After about an hour he felt her quiet down into gentle hiccups before her breathing evened out even more and he knew she had fallen asleep, after who knew how long. Gently he lifted her up and carried her into her bedroom.

It was the first time he had been there and he distantly noted pictures of the crew and senior staff, of Molly and her mom hung on the walls. Walking over to the bed he noticed a picture on the nightstand. It was of the two of them at one of Neelix's luaus. Her hand was on his chest and he was looking down at her. It must have been taken when the doctor had been bitten by the camera bug. It pained him to see that she had kept a reminder of him so close to her, even after what he had done. He was roused out of his recriminations by the feel of his captain gently burrowing her head into his warmth. With a sad smile he leaned down to place her on the bed, but she would not let him go, moaning quietly when he tried to pry her hands off his shirt. With a mental shrug he slid down facing her and drew the comforter over them. She might kill him later, but for now she needed the sleep, and he needed to feel her in his arms, even if it was for the first and last time.

Kathryn woke up feeling more rested than she had in months. Gradually the feeling of being surrounded by warmth permeated her…and the fact that she was not alone in her bed. Propping her head up on one elbow, she looked down on the sleeping face of her second in command. He was snoring softly. She got up and headed for the bathroom. She had a feeling he would want to talk and she had to prepare.

Chakotay woke up to the sound of water spilling into the sink. Groggily it took him a few minutes to figure out where he was and when he did he bounded out of bed with a start. Well he wasn't phasered yet…that was a good sign. With a sigh he headed into the living room to get her some coffee. It night help improve her mood, and he could use all the help he could get.

Fifteen minutes later found them both staring at each over coffee at her table. "So…" they both began.

"Please…let me go first? Chakotay asked. With a wave of her hand Kathryn agreed and he continued. "I want to start by saying how sorry I am…firstly for yesterday…"

"You don't have to apologize for yesterday Chakotay. I needed that. I know I did. And I'm sorry; I know it must have been hard for you to face me after what I had done ….

"Spirits Kathryn…let me finish. No matter if you needed it or not, I was still very hard on you. And you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who did everything wrong." Angrily he got up and started pacing. "No matter what, I should have never left the ship ...never have left you. I promised you a while ago that I would always stand by and if nothing else I am a man who strives to keep his promises. Even if Neleya wasn't mine I had no right to leave you."

"But you did. And no matter what fault lies with you it also lies with me. I should have told you at the beginning that she was yours. If I had none of this would have happened. We can both go around wallowing in self pity, but that isn't going to help anybody. She stood up and walked towards him. "I propose that we try to forgive ourselves and move on."

She turned away from him quickly, but he reached out and snagged her wrist spinning her into him and he looked into blue pools awash with misery. "This wasn't your fault Kathryn; you must believe that mush at least. And I didn't mean it when I said that I hated you. That I wanted to leave the ship because of you. I just wanted you to know that. I should go now. I've done enough here"

He let go of her and turned to leave. This time she was the one who grabbed him and turned him around.

"Then what did you mean when you left?" she cried, thumping a fist onto his chest. "Why was it you suddenly couldn't stand to be on the same starship with me, much less the same room?" Her voice wobbled as she asked again "Why are you leaving me again now?"

He groaned when he heard the hurt in her voice. Sighing he pulled her close running both hands over her hair then down to cup her face between his palms. "This is exactly why Kathryn. Because I keep hurting you and every time I do, it tears me apart. I...I love you …too much to keep doing this to you. I'd rather let you go than try to keep you while hurting you all the time. I've given up, Kathryn."

He closed his eyes as she looked up at him fresh tears welling up to torment him. "See I'm doing it again…hurting you. What I mean is I've given up on ever getting over you. I tried to when I left the ship, but it felt like a part of me was missing. That's why I came back. I knew that no matter what I could never be happy out there. All I want now is here, with you."

"What do you want from me Chakotay?" she asked imploringly

"I want a place in your life," he said without hesitation. "It's what I've always wanted and frankly I'll take anything you're willing to give me. Second in command, friend, anything"

"That's not what you said in the mess hall that day." She shot back, her bruised heart refusing to let down walls already crumbling. "You regretted ever having even met me then."

"I'm sorry you heard that, sorry for the pain I know I caused you when I shut you out, but you have to know that isn't how I feel. What I said then had more to do with me trying to reconcile giving up something that I've wanted for a very long time now.

"And what would that be?" she asked, almost afraid of the answer

He shrugged and smiled sadly before confessing, "A place in your heart."

The place in Kathryn's heart that had always been his unclenched slowly and she leaned against him, smiling when he felt his arms tentatively encircle her. "Then maybe we both gave up too easily."

She felt him tense, and then his hand came down to drag her face up to his gaze. "Do you mean that Kathryn."

"I love you Chakotay. I think I always have. And I know I always will. I'm just sorry it took this to get me to admit it."

Tears spilled over as he crushed her to him. "No more sorries about the past my love" he said, and her heart revelled in the tenderness of his voice. "From now on we look only to the future. Our future."