She stood at the end of the dark hallway, just letting her eyes adjust to the lack of light. On either side of the hall she could see light spilling out under doors that were shut. Carly began to move forward slowly, her hand stretched out in front of her, feeling her way in the dark. After a few steps her hand closed on the cold metal of an antique brass door handle. With trepidation she pushed down on the handle and the door swung open, the sudden burst of light blinding her for a moment. When she was able to focus her eyes, she couldn't believe what she was seeing. She wasn't looking into a room but into the first real memory she had.
"You must understand, Katerina. You and Francois have to do what is expected of you in life." said the governess her parents had hired to teach their children how to behave in life.
Carly looked at her five year old self, her dark blond hair shining in the sunlight and her two year old brother, Francois, sitting on the blanket at the governesses feet, playing with the blocks scattered around him.
"What is expected of me, Nanny Van der Meer?"
"You, Katerina, will marry Lawrence Alamain and be a proper wife. You will give your husband children to continue his family line and you will entertain his business associates and friends. You will be a proper society wife just as your mother is."
"But, Nanny Van der Meer, I want to go to school and learn. I don't want to just throw parties. I don't want to be like mother."
"Katerina, life is not about what we want. Life is about doing what is expected of us and as a girl and when you grow into a woman you will be expected to be obedient to your father and then your husband. That is the way of this world. You are a privileged girl Katerina. You will never want for anything. You are very lucky."
Carly closed the door and stood still for a moment letting her eyes adjust to the darkness of the hallway again. Even at the age of five she had known that she didn't want to marry Lawrence. She had wanted to be more than arm candy for her husband. She had wanted to learn and to help people and she knew that her parents would never allow that. Carly shook the thoughts out of her head and walked to the door across the hall. Slowly she opened the door to another childhood memory.
"A very special gift, Katerina." Her father said as he held out an engraved gold coin. "One of a kind. You must guard it carefully. In the entire world there is no other girl with a coin like this. Only you."
"It's so shiny." The girl replied with a slight smile.
"Yes. Most precious. It was sent to you from Leopold Alamain. Do you recognize that name?"
Carly watched her 10 year old self shake her head.
"He's the father of Lawrence, the man you will marry on your 25th birthday. Leopold gave this to me on the day you were born, as a token of our agreement, never to be broken. Now on your 10th birthday I give this prize to you." Her father handed her the coin and smiling down at her.
"But why do I have to marry Lawrence?" She asked with a frown.
"A promise was made."
"But I didn't make it, I don't even remember."
"Of course not, you were only a child."
"Then how come…"
"Katerina, your marriage has been arranged for you. This is the way things are done, it will not be changed." Her father stated firmly. "You are still too young to realize how much depends on the union of our families. But it will make us all rich. Richer than even King Midas ever dreamt of being. So you must hide this," He took the coin she held between her fingers and placed it into the palm of her hand closing her fingers around it, "and keep it safe forever. Never let it go. As long as you hold that coin, there will be no doubt of who you are. What your destiny will be. You are Katerina Von Leuschner, and you will one day be married to Lawrence Alamain."
"NO!" she yelled slamming the coin down on the table and storming towards the door past her father.
"KATERINA!" he said loudly as he reached out and grabbed her arm to keep her from passing him.
"It's not right!" she continued yelling. "How can I marry someone I don't even know!"
Carly backed out of the memory and closed the door. She leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. She looked to her left and saw the darkness of the hallway continue, its walls broken every few feet by a series of closed doors. She wasn't sure if she would be able to look behind all these doors. There were some memories in her life she knew she wouldn't want to relive. She took another deep breath and knowing she had no other option continued down the hallway. She slowly reached the next door and turned the knob, pushing slightly on the door.
As it swung open she looked into her dorm room at boarding school. Her best friend, Jennifer Horton, was reclining on her bed, while she had her back turned, looking into their closet. They were both still dressed in their school uniforms. The long gray skirts and white oxford style blouses would never set any fashion trends, but they also made it possible for all the girls to be on equal footing when it came to clothes. Carly saw her 16 year old self turn around and cringed at her long, blond eighties hairstyle and headband.
"OK, I've got my escape all planned." She walked over to the other side of the room past where Jennifer was lounging on the bed.
"I've never heard of anyone running away from boarding school before." Jennifer was saying as she got up off the bed to stand behind her best friend.
"You will help me won't you?" she said turning to face Jennifer, a note of desperation in her voice.
"Of course I will, Katerina, you're my best friend. So what's the plan?"
"I just need you to cover for me when I run away."
"OK, I'll do whatever you want. Are you sure this is what you wanna do?"
"I have to Jennifer." She walked past her roommate and friend, over to her bed.
"Katerina, why don't you just tell your family that you hate it here?" They both sat down on the bed as Jennifer said this.
"If I tell you something will you promise not to tell anyone?"
"Yeah, I promise."
"It's not just this boarding school I have to get away from, it's my family too."
"What? I don't understand." Carly couldn't help but think to herself that after having met Jennifer's family she wasn't surprised that Jen didn't understand. Her best friend was lucky enough to be blessed with a large extended family who loved and cherished her. Carly's had thought of her as nothing more than a piece of property to be sold to the highest bidder. Carly watched herself turn away from Jennifer.
"Just don't ask me to explain, OK, maybe one day I'll be able to tell you."
Carly pulled the door closed and slowly walked down the hallway for a minute, passing several doors on both sides of the hall. She didn't know what memories lay behind these doors but she was almost certain she didn't want to see them. Finally she stopped at another door. She didn't know why but she had a strong urge telling her she needed to open this door. She reached out and turned the handle and the door swung open on its own. Carly stood in the doorway and looked at another scene from her life.
