Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I'm just an uninvited guest swimming around in her pool.

A/N: Read This First: I have posted an outtake in Edward's POV. It should be read BEFORE this chapter. Click on my profile link to find the outtake. Thank you!


The Path We Chose

Chapter 16 : Reflections

Dad had insisted on doing the cooking so he was out back barbecuing hamburgers in the rain. I went to my old room and poured myself across the bed. This room. It had only been mine for six months before I moved into a new one, and before that my room was in Phoenix. So much had happened in such a short while really, but it seemed long ago, like another time.

I still felt ashamed for leaving my dad here by himself, but before I moved to Forks in August, he'd already been alone for years. Back then, I visited him only during the summer, but now, at least, I could visit him whenever I wanted. My mother, who I used to see everyday in Phoenix, now lived in sticky Florida, and I didn't even want to see her anymore--not if it meant seeing the person she had become.

And Edward. Edward, who I thought I'd known inside out had kept something so important from me. I felt boxed. Like he had chosen the parts of himself he was going to give to me and held the rest back. I had trusted him. But did I still? Was there more he was keeping from me? I couldn't be certain. And if he were to tell me there were no more secrets, would I believe him?

One thing that I knew was that he loved me. That I knew. We will get past this, I told myself. I wondered if he was telling himself the same thing at this very moment. And then I wondered what life would throw at me next.

Most people, I'm sure, at one point, or even more than once, inevitably look for meaning in their life. For me it meant change. Life equaled change. I'd been adjusting to change for as long as I could remember. Saying goodbye to the old and familiar and hello to the new and unexpected. Revisiting the disjointed past in fragmented memories. It would be so easy to live in fear of the next chapter to come, but I would try not to live like that. Instead, I would take control of my future and guide it instead of allowing it to guide me. And even if another roadblock, or fallen tree, or wall tumbled into my path, I would step, or jump, or climb over it.

If nothing else, I learned from my pregnancy that not all changes, though it may seem so at the time, are bad. I didn't like Forks until I met Edward, and then I didn't want to leave. And now, I actually lived with Edward, expecting his baby, and I wasn't even a legal adult. Lying on my back on my old, not so comfortable bed, it all seemed surreal. For just a minute, before my dad called me down for dinner, I imagined Edward at his house, me here at my dad's getting ready for the night. Edward would be on his way any minute to take me to Port Angeles for an evening with The Cliff's. Maybe we would dance or jump around to the obnoxious music or maybe I would sit in fear of my uncoordinated feet. We would come home where Edward would walk me to the door and kiss me goodnight. His hands would wander up my shirt and I would push them away. It would be a simpler time, but not necessarily a better time.

I closed my eyes, brought a hand to my stomach and listened to the rain. The sound of each drop hitting the window reminded me of my baby's heartbeat. I tried to hear the heartbeat but I couldn't. I couldn't hear it, couldn't feel it, but I knew it was there. Just as I knew I loved him or her, and I knew I loved Edward and I knew he loved me. Some things you just know.

At the dinner table, though Edward wasn't with us, he was in our conversation. I took a crunchy bite of my carrot and told my dad about Stanford, asking him to help me find a way to get Edward there, or at least the option to get there if that was his wish.

"I'll look into it," he said and then his eyes drifted out the window. I felt like pounding my head through the table. I had just asked my dad, still hurting from my move, to possibly help me move again, hundreds of miles away. I was beginning to think there was nothing I could do right when it came to my dad. I had to try. Take control, I reminded myself.

"Dad?"

"Yeah, Bella." His eyes back on me.

"It's amazing how many people one pregnancy can hurt. At first it just felt like Edward and me. Then it was you and Mom, then Carlisle and Esme, and now our friends. I just hope baby never knows."

"See, you feel protective already. Imagine how much more that feeling will grow once your baby is born."

I nodded in understanding. I was his child. He felt many more times protective of me than I felt for my unborn baby. I couldn't fathom a feeling like that. Even though all he wanted to do was hold on to me tight. He was letting me go. That is a strong man.

"Dad, that night, you said you weren't the father I needed. I want you to know. You're the only father I need."

"Thanks, Bella. I'll try to be better."

"You are better."

He reached into his back pocket for his wallet and out came a bankcard. He slid it across the table to me. "I opened an account for you. I will be depositing $100 from every paycheck into that account. I'm going to directly deposit it because I'm afraid otherwise you won't accept it. And if you ever need more, you tell me." He put his hand on mine. "I will be better."

