Chapter 2:

Orange Mayhem

It first started with Team 10.

Chouji hadn't been hard to defeat. Naruto simply gave him a bag of chips laced with sleep-inducing substances and it was over within minute.

He offered flowers to Ino, under a disguise. "They come from Sasuke-sama," he affirmed, as she practically ripped them from his hands. She had inhaled them… and fainted.

Shikamaru surrendered, wisely deciding fighting was both pointless and dangerous when Naruto pulled out a knife.

Then, Naruto went after Team 8, which proved to be a tougher target.

Shino had spotted the infiltrator in less than five minutes, asking why he was being stalked in a dark alley. Unfortunately for the Aburame, the blonde had already closed the gap by the time he had finished his statement. The insect wannabe got surprised when Naruto knocked him out with a handkerchief wet with chloroform. As expected, the boy's over reliance on chakra-draining animals proved to be his downfall when facing a chakra-less opponent.

Ambushing Kiba had been a bit difficult, as Akamaru apparently spotted the perfume Naruto used to mask his odor. Fortunately, Kiba's cockiness made him ignore the dog's barking until it was too late.

Naruto used the occasion to try his anti-Inuzuka tear gas. The new product, extracted from chili, of all plants, had proved itself efficient in irritating Akamaru's underdeveloped tear ducts. With goggles protecting his eyes, Naruto had fought blind and confused opponents, with predictable results.

Hinata simply dropped on the spot upon recognizing Naruto. "It was… anticlimactic," he whispered upon transporting the girl to the jounin bar.

Then, he went after Team 7.

Naruto simply had to pull the same trick he used on Ino to neutralize Sakura. Her teammates were harder to deal with.

Keeping Sasuke for the very end, Naruto focused on his last teammate. The guy, called Sai, looked like an average raven-haired guy with black eyes and black clothes and black boots and probably black underwear as well. Yes, he was an emo. As if Sasuke wasn't bad enough. I've just insulted all emos in the world...

Naruto, however, discovered two creepy elements on the guy: first, he always smiled, disturbingly so, and the genin found nothing on him. No academy report, no family, no background, nothing.

As Naruto never ever saw him at school and that the Sandaime placed him on the last Uchiha's team, it was pretty obvious he was either an ANBU or someone equally dangerous. Direct fighting was out of question. Hence, Naruto took the reasonable option.

"Hey, Sai-kun, if I told you your sensei sent me to kidnap you, would you mind playing along?"

The Uchiha Compound

Sasuke wasn't happy with his new team.

He had ended with a fangirl. The worst of the lot. Sakura was completely useless, and Kakashi wiped the floor with her at the very beginning of the bell test. She showed no prowess, no bloodline, no skill. Sasuke didn't give her a week to live outside the walls.

Sai was incredibly annoying. When the guy's first line was to call him a duckling with a little penis and then explain he thought it was good for socializing, Sasuke realized he wasn't well in his head. Fortunately, he was competent, showing surprising agility, intelligence, and an interesting technique. Sasuke would stay wary of paintings from now on.

Kakashi may be an incredibly powerful ninja, but he was ridiculously lazy and late. Did he really have to arrive three hours late every single time? Worst, he didn't teach them any worthwhile techniques, simply 'teamwork exercises'. It had been three days and the team had made no progress.

Sasuke shook his head, as he sat in his empty kitchen. The group had passed the bell test only because they had managed to work together and elaborate a make-shift plan ten minutes away from the time limit. The Uchiha didn't give the team a month before it fell apart.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when someone threw a gas bomb through the kitchen's windows.

Sasuke quickly escaped into his house's hallway, only to be welcomed with a punch in the face. His eyes hurt, and he found himself crying. Him, who thought he had already wept enough for an entire life. Struggling with his bad eyesight, The Uchiha attempted to defend himself, but his temporary disability and the size of the hallway put him into a disadvantageous position.

The enemy was a black blur, the movements fast and flawless. Sasuke struggled not to groan, as the attacker pierced his skin with what looked to be Senbon. "Who are you?" the prodigy snarled, feeling dizzied. Shit, the Senbon are poisoned. "What do you want?"

"I hate your guts, Sasuke," a familiar voice replied, before knocking him out with a last Senbon to the neck. "It's as simple as that."

Jounin's Bar

"Told you he would beat them all," Anko gloated to the other Jounin. "Now give me my cash!"

"That's… disappointing," Kakashi Hatake spoke, appraising his bound and gagged genin with a sharp glare. Well, except Sai, who wasn't even restrained. "Wait a second, why are you free?"

The Root agent's smile didn't waver. "Uzumaki-san told me he was abducting me on your orders, so I decided to play along. I wanted to confirm the claim and rescue my teammates in case of danger, and fighting him was more trouble than it was worth. Staying free and observing was the best solution." The power of diplomacy! Naruto inwardly mused.

"Seriously, Asume-sensei, couldn't you find another bet?" Shikamaru whined at his team commander.

The Sarutobi shrugged his shoulder, freeing his other students. "I thought you would defeat him. I was planning on using the money from the bet to invite you three to the city's best restaurant."

While Chouji instantly forgave his teacher, Ino's expression was one of pure betrayal. "You… Asuma-sensei, you wagered on us?"

"Anko bet Naruto could capture all of you, so each of us wagered our team would be the one to take him down." Kurenai shrugged, freeing the drowsy Kiba. "I didn't expect him to attack you one on one. Or deal with you so casually."

Good thing Gai wasn't here to bet, Naruto nodded to himself. Lee would have trashed him, and defeating Tenten would have been difficult. Neji, he could deal with, but the Hyuuga's teammates were his worst opponents to fight against. Rock Lee was faster, stronger, and insanely durable. Tenten had a bigger arsenal and had knowledge of nearly all of the blonde's tricks, having helped design most of them.

"That… that hurts…" Kiba cried, Akamaru growling. "What the… hell was that, Naruto?"

