A direct follow on to Sounds of the Heart chapter 10 by Selaxes
Well, so much for the vaunted Carrot Festival, between Jeremy and the Fox.
Celeste had enough frustration for the day and headed back to the boarding house where she kept a room. When she arrived, she was intercepted by the landlady, an old Javelina named Joan, who shrewdly detected her emotion.
"So, left the festival on a down note?"
The little Coyote muttered somewhere between a growl and whine in her vexation. "What's it with males? Or is it just me?"
"Uhm, boy trouble." The little pig sighed, "Come and tell the ladies all about it." The ladies being most of the other residents, retired older females who spent their evening discussing thing great and small over tea (or something stronger) and cookies (or something more substantial). Tonight was chips and salsa with imported beers.
They all knew each other as they often did a meal or two together but they hadn't previously socialized much beyond that. Celeste was sat down in the midst of them and became the center of attention.
"So, what's the problem with your Buck?" Joan prompted.
"Well, you know Jeremy and I've been friends for a while now, and we get along really well. But..." She groped for the right words, "It isn't exactly romantic."
Frieda, the silver she-wolf gave her a skeptical eye, "But it has been - close, eh?" And several of the other ladies gave a knowing look. There were too many acute noses to hide her grooming and more intimate activities with the young Buck.
Celeste was torn to discuss these kinds of things, especially to these elder women. She never had a mother figure and in her limited contact with female adults she found they tended to be distant and judgmental. But this clutch of elders seemed genuinely interested and supportive, well mostly.
"Yeah, we've been close, but it has been so - friendly."
Gertie, the Ewe, snorted at that. She tended to get a bit moralizing, and had previously made it clear about what she thought about pre-marital sex. Her reproach was about to shut the shy little Coyote down when Martha, a Hare, spoke up. "Gertrude, I know YOUR history all too well, so give the pup a break." Turning to Celeste, "We're here to help you in the here and now, not in the abstract or idealized."
She reached out to take the girl's paw in her own. "You can tell us anything," Quick side glance to Gertie to watch her tongue. "I though you and the Hopps boy were doing okay?"
"Yes. He's been so kind and gentle. We can talk about anything." A sad sigh, "Including our relationship, and how it isn't likely going to be permanent. Just a light summer thing. He'll be going back to Med School and all."
There was a rather mixed reaction to that.
"But we both knew that, and it isn't really the problem, sort of." She sniffled, "I don't know if you heard that his little Brother Bailey got Mated to the Fox, The Kettu girl, the fox family that got the Jenkin's orchard."
"Mated?!" was the common exclamation.
"Really Mated?" Frieda's tone was grave, and she turned to Martha for support, "That's - ?"
Martha shrugged, "I suppose. Foxes Mate, sure, we all know that, but a bunny? It can happen, I guess."
"Could it be a kind of feed back loop?" Clarice, another Ewe and former teacher chimed in. "The extra passions of one drive a higher level passion in the other?"
"Who knows, but back to you, dear." Joan got things back on track, once Clarice and a couple of the other one were allowed to get going, they could happily divert a conversation for hours.
"Well, seeing the level of lovey-dovey in them kind of makes our thing look pretty weak." Celeste muttered.
"And part of you wish you had more?" Joan pulled up closer to the sad little thing.
"That too." And the Coyote's face suddenly scrunched up in self-reproach. "Oh, I've been - ." She collected herself. "I'm so sorry. I was with Jeremy today while he was organizing the Hopps booth at the fair. And he was really busy taking care of that and wasn't really paying me much attention. And Bailey and the Fox were there, all kissy and stuff."
Several of the ladies nodded in understanding.
Karen, a rather regal looking black-tail doe asked. "The boy, what's his medical goals?"
There was a collective 'huh?' at that.
Celeste was as surprised and puzzled at the sudden shift as the rest, but found an answer, "He wants to be a GP at Tri-Burrow."
"And I bet he's very sensitive, sympathetic to others, wants to help, make the world a better place, and all that?"
"Yeah, exactly."
"Uh huh, a Savior. I used to be in hospital administration, and they could be almost as bad as the surgery gods. Well, maybe not the worst of the surgery gods, as they could be raging narcissistic sociopaths." Karen picked up and worked on her beer for a moment to wet her whistle.
"The Saviors, at least the best of them, really do care about everyone in need, but often are so focused on those 'outside' in need that they miss it in those closest to them. But, I'll bet that your Jeremy simply still has his med school focus on. Gets into a task and everything else goes away."
"Yeah, I was just now realizing something like that." Celeste now felt a bit embarrassed, but there was a general round of understanding from the group. Then, after a couple rounds of nibbling and sipping
Frieda gave Celeste a studied look, "There's something else bothering you, and it's not about bunnies."
Celeste feigned ignorance.
"It was always 'The Fox' when you mentioned the girl friend." Frieda kind of liked the Coyote, but she had no love for specie-ism.
Celeste made a face, both sour and pained. "Riina. She's a platinum fox, just gorgeous. Yes, I'm a bit jealous, who wouldn't be? But she's also a snob. The boys had us go off together to get to know each other better. Of course preds all just get along great."
"So I'm there with her, dirt poor laborer, no family, no formal education, next to no friends, just a scruffy varmint of a coyote. And she's got a prosperous family and now, by extension, an even bigger family, about to graduate school, and as beautiful a canid as I've ever seen. And she knows it."
"Did she say anything in particular to you?"
Celeste thought a moment and cringed, "Not exactly."
"Uh huh." Frieda was getting a hint of things, "I heard they were pretty much fresh off the boat from overseas? As such, I could guess they might be a bit more status conscience. So, she might be a bitch, in the worst way, or she could simply have some different social priorities or even some cultural or communications issues?"
The elder she-wolf sat down besides the young coyote, "And how much might have been your own projection? You're smart, but you're also young enough to go off half-cocked, eh?"
Celeste really felt like a fool then. There was way too much truth in what was said. "I guess it might not be so terrible between us. Still, I can't help but be reminded of how little I have in contrast. But I can't hate her for that."
Later that night Celeste began to compose a letter
Riina
To be really honest, I don't know you. We've met, and likely had some first impressions. I do not know what yours were of me. My impressions of you were not so good.
But as I think about it now, I don't know how much of my thoughts were about you or about me.
I do not envy you your looks, your family, your loving life. To envy seems hostile, hateful. I do not hate anyone for their good fortune.
Instead, who you seem to be and what you have only makes me sad for myself. I have not had a bad life, I was never cold, or hungry, or really fearful. But I didn't have a loving family or a secure home. And now I have a job and I get by. But that is all I have and all I can hope for.
If I avoid you in the future, it is not out of some anger at you, but my sadness in my life.
Hoping all the best for you and yours
Celeste Whitefoot
She hoped that wasn't too awful.
