Ranma 1/2 in Konoha's Court
Chapter Three

by Lionheart

-oOoOo-

"Could it be that Sasuke isn't all he ought to be?" one fangirl asked of another.

"Well... I'm sure when his bloodline activates..." another temporized.

"I dunno," a third was shaking her head. "Would that even do it!"

"Of course!" the second declared, offended the other fangirl could doubt. "Having an active Sharingan automatically makes you an Immortal-God-King. The only reason a clan of them didn't rule the entire universe was one of their early members copied the 'Sucking On Your Own Testicles' no jutsu and taught it to the rest. They'd been so busy practicing it ever since they didn't have time for conquering the galaxy!"

The other two looked uncomfortable at this declaration. "I heard that technique had been banned," one of them said.

"An Uchiha can do whatever he wants - it's in the village charter." She showed them a copy and with a couple of "Wow, you're right!" declarations their doubts departed at last.

"Wait! Testicles?" One of the girls stopped, turning to the others. "What about the female Uchiha?"

"The men cast unbeatable illusions to make the women think ass was their favorite flavor, then had them use 'Ass Sucking' no jutsu all of the time. It worked out well for everyone," the second brightly chirruped.

Her other two friends started oozing away from the girl speaking.

"What?" She declared, "What's not to like about that? So long as you think you like it, you like it, right? And, unlike chocolate, it's always cheap and readily available."

"Uh, I gotta go," one of the others sweatdropped.

"Yeah, me too," the other declared, also sweatdropping.

"I'll go with you!" the problem fangirl declared.

"NO!!!" the others burst out in horrified chorus. "We're going... somewhere you can't. Sorry."

And with that, they were gone, leaving one puzzled fangirl behind.

-oOoOo-

Itachi Uchiha glared at his mug, filling it with coffee. They'd made a brief stop in a nowhere village to clean some windows for some quick ready cash, and it had taken mere moments to glance at them all, so now they were done. As he sipped he considered his partner, who was out practicing in a field with his sword.

A bolt of lightning split the heavens as his partner posed, and quoted, "For it so falls out that what we have we prize not worth whilst we enjoy it. But being lacked and lost? Then we rack the value, then we find the virtue that possession would not show us whilst it was ours."

Tatewaki Kuno, aged thirteen, posed staring down the shimmering steel blade of his chakra-stealing katana while the air was split by another bolt of lightning.

The Blue Thunder of Mist's Seven Swordsmen then proceeded to lash out with that Blue Thunder attack of his, splintering trees at a distance of twenty yards or more with dozens of air pressure strikes from his katana while bolts of frightening electrical power lashed out in all directions from the boy, devastating the field.

Itachi yawned. He could see where some thought that impressive, but for entertainment it had nothing on the 'Sucking On Your Own Testicles' no jutsu.

-oOoOo-

Back in Konoha Secundus said nothing as Hinata led him to a private room in a hotel. He figured she didn't want her family knowing about them trading ninja techniques, which made sense what with all of the town hating him just for being alive. He could even agree with her strategy. The longer those who'd object to their mutual jutsu exchanges were kept ignorant that he and Hinata were training each other, the more they could do to mutually support each other and the better ninja they'd turn out to be!

When she'd closed and locked the door he felt nothing but the excited anticipation of being taught something truly impressive!

Then, when she'd lifted her shirt, his eyes kind of drifted downward, latching on to those two globes exposed and bouncing with the motion that revealed them. He'd been prepared for all sorts of sensations on beholding those remarkable orbs. Shock was among them, surprise another as that wasn't what he'd meant at all...

Any second now the martial artist was prepared to have the standard reaction to a naked woman kick in. When they were naked girls were at their most dangerous. His panic reflex in that department was very well trained. He'd be freaking out any second now.

Any second now.

A thin trail of blood leaked down from one of Ranma's nostrils.

Hinata smiled, feeling very flattered that he couldn't stop staring. Many of her self doubts fled as the obvious appreciation mounted. Then, once she was free of her own clothes, she moved to make good on Ranma's promise that she could handle his goods.

-oOoOo-

Sasuke brooded.

This was nothing new. If that boy were to smile half the female population of Konoha would faint in delight, while certain others would take it as a sign of the apocalypse.

Sasuke was after the village record for the longest continuous brood, and had two years more to go to get that title. He wouldn't call it off this early if he could help it. Still, right then he had more reason to brood than his usual set of: his brother, his family, his pet goldfish, the breakfast cereal getting too soggy as he ate it, or the fact that his underpants were several sizes too tight, as he'd never thought to buy more since the day his mom died and the old ones were not only getting rather thin and worn, but they pinched something awful! (he'd had to slit the cloth up both sides so it was only elastic holding them together).

