Chapter 16

Rey entered her room first and coached herself to remain calm as Ben followed her in. He had been uncharacteristically quiet on the way back from the diner, walking beside her so closely that his hand brushed hers several times before she grasped her other arm to avoid the chaos his touch was causing to her emotions. However, he never said a word.

Ben shut the door quietly behind him, but did not come farther into the room. Rey knelt down and began picking up the clothes that had been left in a mess on the floor so she wouldn't have to face him right away. He did not move to help her, and Rey knew that her odd behavior had not escaped his notice. She finished what she was doing, took a deep breath, and checked that the muscles in her face were relaxed before she stood to face him.

He leaned against the closed door, studying her with a blank expression and intense eyes. She met his gaze, desperately trying to keep her breathing even and not betray her aching heart. Growlie's flight from Ben's shoulder to a chair was the only movement, and even that did not shift their eyes.

"I'm waiting for you to tell me what's wrong," Ben said. Rey hugged herself and looked away. "You're afraid of something. What?"

How did he know she was afraid? Rey hastily checked her mental shield, but it was still in place. He hadn't infiltrated it. She felt some pride at having come so far so quickly, but her pride was quickly lost amidst her inner turmoil.

Her momentary confusion must have shown on her face though, because he shook his head and said, "I do not need the force to read your expression. You look scared. What are you afraid of?"

She was frightened of her feelings for him, but she couldn't tell him that. Ben pulled himself away from the door, and Rey stepped back without thinking. He froze, staring at her more intently now, if possible.

"You're frightened of me," he said, the surprise evident in his voice. "There's no need to be." He paused with a thoughtful expression. "It has been a while since I took a new student. Was my training too harsh?"

Rey shook her head abruptly to that. This topic, at least, was safe. "No, no… not at all. I did have an awful headache for a time, but eating dinner helped that and it's amazing to know I can defend myself now," she said. "Thank you."

Ben took another step forward, and Rey forced herself not to move. "If not that, then what? You were fine before we started training. You seemed fine when we kissed-"

He broke off speaking as Rey abruptly looked away and began fidgeting with her hands.

"The kiss. I don't understand," Ben said. "You wanted the kiss. I could see it in your mind."

Rey looked back up at him and saw that, while his voice was calm, agitation laced his features. "I was curious," she said, since it was true at the time and less terrifying than what she learned of her feelings afterwards.

"Curious?!" Ben growled. He turned and slammed the wall behind him with the back of his fist several times before facing her darkly. He stalked towards her. Rey gasped and scrambled backwards, collapsing on the bed. She recalled then that she had thought him unstable when they first met. He had always been so calm and understanding with her since then that she had forgotten.

Ben leaned over her with the grace and fury of a tiger. "Is there anything else you're curious about, Rey? Have I sufficiently satisfied your curiosity of carnal pleasure?"

Rey flinched away from him and covered her head with her arm. Having his fury directed at her stung her to her core, and her mental defenses crumbled as she sobbed in earnest. "I'm sorry," she said, hardly knowing what she was apologizing for. "I didn't mean for you to kiss me," she added, trying to calm him down since he seemed angry at her for being curious.

He froze, closed his eyes, and flexed his grip in the sheets on either side of her. "Put your shield up."

Rey looked at him dumbly. Was the shield really that important right now?

"Put your shield up!" he snarled. "I don't know how long I can hold myself back from invading your mind to find out exactly who inspired you to be so curious about kissing, and I don't know what I'll do to him if I find out. Put. Your. Shield. Up."

Rey blinked, and she removed her arm to stare at Ben curiously. Why would he think she was thinking about kissing someone else? Why would he care if she was? "You sound jealous," she said, not meaning for the remark to sting, though Ben did flinch. Her eyes widened.

"Put your shield up," Ben repeated, though his breathing had grown calmer while she watched him. The anger fled his face to be replaced by anguish. "Please, Rey. Don't tempt me to do something that would hurt you."

Rey gaped, then scooted back so that she could sit up to face him. "You are jealous," she said in wonder. The entirety of their afternoon together started clicking as she recalled all his attempts to casually touch her during dinner and then the hand-brushing when walking back.

"Rey, please put up your shield," Ben said and knelt down so that he was imploring her from below now. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against her knees. "Please."

