DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN CSI:NY OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS. I DO HOWEVER OWN SAMANTHA FLACK, THE FLACK TWINS AND BABY HUNTER.
A/N: THANKS TO EVERYONE ADDING ME TO ALERTS AND FAVS!
A WARM WELCOME TO PrInCeSsJeNn
USE OF ITALICS MEANS A FLASHBACK
This chapter includes a slight teasing of Canadians. I am Canadian and find the stereotypes and misconceptions surrounding us quite amusing. So I hope it doesn't offend any of my fellow Canucks reading this!
Trains of thought
"Well, she was precious like a flower
She grew wild, wild but innocent
A perfect prayer in a desperate hour
She was everything beautiful and different
Stupid boy, you can't fence that in
Stupid boy, it's like holding back the wind
She laid her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
Stupid boy, stupid boy
So what made you think you could take a life
And just push it
push it around
I guess you build yourself up so high
You had to take her and break her down."
-Stupid Boy, Keith Urban
Lindsay sighed heavily and stared out the front passenger window at the wicked winter storm violently battering the city. Three hours into the drive home from Lake Placid, and finally the Manhattan skyline was beginning to come into view. The lights of the thousands of monstrous buildings and the ones that lined the bridges that connected Manhattan to other boroughs, which usually burned so brightly in the night sky, were struggling to poke through the thick, relentless snow that continued to fall. The temperatures had dipped well below freezing, and while the wind whistled and rattled the windows of the SUV and ice pellets clattered on the windshield, inside it was toasty warm. The heater had been cranked as high as it could go and the rhythmic swishing of the wipers threatened to lull her to sleep.
A heavy silence had descended on the vehicle the moment Danny had tossed their belongings into the back seat and then angrily slammed the door before climbing behind the wheel. The lack of steady communication and the nods or shrugs or the shake of head and one or two word answers that Lindsay got when attempting to spark a conversation, were unsettling. She knew that her husband was pissed off and disappointed that their plans of a romantic, kids free getaway had been so rudely interrupted. Hell, she was pissed off and aggravated too. But both had long come to accept that being 'on the job' meant that personal sacrifices sometimes needed to be made. Had to be made, in fact. You couldn't go into police work with expectations of a set schedule. While you may go in expecting to work hours, it was rare that a shift ended on time. Most stretched into doubles or triples. Others continued even longer. And when you became a cop, you abandoned all notions of having weekends and holidays off. Crime and evil never took vacation time. