Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I'm just the uninvited guest swimming in her pool.
Thank you readers and reviewers.
I have to give some special thanks out to: My stalker-wife-woman, Liz for encouraging me to even get this story out there! Picklewinkle for all your help and offering to be my idea bouncer! And AliceDances01 for the awesome rec over at the_gazebo! This stuff keeps the muse with me!
The Path We Chose
Chapter 5: November Hail
I ran into Emmett and Rosalie on my way to the parking lot to meet Edward after school. It was Friday and I was eager to get to my boyfriend and his lips, but I stopped to say, hello, anyway. I got a really nice glare from Rosalie. Two big football player guys passed us carrying a huge inflated turkey holding an open book and wearing glasses. I wondered where that lovely thing was going to be displayed. I may have asked had I remotely been interested in extra-curricular activities. It distracted Emmett for a second, too. He laughed. I turned back to a still glaring Rosalie and held her gaze for a moment, wondering if her face would soften eventually. It never did so I moved on. It must have hurt her face muscles to hold that expression for so long. Emmett called after me but I ignored him. I was mad at him because his girlfriend was a bitch. He kept calling and I kept ignoring until his huge hand was on my shoulder.
"What?!" I turned around and folded my arms at him, looking up with my best you-have-no-right-to-talk-to-me face. He wasn't a bit intimidated by me.
"Bella, calm down. What's with you? I just wanted to ask you a question. Why are you going all 'Carrie' on me?"
"Carrie? Your girlfriend is the scariest person I know and I'm Carrie?"
"You bring up a good point. But fear…It's a useless emotion. I'm not even convinced it's real."
"Not real? It feels real whenever I see your girlfriend looking at me like she wants to stick a knife in me." Of course, it started raining, then. Why wouldn't it? I lifted my hood. Emmett didn't have a hood on his jacket. He just stood there letting the rain soak him.
"Think about it. Would you even know what fear was if you didn't learn it? What use is it anyway? If something horrifying is going to happen, it's going to happen. Fearing it won't stop it. Fear probably just makes it worse."
"But sometimes fear can keep you from doing something incredibly stupid or dangerous. Besides, if fear isn't real then neither is happiness or sadness, or any emotion with a counterpart." We were practically yelling at each other, but only because the sound of the rain was drowning our voices.
"Exactly, B."
I shook my head and covered my eyes. "Emmett, are you trying to mind-wrestle me?"
"That wasn't my original intent but you started it."
I wasn't even about to ask him how I started it. "Just. Why don't you take a Philosophy class or something? Leave me out of it."
"I do take Philosophy. No, I really wanted to ask you about college but you are obviously not in the mood. Hey, I'm sorry. I'll talk to Rosalie for you."
"Don't talk to her on my account. I don't want her to know she's getting to me. I have no idea what she has against me or why it even bothers me, but she doesn't need to know she's succeeding."
"Don't worry, I'll tell her she's getting to me. She just has her own issues. You're too nice, B. Give her some of her own medicine. She'll respect ya for it. I better get back to her before she stabs me with that knife."
He left me staring after him. That was Emmett. Just when you thought he was completely one-dimensional, he pulled a one-eighty and did something unselfish and even kind for you. And I knew as well as he did that Rosalie would not go easy on him when he stood up for me. He'd suggested that I stand up to her myself. I was unsure I had the strength for that. I'd probably cry or something; boy, would she love that. I went to meet Edward. He would turn my mood around. I already felt better just imagining his crooked smile.
That weekend, at the Cullens', Edward and I, as usual, used cookies to procrastinate from working on our new fake marriage problem. We should have been deciding on which house to buy. There were two to choose from and we were instructed that he wanted one while I wanted the other. We were to come up with a valid argument for each house and turn in a "communication" report explaining which one we chose and why.
We didn't want to do that. Instead, we wanted to sit together on the sofa nibbling sweets and tangling our feet together. Both our milks left rings on the glass coffee table, and since the cookies were 'Oreos', there were little droplets of milk from all the dipping. We were munching in the living room and not making out in the bedroom because Esme was home. We both knew it was only a matter of time before Esme's presence no longer stopped us from heading to his room and locking the door. Eating, after all, does involve lips.
He drove me home after dinner. Esme had knocked on Edward's door to invite me to stay for pasta. We had both jumped away from each other and laughed. I had answered, yes please, through the door, then brought my mouth back to her son.
