First, I'm sorry that I didn't respond last week to the reviewers, was having a rough day, as the upload time might indicate. Second, I'm not to sure about how good this chapter is, because along with my beta, I just lost my alpha reader, so I'm still looking for a proofreader/beta reader. Please people, I need help. Third, I'd like to say thanks for keeping with this so far. I don't know if I can update next week on time, but I will try my best. Ara ara... real life is a wonderful thing, isn't it? Oh yeah, fourth, how many references can you find in this chapter?

Kuro no Kitsune: The plan shall be revealed next week. And yeah, poor Gaara, he just needs a woobie blanket.

The-Eighth-Sin: Totally righteous dude, absolutely tubular!

CaptDutchboy: I thought I made that clear in the story previously... ara ara... Here's the next chapter.

90MLLu: Glad that ya all liked it, and I hope to keep up the quality as best I'm able. Would you like to be my beta?

NarutosBrat: I almost spared the demons... almost, some got away...

Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thanks, here's more.

Aracade: Ara ara... long review ^.^ YAY! I let them out, yes it was me, I'm not sorry though. Yep those crazy dreams... Naruto's social life will be headed up by the commission for peace and harmony in Konoha... so it's a Hokage level project I think. Have you seen them? They're all awesome. I just wonder how big of a family Naruto'll be getting...

esyas123: That it is... I feel sorry for the demons...

spottedstar2: Revenge, serve chilled. I almost didn't make this chapter though... cause I was waiting for your cookies... Trust me, I know what shopping with younglings is like... I've filled the role as an older brother and then later as an uncle and friend's uncle... Shoot. Me.

CelticReaper: Updated, enjoy!

Alyondria: Is that jumbo sized?

badkidoh: Updated

geetac: Thank you, I like you.

Vassago-Toxicity: Do you honestly believe that?

Elemental Dragon Swordman: You know... how about I sign you two up for couples counciling?

AkioofWind: Thanks, I'm so happy to get this far... I'm making 666 the update that finds gets the story ideas, cause I forgot at 654. Sorry all!

HikariNoTenshi-San: Thank ya! Updated!


Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism

Chapter 39: Final Dance.

As a deep and dark chuckle filled the tunnel surrounding the crevice Naruto's body had made, fell red chakra oozing with menace and power slowly crept forth from the hole. The two tail like appendages of chakra gripped the outer lip of the hole, and pulled the chuckling red chaka cloaked blonde out of the impact crater. The power was as always intoxicating to Naruto, but he kept grounded by remembering one thing, and one thing alone. His precious people, and how disappointed they would be in him should he fall into the trap that was power's corruption. That was what kept him human.

Looking around, his grin turned feral, aided by the enhanced whiskers on his cheeks, the blood red color to his eyes, and the extended canine teeth. All of this only looked scarier than the last time he'd taken this form by the addition of his ears and tails, both bristling with his agitation. It wasn't even so much the situation, as the power just made him angry.

Marching out of the tunnel, he began summoning clones, each one appearing with every step he took, until finally he had an army marching out, three wide, by several dozen deep. As each progressive wave reached the opening, they sprang away with a mission in mind. They were out for payback against the bijuu hounding them, and will suffer no fools trying to stop them.

The first target was one they knew that they could take on, having bested him before without the demon-chakra fueled boost. Shukaku was found a short distance away blowing trees away with jets of sand, laughing that insane shrieking laugh of his. That grating noise was all the incentive Naruto needed to wail on him for a while.

As the several of the clones encircled the great beast, the lead on smirked evilly as a dark chuckle rippled through all of the clones, causing the one-tailed beast to look around in shock. There was just a hint of recognition and fear in his eyes that told the clones everything they needed to know. The way it curled its tail over its own rear-end indicated that it definitely remembered what had happened last time.

An instant later, the clones were leaping into the clearing, chakra cloaks blurring out the bodies inside. A swarm of clones climbing all over the confused and panicking bijuu was an amusing sight, especially after one settled in next to Gaara and called down to Shukaku.

The poor demon barely had a moment to give out a cry of 'NOOO!' before the clone reached out and pulled a small hair from the back of Gaara's neck, waking him up. The clone grabbed Gaara under the arms as the sand collapsed in on itself, carefully carrying him down to the ground.

"Hey Gaara, guess what?" the clone asked with a proud smirk.

"You believe that you're winning right now, correct?" Gaara asked dryly as Naruto set him on the ground gently.

Naruto's clone paused only a moment before letting out a laugh as it scratched the back of its head. "Yeah, I guess that's true. I won't know for another forty minutes, but I've already gotten the two and seven-tails distracted. And I've beaten you... the six-tails is more than happy to use up Jin's bubbles. Guess they both like them or something..."

"That leaves the three, four, five, and eight tails left..." Gaara supplied while he began to walk towards the cave-in holding the rest of Konoha, and his siblings inside. "Do you have a plan for them?"

"Something like that..." Naruto's clone alluded as it disappeared in a puff of smoke.

The three-tailed turtle was having fun playing getting its shell polished by the foot clan ninjas while its three tails formed an armored tube out of its backside heading down into the ground. It wasn't until a clone had gotten close enough to see eggs dropping out of the tube, that they realized how little of a threat she would offer right now. Instead they just took up positions to watch over her, and her egg laying.

The four tails was a bit more difficult. He was actively flinging flaming brown matter that he had extruded from his nether regions. Naruto really hoped that it wasn't what he thought it was, since it was currently splattering all over the place, and causing Konoha to burn. The smell was definitely nauseating enough to confirm what it was however.