I thanked him and told him I would take the card and the money if that was what he wanted.

"I called Mom."

"When?"

"After you and I had our talk at the Cullens', I mistakenly thought that she might be as understanding as you. She flipped out on me so I hung up on her." I didn't tell him that I'd broken my phone over it.

"What did she say?"

I took another bite of my burger so I wouldn't have to answer him for a minute. I wondered if I should tell him exactly what she said. He didn't take any bites; he just waited for me to finish chewing and answer. "She said that she basically regrets her whole adult life and that I will, too." I put my burger down. I hadn't realized that I would lose my appetite after saying that out loud.

"She loves you," he said. I shrugged--tried to make it seem like it was no big deal. "She loves you," he said again.

"Okay, Dad. Are you done?" I took his plate and started clearing the table. On the way to the sink, I tripped over my own foot and dropped a dish, shattering it across the tile. My dad laughed and I cleaned up glass for the second time that day.

"Bella," my dad said, drying the dishes as I washed them. "I remember the first time you fell. And I'm not talking about a regular, toddler-type fall. You were three." He tossed the towel on the counter, turned around and leaned against it. "We had this small swing for you out back. Do you remember it?"

I told him I didn't.

"No, we didn't have it for very long. Your mother was outside pushing you, trying to teach you how to pump with your legs but the phone rang and she went into the house to answer it. She told me to come out and watch you until she was off the phone. I came out back and saw that you had decided sitting on the swing wasn't enough fun. No, you were going to stand on it. First one leg then the other. And before I could get the words out to stop you, you were on the ground--fell backwards, hit your head so hard against the ground.

"I ran over to you, lifted your head, checked for bumps and bruises. Your eyes were watering but you weren't crying. I asked if you were okay, and you looked up at me with your big brown eyes, just as dark as mine but full of tears, and nodded your head. And then you smiled. You were okay."

I laughed. "I don't remember that at all."

"Your mom made me get rid of the swing that night. She couldn't have you falling on your head. But my point is, Bella. You have fallen countless times since then, but every time I've witnessed it, you have always picked yourself up, stood tall, and smiled."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed. "Thank you for believing in me."

He said that he would do what he could regarding Stanford and that Edward probably had a good reason for keeping it from me. I thought it was time I find out.

I kissed him goodnight and headed out through the rain to my big, old truck.

Carlisle and Esme were in the living room, no doubt they'd noticed a piece of furniture was missing. Carlisle was on the sofa reading the paper and Esme was sitting cross-legged on the floor grading school work on her lap. "Do you need help, Esme?"

"Oh no, sweetie. You go on up to bed."

I took the steps two at a time and burst through Edward's door. He was reading in bed, shirtless, just as he should always be. I had startled him and he sat up, dropping his book. His eyes were red and puffy, and greener than the leaves on the maple trees. The right side of his lip was swollen, and I went right to him, pushing him down, nestling against his bare chest. "Edward, you tell me right now why you kept Stanford from me and why you didn't want me to know so badly that you would fight with your best friend over it."

He encircled me in his arms and rolled me over the top of him to the other side of his bed, where he hovered over me. "I'm glad you're back, Bella. Thank you for coming back." He put his face in my neck and held me so tight then lifted up, looked down at me and pushed my hair back. "First of all, I didn't fight with Emmett because he was being himself and spilled the Stanford can of beans. I fought with Emmett because he questioned the sincerity of our love and he hurt you. I could see it in your face. First you looked scared of him and then there was pain in your eyes, on your lips." He paused and looked down at me for a minute. "Bella, I really am sorry I never told you about Stanford, and I'm sorry for fighting with Emmett in front of you."

"That was stupid of you to jump on Emmett. He could have killed you."

"Thanks for that. That's great for my ego."

"Why didn't you just tell me about Stanford? I have to know why."

"I never told you about Stanford because…" his voice was low now, almost a whisper, "…the minute I fell in love with you I was trying to come up with a way of getting out of it or getting you to come with me. I had no choice anymore. I would easily forget about it if I couldn't get you to come with me. And that, my love, was well before baby. I would have told you as soon as I had a plan that might work. Emmett knew something was up because I was quiet every time he brought it up. Many times he asked to talk to me or said we needed to talk and I knew exactly what he meant but I kept shutting him down because, he was right, I was procrastinating. I've been putting that conversation off for months. I hadn't come up with anything solid yet. Then, after we found out you were pregnant and I knew I wasn't going to go at all, I couldn't tell him about the baby, yet so I continued to blow him off. But Emmett had been talking about Stanford for…as long as he could talk. It was only a matter of time before it all exploded out of him. I should have recognized that. I'm just sorry it was directed at you."