"Ah, just one of my newest anti-you weapons," the teen shrugged, keeping another tear gas bomb in his pocket, in case Kiba were to lose his temper. His 'civilian' clothing, consisting of orange pants, a vest of the same color with black sleeves, over a black shirt, was full of hidden weapons. Naruto didn't believe in risk, only in preparations. "Sorry for you and Akamaru, it was just business. I would have had to hurt you pretty bad otherwise."

"You cheated," Sasuke rasped, freeing himself on his own. His voice was full of rage. "You took us by surprise and poisoned us."

"I'm a ninja. I've never learned fair-play."

Dango Restaurant

"So…" Anko trailed off. "Do you want your share?"

"Nah, I want info." Naruto briefly glanced at the Dango in front of him, wondering if offering it to Anko would tame her violent urges. "I'm rich enough to buy anything I want. I didn't go through the trouble of 'capturing' nine genins for cash." He crossed his arms. "What. Is. The. Uzumaki. Clan?"

When he had asked the question for the first time, the infiltrator got no answer. So he kept pestering his mentor during the training regiment until she gave in, trading answers against his help in her latest scheme. Naruto had reluctantly agreed, as the other solution was beating her in a serious fight and extracting information the hard way, which was out of his reach for the moment.

Naruto could barely hide the wounds under his shirt. Sarutobi hadn't lied when he had presented Anko as a tough teacher. Their 'duels' had boiled down to the snake lady knocking him out in one blow. As expected, Naruto couldn't resist chakra-enhanced punches, and the jounin was way out of his league once taking him seriously. The Uzumaki's best hope was staying at distance and employing extreme overkill against her with explosives.

So far it hadn't worked.

"Alright, alright… I'm speaking." Anko glanced around herself, as if she was being spied on. "It's classified information," the jounin whispered on a low volume. "S-Rank information. I didn't get many details from my source, so you will have to deal with vagueness."

"I'll figure it out. I have spent years trying to find anything on my family without any result." He lowered his gaze. The Sandaime himself had refused to talk on the subject. "It is about the Kyuubi? Something I shouldn't hear?"

"I'm not even sure you're related to them, so it's only guesswork." The crazy jounin pushed away her dango, making Naruto shiver. Was it so important she was willing to interrupt her meal? "The Uzumaki weren't really a clan. Most clan have at least one hundred members active at a time, some like the Hyuuga reach five hundred. The Uzumaki were never more than ten at any point in their history."

Anko cupped her hands together. "From what I've learned, they were a family of expert seal-crafters, pioneers in the world of Fuuinjutsu. If my source is to be believed, they designed the original arrays used for demon sealing."

Naruto nodded. "I suppose the Yondaime was inspired by their works?"

"He more or less copied them," Anko spoke. "Simply understanding their art is already a feat in itself, let alone replicating it. Some of their seals could create artificial whirlpools they commanded to defend their Land, the Land of Whirlpool. Yes, really original."

"Never heard of that country."

"It doesn't exist anymore." Anko shrugged. "The Land of Whirlpool was a small island with a Hidden Village called Uzushiogakure. If the name doesn't ring any bell, it's because it was notoriously isolationist. The Uzumaki themselves were a clan among many living there, if a bit recognizable. One day, back in the era of the Shinobi Wars, the whole country was destroyed. As in, it sank."

"How?" How could it be possible to sink an island? "An attack by a demon vessel?"

"Who can tell? The survivors were scattered and most didn't remember how they managed to survive in the first place. I bet it was some kind of sealing experiment that went horribly wrong. The country was destroyed, the Uzumaki Clan wiped out, and it faded from memory altogether. The arrays causing whirlpools are still active, allowing us to guess the location of the sunken island… and that's all I know."

Naruto began to put the pieces of information together. If the Uzumaki did design demonic seals, the secrecy could be justified. Why not inform him of his lineage then? Something was wrong. "How did you get the info?"

"From an old friend of mine, living across the sea. I asked for info after… after my old teacher went crazy. Short story, he gave me something that makes me unreliable in the eyes of Konoha. It's why I've an entry in the Bingo Book, in spite of not being a missing-nin... in case I have to be taken down. I thought sealing could cure me." Anko growled, and Naruto guessed it was a subject not to be opened. "You want to meet her?"

"I doubt anyone else would answer my questions."

"Point taken. Well… I can arrange a meeting with her. I owe you one for making Kakashi drop his perverted book for a minute."

Naruto grinned ear to ear. That's why she proposed the bet, the cash was a bonus. "And what is the name of this woman?"

Anko chuckled. "I tend to call her 'bloody flower', but she prefers Mei Terumi."

The teen blinked. "Mei Terumi? The Mei Terumi? The S-Rank kunoichi from Kiri? The only person recorded with two Kekkei Genkai?"

"And my old pal back in my Chuunin Exam," Anko smirked. "I've kept in contact with her for years. If the Hokage allows me, we could pay her a visit."

Hokage's Office

"Denied."

"Why, old man?" Naruto fulminated.

"Because you have already been selected for a mission." The Hokage shrugged at his adoptive grandson's crushed expression. Anko simply nodded, accepting the situation. "One of the utmost importance."

Naruto calmed himself and deepened in his seat. "B-rank?"

"A-rank." The blonde's jaw dropped. "You might be surprised I chose a genin to carry out this mission, but the reason is, you have all the skills needed to succeed, and I trust you. Of course, you will be put under supervision."

Sarutobi crossed his fingers. "You have all met Mizuki, I presume?"

"The Academy teacher? Yeah, never appreciated him." Anko narrowed her eyes. "I haven't seen him for a while. He has been missing?"

"No, killed." Sarutobi replied. "The ANBU was watching over him for months, due to suspicions of betrayal. As it turned out, he was a mole working for a mysterious employer, alongside a fake genin called Kabuto Yakushi, whose current location is unknown. Mizuki managed to trade away something before his client had him murdered to cover its tracks, making it pass as a suicide." The Hokage's face turned serious. "Blood samples, and documents."