No, that morning he had acquired a whole new reason to brood that had nothing to do with being too embarrassed to go into a store with female clerks to buy new underpants and perhaps save himself from singing soprano in the near future.

Someone had beaten him.

Not just beaten him, they'd beaten him like he was a little girl, like a rented gong, and they'd done it right before the Hokage and their entire graduating class.

This was intolerable! Sasuke had gone in to that match expecting to be fighting a dead last who'd somehow fluked or cheated his way to a better grade; then been soundly defeated. He couldn't even recall being hit, only rushing forward, then waking up in the hospital while medics urgently discussed the reduced blood flow to his constricted privates!

Apparently the multiple contusions, abrasions, and broken bones were nothing to compare to the emergency due to fact that his wearing six year old briefs had endangered his ability to restore his clan.

-oOoOo-

Ranma had a determination to be the best drilled into him from his earliest childhood. He also had an absurdly keen mind (when he actually used it, which his father had trained him not to do except on martial arts and challenges). His ability to analyze foreign techniques, break them down, duplicate them to assimilate and flawlessly incorporate them into his own style, then improve them, was phenomenal - without peer in his world.

Or, likely, this one.

Privately, he was thinking this Sharingan thingy he'd been told about seemed overly cheap. Since it involved no skill it seemed a very poor rip-off of his own ability to learn techniques, giving for free what he'd achieved through natural born intellect and paid for through vast effort, and in some cases quite literal blood, sweat and tears.

Ranma was quite proud of his achievements, and felt some justification for resting on his laurels much of the rest of the time, having already proved to himself and others that he'd accomplished his main goal in life: becoming one of the best martial artists of his generation. Being willing to put himself in ridiculous situations to train, he felt he deserved to relax a bit during the in between times.

However, currently his tactical genius was fully engaged, treating this whole scenario as a challenge - moreover, a rigged one that the contest organizers had intended he lose. Unlike in his own world, he wasn't working to keep the status quo. He wasn't on top of his heap and only looking to fend off challengers so he could keep his position. No, here he was the one at the bottom looking to climb up. He needed to change the status quo to become the best ninja of the village.

Of course, that didn't mean he wouldn't still enjoy stealing quiet moments now and again, where he could get them. And, having accomplished his immediate goals: getting regraded and put on another team, he was taking one of those now, resting on the academy roof watching the clouds go by.

Only until his moment of peaceful repose got rather abruptly interrupted.

He heard the footsteps approaching, but closed his eyes, hoping he could ignore whoever it was. However, when the person came to a stop beside him, then tipped his drink over with a delicate foot, spilling the icy water over his body and triggering a change, he opened his eyes to glare at the offender.

"Nabiki, ya look different as a twelve-year-old."

"So do you," the middle Tendo daughter smirked down on the currently redheaded girl who had been a guest of her family for most of a year.

Ranma's eyes flashed to the ninja headband the other was using as a hairband to keep her much longer cut out of her face. "So yer a ninja, huh? And what's with the hair, anyway? The Nabiki I remember always wore it above her shoulders. Yers looks more like Kasumi's."

The confident mercenary Tendo pulled up a convenient stool and sat down on it. "This was our mother's style. We all wore it while we were younger. Kasumi still does. But I shortened mine when I was in middle school." She flicked a lock. "I guess I'm not that old yet. So for now I guess I'll let it stay as is it. I don't have anyone to cut it, anyway."

"Hm," Ranko barked out a short, noncommittal grunt before closing her eyes again.

Nabiki cocked an eyebrow at this response. "So," she prompted, leaning forward, folding her arms on top of her knees and tapping a foot, "do you know who else made it?"

"Nah," Ranko answered, "you're the first I've met." She opened an eye to examine the slightly older girl. "How 'bout you? Did any of your family come along?"

Nabiki shook her head. "Not in the week I've been here. I had the joy of watching the goof ball you're replacing, though. He was amusing."

The girl expected this to elicit questions, and was quite surprised when the redhead stayed totally silent, almost ignoring her. Her grin faltered a bit.

"So, Ranma..." Nabiki got cut off.

"Nabiki? Whatever ya want, you can forget it. The guy who dropped me here told me that some of the others arriving would have mission goals that conflict with mine, and frankly your name leapt to the front of my mind! You've always been selling me out to get whatever ya could in return, an I DON'T think that's changed now!"

The middle Tendo girl retreated in her seat behind raised arms, startled by the blue-eyed glare that was driving her back.

