Edit - I uploaded and wrote the reviews earlier, then spaced out... sorry about it being late.

Few notes: First, I'm looking for a beta still. Second, Since Garfish hasn't claimed their award, I'm bumping the award rank to 654, unless Garfish claims their prize.

volrath77: I'm so glad that people enjoyed this chapter, and Gai's rant... killed me inside just a little. I suppose the outfit was just to make people join in my pain...

spottedstar2: Only two hours... ONLY two hours... I feel sorry for Naruto, and I'm writing it! Updated

The-Eighth-Sin: . . . Well have fun with that Gai story...

Stephanie8D: Indeed he should...

Sentiment Remains: Welcome back, thanks.

Garfish: Seriously, claim your prize please. This chapter's your last chance. Glad you enjoyed it.

Syed Talal Ahsan: Glad you're enjoying the insanity. Please enjoy it.

Stephen N. Bourgeois: How I managed to write it? A lot of laughter, touch of insanity, and caffiene. Apparently I managed... somehow...

geetac: Yeah... selfless... that's what it is...

DazBoz: Great world? I suppose it is an alternate reality version of Naruto's...

Draxsis Felhunter: Umm... sorry about the breakfast... but Gai wouldn't approve of such an unyouthful meal anyhow...

Iron Reprieve: Thanks for catching the spelling error, that's what I need beta readers for.

Celtic Reaper: Yeah, the Porn-stacheā„¢, no Shibi Aburamae mentioning is complete without it. Sorry about the seizure... Updated.

Summon Boss: One word - YOUTH!

Kuro no Kitsune: What mention of male pregnancy? Guess you'll see the trouble after all.

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: There's a harem?

AkioofWind: Yeah, Naruto seems to be a magnet for trouble, does he not? Thank you.

helovestowrite: Thanks for the praises! Here's the new chapter.

GG: Tick tick tick tick... It's almost time...

FairoNeko: Yeah, so much lovely future for him...

badkidoh: Thanks, updated.

bobdd0: Sorry about the youth poisoning

Kenta Raikiri: Grand master plan... or suicidal plan... depends who you ask...

NarutosBrat: Seems that way, doesn't it? As for your plan... lemme know how that goes.

duckmasta2020: Thanks, hope you stick around.

90MLLu: Glad you're still loving it!

Elemental Dragon Swordman: Hope your connection settles down... also what does Dragon eat?

CaptDutchboy: *reinstalls CaptDutchboy's mind with Windows ME*


Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 37

Still puzzling over how he was going to get the massive amounts of pheromones he needed, Naruto idly buzzed the radio on his neck, being very surprised when a tired drawl of a voice answered. "Troublesome... Naruto, Ino gave me this headset and dragged Sakura off."

While Naruto processed that information, and let it pass out the other ear without much thought put into it, he let out a sigh of annoyance. "Could use your help anyhow Shika... I need a way to create a lot of those pheromone things, and fast..."

"I... see..." Shika muttered in disbelief while trying to get his mind back on track for what he had contacted Naruto for. Clearing his throat, he sighed and looked up to the non-troublesome clouds, floating lazily overhead. "Hey Naruto... I was just wondering... I mean you're not interested in Temari or anything right? So... do you think you could slap a mask on her and bring her to me?"

Naruto's fox ears perked up at this particularly juicy tidbit, while his face scrunched up in his trademarked, and patent pending, foxy grin of ultimate pranking. "Oh? And why are you so hot to get her out of here. Out of my pants and into your arms, is it?"

"URK!" sounded over the comm., which Naruto couldn't figure out fully if it was Shika or not, but that was hastily covered up by Shika's stammering, "N...no, Naruto... I... uhh... wanted to keep her safe as the Suna representative to Konoha, it should be our duty to protect her, and her brothers! But Gaara is one of the Jinchuurikiandhastogoafteryouinthelasthourorelsethere'dbetroubleandKankuroismucheasiertodealwithwhileTemarihelps!"

Before Naruto could call bullshit on Shika, and embarrass him further, Shino's voice cuts in smoothly. "Naruto, do remember that he is the smartest member of our class, and a member of the smartest, and potentially most devious clan in Konoha. It might be wise to have him remain a friend."