"Of the Academy's students?" Naruto guessed, piecing back the puzzle. "I see, he got them during medical examinations of students, or upon giving first aid after physical training. Including Sasuke and Hinata, I presume?"

"It's obvious the mastermind wants to get his or her hands on Kekkai Genkai, or at least analyze them," Anko whispered. "You want us to investigate?"

"No. The ANBU and our Hunter-nin division are already on the case."

"Then this is about the documents?" Naruto guessed. "What did Mizuki steal exactly?"

"Classified information on the ninjas currently working as the Fire Daimyo's bodyguards, the Twelve Guardians. Information which, in the eyes of the Daimyo, does not exist." Sarutobi lit his pipe and let the smoke fill his lungs. "I believe Mizuki's employer is planning to assassinate our main source of funding, and I have a pretty good guess why."

Sarutobi lowered his head. "In one week, the Fire and Wind Daimyos will have a summit in the Land of Rivers, and will sign a treaty confirming our countries' alliance by strengthening our economic exchanges. Mizuki's employer, a Hidden Village most likely, probably intends to have our Daimyo killed before it can happen. We need to capture the assassins to learn their affiliation."

"Since changing or increasing the escort would alert the employer Konoha is aware of the scheme, this leaves us with one solution," Naruto whispered. "Infiltrating the summit."

"Yes. You will serve as support for the ANBU officially deployed and try to assure the safety of the Daimyo." Sarutobi blew out a cloud of smoke. "I want you to focus on the investigation. Try finding who the assassins might be working for, what are their means. Check the food and drinks, the background of the staff, everything. The danger will end after the summit, or so I hope, but meanwhile you will stay under the radar. Two of our operatives will serve as back-up." The Sandaime locked eyes with Naruto. "As this is your first mission as infiltrator, you will be asked to carry on the simplest, less dangerous tasks. You will obey every order given by the other operatives. Understood?"

"Understood. Do I have the authorization to use untested yet lethal weapons in case things go horribly wrong? Please?"

"I don't micro-manage."

The Third Training Ground

"Lower, faster, target the eyes." Anko's words resonated in the meadow, as they continued their knife battle. "The breasts work too. The neck is a easier target. The jugular, cut the jugular."

"Believe me, I'm trying. You're hard to kill, crazy sensei." While Naruto was proficient with a knife, he couldn't match Anko. Worse, she wasn't attacking, simply defending, as if her student was a minor annoyance at best. He attempted to kick her legs to make her trip, without any effect.

"Smart move," Anko noted, disarming him with a precise swing. "You're good. With enough time, you may become a challenge."

"Nice, except, how am I supposed to keep up? You use chakra to increase your speed."

"If you have a better reach and corner me well, my speed won't be enough to defend myself effectively. Think like a predator, student. Attack the prey at its weakest. Flank, kill, and don't speak. Be silent and target the vital areas as soon as possible."

Naruto frowned. "Jackass, I heard you coming. Get out of the bushes."

The person grumbled, and obeyed. The blonde instantly recognized him. "Sasuke… what are you doing here?"

The Uchiha glared at him, and took the time to politely nod at Anko. "I want a rematch. Straight fight this time."

"We're ninjas, we never fight straight," Naruto sneered, Anko staring at the scene in silence. "If you can't understand that, you better drop your current job and turn civilian, bastard."

Sasuke scowled, managing to keep his calm. "Why do you hate me?"

That struck a nerve. "Figure it out yourself."

"You disliked me the moment we met at the Academy," Sasuke spoke. "We never exchanged more than insults, and you said yourself you hated me. I do not remember doing anything to you, so I would like to know why."

Naruto growled. "Isn't it obvious? I hate people like you, who act almighty because they're the scions of clans, have shiny bloodlines and never struggled to earn anything."

Sasuke's jaw clenched. "You have no idea what you're talkin-"

"Ah yeah? It took me years to master my Taijutsu moves, while it will take you, what, seconds, to learn them with your Sharingan!" Naruto spat. "Your family is made of thieves!"

He saw the punch coming, but didn't move fast enough to dodge.

Tasting the blood shedding from his lip, Naruto glared at Sasuke. "You have made the dumbest mistake of your life." He punched Sasuke's nose, and engaged him into a vicious fistfight.

Well, it was a fistfight until Naruto kicked the Uchiha between the legs. Then it devolved into a non-family friendly brawl.

They fell on the ground, kicking, punching and biting the hell out of the other. On one hand, thanks to his Chakra enhanced blows, Sasuke was physically stronger and somewhat faster. On the other hand, Naruto had far more experience in brawls and kept his ground.

In the end, Anko stepped in and knocked them out.

Upon awakening, Naruto found himself bound and tied to a stump. He glanced around himself, and locked eyes with Sasuke, trapped in a similar position. Anko was observing them with a serious expression. "Hey, crazy sensei, release me!"

"No." The snake lady narrowed her eyes. "You two are going to stay there until you're calmed. And don't make the wounded puppy eyes student, I invented the trick."

Naruto sighed as she left. "I hope you're happy, bastard," he whispered to his fellow prisoner.

Sasuke snorted. "You insulted my clan, what did you expect, dead-last?"

"For you to accept the truth. You belong to a clan of leeches."

The Uchiha sneered. "You aren't the only to have had it rough."

"Oh yeah? I'm born without Chakra. I'm never going to breath fire like I've seen you doing." Sasuke's face was priceless. "What did you expect? Yes, I spied on your training. I wanted to take you on long before Anko asked me to. To prove myself I could beat you in spite of my shortcomings."

Sasuke's stare turned dark. Naruto didn't manage to read his stoic expression. "I see."

"No, you do not see. You cannot understand."

Sasuke took his breath. "I understand, because I have a similar goal." He stared into the horizon. "There is a man I want to kill. Someone I fear, someone so strong an army isn't enough to stop him."

