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The Path We Chose

CHAPTER 19: Plucking at Thorns

Have you ever been so hungry, and smelled your favorite meal cooking, and you want it so badly but can't eat it yet because it isn't ready? And your mouth doesn't understand that it has to wait so it starts salivating in anticipation? Well, that was exactly how I felt today about tomatoes.

It didn't matter that I'd just eaten two sandwiches for lunch. I had to have a tomato. I could smell it in my room even though there wasn't a tomato in the house. I could taste it. I needed it in my mouth, now. I was home alone. It was the second day of Spring Break-no school. Edward, Carlisle and Esme were all at work. So I grabbed my keys and took my old clunker of a truck to the Forks Market. I eased down the veggie aisle, plucked a ripe red Roma tomato from the basket, paid $1.49 for the little thing, headed to the restroom to rinse it and then outside to bite into it. And that's how Lauren found me. My mouth, my teeth, digging into a whole tomato, the juice dripping down my chin. I wiped it with the back of my hand.

"That's how you eat tomatoes?"

I looked at her for a minute. My honest explanation wouldn't do. "Uh-huh," I said. Sure, why not?

"You're weird, Bella." She rolled her eyes and shook her head at me, emphasizing how weird she thought I was. "Your boyfriend works at the hospital now."

"How did you know?"

"I saw him there today. I'm volunteering for my college transcripts. Is that why he's there?"

I nodded, adding to the list of lies I needed to keep straight. I should start taking notes.

"Those ladies there are flirting with him all over the place."

I shrugged at her. "So, what's new?"

"I think he likes it. One of the moms there asked him to hold her baby. He refused until she winked at him and then he took the baby from her. I think he may be slipping from your grasp."

That reminded me of how he was in my grasp in my bed last night and I accidentally smiled.

"You think that's funny? Well, did he tell you that his ex-girlfriend works with him and they flirt together, too?"

I looked at my wrist, wishing I had a watch. I pretended I was wearing one anyway. "Lauren, I have to go. Do you have a point?"

"Yeah, I just made it." She walked off into the store leaving me there with my quarter-eaten tomato and stains on my top. I thought about tossing the tomato out, but I still wanted it. So, since by some miracle it actually wasn't raining, I grabbed my backpack from my truck and headed across the street to the park where I could sit on a bench under the clouds and eat my tomato however I wanted-in peace.

I saw a squirrel scatter up a tree. It reminded me of Edward and made me laugh. I wished he was here with me so I could make fun of him…or kiss him. I pulled my French book out of my bag hoping to distract my thoughts from Edward (which wasn't likely). And yes, I studied during Spring Break. I had to. I had to ace French for the rest of the semester. I was conjugating irregular verbs when I noticed that squirrels weren't the only things scurrying about. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something scampering toward me. It was a little scruffy dog and it wasn't on a leash. I stiffened on the bench and watched its run pick up. It got closer and I closed my eyes. Please don't come near me, I thought, but I felt it sniff at my leg and I couldn't move.

"Please go away," I told it, as though it would listen if I was polite about it. It didn't obey. Holding my breath, and refusing to look down at the dog that was still sniffing my leg, I forced my eyes open in search of its owner. Don't jump up on me.

I saw a woman calling, "Princess." Oh God, the dog was a princess.

"Can you come and get your dog, please?"

"She won't hurt you, sweetie. She's a lover."

"I know. Can you come get her anyway?" I still hadn't looked down at it but I could feel it there. I bit a fingernail. "Please."

She picked up her dog and brought it to my face. "Look, she's a sweetheart."

I backed my face up as far as I could and nodded.

"Go ahead, pet her. She likes you."

"No, that's okay."

"Go ahead, hun." I looked at the crazy dog lady with her plump cheeks and her too-sweet smile. Maybe if I pet it she would go away. The dog was all blond fluff with eyes so black I couldn't see a pupil and it spooked me so I had to look away again. I raised my hand, shut my eyes and patted its little head, then pulled my hand away as if it shocked me.

"Yeah, she's really nice. But, um, I should study." I held up my book as proof.

She apologized for the interruption and left me alone. I didn't open my book, though. I grabbed all of my things and left-went back to the Cullens' where I could study on the sofa free of dogs and their crazy, pet-my-sweet-dog-now owners.

Edward was the first Cullen to come home. "Bella! Look at this." He tossed a magazine at me and it landed on top of my textbook on my lap. It said "Pregnancy" right across the top. I didn't even know they made those. "How many calories do you eat a day?"

"I don't know."

"Because you're supposed to eat three-hundred more calories than you normally do. Did you know that? Do you do that? Because I don't see you eat very much. And you're supposed to avoid certain fish and uncooked cheeses. Look, it's all in there." He lifted the magazine in my lap.