In front of my house, just outside Edward's car, we were kissing again. My dad was working at the station, pulling a late night. I invited Edward in telling him I really didn't want to be alone. In truth, I really didn't want to be without Edward. His wordless answer came on his lips and tongue. He kissed me all the way up the pathway, and we paused, only so I could unlock the door. Of course, I kept dropping my keys and laughing like I was drunk.
"Hey," Edward said, laughing too, and picked up the keys for me. He unlocked the door without dropping the keys once and then he kissed me right into the house. He kicked the front door closed, still kissing me. We walked and stumbled and bumped ourselves further into the room, still kissing. Lips against lips, tongues rounding tongues, tongues and lips on skin. I pulled him closer by the hem of his shirt and then my hand was under it. Fingers around his waist and up his back and down again. He quivered. Fingers crawling across his stomach and up his chest. He quivered again. It made me laugh against his lips. He didn't laugh. His kisses grew stronger against mine. He kissed my laugh away and ran his fingers under my shirt and up my waist to my ribcage, until I quivered, too and there was no more laughing. The only sounds were breathing and lips. Beautiful sounds that matched every movement.
A deep breath in and my hands were out from under his shirt and reaching up, around his neck, fingers in his hair. I wanted him closer. He breathed out a moan as he took a step, but there was no distance left between us, so all he could do was stumble forward until I was up against the wall, his hands still holding my ribcage. I was against the wall and he was against me and I felt everything against me, especially the clothing that had become so burdensome. I wanted the clothing gone, now. Why did we have to wear clothes, anyway? It's unnatural. Nudity is natural and so much more convenient. "Edward?" I said and then I kissed him some more.
"Yeah?" and then he kissed me some more. I wanted to talk to him, but that would mean breaking the kiss and this kiss did not want to be broken. But he moved the kiss right down my jaw all the way to the back of my neck, his fingers pushing my hair out of his way. I sighed as he kissed down my neck to the bottom of my throat and across my collar bone. His hand pulled aside my burdensome shirt so he could kiss my shoulder. It wasn't until then that I realized my own lips were free to talk. It wasn't until then that I remembered what I wanted to say. "I want to take my clothes off."
And he froze. Right there, lips on my shoulder, fingers still pulling at the top of my shirt. And if I thought I felt him before, I really felt him now. I felt him pressed right up against my stomach. "Bella," his lips said against my shoulder. "You are driving me crazy. I want to rip your clothing to pieces right now, but we have to think about this. Think. I'm going to back away now." He warned me like I might attack him or something. And then he did back away and I wanted him to pull me closer again. Warm me up again, I wanted to say even though I was sweating. "Bella, can you think?"
"Yes," my voice came out on a breath, my eyes on his lips. I could think. I could think about his lips and his hands and his…everything, everywhere on my everything, everywhere. I began playing with one of his hands, tugging at his fingers. I needed his skin.
"Clearly?" he asked. He clasped my hands--rubbed his thumbs over my knuckles.
"Um." Those lips, I wanted them on mine.
He brought his hands to my hair, pushing it back, my head against the wall, until my eyes focused on his. "Bella, do you want me to take off your clothes?"
"Yes?"
"That sounds like a question."
"Take your clothes off first, and then I'll tell you." I started pulling at his shirt as if it was attached by Velcro and would just come right off. When it didn't easily break away, I lifted and he wasn't stopping me, but he wasn't helping me either and the partial sight of his stomach and the little bit of hair there made me lose patience. I started unbuttoning his pants because I didn't need any help with those, just a push and down they would go.
"Bella. Oh my god, Bella." He held an arm out against the wall, holding himself up and another hand came to his forehead. "I can't think."
"You're not supposed to think." I pulled his zipper down then stuck my fingers between the waist band and that's when his fingers wrapped my wrists.
"Bella, if you have to test yourself, you're not ready. I don't think you're ready."
I pulled my hands away, walking out of the room and into the hallway because he was going to make me think and I couldn't think with him there in front of me, his green eyes deep and lustful on my body. God, when he did that I could actually feel his eyes on me and just thinking about it made me shiver.
I stared at the staircase trying to gather my thoughts. Ready. Ready. Was I ready? How do you know when you're ready? How do you really know? Do you feel it? Because a minute ago I felt it. I felt ready just one minute ago. But we'd only been dating for a little over a month. And now…now, I couldn't do it. I couldn't take my clothes off.