Naruto understood immediately. "Your brother?"

"He isn't my brother," Sasuke spat with anger, immediately calming himself thereafter. "That man is a monster. A psychopath who massacred his own parents and left me alive because I wasn't worth his time."

The bitter tone left Naruto speechless. Never before had he considered things under that angle. "I… I thought you weren't present. Info on the massacre has been scarce."

"I was present, and too weak to make a difference." Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Run, foolish brother. Cling to your life. Hate me. One day, you may be worth the time of a day. He told me that, and I survived. I trained, and endured, vowing I would avenge my family one day." He stopped. "Why am I telling you this? You never had a family to lose."

While the last jab hurt, Naruto ignored it and focused. "I… well, I guess it's the tiredness that freed your tongue." With a thrust, the blonde let the restrains fall, much to Sasuke's shock. The orange genin laughed. "What can I say? I'm good at escapes."

He walked away to recover his knife, still laying on the ground. "Now, let's cut your ropes." Once done, the Uchiha let go a shiver of happiness. "So?"

"So what?"

"So do you want your rematch?"

Sasuke, for once, smiled.

Ichiraku's

"Friendship at first punch?" Ayame blinked.

"Pretty much," Naruto shrugged, whereas Sasuke simply snorted. "Think, Ayame-chan: you and Teuchi-san are the only people that haven't, at any point in your life, kicked my ass. Even the old man got around it. I believe I have sadomasochistic tendencies." Both the waitress and the Uchiha shuddered. "Not in that way, damn it!"

"You will have to forgive me if I have doubts," the waitress replied. Hard to blame her, both genin looked like hell. "You do enjoy getting hurt."

"It helps build pain tolerance." He searched into one of his pockets, finding his modified military pill. Swallowing it, Naruto ignored the bitter taste and Sasuke's inquisitive gaze. "I can't freeze in pain mid-battle. I've tried using morphine and… it ended badly. Cut myself without even realizing it."

Ayame shrugged, muttering curses under her breath. The Uchiha glanced at Naruto. "It's not a normal soldier pill."

"You think, genius? It's one of my self-made customized brands. It speeds up the activity of my cells, curing in minutes damage that would take hours to heal. Side-effects include an increased need of nutriments and limited hypoglycemia. Aka, I starve and I need to eat." He swallowed his ramen. "Standard soldier pills have better results, but unfortunately don't work on me. Yes it sucks."

Actually... not that much. Naruto hadn't been entirely honest with Anko: most of his funds weren't gained by cheating at poker, but by selling new brands of medicines to civilian companies. The genin had then proceeded to become a key investor of a large, reliable firm, which indirectly paid for most of his expenses.

"I see. Don't you see medics? They may have better results... although I doubt they could fix your ugly face."

"I hate medics." After all, they were quite rejoiced upon outlining his special 'illness' to the Hokage. "I prefer to depend on myself in a battle. Call me a loner if you want, but it's how I am. I don't go to hospitals any time I'm crying, unlike a certain someone..."

Sasuke nodded, willfully ignoring the last jab. He understood the blonde, having a similar work ethic himself. "You would be a good hunter-nin."

Naruto appreciated the compliment. "I would, if I could run as fast as most ninjas. Nah, I'm gunning for the ANBU."

The Uchiha blinked. "The ANBU?"

"Yep, it's impossible to enter it with my particularity. Who cares? I'll make the impossible possible. I will make the world give up on making me give up." He smirked at Sasuke's astonishment. "What do you want, my motto is be efficient, be determined, always have a plan."

Sasuke snorted. "My own is shorter: kill him."

"... I'm going to enjoy saying this: you aren't going to succeed. Remember, I kicked your ass by taking you by surprise and our 'straight' fight had the same results. Yes, I used tear gas each time, but frankly, don't expect he who must not be named to fight fair."

"I would love to improve, but my teacher is incompetent and my team weird." Sasuke sighed. "Why can't I get real training?"

"Oh, I can provide you training." Naruto grinned sadistically. "I have some youthful genin to present you."

Forest of Death

"I'm going to kill you, jerk."

"Later, jackass," Naruto replied, dodging a kunai aimed at his head. Tenten didn't waste time, throwing wave after wave of weapons at the duo. Sasuke somehow managed to dodge them, making Naruto wonder if Tenten was getting sloppy. She had overall one hundred percent chance of hitting her targets. Naruto could avoid them thanks to refined reflexes and experience, but the Uchiha had no such excuse.

In the end, the blonde tossed a smoke bomb at the kunoichi, allowing the duo to get away. They fled and hid in the brushes. Naruto opened his bag, drawing two of his green forest camouflage uniforms. "Take one. I'm not letting her beat you... I reserve the pleasure for myself alone."

"When you said we were going to do target practice, you didn't say we were the targets," Sasuke grumbled, reluctantly switching clothes. "Why is she so mad at you? Is she your old girlfriend and you dumped her?"

"Well, I pranked her hard after my graduation and she needs to vent her frustration." He locked eyes with Sasuke and blinked. "Hey… your eyes are red."

The Uchiha's Sharingan swirled, and the prodigy smirked in realization. "I understand why I could see the weapons coming, now…"

"I suppose your eyes kicked in when keeping track of hundreds of weapons became necessary. Couldn't survive on your own, loser?" It made Naruto jealous. Kekkei Genkai were real game breakers. "Even your super-reflexes won't be enough to keep up with Tenten-chan if she unleashes her big techniques. You better take her down by surprise, while I dispose of Neji. I'm pretty much his natural predator. This will leave Lee to deal with. With a few tricks, we might take him down."

"Might?"

"Let's be honest: in a straight fight, nothing short of a jounin can beat Lee once he gets serious. Fighting dirty is our only hope." He noticed Neji walking in the distance. How fortunate, they were outside his Byakugan's range. "Let's go."