Naruto's mouth clacked shut audibly, realizing that what he was about to say was going to probably get Shika after him in a bad way. Clearing his throat as he paused to try and think of the best thing to say, he sighed and leaned back against the cave wall. "'I could teach you my Orioke no Jutsu ... she seemed to like it both ways.... Alright, I'll help, but first you help me... tell me how to make a lot of pheromones, and fast."

'Then again ... this is Naruto ... he doesnt do 'subtle' ...' the shadow user thought in dismay as his mind stored the offer away for a later time.

"Well you could create a massive amount of duplicates and gratify yourself in a contained area..." Shika alluded to while sounding vaguely uncomfortable.

Naruto meanwhile stared blankly into space; trying to figure out what the hell he had just heard the shadow user suggesting. Finally he gave up and asked, "What?"

Shika blinked in disbelief, trying to figure out if Naruto really was that dense. He knew that Naruto wasn't quite at his level, but he wasn't the complete idiot that everyone took him for. After all, despite not knowing the theory or planning behind it, he had successfully created his own original jutsu as a pre-gennin. None of the other shinobi he could think of could make such a claim.

True the jutsu wasn't much beyond a simple henge, save for Naruto's weird chakra turning it into a full physical transformation, instead of a mere illusion. Hell, he'd beaten the THIRD HOKAGE himself with it, and that counted for a lot if you think about it. In fact, usually it was a blessing for any average hormonal teenaged guy, but right now it was a curse beyond belief.

"Make a lot of clones, go into a cave, and masturbate or have sex," Shino's blunt reply was tainted by the fact that Naruto could hear his embarrassment.

"That's... what I thought he'd said..." Naruto answered nervously as he rubbed his eyes in annoyance, "I was really hoping that he hadn't though... REALLY hoping... cause I get the memories of the clones."

Shikamaru muted his microphone for a moment while he sighed and shook his head in disbelief. Naruto was one of the few guys who could go and fuck himself without it being homosexual in nature, and he was resisting it? Psychology would never make sense to Shikamaru. Looking up where Ino had gone he sighed and wished she'd stuck around for this. Turning back on his microphone, he let out another sigh, "Look Naruto, I'm only going to say this once... Go fuck yourself. You'll get everyone swarming you like you'd never believe. And throw in some female clones too, you'll get even more that way."

"I know, I just really wish it didn't have to go that way... Remind me to ask Ino or someone about memory blocking jutsus... cause I think this entire month will make me need it," Naruto groused before deactivating his microphone, and walking into the cave he'd set the trap around. With a deep and heavy sigh of dismay, he crossed his fingers in the familiar crossed position, and drew forth the chakra to summon clones. As a sea of torn orange clothes, bronzed flesh, and blonde hair surrounded him, he didn't even bother looking at them, leaving them behind him as he walked towards the entrance. "You know what to do... five of you make up some signs to point people into the cave... the rest set up for the coming... event."

Naruto leaped into the trees surrounding the cave as he looked out over the forest, waiting for people to arrive. What he was about to do had to be the most idiotic, completely hare-brained thing he will ever do in his life. Trapping the entire population of Konoha, plus a few extras in what basically amounted to a box filled with a scent that was designed to do little more than drive them into a sexual frenzy, while he went out to play with unleashed demons. Put that way, he really wished he had a last meal coming.

Taking a sniff of the air, he noticed that the scent filling the area was his scent, with the sweet underlying musk he had to assume was his female scent. It was so thick he could almost feel it sliding through the air. Shaking his head, he tucked himself tighter against the tree, and watched as the first ones began to arrive. They were trickling in, but the trap seemed to be working. However, he spotted one that he didn't want in the trap heading in. Signaling to a clone that was tucked behind a sign that read "HOT CLONE ORGY ACTION", Naruto indicated that they should get Temari out of the line. The clone did this in possibly one of the most blatantly stupid ways possible. He threw a rock at her head, and knocked her clean out. Sweat-dropping he wondered if some of the fox's chakra hadn't leaked into this batch of clones. It wasn't until a moment later when another pair of clones dragged her off, did Naruto realize that they were working around the fact that they lacked breathing masks. Turning on his microphone again, he spoke as softly as he could without the harshness of a whisper. "Shika, get a mask, Temari incoming... and tell her I'm sorry for the headache she's going to have..."