Just as suddenly she counterattacked, leaning forward and almost shouting, "Ranma! Look, I know I caused you troubles, and I'm sorry, but I'm out of my element here and need some support, and you're the only person I can turn to! The guy who gave me MY briefing said that some of the people we'd meet that we knew from home wouldn't even recognize us! That they wouldn't remember the old world at all! So I don't have a whole lot of people to turn to just now. You're the only one I've met, and anyone else might not remember me!"

Seeing the redhead's disbelieving glare, Nabiki narrowed her gaze and hissed, "Look, you don't have to like it, but I think we were put here to help each other. I don't know about you, living off the land and all, but I'd give my left breast for Kasumi's cooking and cleaning skills right now. I never appreciated before what it meant to have her always around, taking care of things. Now that I can't afford expensive takeout, I'm living on cup ramen, and my place is a pig sty. I always thought of myself as a clean person; after all, my room and things were always tidy. I guess I'd never realized how much of that I owed to Kasumi always following me around, picking up after me and straightening up."

She leveled a glare at him, lest he laugh. "I'm on my last pair of clean panties now. My bed sheets started out dirty, and are starting to smell, but I don't even know how to clean them without a washing machine - which my apartment complex doesn't have."

The girl sighed, folded her arms over her tummy and leaned forward. "Anyway, Saotome, I know the way you eat. I also know the orphan allowance, and the pay rate of genin, and so I know you'll be hurting for food real soon. What do you say we make a deal? We share an apartment. That saves on rent. Then we can split cleaning and cooking duties. Sound fair?"

The redhead cocked her head at the slightly older girl. "I ain't gunna be yer live-in maid, Nabiki."

'Caught!' the mercenary thought guiltily, then hastily amended her terms. "That wasn't what I was thinking at all, Saotome." She idly waved away his concerns. "I was just hoping we could pool our resources because, you know, in most ways two can live as cheaply as one."

She tried to sound bright and hopeful.

Ranko snorted, rolling to face away from her. "Sorry, Nabiki. Every time I've seen you 'pool' anything, the whole resource drains into your pockets."

Silently acknowledging this to be true, Nabiki still fumed that the pigtailed martial artist was choosing THIS moment to grow a backbone! He couldn't have picked a more inconvenient time, as she REALLY needed his help on a few things.

So abandoning the one tack as fruitless, for now, she switched targets. "Okay, Saotome. Let's leave that alone for now. How could a girl go about getting your help on bringing her up to speed on her martial art?"

The pigtailed girl rolled back around to face her, eyes flat and face cold. "Oh? So NOW you want to know martial arts? What brought about this change?"

Silently admitting she had a point to that frosty tone, Nabiki answered warmly and honestly, baring some of her troubles to the somewhat younger girl, "I'm a ninja now, Ranma. Okay, back in our world I got endless use out of playing the 'innocent bystander' card - honorable types like you wouldn't touch me, and you'd protect me from the dishonorable ones. Then my family could always be counted on to protect me from bullies or... people I'd offended. But that's not true here. Civilians are just easier targets than other ninja around the elemental countries. That was quite a shocker, and came as an unpleasant part of my briefing. They dropped me in a week before the tests and it was as much as I could do to pass them. I'd never studied anything so hard in my life, and that was knowing what was on the test."

Ranko actually cocked a semi-interested eye open. "And they didn't give ya the skills of the person ya'd be replacing?"

Nabiki gulped, then admitted, "They did, and told me beforehand that she was one of the anonymous students that was fated to fail either the academy test, or the follow up given by our jonin instructor. They didn't tell me which. I got through the one - just barely, but I need your help to be confident of passing the other."

Ranko considered that for a moment, staring up to the sky thoughtfully. "The guy didn't tell me about there being a test by our team leader. So I guess I owe ya a bit for that - IF it turns out to be true. See ya later, Nabiki."

Seeing the other girl getting up to jump off the roof to escape this conversation, Nabiki blurted, "Ranma, on the day I stop being an active duty ninja my heart will stop, and they won't permit it to be restarted!"

"That's your obstacle. What's your goal?" Ranko asked, eyes narrowed to read her.

Nabiki swallowed, then glanced away, unwilling to answer the question.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Ranko confirmed, backing away. "You ARE here to sabotage me, aren't ya?"

The middle Tendo girl gasped, then quickly pivoted around to face him and tell him that was NOT the case, but the pigtailed prodigy had already vanished.

The girl pouted, growling to herself (not daring to speak it aloud), 'How do you tell someone one of your goals is to never let anyone know your true goals? I fail automatically if I inform anyone what any of my mission goals are - I can't even confirm if they guess them!'