"Well, I'm pretty sure I already ate a thousand more calories than normal today and I haven't even had dinner yet. I didn't have any fish, and I had cheddar cheese."

He sat down next to me and brought a hand to his hair. "Have you had any spotting?"

"What? No. Edward, don't ask me that."

"Because if you do, that could be a bad sign. How are you ankles?" He lifted my jeans and took off my shoes to examine my feet. "Any swelling? Do you want me to get you some hot water to soak in?"

"Edward?" I laughed. "Did you read this whole thing?"

"Yeah, I was bored at work and it was right there. But did you know about all of this?"

"Yes. Alice gave me a book. It was supposed to be funny but it kind of freaked me out, too, so I stopped reading it." I brought my hand to his cheek. "You read a 'Pregnancy' magazine?"

He nodded.

"Aw. That's so sweet. Well, don't worry. I'm fine. No swelling, spotting, eating weird food, and least of all starving. Believe me, I eat plenty. Maybe not always a huge meal at once, but I eat all day long."

"Okay."

"What else did you do at work?" I wondered if he would mention Lauren.

"I held a baby. At first I didn't want to-afraid I'd hurt him, but the mother kept saying I would be fine." He gave me one of his crooked smiles that I had to touch.

"You're cute. I hope our baby is exactly like you."

"I hope our baby is like you."

"Edward. Did you see Lauren today?"

"Lauren? No. Why?"

"I ran into her outside the market." I skipped over how she'd caught me eating a tomato. "She said she volunteers there for college-which, you should know, she thinks that's why you're there, too. She said she saw you holding a baby and I'm surprised that she was telling the truth. She also said you work with an ex-girlfriend. That you flirt with her."

He laughed, but it was a nervous laugh. "I don't have any ex-girlfriends."

"But you have dated other girls. Do you work with someone you dated?"

"Yeah, but Tanya, she works in the gift shop. I never see her. And, I don't know what Lauren said to you, but you have nothing to worry about. I went on one date with Tanya and I didn't even like her. The only reason Lauren knows is because they're cousins or some shit."

"I'm not worried. Just curious."

That's when he kissed me, which made me realize we hadn't kissed since he walked through the door, so I leaned against him and kissed him harder letting the book and magazine clunk to the floor next to my shoes and socks. His hands were on my shoulders pulling at me and my hands were in his hair pulling at him.

"I touched a dog, today." I said, then kissed him again.

"Good for you." And he kissed me again.

"And I saw a squirrel." I tried to kiss him again but I couldn't because he was laughing and I couldn't get a hold of his lips with mine. I kept trying and held his neck to still him and finally the laughing blended with kisses until he was all kisses.


Rosalie and I had been amicable since that first day we laughed together at lunch over Hemingway, but she had never come to see me-until today. It was the last Saturday before school would start up again and I hadn't seen her all week. At first, I thought she was there for Edward. "Edward's at work," I told her. But she said she wanted to talk to me. A big, bulky garbage bag sulked by her feet and she started pulling on it's handles, dragging it into the house. I tried to help her with it but she blocked me.

"Don't you dare!"

I stepped away quickly, not because she had reminded me of my condition but because I saw a trace of that scowl she liked to threaten me with. "Why do you have a garbage bag?"

She suggested we sit down. We sat in the living room. My stomach growled and I wanted to grab some milk and cookies. It was like proving Pavlov's theory every time I sat on this sofa. I ignored my nagging, snacking urge because I was more interested in why she was here to talk to me and not Edward. She took a deep breath and glanced all over the room, her eyes never landing on anything. Was she nervous? She seemed to be looking for words. They're inside you , I wanted to say, they're not hanging out in the living room. She found them.

"I have an older sister," she said, and then stopped and looked at me.

"I'm an only child," I said. She ignored that.

"My sister had a baby a few years ago, I thought you could use these." She pushed the bag at me. I opened it and started pulling out clothing, big clothing, maternity clothing. Dresses and pants and shirts, and even nylons. I held the nylons up.

"Those are to stop varicose veins or something. I don't know. They're all clean. Everything has been washed. I'm sorry it took so long to get those. My sister lives in New York; I had to wait for her to ship them out."

I had known Rosalie since October, but it was this day, in the first week of April, when she finally reached out to me. I stared at her for a minute-maybe too long. Rosalie had just made a nice gesture. Rosalie had gone out of her way for me…out of generosity. Rosalie was capable of premeditated kindness!

I was a little bit in shock, and then I wanted to hug her. I wondered if she would let me. I scooted a little closer to her on the couch. Her eyes widened some. I decided to just go for it, but I did warn her. "I'm going to hug you, and I don't care if you don't like it." I wrapped my arms around her neck. She stiffened but other than that, didn't move. "That is the nicest thing…" I noticed a sob in my voice and that's when her hand gave my back a double pat. I backed away ending her torture and swiping at my tears. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she said, quickly. Apparently she was as uncomfortable with appreciation as she was affection. "So, how are you feeling? Can I get you anything?"