"Troublesome..." Shika moaned as he rubbed his forehead in annoyance. "You'll owe me Naruto..."

"I'll pay you back, I promise!" Naruto insisted, while taking up the slack on the rope hanging from a branch above. "Just remind me some time after the next few weeks... uhh... maybe next month..."

"I'll hold you to that Naruto, when I need a favor," the genius confirmed with a sigh as the two clones laid the still unconscious Temari at his feet before dispelling themselves. "As you probably know, one of the troublesome blondes in my life just arrived, we will speak again."

Naruto chuckled as Shikamaru turned off his microphone; it was going to be fun teasing him about this in the future. Right now however, he had to spring his trap, as most of the people were stuffed inside the cave. Leaping down out of the tree, with his hands firmly on the rope, he watched as a small rock popped out from where it was wedged, sending an avalanche of boulders down in front of the cave opening. Landing on the ground he braced himself for the deluge of memories incoming, and was actually pleasantly surprised at the inventiveness of his clones. The female memories in particular had an oddly pleasant feel to them that he couldn't quite shake off easily. He might just have to try some of those ideas later, if he survived the next hour and a half.

Standing up he found his eyes meeting Yua and Yugito, both with masks, and indicating a large pot of ramen, which was being stirred by Kon and Miso. Smiling at the friendly scene before him, he walked over. "Hey guys... this... thank you, all of you."

"It's the least we could do Naruto-sama..." Yugito's purring voice came through the distortion of her filter's speakers. "Now if you'll excuse us, Yua and I must prepare... you have won yourself a half hour, then the demons will begin. For what it's worth... I hope you manage to win, you deserve it after this past month."

"Yes," Yua commented, an extra buzz to her voice that couldn't quite be written off as the speakers acting up, "We know that you've done very well to get this far. Win or lose, Yugito and I will be waiting for you after this is over."

Naruto surprised the two other jinchuuriki by hugging them both in turn, and kissing their cheeks gently before smiling bravely for them. "Thanks girls, I'll do my best. And that just got a lot better now that I have ramen!"

The two girls blushed deeply before springing away from Naruto, giggling slightly behind their masks. Naruto watched them go for a few minutes before turning around to face the remaining girls. They were looking at him with large, teary eyes. They looked like they wanted something, but didn't feel right asking for it.

Kneeling down he spread out his arms and called the girls over. Even with having been braced for the charge, the two still bowled him over and the hugs were tight, almost suffocating, but he'd have not traded them for anything in the world. "I never would have made it this far without my two cute imouto... Thank you Miso, thank you Kon. Without you two..." Naruto trailed off as he kissed both of them on the forehead. "I can't possibly thank you both enough."

As the two peeled themselves off of him, he rested his hand on Miso's shoulder and whispered in her ear. "Promise me to keep Kon safe in Konoha, please Miso..."

Miso looked between Kon and Naruto a few times before smiling up at Naruto and nodding, a slight blush on her cheeks. "Yes Naruto-sama, I promise."

Naruto smiled at the girl, and mussed her hair up like he'd seen the old man do with his classmates when they were younger. "Thanks Miso... you're a good friend for Kon, a very good friend."

Miso blush deepened as she looked away and fidgeted under Naruto's gaze. "Th...th...thank yyou N...naruto-sama..." Miso stuttered out before rushing over to help Kon serve up three bowls of ramen.

Meanwhile, Naruto tilted his head in thought over Miso's peculiar actions. It reminded him oddly enough of Hinata's actions around him, but she didn't have a crush on Naruto like Hinata did, he hoped, and she seemed to be very focused on Kon. Putting two and two together, and getting twenty-two, he smiled widely, thinking that Miso was a shy young girl, making her first friend. It was very cute, and he felt that he should help her develop that friendship.

His only question with that was how to do so, well since Kon was going to be visiting, he could just extend an invitation to her to come with Kon. That way she could spend time alone with Kon, having fun. It would be good for the two of them to play together, and might even give Naruto a break from having to play with them.

Now he just had to finish his last meal, and then survive the gauntlet from Hell.