Naruto let out a defeated sigh as he started heading for the fecal matter flinging demon, he really didn't want to deal with this, but he had to. That's when the idea hit him, pulling in a group of ten clones; he propelled them up into the air over the stinker, and smirked as they turned into a giant silver hammer. With a 'bang bang' Naruto's silver hammer came down upon his head and a 'clang clang' Naruto's silver hammer made sure that he bled. Naruto walked away from the now unconscious demon, leaving a token group of four clones to ensure that he'd know when and if it woke up.

The five tails seemed to be perfectly content playing target practice with his clones, so he just sent a few dozen more to replace those that had disappeared already. After all, it wouldn't do to let him get bored, now would it?

Finally he had to face off against the most bullheaded of them all. With a sigh he turned around to find said bull glaring down at him. As it snorted down at him, flaring its eight tentacles out behind it, Naruto thought quickly.

Five minutes later as he was running through the trees zigging and zagging in random directions. In hindsight, maybe smacking in on the nose with his tails and telling him he was being naughty wasn't the best idea in the world. But it certainly made him feeling a lot better.

Running into a cave he winced slightly as he heard the sound of a face impacting solid rock, and felt the entire cave tremble around him. Turning back, he peeked out of the cave entrance, and looked up to see a sight he could have lived without. An engorged bovine penis was among the various things he didn't need to see, especially when said penis was easily the size of the tallest building in Amegakure, and his balls were about the same in size as both two Hokage heads on the monument. The swollen black and red colors would certainly haunt his nightmares for years to come.

Leaving the cave seemed like a good idea, but he couldn't just count on dodging those eight giant tentacle- like tails waving about with abandon. And so he summoned up another swarm of clones to form into a giant silver hammer. And 'bang bang' Naruto's silver hammer swung up on the bull's 'head', and 'clang clang' Naruto's silver hammer made sure it was dead.

It is said that day, the people in furthest corners of Tsuchi no Kuni the sound of the ultimate suffering sang forth through the air, and a kendo master turned to his students and explained. "Do you hear that children? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when the six-fingered ninja killed my mother. The eight-tailed demon makes it now."

Naruto was surprised by the fact that the bull was able to pull its head out of the stone cliff face, even more so that it was able to come after Naruto like it was. True it was slowed down by the injury to its member, but Naruto was only barely making any gains in getting away.

He might have been able to make more distance if he had altered his path, but as soon as the bull started chasing him, he sent a group of clones out to set something up. Coming to the mouth of a tunnel he stood and waited for the bull, idly inspecting his nails. The bull continued to charge onward, horns down to turn our favorite chakra cloaked blonde hero into a yakitori.

Naruto looked at his sharpened claws, wondering why women bothered growing them out. They just seemed impractical this long. Even as the thunder of the hooves came closer, he just kept studying his nails. Finally at the last moment, Naruto disappeared in a puff of smoke, being replaced by a log, which disappeared a moment later and was replaced by a pasty white snake swallower. His eyes shrank to little black dots as he saw what was about happen.

The pair entered the tunnel and found the first of a series of traps, the grease slide. At his current speed, the bull was unable to slow even in the slightest. Shortly after he reached ten lengths, 'bang bang' Naruto's silver hammer hit his nut, and 'clang clang' Naruto's silver hammer made sure it was cut. After the hammer disappeared in a puff of smoke, a stream of glue covered the bull and Orochimaru while they passed, right into where Konoha dumped the hair from all the barbers.

As if that wasn't enough, the end of the tunnel collapsed under the impact of the pair, and they were flung into the waste reclamation center for this area of Hi no Kuni.

Naruto was walking away with a huge feral grin on his face, his plan had worked beautifully. And right now two of the greatest threats to Konoha were now in miles of liquidized waste from all over the nation. He was trying to figure out when the log had learned Kurami. Unfortunately he was so distracted that he didn't think to look up, and that's when it happened. A rock fell down out of the mountain and at our poor and abused blonde.

The resounding crack could be heard for miles, seconds later the two halves of the rock dropped to the ground on either side of Naruto. They were joined shortly by the blonde himself. A puff of smoke marked the end of the jutsu. He had done it, he had made it through the entire month, dodging horn dogs and ignoring his own libido, only to be felled by an errant boulder. Fortunately for the remaining brain cells several of the clones that were left, after being freed from their duties when the bijuu returned to their usual contained states for the most part. The three tailed seemed to be busy laying eggs, and Naruto's clones weren't about to go up to it and bother it about laying eggs. Instead they were more concerned with their boss.

Scooping him up they began the trek back to Konoha, over the broken, battered, and burned landscape that had once been a lush forest. Arriving at the gates to the village, they were more than a little relieved to see all of Naruto's supporters had gathered there to welcome him back. Because moments after a panicking Tsunade took the unconscious Naruto into her arms, they all ran out of chakra to support their function and disappeared in a massive cloud of smoke.

Tsunade took a moment to calm down as she inspected Naruto's head. He'd have a headache when he woke up, but otherwise his healing powers would have him back to 100 percent in forty-eight hours. Carrying him towards the hospital, she paused only a moment to point to a group of people, including Sakura and Ino, "You go free the people he trapped in the cave, bring them all back here by the crotch hairs if you have to. But I don't want anyone involved in this to leave without a full processing from the ANBU."

"Yes ma'am!" the two called out before they led the group away.

"The rest of you, go and see about repairing the damage he did to our sewage reclamation plant," Tsunade stated with a great resigned sigh. "If that bull is in there still, get him in the showers before processing."

The other group didn't respond, instead just saluted and left to take care of their assigned task. Tsunade took off to the hospital with her little bundle of unpredictability safely in her arms. "Come on Brat, let's get you taken care of..."