-oOoOo-

Secundus stumbled down a street, a dazed look in his eyes and a glazed smile stuck over his face as he tried to make his way back to the ninja academy for team assignments; his expression the blankness of one whose mind had vanished.

Ranma's internal dialog basically amounted to babbling in horror, pushed to the proverbial mental breaking point under the weight of what he had done. Ranma had a personal code, a bizarre and oft-distorted one, but a code of conduct all the same, and treating women right was one of the highest commandments on it.

Hinata purred as she clutched his side, walking alongside him, returning for the same reason he was. However, all her little happy noises she kept making continually derailed his mental dialog's trying to shout in horror, as her happiness and not having been treated right were mutually exclusive. But what he had done was, by his code, as obviously out of bounds as it was possible to get, so by definition 'not right'. But she was happy, so... and so on around and around in circles until finally caused a rational voice to surface among all his myriad confused suppositions.

His first rational thought in some while was to suspect that some love dust, potion, spell or magical trinket had somehow influenced his behavior, as had, regrettably, occurred quite frequently in the past.

This thought kicked off a whole array of others, but almost instantly resulted in his keen tactical mind sparking to full brilliance and beginning to analyze the situation with every tool at his disposal, picking apart the scene with a thoroughness and adaptive creativity that was downright frightening.

Ranma Saotome learned best when a situation was at its most dire. Ranma had already learned how to convert aspects of his chi training over to that magic stuff through the scrolls that entity guy had left behind. He'd also adapted techniques in mid-combat before.

One part of the 'sixth sense' the more accomplished martial artists were famous for was an ability to sense chi, particularly the powerful chi of an attacker. There were other parts to that, but that was what his tactical mind seized upon in that moment, adapting it as he'd already learned how to do with other parts of his training, and as suddenly as that Ranma Saotome created a new technique to detect magic by sensing for its energies.

That would have been an incredibly useful technique back in Nerima, capable of saving him from countless ambushes, accidents and outright acts of trickery. However, the trouble with that was neither he nor Hinata had anything at all magical about them save for their own natural energy stores, magnified by training. So, denied that one solution to his problem, his awoken genius continued to search for others undeterred, just as though one adapted move had failed to win a fight for him. He just kept searching for one that would.

After running through exhaustive lists of possibilities, from possession to an extreme sense defying illusion, he could find no evidence to support those either.

Finally he'd exhausted the list, narrowing it down to a likely possibility. But it was confusing, because on the one level, Secundus both knew what had gone wrong... and he didn't.

Staring at Hinata in surprise as she'd gotten undressed, waiting for a panic attack that never arrived, his long-neglected hormones had a chance to kick in - and he was a teenage boy. Sure, he'd joked to Akane about the feminine body holding no secrets for him, he did wear one half the time after all. But, as most boys in that age range could tell you, some succulent female flesh was nowhere near enough. The appetite almost always outstripped available supply. And it wasn't like his hormones had been happy with what they'd been getting.

The boy both shuddered and grinned goofily as the word 'stripped' crossed him mind. As if in some sort of psychic harmony with him, Hinata grinned wickedly in satisfaction at her own internal thoughts at the same time.

And, he reflected, his shattered brain still working on connecting events, while his mind had been caught up in expecting a panic attack to hit, those hormones had taken charge for the first time in his fairly short life. That was the part he understood. The part he didn't was...

Why did the panic attack never arrive?

Suddenly he had no more time to consider the question, as his sixth sense for danger warned him just in time to snatch Hinata up in his arms and disappear in a leap - only to be immediately forced to perform a Replacement mid air, with a dumpster getting hit mid-air by a ton of weapons on chains in his place.

"Mousse!!" Hinata cried, shocked out of her own internal reminisces.

"You know him?" Ranma cried out to the girl in his arms in shock.

Hinata looked up at him, startled. "Yes. He's my cousin. How do you?"

Landing on a rooftop and looking at his attacker for the very first time in this world, Ranma noticed the blind duck boy was missing his glasses...

Then the pigtailed boy glanced down, comparing, and confirming a suspicion. Hinata and Mousse somehow had the same white eyes, except the veins on the duck-boy's temples were bulging. Now, wasn't there something Naruto had known about that?

Whatever it was, wasn't coming to the surface easily, and he didn't have time to dredge for it, as he suddenly had to dodge another incoming flurry of swords and chains from the long haired boy attacking them.

Only Ranma found himself blocking with his arms and reinforcing his body with a chi shield as the attack proved to be almost impossible to dodge, and he'd been too startled at its accuracy to perform another Replacement. Even as the onslaught struck he was analyzing clues and deducing what had changed.