Rey studied his abject form and reached a hand out to brush through his hair before she realized what she was doing. She froze, mid-reach, still trying to process what was happening here. She had been afraid he kissed her out of pity or trickery, but if so, would he be angry that she had been curious or jealous that she might want someone else?

No, he wouldn't.

She let her hand fall to her lap and sighed deeply as she accepted that she had misunderstood things greatly and caused them both pain in the process, and she knew what to do to clear things up between them. "No, I won't put up my shield," she said and tried to make her mind as open as possible, for she knew firsthand that his invasion hurt when met with resistance.

Ben looked up from her knees with a puzzled expression on his face. "You want me to look," he said with a mix of fear and awe. Rey inclined her head and gave him an encouraging smile. He stared at her, but he didn't reach out with the force, so she took his hand into her own and held it against her head until she felt him reaching out. He was clearly scared, but she trusted he would take the chance.

This time, the invasion came as a caress, and she gently tugged his inquiry into her thoughts, showing him how nervous she had been, how much he had consumed her thoughts of late, and how terrified she had been to believe that her own newly discovered feelings had been unrequited.

"No one else?" she heard him say hoarsely, though he was still wrapped in her mind.

"No one else," she confirmed, revealing a touch of how miserable she suspected she would be to have Poe or Finn as her companion. Afterwards, she gently removed Ben from her mind and reformed her shield.

"My turn," he said, taking her hand in his, and she felt him open his mind to her.

She tried to go as gently as he did, but he grimaced when she entered his thoughts all the same. "Sorry," she said.

"I do not mind it for you," he replied, and he brought her through his thoughts, and she realized that he had felt strongly for her since her first saw her, though the nature of his feelings had grown immensely as he had gotten to know her.

She withdrew from his mind and gazed at him, blushing from head-to-toe as she realized how intimate that exchange had been. Ben put his mental shield back up and brought her hand to his lips, kissing it gently before setting it back down within his own.

"What now?" Rey asked, rubbing her thumb over the flesh of his hand. She had no experience with relationships, nor did she know what to call her connection with Ben, but she knew they had gone far beyond friendship with their exchange just now.

Ben glanced at her lips and back to her eyes. "Now I want to kiss you so thoroughly that you never again doubt my desire for you." He slowly straightened up on his knees so that they were approximately the same height and gazed at her. "May I?"

"Yes," Rey said, and she leaned forward to meet his lips. This kiss started off the same as the first one, and she chose to let Ben lead to see where he would take it. As time went on and nothing really changed, Rey realized that Ben might actually know less about kissing than she did. She pulled apart and looked at him. "Is it okay if I try something more intense?"

He eyed her suspiciously, but nodded.

Rey knew she had heard other scavengers talk about the pleasure of exchanging tongue before. She had never experienced it, but she could guess as to the basics of how it went.

This time, when she kissed him, she opened her mouth to lick his lips. He gasped, and she slipped her tongue in to caress his own. His eyes widened with shock. Rey had a half second to wonder if she had gone too far before he ferociously invaded her mouth with his own tongue as if starving for contact with her. There was discomfort as they bumped teeth occasionally, but the pleasure at being so intimate at last greatly outweighed it, and as the kiss went on, they found a rhythm that felt good without the awkward clashing.

She reached up to wrap her arms around his wide shoulders and pulled herself to him so that they were flush against each other. Ben moaned in pleasure and broke the kiss, breathing hard as he gazed at her with flushed lips. Rey imagined they matched her own.

"I think I understand now why so many of the force regimes forbade intimacy," Ben said. Rey's eyes widened in shock. She had not even heard of any such a restriction, though the knowledge confirmed her suspicion that she was not Jedi material instead of invoking any sense of shame in what they had shared together. "I could do this forever instead of training."

Rey sighed. She had forgotten what their original purpose was in coming together that night. "Right, training."

She slipped away from him, closed her eyes, and entered meditation to calm her body, mind, and heart. She sensed Ben do the same on the floor in front of her, and when their breathing finally matched a safe, normal pace, she opened her eyes again to meet his.

"So how do I defend my mind in my sleep?"


Couldn't resist making the kissing awkward and somewhat realistic for two people who likely have never kissed before. :D

Hope you enjoy the read! Please review. :)

On an unrelated note, I've been reading the official novelization of The Force Awakens. So many little tidbits not in the movie! Holy cow! Check it out if you get a chance!