As Sasuke left to deal with Tenten, Naruto, his outfit meshing with vegetation, skirted Neji, going at great lengths to stay outside the Byakugan's vision. Once behind the Hyuuga, Naruto seized a kunai, strapped it with explosive tags, lit them with his lighter, and aimed at Neji's head.

As expected, the Gentle Fist prodigy saw the sneak attack coming and dodged, leaving the weapon to destroy a nearby tree. "Your tricks are getting old, Naru-" Neji shut his mouth the blonde closed the gap between them. The teen's punch barely missed, engaging the Hyuuga in close combat.

Of course, this was suicidal. The Hyuuga's style was feared for a reason, and engaging them in Taijutsu duels was begging for a trashing. With a few strikes, Neji could cripple a ninja's Chakra circulatory system, turning enemies into paraplegics.

Too bad for him Naruto's Tenkentsu never worked to begin with.

Neji's entire fighting style was centered on depriving the enemy of chakra. Of depriving one of something Naruto never had and lived without. He was, to put it bluntly, the worst opponent for a Hyuuga to face. Save the Kaiten, none of their techniques could harm him.

Of course, Neji wasn't dumb enough to rely only on his Byakugan. Gai had taught him a variant of the Gentle Fist to defend himself, adding in versatility. This fighting style focused on targetting the pressure points of a body and the nerves, which had the potential to immobilize an opponent. Unfortunately for the Hyuuga, he wasn't as proficient with it than with the Gentle Fist, and lacked Naruto's superior physical strength. Neji was a speed demon, good at dodging and unleashing fast precise strikes, but had little strength and endurance, even with Chakra. One punch from the blonde would knock him out cold.

"I've heard you humiliated Hinata," Neji whispered, going for the neck. Naruto dodged, listening to the noise in the background. Apparently, either Sasuke or Tenten had brought explosives. "The Hyuuga are in uproar. Some say this is unforgivable."

"Kicking your butt regularly wasn't enough to piss them off?" Neji didn't take the bait and stayed focus. "Crap, why don't you go into stupid rages anymore? If you say anger management classes, I give up."

"I guess I learned the lesson." Neji executed a roundhouse kick. Naruto lowered his torso, avoiding the attack. "Hanabi was crying for your blood."

"If she's weaker than you, which is a feat in itself, I've nothing to fear. Let them come, I can beat the whole Hyuuga clan by myself." Naruto caught Neji's wrist. The pure horror on the Hyuuga's visage was priceless. "Face it, blank eyes, you've lost."

Pulling Team 9's genius closer, Naruto smashed his fist into his nose. The blow was brutal enough to knock Neji out.

"Well, that was short," Naruto muttered under his breath, his head tilting to the side. A very bruised Sasuke was walking forward, carrying an unconscious Tenten in his arms. If the cuts on the Uchiha's skin were to be trusted, it had been a close call. "Who brought the explosive tags?"

"She did. I used a Fire jutsu to counter them, and managed to knock her out from behind." Sasuke deposed her on the ground and massaged his neck. "This leaves the spandex guy, right?"

"Don't worry, he will announce his presence. Dynamic entry…" Naruto shuddered. Speaking of Lee, why hadn't he shown himself? The crazy genin wasn't the kind of guy to leave his teammates at the mercy of anyone.

Naruto get his answer when Lee was tossed at their feet, defeated and unconscious.

Then, a grinning, friendly ninja landed in front of the duo. "Dynamic entry!" Anko chuckled, cracking her knuckles. "Want a real challenge, student?"

"Oh shit," was the only thing Naruto found the strength to say.

In the end, the rematch only lasted a minute. Anko used her Chakra to move at incredible speed, faster than Naruto's own eyes could follow. He barely had the time to blink when she closed the gap between them, threw him on his back, and pressed a kunai against his neck.

A serious Anko was a terrifying opponent indeed.

After she ordered them to leave, Sasuke and Team 9 wisely decided to obey. Not that they didn't hesitate to rescue their rival. The blonde simply said he would be fine and used to it.

"You look like a beaten puppy," Anko told him bluntly as she helped him stand. "Do you hang out with Gai's team that often? Their training regiment is hellish."

"It's nothing like yours," Naruto shrugged. "I figure you have a good reason to interrupt our session? How long have you been spying on me?"

"Outside of congratulating you for making the Uchiha open to you? Yes." Which confirmed it: she had been spying on them all along, and Naruto never sensed her. Frightening.

She searched under her jacket and tossed Naruto a letter. "Here is the 'biography' of your alias, with forged documents. You better get into the role."

"I'm a consummate actor," the teenager replied. "And the operatives?"

Anko grinned, as two people walked toward them. Naruto carefully examined them with a sharp glance.

The first was a sick-looking man with brown hair and eyes. His skin was pale, and the dark markings under his eyes implied recurring insomnias or troubled sleep. The way he was moving put Naruto on edges. The guy was deliberately attempting to appear sloppy, but the way he was carrying himself clearly told Naruto he wasn't as frail as he pretended to be. The man had opted for grey clothes, befitting of an average civilian.

The second operative was a woman, with long, beautiful purple hair reaching her waist. It would be impractical in fighting situations, for a enemy could grab them, but Naruto had the distinct feeling it was intentional. Faking a weakness to control the pace of a fight. Her eyes were as black as night, her skin pale, her lips red and sensual. The typical infiltration kunoichi.

"Atlas, meet Gecko and Cat. Gecko, Cat, this is my apprentice Atlas."

"Charmed," Naruto bowed slightly.

"The pleasure is all mine," the woman softly replied, whereas the man gave the blonde a sharp nod. "Viper spoke highly of you."

"Really?" Anko scratched the back of her head with a grin. "I don't remember. Anyway, we're leaving tomorrow, so you better say goodbye to your pals, student."

"Of course," Naruto replied, mentally running a checklist of people to inform.

