I couldn't help but tense as I heard footsteps echo down the hall. I clenched my hands together, repeating: control yourself, control yourself, control yourself. I hadn't seen Vlad since he'd stabbed Sam, but the time that had passed in no way lessened how pissed I felt about the whole situation. The longer I sat in here and thought about what he'd done, the angrier I became. The hardest part about sitting in the cell, though, wasn't sitting here and thinking about how much I hated Vlad; it was sitting here and thinking about how much I hated myself. I may not have done the terrible things that Vlad had, but I had done nothing to stop him when it was in my power to do so. That made me fucking worse than him.
Sam caught my eye as the footsteps grew closer. I could only shrug. It wasn't like we could do anything to keep anyone out – the entire wall of bars made privacy impossible. When the person was close enough to be in view, I dropped my gaze away. It might have been seen as cowardly – I was waiting for Vlad to mock me about it – but it was just a way for me to keep control of myself. Control, in this place where all I wanted to do was lose it, was necessary. I didn't know if I could handle hurting Sam again.
Before I was ready to hear his whiny voice, Elliot began to speak. Well, at least it wasn't Vlad. I could handle the so-called nephew better.
"It has come to the attention of my 'uncle' and I that we've been neglecting our prisoners." Elliot laughed and the sound grated at my ears. "Do either of you feel neglected?"
Instead of an answer, the word fucker came to mind. I looked at Sam, and she looked just as angry as I felt. She was glaring away from him, and I almost wished she'd look at him. I was sure Medusa had a similar expression when she turned men into stone.
"Oh now, don't be like that, Sam. I have something for you."
She looked at him and for a moment, he was quiet and I almost began to wonder if I was right and she'd managed to kill him with a look. But her anger faded from her face when she saw what he was holding and I made myself look at his hands. He was holding a peach.
"Aren't you hungry?"
We were both hungry, but while Sam was fixating on the food, I couldn't help but stare at Elliot's clean clothes. The suit I had donned forever ago was grimy. Now, I'll admit, I have let myself get disgusting over the years. I have fallen asleep after fights covered in blood and guts that weren't necessarily mine; I've forgotten to shower for three weeks at a time (it only happened once and I'm kind of ashamed to admit it now). But, dammit, if I could, I would give anything to be clean right now.
I jumped when the peach came flying into the cell. I was about to fire at it before I caught up with myself. I locked my hands together, reminding myself that I wasn't allowed to react like Phantom. Sam picked up the peach as Elliot said, "That's only the first part."
I was suspicious. Elliot had to be here on Vlad's orders and Vlad didn't just give things away. I just wondered what he wanted from her. He pulled a sandwich out of his pocket; it was slightly squashed but it still looked better than anything Maheen had managed to steal for the two of us.
"And it's veggie."
The way to a vegetarian's heart, I thought bitterly.
"All I need from you," Elliot informed Sam, "is another recording."
One look at Sam and I knew that she would do. I was almost mad. Almost. The recordings could hurt the police investigation (assuming Vlad hadn't managed to throw the police off completely) but I just couldn't hold her willingness to do it against her. Not only did Elliot have food but Sam had already discovered what it was like to attempt to disobey Vlad. I closed my eyes against the memory of when she had explained to me what had happened, leading up to her stabbing. Vlad had made her record a message for him to leave on her parents' voicemail and when she'd tried to say no, he had attempted to strangle her. On the way back to the cell, Sam had tried to escape – foolishly, I thought.
"What do you want me to say?" Sam asked him, and she sounded breathless; like someone had just punched her in the gut.
"Oh, just positive things."
Other than the lack of food and the fact that I'm shitting in a hole, it's like summer camp, Mom! I don't even notice the fucking chains anymore! Really, Dad, it's like Disney World and Hawaii in the same place! I don't even want to come home!
He continued, "If you want to name a place far away from Amity, I encourage it. You just need to be sure to mention that you are still with Danny."
Sam nodded and Elliot pulled a digital recorder out of his pocket.
"Ready?"
Sam nodded, and when he clicked the recorder on, she launched into a speech, sounding so unlike herself that if I hadn't been watching her speak, I never would have believed it was actually Sam saying the words. "Hi Mother, hi Dad! I know it's been awhile since I last called, and I'm sorry for that, I just don't really know what to say. I'm not ready to come home yet. I know that's really disappointing, but it's the truth. And I'm sorry about that too. I'm still with Danny, so I'm not alone. I hope that brings you some comfort. I've been trying to get him to call home, but he's at a loss for words. Even more so than I am … He's not ready to be found yet, and neither am I. But I feel like you have a right to know where we are, sort of. Anyway, we, um, we made it into Canada last week. That's all for now, I guess. I love you both!"
Canada. I'd never really been seized by the burning desire to go to Canada, but I'd give anything to be across that border right now.
"That wasn't so hard, was it?" Elliot asked and Sam shook her head, but I knew her better than that.
Elliot threw her the sandwich. Sam scurried, as best as she could with her wound, into one of the back corners to hide away from him. I sat without moving and waited for the asshole to leave. There was no need for him to stick around, unless he had a voyeuristic fetish.