At that moment, I was sure a strange pod-person had taken over her body. The kindness was continuing, and even growing into concern and helpfulness. I wasn't going to question her though and possibly end the sweet madness. "How about some cookies? Esme always has some." She nodded, even though I had just suggested junk food. Forget about baby steps, we were taking giant leaps. We walked to the kitchen. We didn't skip along, holding hands-our leap wasn't quite that great. Dare I say, though, we were becoming friends?

After I ate cookies (she didn't have any-or maybe she had a bite of one) Rosalie helped me hang the clothes in my closet and said, "Your closet!" when I opened the door.

"I know, it's empty."

"It's really big." Ah, yes, it shouldn't have surprised me that she had the kind of wardrobe that brought about closet envy. I felt a little guilty that I hadn't appreciated the closet in all its vastness when I had first seen it. Instead I had worried about filling it so it wouldn't look so empty.

Her sister's maternity wardrobe consisted of mostly dresses with flowers on them or pastel colors. I didn't care. I would wear them anyway. Rosalie knew they weren't the most flattering dresses. She told me her sister was pregnant in New York in the summertime and was so hot that she didn't care what she looked like as long as she was cool. I would be pregnant in the summertime, too, I thought, rubbing my tummy that was really not any bigger, yet. My breasts, on the other hand were another story. I had let my bras out as far as they could go and still they were getting a little tight.

"So, Rosalie?" I couldn't help myself. Curiosity always wins with me. "Why so nice?" I sat on the edge of my bed. Rosalie stood where she was, keeping her distance. Maybe she was afraid I'd hug her again.

"I like you, Bella."

"Since when?"

"Since we had our show down in English Lit. You've got balls."

"And, why didn't you like me before that?"

"Why didn't you like me before that?"

"I didn't know you," I said.

"Well, I didn't know you either."

"Yeah, but you were…mean."

"You don't know, Bella. I saw what all those girls at our god-forsaken school have put Edward through. Everyone was so quick to trust you, but I couldn't. You didn't see him before. Practically every girl was after him, and none for the right reason. They thought it would bring them popularity. He allowed a few girls in, started really caring, you know?"

"Tanya?"

"Who?" Okay, that made me feel better. If Rosalie didn't remember Tanya then it must have been nothing. "All those girls wanted was a trophy. It hurt him. He finally stopped letting anyone in. But they didn't give up. And the more he turned them down, the harder they tried. He was a wreck. He wouldn't even look at anyone for a long time and he would only talk to us. Then this one girl, Angela? She was really nice; she and Edward became friends. "

"Ben's Angela? She is nice. I've talked to her before." She was one of the only girls who was nice to me when I first moved to Forks, but she was too wrapped up in her boyfriend for us to really get to know each other.

"Well, she and Edward were really good friends last year, until she kissed him. He wasn't having any of that. Then she went around blabbing to Jessica and that Lauren bitch that Edward denied her or whatever. She cried to them, and they gave Edward a hard time for hurting her and supposedly leading her on. He felt awful about it because, well...you know him. Anyway, I saw you hanging around Jessica at first. I don't trust anyone who's friends with that girl. I was just waiting for your other shoe to drop-for you to hurt him or blab about him just to find your fake popularity."

"I never cared about any of that. And I was never friends with Jessica. She showed me around on my first day of school and invited me to sit with her at lunch." Her idea of showing me around was not pointing out the bathrooms or the library or explaining which wing of the school led where. She filled me in on gossip, pointing at one person then another. I knew about students' dating lives before I knew their names. "I learned quickly how shallow she was," I said.

I thought about the day in Health when I had absentmindedly kissed Edward. If he had backed away, things would have turned out so different. Would I have been hurt or felt rejected? Would Jessica have noticed and passed my misfortune around on her silver platter of blather? I didn't blame Angela for what happened between her and Edward. It was all Jessica and Lauren. They were jealous and wanted to screw Angela out of any chance at all. And it worked. I refrained from saying any of this to Rosalie. She obviously wouldn't have agreed and I didn't need to plant myself on her bad side again.

"I know that now, girl." She said. "But don't you dare hurt him."

"I never would."

"You better not." There was not a hint of a smile on her lips. Her protectiveness over Edward was fierce, and endearing, really. I understood her mistrust in me, even though it was misguided.

"Rosalie, what are you going to do when Emmett goes to Stanford?"

"I'm going to Berkley. They have a great literature program."

I nodded. "As different as we are," I said," we actually have a lot in common."

"Scary," she said with a laugh. I let her leave without a hug but thanked her again for her generosity. I'm sure I saw her stiffen at the word generosity.


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