In a heartbeat he had it. It wasn't difficult. The 'Normal' Mousse, the one he knew, was only middling accurate, adopting a 'Spray and Pray' philosophy to make up for his inability to really see his targets accurately, sending out wide barrages of tools covering the whole area around his target on the hopes that, out of all of them, some would hit.

However, this Mousse had deadly, pinpoint accuracy on every attack. The barrages were still there, but they were concentrated and well planned, focusing more devastating power on the expected target, as well as cutting off all anticipated routes of escape. And his sight was now clear enough to be picking out subtle nuances of stances that helped him judge where his target would be, even after an attempted dodge.

If his former rival had showed up painted bright yellow and with a pair of trumpet players following him around that would've been less of a difference to Ranma's fine-tuned senses. To him it was as different as a two year old banging on a drum and a refined concert pianist tickling the ivories would be to a fine music aficionado.

It was an easy guess that the new eyes made up the difference. Even with his glasses, the old Mousse had been half blind. Maybe perfect vision was his signing bonus?

Regardless, it was enough to bump him up several levels on the threat-o'-meter.

When Secundus landed, he put Hinata down carefully, as he didn't want to get popped while carrying her at high speed through the air. Normally that wouldn't be a problem, he could fight the ordinary Mousse while carrying a damsel if he had to. But this new one was waaay different, and deserved his concentrated attention.

Stepping away from the girl, focused on his rival, confirmed that he was the target anyway, so no point in involving the girl in what was not her fight - the guy was after him, after all. And, quite frankly, Ranma was eager to see what new stuff his old rival could do, and what the duck boy had learned when he'd gotten dumped in this world.

All these realizations and evaluations happened lightning fast. The fight was barely two seconds long, and one flaw of Mousse's that HADN'T changed was his need to reset a bit after each volley attack, rewinding his chains, although even that seemed to a bit different... more efficient. A touch faster, not like it had ever taken him more than a second anyway.

No, this guy deserved a much higher ranking on the Saotome threat-o'-meter, at least until he could figure out new patterns or weaknesses to his attacks.

When the next barrage came Secundus was ready, and even then got caught unprepared by the way Mousse had anticipated him. It looking like that 'seeking out patterns' was going two ways. He'd have to be more careful of this Mousse than he'd thought! And he shouldn't have gotten careless, treating him as though he were still half blind.

"What?!" Ranma shouted out with disdain as a distraction as he dodged half the latest barrage, blocking all the rest with a pair of kunai in his hands, one or two still striking off his chi shield regardless of this effort. "Hey Mousse, ain't ya gunna yell somethin about 'yer darling Shampoo' er nothin? Why so silent on yet attack? How'd ya get away from Cologne, anyway?"

Mousse snarled and resumed his assault, forcing Ranma to concentrate on dodging just to stay intact, and eventually pulling another Replacement to get behind the guy and out of the latest field of fire.

Mousse shot back chains as though he could tell in an instant where Ranma had gone, like he'd even practiced facing opponents in three hundred and sixty degrees!

But it was the duck-boy's words that really struck Ranma. "Hair care products and how I smell have nothing to do with this fight, whoever you are! I can see the evidence with my own eyes! You have defiled the Heir of the Hyuga Clan! For this you must DIE!!"

'He doesn't know who I am?' Ranma froze just long enough in shock to be hit by a barrage of chained weapons, and vanished in a puff of smoke.

-oOoOo-

Back in the classroom, Primus, the original Ranma, got struck by the dispersing clone's memories and had his head thrown back as his nose exploded in a massive gush of blood.

Recovering himself (and silently amazed at what Hinata had done with Secundus), the boy managed to staunch the flow of blood. Ignoring the stares all around him, he raised a hand and asked the teacher, "Hey, Iruka! Do you know a guy with white eyes and long black hair who wears robes all of the time? Hinata said he was her cousin."

The academy teacher smiled. "Yes, Ranma. That would be Mousse, a prodigy in the Branch Family Hyuga. Her father and his were twin brothers. He was last year's Rookie of the Year, and is quite famous for his amazing fighting prowess. How do you know him?"

"Jerk just killed one of my clones," Primus mumbled, wiping away the last evidence of his nosebleed.

Looking back up at the teacher, he smiled charmingly. "Hey, Iruka? Since we all have to wait for the Hokage to get done with this meeting he's in anyway, why don't you help us review some chakra exercises and stuff?"

-oOoOo-

Author's Notes:

Some remember, some don't. Why? Because with some characters I've got to avoid the sense of camaraderie that comes from a "we're all in this together" sensation. Besides, Ranma needed some threats and rivals, and the Naruto-verse has too many uncaring angst machines. It could stand to see a few switched out for a bit of color.