"Don't give up, Edward. Don't say that you know you're not going to Stanford." I lifted my finger to his mouth and he flinched so I let up a little. "You shut me up earlier, now it's my turn. You're not giving up. Do not argue." I lifted my finger slowly, making sure he wasn't going to open up with a "but I…"

He did open his mouth but only to kiss me a few times before giving a short laugh.

"What?"

"It hurts to kiss you." He let out another small laugh--more like a scoff. "I guess I deserve that, after today."

"But you were kissing me earlier."

"It hurt then, too, just not quite this much."

"Then I'll kiss you. But first you have to tell me if there is anything else I should know. Are you keeping any more secrets from me?"

"None."

I looked up into his eyes. Those eyes on that face of the boy, or man, that I loved. "I'm going to believe you, Edward. But you only get one free pass."

He smiled. "Wait, wait, wait. There is more. I didn't eat my potatoes at dinner. Or my broccoli. Oh yeah, and every time I look at you I want to devour you. From head to toe. I mean every time. It doesn't matter where we are--"

"Shut up and turn over so I can kiss you." I lifted my head and kissed him hastily all over his face, until he did turn over and I was pushing him onto his back I tried not to let one inch of his face go untouched by my lips. This brought a real laugh out of him and then an, "ow," because apparently it hurt him to laugh, too. When I got to the swollen side of his mouth, I held his face still and kissed it gently.

"I love you," he said, squeezing me.

"I know," I barely got out because he was squeezing me so tight. He loosened up some at the sound of my strained voice. "I love you, too." At least he let me say it that time.

He turned us so he was hovering over me again and his face grew serious. "Bella, I know that pained look on your face was not all Emmett's doing. He may have yelled at you, but you wouldn't have been near as hurt if it hadn't been such a surprise to you. That look on your face after he yelled at you. I caused it. I made that look on this beautiful face." He caressed my face so softly that if I hadn't known it was him, I might have thought it was a breeze. I closed my eyes and let him continue, his knuckles down my jaw, around my chin and up the other side. His fingertips, barely there, over my lips. I pursed them into a kiss. Then, over my eyebrows his fingertips grazed, turning his hand again, the backs of his fingers at my temple and down my cheekbone. If I had kissed every inch of his face, he caressed every inch of mine, twice. I opened my eyes. "My beautiful face," he whispered.

When he lifted his hand away, I grabbed it. I wanted that hand, the only hand that could make me feel this way. I held onto it with both of mine, not letting go. He gladly rested it there.

"I'm sorry too, Edward."

"What do you have to be sorry for? You did nothing wrong."

"I made you think you were losing me…twice."

"Twice?"

"I can see it in your eyes, Edward. You've been crying."

"Nah, they're just itchy. Allergy season, you know?" And then he laughed with another, "ow" at the end.

"Let me get you some ice." I pushed against him but he didn't budge.

"My mom already did that, right before she let me know I would be replacing her table. You're staying put. You're right, I wasn't sure you were coming back tonight. I thought maybe you would decide to stay at your dad's. And yes, that scared me. I tried to read to distract myself but I kept reading the same sentence over and over again." His nose came to the crook of my neck and nuzzled back and forth.

"Edward, you want to hear something weird?"

"Absolutely."

"Today when we made the ridiculous decision to tell our friends our news all at once, Alice hugged me. She was comforting me."

"I noticed. That's weird?"

"No, the weird thing is, I didn't need to be comforted. I mean, I'm happy about baby. I want to be congratulated. I'm making a rule. No more negative speak about baby. Only good vibes may be aimed at our little us. If anyone has anything sad or bad to say about my pregnancy, I'm leaving the room."

"That's still not weird. That's good." He hugged me again, his face in the crook of my neck. I squeezed tight around his back.

"Edward, Edward, Edward. Let's be happy."

"That's the best plan I've heard in a long time." He pressed his lips to my throat, not quite kissing. Then he lifted his head and looked into my eyes. "Congratulations, Bella," he said. He lowered himself to my waist, lifted my shirt, and grazed his lips in circles over my stomach. I wriggled beneath him because it tickled. "Hi, baby," he said. "It's Daddy. Your mommy has finally decided to be happy. Let's keep her that way."


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