"Danny," Elliot said.
I glared at him. Nope. I would rather starve than have him speak to me.
"You're going to be hard nut to crack." I wasn't going to crack. "Food won't work for you as a bribe." Damn fucking right. "But I know what will."
I doubted it.
Elliot reached around to his back pocket and pulled out paper. I was unimpressed. He fanned out the large pieces of paper and there looked to be just over twenty of them. The only thing that I could see was white, though. There was no telling what was on the other side or if there was anything on the other side.
With triumphant flair, Elliot said, "These are pictures from your sister's funeral."
No. Of course they had buried Jazz but it was still so hard to think about Jazz needing to be buried. Elliot was wrong. I didn't really want those. I didn't want to see how much I had failed her. I didn't want to see my parents' grief when I could do nothing to be there for them.
"I want a recording from you, as well." That wasn't shocking. It would be better for Vlad if they could get me to corroborate Sam's story. "If you make the recording, I will also tell you the condition of your friend Tucker."
Oh fuck. Now he had me. I had to know if Tucker was dead or alive. I would give Vlad whatever he wanted, so long as Tucker was alive. In an attempt to trick Elliot (although I wasn't convinced he was going to buy it), I said, "Don't I get something before I make the recording, like she did?"
"Oh, no. Unlike Sam, I don't trust you to follow through with it once you have something. You will make the recording and then you will have everything."
I didn't really trust Elliot to keep his word, but it was worth taking the chance. It was worth it to have any chance of hearing about my best friend. Although my body rebelled against me while I did it, I walked to the edge of my boundary line. I didn't like being this close to Elliot, but I had no choice.
"Remember," he said brightly, "positive words! And make sure your story matches Sam's, all right?"
I nodded, running over Sam's words in my head. Elliot turned the recording device back on.
"Hi Mom, hi Dad." It was so hard to talk to them; to lie to them. I'd been lying to them since I was fourteen, since the portal, but this was so much worse. "Look, um, I don't know what to say –" understatement of the fucking year "– but Sam's been insisting I call. I'm sorry about leaving –" more than they'd ever know "- especially with all that's happened with Jazz. But I … I just couldn't stay. I don't know if you understand that and I don't know if I can explain. But I love you all so much and, uh, I'll come home when I'm ready. I promise."
But I might not ever make it home. Sam would, I was sure about that, but depending on Vlad's plans for me, I might never walk out of here. Fuck. I wanted my mom and my dad; my sister and my best friend. I wished that this was summer camp because then they could come and get me.
"Short and to the point, I like it." I wanted to punch him. "Now, would you like the information or the photographs first?"
"Doesn't matter." As long as I did get both.
I could have sworn he was smiling g as he passed me the pictures. I closed my hands around the pictures.
"Plot twist!" Elliot exclaimed. "Only half of those photos are from dear Jasmine's funeral. The other half are from Tucker's. See how many lives you ruin, Danny?"
No.
No.
Nonononononononono.
The words rang in my head over and over again. Not Tucker. Not both of them. I needed them. They had relied on me. And I had let them down. Hadn't I promised them I would protect them!? Shouldn't I have prioritized the people I loved over some stupid fucking ghosts? Maybe I hadn't loved them. Maybe I hadn't loved them enough. Certainly, I hadn't loved them the way they deserved. Tears blurred my vision and I couldn't bring myself to care.
"It's just a shame they couldn't be buried together, under the same headstone," Elliot said casually.
His words were so confusing that I wasn't even angry he was still standing outside the cell.
"What?"
"Didn't you know?" Elliot tried to look innocent, but it didn't work for him. "Tucker was fucking your sister."
I didn't know whether I was going to scream or cry or kill him, but anything I might have done was stopped when Sam shouted, "Don't!"
I glanced at her bone white face and then I fell to my knees, hiding my face behind my hands. Fuck everything. I bent down into the stone floor, trying to block out everything. Even so, I couldn't avoid hearing Elliot's final comments.
"And so the hero falls. Oh well. Enjoy your sandwich, Sam."
I heard his footsteps as he left. There was a shuffling sound from inside the cell, and then I felt Sam's small hands against my side, tugging me to her. I fell against her. Jazz was dead. Tucker was dead. My body shook with sobs; tears streamed down my face and into Sam's shoulder. But, somehow, my mind didn't quite believe it. Death couldn't have them. The other side couldn't have them. They were needed here. As selfish as it was to think it, Ineeded them here. I needed them here so that I could make it up to them for never being the brother that Jazz needed me to be or the best friend that Tucker needed me to be.
"They died because of me," I confessed to Sam, crying all the way. If I hadn't been who I was, they would still be safe.
"No, no. It wasn't you," Sam said soothingly, and she rubbed her hand between my shoulder blades. "They loved you."
That was the hardest truth to swallow, because I knew they had and all I had ever done was let them down.
"I didn't love them enough," I cried, "I've never loved anyone properly."
Sam had nothing to say to that.
I don't own anything recognizable. Thanks to my betas: Forever Sky.
~TLL~