Land of Grass

After crossing the bridge, Kabuto finally caught sight of the base.

The iron, grey, massive facility was big enough to house multiple installations, the genin thought as he approached it. The organization had invested millions to build this research center, hoping to mass-produce supersoldiers, away from the inquisitive watch of the Hidden Villages.

Kabuto stopped in front of the main gate, holding his briefcase with utmost care. He had gone through much trouble to secure these blood samples, and his bosses wouldn't appreciate it if he were to lose them. If Orochimaru liked the medic enough to offer him a second chance, Sasori had no tolerance for 'imperfection'.

"Welcome home, Kabuto-san," Kimimaro politely welcomed him. The Kaguya looked a lot healthier than the last time the medic had met him: on an hospital bed. The latest operation might have finally cured his tuberculosis. "Orochimaru-sama is waiting for you."

Following him inside the grey, dimly lit corridors of the facility, Kabuto couldn't repress his curiosity. "I see you feel much better. Science Team succeeded in curing you?"

"The serum distilled from Karin's blood had results," Kimimaro replied coolly. "Science Team has hopes of mass-producing it in time. The process is currently too costly."

"And Karin herself?"

"The process is painful, but her loyalty to Orochimaru-sama is greater," he shrugged. Oh, so they haven't put her in a test-tube yet, Kabuto mused. Then again, her blood was the only useful thing about her, alongside her sensor abilities. He wouldn't be surprised if their bosses suddenly decided she would be better as a guinea pig than free.

They entered a large blue hall, illuminated by electric lamps above. It was equipped with nine screens, multiple computers, and chairs. Kabuto's two bosses were waiting for him.

"Welcome home, Kabuto-kun," Orochimaru smiled, his yellow eyes moving from the spy's face to his briefcase. The Sanke Sannin was elegant, with his yellow ensemble, tied by a purple ribbon. "I see you succeeded in your mission. Congratulations."

"Of course he has," Sasori grumbled with a gruff voice, waving his iron tail. It was hard to see his features under all the black robes and clothes covering his puppet body. Kabuto would give everything he had to discover what was hiding underneath. "I wouldn't have had him blow his cover for nothing."

Kabuto nodded and opened the briefcase, revealing five bottles of blood with names written on them. "Here are the samples you asked Mizuki to gather. As demanded, I 'rewarded' him accordingly."

"Oh, no doubt he has enjoyed his payment," Orochimaru joked with sadistic glee. "Akatsuki will be pleased. Take a rest, Kabuto-kun, you've earned it." The Snake Sannin dismissing Kimimaro and the medic with a hand-wave. They closed the door behind, leaving the duo alone. "Hinata Hyuuga, Naruto Uzumaki, Kiba Inuzuka, Shino Aburame and… Sasuke Uchiha." With it, he should be able to isolate the gene he was looking for…

"I see you didn't let go your obsession with the Sharingan," Sasori whispered, moving to activate the screens, "this will cause you trouble in time." It was the first time they attempted to replicate the Daimyos' long-distance communications with satellite dishes. They should transmit information to another, allowing instant discussion unable to be intercepted. Unlike Pain's hologram communication, this network could transmit information as complex as maps and data.

As the plan's deadline was getting close, the need for better coordination had become imperative. The construction of a common database and remote control of installations would prevent resources from going to waste and the loss of critical intelligence. In the war to come, Akatsuki would keep a decisive advantage over the more archaic Hidden Villages. They needed to be a step away.

The screens brightened one by one, each picturing a member of Akatsuki. Only the ninth one didn't work. The quality was quite bad, and images distorted from time to time. Still good for a first try. "Akatsuki: online," Sasori whispered, testing the microphones.

"It's working!" Deidara chuckled, the mad bomber grinning like a child. "And I thought it would never start up."

"Told you Science Team doesn't have vapor for brains, Deidara-senpai!" Tobi replied. The masked man gave everyone the nice guy's thumb up. "Tobi looks evil on the screen, doesn't he? We are evil masterminds plotting an evil plan to take over the world!"

Sasori snorted. How Pain could have allowed that clown to join Akatsuki would remain a mystery for the ages. Orochimaru looked positively more amused, yet not to the same extent as Kisame. "It would be even worse if we used a uniform," the shark-man chuckled. "Why not a black robe with red clouds on it?"

"Giving a way for Hidden Villages to identify us? Yes, marvelous idea," Kakuzu deadpanned, rolling his green eyes. The bounty hunter was a consummate professional, in stark contrast with the more easygoing members. "Nobody should be aware we work as a single organization, remember?"

"Enough."

The voice was faint, a mere whisper, and yet enforced full silence. Leader's bright eyes locked with Orochimaru's. The Snake Sannin didn't falter, in spite of the enormous difference in power between the two. "We will begin with your report, Orochimaru."

"Kabuto safely brought the samples of Konoha's most promising genin to us, after disposing of Mizuki." The Sannin didn't like loose ends. Mizuki would have talked if captured, and didn't bring the organization any benefit. He wasn't even worth being turned into a test subject. "With Itachi's genetic material and his brother's, reproducing the Sharingan is within our grasp."

"It has been two years and Science Team never made any progress," Itachi spoke, his Sharingan blazing like an inferno. Orochimaru was secretly aware the man's sight was deteriorating, which entertained the Sannin to no end. "Why should it be different with my worthless brother's blood?"

He had a point, even if the snake hated to admit it. Itachi's sperm and blood samples hadn't been enough to clone him, as the process was still imperfect. Artificial insemination of abducted women had given birth to complete failures, as none of the children created exhibited the Sharingan gene. Like with Kimimaro, the lack of other clansmen didn't allow the organization's scientists to isolate the gene. Orochimaru believed he could, within a generation or two, succeed at created a healthy clone of Itachi or produce a new Uchiha breed.

Unfortunately, he didn't have that much time. Leader wanted results, and patience wasn't his main virtue. The plan's deadline was getting close, and an army of mass-produced super-soldiers, loyal to Akatsuki, would secure the organization's domination over the world.