"Edward?" I called.
"Yes," he said and it startled me because he was right behind me. I turned to him.
"I'm sorry. I'm not ready." I kind of felt stupid. No, I really felt stupid because I didn't seem to know myself at all or what I wanted. He knew me, but I didn't.
"Don't apologize, Bella. Never apologize for that." His finger traced a line from my throat to my chin and then he lifted my face. "I never want to rush you or pressure you. It has to be right for you to be right for me."
I brought my fingers to touch the lips that said the sweetest words. What do we do now? I wanted to kiss him some more but that would just lead to clothes coming off which we just established I wasn't ready for. So, now what?
He hugged me and I squeezed him tight. He stroked my hair down my back, his face in the crook of my neck where I felt his breath, and that's where he said it. "I love you," he said into my neck.
I pulled back because even though the words felt good right there tickling me, I needed to see his eyes when he said it.
"What?" I held his face. My hold was tight so he couldn't hide himself again. I held him there with his intense stare on mine.
"I love you," he said again and smiled. "I know I do." And it was that smile that did it. It was that smile that called my words forward.
"I love you too, Edward." And we were both smiling. Widely smiling. The kind of huge smile that makes your cheeks hurt but you don't care, you're going to smile anyway.
"Can I hug you now?" he asked because I was still holding his face. His arms were around me before I answered. "Those are the best words I've ever heard," he said.
"Me too," I said. And it almost felt sad that the best words we ever heard happened upon us when we were just seventeen. There were so many years left for us and never would there ever be better words. So we just hugged and basked in our moment of perfect words. Neither one of us wanted to forget the intensity of this moment. I could tell by the way he held me close. I held him just as close to show him I wanted to remember it, too. And we held onto each other like that for a long time. We held each other until my legs were weak from standing on my toes and his back was probably sore from bending over.
We moved to the couch, holding hands, and I leaned back against his chest.
"I'll be ready soon," I said. "It's impossible not to be ready soon."
"Inevitable," he said.
"Are you ready?" I asked him, because I realized I had not once been concerned for him like he was for me. "I mean ready to go all the way," I said, like we belonged in 1954. "Not just take your clothes off, but you know, everything?"
"I've been ready since our first kiss."
"Which first kiss?"
He laughed. "The first, first kiss."
"The one in the classroom?" I turned to look at him.
"You got it."
Wow. Guys and girls really were that different. Well, at least this guy and this girl. And then I thought maybe I wouldn't be his first. We never really talked about that. So I asked him if he'd um...done it before.
He leaned to my ear. "Never before," he said, drawing forth a smile and chills all at once.
"Did you think we would end up like this that first day we were paired in marriage?"
"No. I knew that I liked you and I knew that you were different, but I never knew that feelings like this even existed. What about you?"
"I didn't even think about it at first because I knew you didn't date, at least that was the rumor. But then, at the beach, with the grapes, I wished for it."
"Ah, a wish upon a grape. I'll never underestimate the power of grapes again. Obviously, those rumors about me have since changed."
"Yes, they have." I slipped my fingers through his. "Now that you're dating me, every girl at Forks High thinks they have a chance with you again."
"Nobody has a chance. And I'm not just dating you, I'm loving you." He squeezed my fingers and kissed my head.
"I know." I smiled. "Why didn't you ever date before?"
"It wasn't really a rule or a decision I made. It's just that the girls here, they were competing for me, and their desperation, it just made me cringe. Maybe a lot like you felt when Mike asked you to homecoming. Imagine Mike, then Tyler, then Eric, then Ben asking you out one after the other. Even pushing each other out of the way to talk to you. Wouldn't you just want to get away as fast as you could? Wouldn't you just avoid them at all costs?"
"Yes, I would. But what's different about me?"
"You don't know?" His touch was silk on my face, the backs of his fingers up and down my cheek. "You make me laugh without trying. You don't veil your true self. You don't have to pretend to be smart, you just are. And everything seems quieter when I'm with you. I have never felt like I had to keep up my defenses with you. Around the other girls, I tense up, but with you…I'm calm."
"But the girls are all over you again because of me. It cracks me up, though, when they flirt with you, making fools of themselves. I just think, that's right, he's leaving with me, baby."
He wrapped his arms around me with a squeeze. "Always."
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Reviews are as good as feeling Edward's "I love you" on your neck! (sorry, couldn't resist)
