PART FOUR

"I was so sorry to hear about Tosh and Owen."

Martha passed Ianto a mug of tea and Ianto smiled his thanks. "You must miss them so much."

Ianto sat at her dining table and loosened his tie. It had been a long day and if he were honest the last thing he wanted to do was talk about his dead colleagues. But Martha was a friend, she needed this and if he were really truthful with himself, so did he.

"We all do. It feels very empty in the Hub these days and it's hard searching out people with their skills to take over."

Martha sat opposite nursing her own mug and very glad she managed to get Ianto on his own, she wanted to know how Jack was doing.

"You ok to stay here?"

"It's very kind of you to put up with me in your home." Ianto never much liked Hotels. "It's a very nice place, you have here."

Martha grinned. "So, seriously Ianto. How's things with Jack?"

Ianto arched his eyebrow and let out a slow steadying breath, he really didn't know the answer to that.

"We're muddling through. He blames himself for what happened, when it wasn't his fault. He hasn't really settled back down, the whole being buried alive thing deeply affected him, though he'd never admit it. I think we are all a little bit lost. I'm just very glad that Gwen has Rhys. He's good for her."

Martha nodded, watching the young man closely, the tell tale signs of stress clearly visible in the new lines around his eyes, the paler skin and the way his fingers were constantly gripping the mug the rested on the table.

"And you?"

Ianto met her dark eyes with another sigh. "Some days are better than others. I just feel like I am running on empty, most of the time. Jack is hard work sometimes. He doesn't talk to me about how he feels and sometimes I don't know what to do to make things right for him."

She offered up a cheeky grin to lift his mood. "Still dabbling?"

Ianto blushed prettily. "Yes, God yes. He makes me feel so...... It's like I am centre of the universe when I am with him."

"He loves you Ianto."

"No he doesn't. Jack doesn't do love Martha. I don't blame him, not with his..... 'gift'......'curse'..... whatever it is. I think love is just too painful. I understand that and the fact that I'll be someone he forgets eventually......" He looked away and Martha couldn't help but notice the deep sadness as his smile dropped away. She reached out her hand and gently rested it over his.

"He came back to Earth to be with you..... after that year..... after all those terrible things. It was all he could talk about, his team and you."

Ianto looked back into her eyes recognising the sincerity of her words. "It's not enough for him. I'm not enough. How can I be when I will die?" He sighed and chewed at his lower lip. "I've been dreaming about it a lot lately, even before Owen and Tosh. I'm afraid of leaving him alone, but there is nothing I can do about it."

She squeezed his fingers. "You are doing something about it. You're with him now, he needs that. He does love you."

Ianto wasn't convinced, wasn't even sure it was what he wanted. "I wish he didn't Martha, for his sake. I'd cheerfully strangle the person that did this to him. I'm glad I never met Rose Tyler face to face. I wonder if she knows what she did to him?"

Martha shrugged. "Jack's forgiven her, he told me she did it because she was full of innocence and love and was trying to put things right to save Earth from the Daleks."

Ianto nodded. "That's what Jack said to me too, that if he wasn't immortal then we'd never have met because he would've died a long time ago."

"Ianto, what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Well, what's your story? Who do you turn to?"

"There's my sister, but we don't really talk much. I talk to Jack, he's all there is really for me, the rest is just incidental."

"You know you've got me, right?"

Ianto smiled. "Thank you."

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Jack hated it when Ianto was away in London. Aside from the Hub being even more empty than normal, it meant having to heavily rely on UNIT back up, drinking Gwen's approximation of coffee and sleeping in a cold bed. They were still dealing with the fallout from the trip across the universe and Ianto was having to report to the Home Office once again. Not that Jack minded that part, he never liked dealing with Frobisher, though Ianto seemed to get on quite well with the acerbic Scotsman. On the face of it, Ianto was good at getting on with most people, which was why he was in London and Jack wasn't. Martha would be spoiling him rotten as she had confessed to Jack to adoring the young Welshman. Jack was certain the break away from everything would do Ianto some good anyway. He glanced around the quiet Hub and caught sight of Myfanwy gliding about the rafters, most probably searching out Ianto. She had been notably quieter since the loss of Owen and Tosh and Ianto had likened them to being part of her brood and had voiced the belief that Myfanwy was missing them as much as they were. Jack thought he was being fanciful, but it was a nice thought and typically Ianto. He was smiling as he sat at Tosh's terminal and started running through the Rift manipulator maintenance program. It was mercifully quiet, time for some much needed housekeeping.

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He had always believed that hell would be like be fire and in a strange way it was. Canary Wharf burned around him, faces of friends distorted by metal and flame loomed into his line of sight and Ianto could only scream, because each time he turned away he saw someone else, Tosh bleeding out over the floor and Owen melting into a radioative soup. Closing his eyes just made him see Mica and David running with their mother across burning fields, soldiers in their wake. The overwhelming dread was drowning him again. What was coming? Surely it couldn't be any worse than losing Lisa or Owen and Tosh. The fire gave way to a chequered floor and once again he was in the strange room with the tank. Jack was standing beside him looking down at his feet and Ianto followed his gaze and saw himself lying dead. He wondered what he was seeing, what he was afraid of. But fear was the all consuming emotion, not his fear, Jack's and his alone.

Ianto rolled over onto his side and a sob escaped him as grief gnawed at him once again. His tears soaked into the pillow under his head and he jammed his fist into his mouth, biting down on his knuckles so as not to wake Jack. Too late.

Jack's eyes snapped open as soon as he felt Ianto shift. He gently snuggled into Ianto's back and slid his arms around his lover's trembling body.

"Shhh, Ianto. Whatever it is it can't be that bad."

Ianto didn't dare speak, afraid his tears would betray him. His teeth sank further into his flesh, drawing blood. He was tired of dreaming, tired of revisiting his own death, night after night.

"It's ok, everything is gonna be ok." Jack's soothing tones filtered through and Ianto finally began to relax, his muscles unwinding from the wired state until all he became aware of was Jack wrapped around him like a shield. All he wanted to do was cry, but he didn't. Jack was back with him now, safe and sound and would be for a long time to come. Hopefully anyway. Eventually Ianto withdrew his hand from his mouth and unclenched his fist, covering Jack's hand with his.

"You're here Jack, of course everything will be ok, how could it not be?"

He could feel Jack smiling against the skin of his neck.

Jack kissed him. He wanted to tell Ianto how much he was loved, how he would never be left alone, but he couldn't because it was a lie and they both knew it. He gently pulled Ianto over on to his back so they could look at each other and Jack made certain a smile was there for the younger man.

"I thought Martha might wanna keep you." He whispered gazing longingly into those familiar blues, everything Jack had come to associate with home. Ianto touched his cheek.

"It was close, she was thinking about keeping me in her basement, but Tom was worried about......"

Jack kissed him, done with talking, he just wanted to feel like his life wasn't going to hell and Ianto was the only one who could make that happen.

AN: I am skipping 'asylum' because I didn't like it much except PC Andy who is always cool! so it will only get a brief mention.... next stop INDIA! Hope this chapter is better than the last one! Thank you everyone for your continued support it is fantastic. xx