Orochimaru almost regretted staying with the organization. He wasn't happy to report to anyone, and being forced to work on a few subjects he personally disliked. Fortunately, Akatsuki balanced the disadvantages by giving the Sannin access to unlimited resources and funds, knowledge beyond his capabilities, and many interesting test subjects. As a bonus, Sasori was a good fellow to hang with, and a scientist nearly as competent as his partner.

Of course, Orochimaru would still backstab him within the year.

The Sannin was bidding his time. The organization would allow him to attain his goal much faster than on his own, and he had secretly started the construction of Otogakure. With the blood samples, the only reason he was still in Akatsuki was the help they would provide in the destruction of Konoha. "With your brother's genes to complete the DNA sequences, Itachi-kun, isolating the Sharingan gene should be workable. The enzymes produced by the Cursed Seal can transmit it to human subjects, allowing the creation of a backbone force within two years."

"The plan's final stage, is scheduled to start in three years," Zetsu pointed out, his two voices echoing. The most mysterious, yet versatile, member of Akatsuki rarely talked in meetings, except to give his own report. "This gives us plenty of time."

"I'm afraid the schedule may have to be advanced," Itachi cut in. "One of our bases in Kiri, Ushi, has been wiped out by the new government. All the staff is presumed dead or captured."

"Again? That's the third time since Terumi's takeover," Sasori rasped. "This leaves only Talon?"

"I don't give it two months before Mei storms it," Kisame chuckled, speaking from experience. He had fought her more than once. Turning turncoat hadn't lessened the respect he had for her. "She's like a shark, she never lets her prey go. She won't stop until we've been kicked out of her land."

Orochimaru honestly couldn't understand the Godaime Mizukage's obsession with destroying the organization. True, Akatsuki had exploited the civil war to abduct Kekkai Genkai wielders, yet, such determination to eliminate them, no matter what the cost, was disturbing. The Sannin had the distinct feeling Leader had wronged her fiercely.

Leader narrowed his eyes. "It may be wise to completely retreat from Kirigakure in case the new government tracks our last base down. Kisame, Itachi, you will use Talon as secondary headquarter until all the staff and equipment are moved out and shipped to base Alpha, in the Land of Grass. Kirigakure's influence across the sea has been crippled for a decade, you should face no obstacle."

"And the coast's bases?" Sasori pointed out. "Kiri may locate them, and they won't have enough firepower to resist a flotilla. Considering Terumi's grudge, I have little doubt the Hidden Mist will take actions in zones outside its jurisdiction."

"I have no fear security will deal with isolated agents. A flotilla near the coasts could threaten Konoha and cause a diplomatic accident. I have taken dispositions to prevent such a risk. We have nothing to fear." Leader locked eyes with Itachi. "Talon will be active as long as we haven't secured the Sanbi. How long will it take for you to capture it?"

"One week," the Uchiha replied. "We have located its hideout, and a container has been selected." One loyal to Akatsuki, went unsaid.

"Good. Sasori?"

"As explained in our latest meeting, the petroleum extracted from the Land of Earth proved itself a far more efficient energy source than batteries," Sasori added. "We have already shipped most of it to the Land of Iron, with our new generators. The new fuel should secure our technical superiority over the Five Nations when we start the plan."

Kakuzu nodded. "I have received your package. Our factories have increased the production by fifty percent, and the Land of Iron's leadership has been dealt with."

Zetsu smirked savagely, showing his white, sharpened fangs. "The Daimyo was… tasty."

Orochimaru grinned back. "So Konoha and Kumo are next?"

"I shall deal with Cloud and A personally," Leader cut in. "Suna will take care of Konoha for us. Next subject: Hidan."

"As duplicating his immortality jutsu has proved itself impossible, I have been using him as a test subject for the new brand of Cursed Seal, currently with an assessed one hundred percent chance of killing the subject." Orochimaru chuckled. "The results have been impressive. I am sure Hidan will be an efficient bio-weapon once deployed against our enemies."

"Keep him restrained under the research center until we have use for him. We can't have a superpowered lunatic running amok unless we want him to. Konan?"

"Hanzo's remnants have been crushed. Amegakure is ours now and forever, Leader." Orochimaru was almost surprised she could talk. This woman never spoke, unless commanded to. Somehow, her face was vaguely familiar to the Sannin, even if he couldn't put a name on it...

"Perfect. Deidara, Tobi, you will go to the Land of Rivers and proceed with our next operation. Lit the fires of war anew."

"Yes! Stuff blowing up, Deidara-senpai! We're going to redecorate the Daimyo's ballroom, with tomato juice!" A pause. "I'm off my meds."

"Shut up, Tobi! It's not stuff, it's art!"

Sasori looked downright murderous, throwing away all composure. "This is the stupidest thing you have ever said, Deidara. Art is everlasting, not… not ugly."

"TAKE THAT BACK!"

"Orochimaru." The Sannin straightened up, Leader's chilling tone silencing the bickering artists. "You and Sasori will oversee the transfer of Kiri's staff to our bases in the Land of Grass. Take the time to send me the psychological reports of the Kyuubi's container, so I can update our Bingo Book."

Orochimaru decided he couldn't let the opportunity to destroy Konoha pass. "I would like to take over our operations against the Hidden Leaf, Leader. I have a score to settle with the old senile Hokage."

"You have my authorization and my blessing. The rest of you will continue with their former missions." Leader shrugged. "I look forward our next meeting. Akatsuki: offline."

The screens shut down.

"I better get going, Sasori." The faster Konoha in ruin, the better. Orochimaru exchanged glances with the puppeteer, upon closing the door. "See you around."

Once convinced he was alone, Sasori reactivated the connection. The picture of Pain's face appeared on the screen. "Is it wise to let him run some of our operations, Leader?"

