briefly. She hated how much she'd cried, but her life was about to change in so many ways and she wasn't yet ready to say goodbye to the people she loved.
"I'm sure gonna miss you," Korsak said, wiping her tears away with his thumb. "I love you, and I know Kiki would be so grateful that you've been here for me since she passed."
"She would be so proud of how you've handled it," Maura said, kissing the back of his hand. "Please do one thing for me."
"What's that?"
"Make up with Jane. Please." Maura held his face still. "You need her as much as she needs you."
"I know." He shook his head. "I just need more time."
"Don't leave it too long, she won't stick around forever."
"Like you?"
Maura turned around. Jane stood at the end of the yard. Her face was red, her cheeks raw with tears. Maura longed for Jane to say the things she needed her to say, but the look in her eyes told her another story.
"How did you know I was here?" Maura rolled her eyes. "Kent."
"You're leaving without even saying goodbye?" Jane stared at her. She stepped forward. "You're gonna get in your fucking car and disappear, just like that?"
"That's not what's happening," Maura said. "Last night was…"
"All I get." Jane shook her head, her eyes burned with anger. "You tell me you're leaving then you fuck right off to California without a word? That's what I deserve after all these years?"
Maura closed her eyes and marched past Jane. "We both deserve more."
"You're fucking right we do."
Jane reached for her arm, but Maura shrugged her off. "Don't do this, Jane. Last night was…it was all I have the energy to give you."
"And if I hadn't called you, what then?"
"I was going to visit you today," Maura said, shaking her head. "Before you called, you were going to be my last visit."
"And give me five fucking minutes to get used to the idea?"
"Stop cursing at me, Jane." Maura glared at her, an ounce of hatred pushed itself into her words. "Stop treating me like I'm the one who's caused you months of pain. I didn't kill Angela. I didn't make you into this person."
"Don't go," Jane whispered, her voice laced with tears, defeated. She reached her arm out to Maura's and trailed her fingers across her wrist. "You can't leave me."
"I'm sorry." Maura pushed her arm away and headed for the car. "I'm sorry, but it's too late."
x
Jane opened her mouth to speak but she was too worked up. She watched in silence as Maura returned to her car and drove off down the street.
"You can't," Jane said, her voice grew louder as she shouted after Maura's car. "You can't fucking leave me!"
She collapsed to the ground. Grass tickled her knees and she trailed her fingers through the greenery, gasping for air. She sat back once the initial wave of emotion dissipated slightly. She turned to the front door, to Korsak, who stared at her, even further apart than Maura. She climbed to her feet and walked towards him, but before she could reach his front door, it slammed shut.
AN: I'm sorry, but Jane needed to hit the bottom.
