AN: I wrote another version of this chapter in 'disconnections' as a one off, I guess this is it in context.....

PART SIX

"You could have been like that forever Jack! What in hell's name possessed you to answer that phone when you knew what would happen to you?" Ianto had decided to wait until they had reached the privacy of his house before yelling. The tears were running over his face for the umpteenth time over the last few days. "What is it with you and this fucking cavalier attitude to your life? I lost you, I could have lost you for always. Why did you do that?"

Jack was standing in the hallway gaping at the enraged young man before him, completely lost for words.

"I would've sat at your side for the rest of my life, waiting for you to come out of that trance.... I would've just.... I was useless Jack. Paralysed by what had happened to you. Jesus Christ, you are going to be the death of me."

Jack sighed. "Ianto I.... please, calm down."

Ianto yanked off his coat and flung it over the couch. He pushed past Jack and headed for the kitchen and the bottle of scotch in the cupboard with the coffee mugs. Unscrewing the cap he rapidly gulped down a dozen swallows of the amber liquid, making Jack wince. Ianto was going to be a bitch in the morning.

"I will not fucking calm down. I am tired of watching you toss your life around like a worthless piece of junk. I love you, you shit but right now I hate you because you clearly don't give a shit." He moved to take another swig but Jack reached out and snatched the bottle away.

"Enough! Stop this. I'm sorry alright. It's who I am, get fucking used to it." The bottle was tossed into the sink where the remaining contents gluggled down the plug hole.

Ianto glared at him, his cheeks reddening from the alcohol.

"Fuck you, fuck you Jack. Get out, get out of my house right now!" He screamed at the top of his voice, but it cracked and Ianto ended up sobbing pathetically as he tried to shove Jack away from him. Jack grappled with his arms and stilled his protests, finally pulling Ianto against him and engulfing him in a tight embrace. Ianto sniffled into his shirt.

"I can't do this anymore Jack. I'm sorry I can't."

Jack petted his head, running his hands soothingly over Ianto's back. "Sssshhh, it's ok, it's ok. I'm here now." He kissed Ianto's head. "I'm sorry I scared you."

They stood there in the kitchen door way, Ianto slumped bonelessly against Jack, his face still wet with tears. Jack sighed realising that maybe things had simply become too much. Torchwood had been running on short staff for too long and they desperately some respite, but that wasn't what this was about. Perhaps he had ultimately taken too much of the young man's soul. He was stunned by what happened next.

"I love you so much Jack, I couldn't stand to lose you, I really couldn't. When you were in that hospital I just couldn't move, the thought that you might not come back to me. I'm sorry. I never meant for this, never wanted it, didn't expect it after Lisa. You are everything to me Jack and each time you die part of me dies with you." Ianto was clinging to him now winding his fists into the fabric of Jack's shirt.

Jack closed his eyes forcing himself not to cry and holding back what he knew was true and what he knew he should say in return. He couldn't admit to those same feelings and make it all real, because he knew he was destined to lose this beautiful man one day. Each day took him one step closer to breaking, because when Ianto died, break is exactly what he'd do.

AN: Next stop COE and yes it WILL be canon with a twist!