"Orochimaru is bright, but not as bright as he thinks he is. I will tolerate his treachery as long as he stays useful, but once he becomes too much the hassle, I will terminate with him personally." Pain narrowed his eyes. "Back to the important matter. I've been informed the Kyuubi's jinchuuriki will be deployed soon. Do you believe he is aware of his lineage?"

"My agents were unable to tell." Sasori waved his puppet's tail. "What is the matter? Blood is thicker than water. If he hasn't found out yet, he will soon."

"This might prove to be... problematic," Leader whispered. "Keep an eye on him."

"Of course, Leader." Sasori lowered his head. "Our will shall be done."

Tenten's Weapon Shop

"One week, maybe more?" Tenten asked, as Naruto presented her his newest invention. "You want to test this 'plastic' in the meantime?"

"The occasion might present itself." The teen grinned ear to ear. "That, and I'll take the 'Red Dragon'."

"Your names are so unoriginal and ridiculous," Tenten replied with disapproval. "'Flamethrower' sounds better to me. I have finished designing the fireproof armor by the way." She tossed him a blue, large bag. "It's inside."

Naruto examined the object, which was lighter than expected. Opening it, he found it far larger in the inside than the outside. "Sealing?"

"My newest invention: the miracle bag," she chirped. "I believe it would be a good alternative to the sealing scrolls, which needs to be activated with Chakra. Sasuke used the few seconds I needed to open the scroll to strike me in the back." Ceasing her little monologue, Tenten smiled. "This bag is made for you, Naruto: you can pull a whole armory inside."

Naruto gasped. "You made that for me? After the orange spand-"

"Do not finish this sentence," Tenten warned. "And yes, it's a gift from one friend to another." She adopted a serious, business-like face. "You're our best customer. Think of it as a reward for all the money you spent here."

"Tenten?" He hugged her, making her squeeze. "You're awesome." He stopped, realized what he was doing, and released the surprised girl. "Sorry, couldn't stop myself."

"Nah, it felt good, actually." Tenten sighed briefly, before regaining her composure. "Naruto? Don't screw up."

"I won't, no worry. I'm a professiona-"

"Dynamic entry!" Lee and Gai shouted, upon loudly opening the door. Gai's teeth were shining so much Naruto felt his eyes burn at the sight. Neji was following, unfazed by the craziness. Naruto stared at them, then at the wall.

"Holy cow… you guys used the door! You didn't smash the wall!"

"Naruto," Gai gave him the nice guy pose. "Good luck for your mission! Let the fires of your youth burn!"

"Naruto-kun, I have faith in your success!" Lee interrupted himself, remembering something. "What is your mission, by the way?"

"Oh, bodyguard duty for a civilian." Understatement of the year. "Nothing hard." The teen scoffed. "By the way, I apologize for my sensei defeating you. She's too crazy for her own good."

"Your sensei was such a youthful and powerful lady, it made me want to train even harder!" Lee clenched his fist and pointed it at the sky. "I will train until I can bring down the skies themselves! I will run around Konoha one hundred times!"

"Good Lee! We will do it two hundred times!"

"Yes Gai-sensei!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"It's your fate to succeed," Neji told Naruto, as his teammate and teacher started hugging each others, much to everyone's horror. "There is no other way."

"Fate, my ass! I will succeed because I can." He gave a tap on Neji's shoulder. The Hyuuga briefly wondered shrugging it off, until deciding against it. "Take care of them for me, would you? Oh, and in case I'm not home when they happen… good luck with your Chuunin Exams. Not that you need it." The blonde gave them the nice guy pose. "You rock!"

Later, Naruto went to the Ichiraku's. The owners generously gave him rations of ramen they had prepared for him, and he thanked them profusely. The blonde took the time to see Iruka, who wished him good luck.

"Escort mission? Small world. Who is your client?"

"Some old drunk called Tazuna," Sasuke snorted derisively, as the two walked in the streets. "Worst first mission in the world."

"Capturing Tora was better, in your mind?"

"… you met that monster too?"

"I saw her near a roof. I believe she was contemplating suicide." Sasuke's glance almost made the blonde laugh. "Look, if I was in her place, I would do the same. I felt bad when sensei and I brought her back to the Daimyo's wife. I wondered if I wasn't complicit in blatant acts of animal cruelty."

"It's a cat, it can't contemplate suicide…" Sasuke massaged his temples. "Why am I having this weird conversation in the first place?"

"Because we're going on our first serious missions, you don't feel hanging with your team, and I'm th-"

He saw it.

Inside a cage, on display. The ultimate death machine. The killing engine. The terror of the natural world. Fifty percent mammal, fifty percent water fowl, one hundred percent awesome. The final product of evolution stared at Naruto, whose own eyes burned at sheer magnificence of the creature. Possessed by a power beyond his comprehension, unable to keep his tongue in front of such beauty, the blonde opened his mouth.

"One million ryo on the platypus!"

Sasuke's jaw dropped. "You... you're that rich?"

"No, but I always wanted to say it."


A/N: thanks ABitterPill for betaing.

The one million ryo moment is a shout-out to Austin Powers. Yes. Really. Actually, expect a LOT of shout-outs.

If you wonder how Naruto can beat his entire graduation class, remember this: he ambushed them one on one, took them by surprise, exploited their flaws, and just plain cheated. That's pretty much his MO. In a straight fight, he doesn't do as well.

Sasuke and Naruto aren't friends... yet. Right now, they're more akin to rivals, but there is too much animosity between them to call that a friendship.

I at first wanted to put the Akatsuki scene on a Oil Rig, before realizing maybe it was too much for the setting's technology. Oil Fields will show up later, however.

Cat and Gecko are, as you may have guessed, Yugao and Hayate. Some might wonder why the Sandaime would send a genin on a A-rank mission... but remember: no one in the Village trusts Naruto more than Sarutobi himself.

Would you kindly add a review before leaving? It helps with the motivation.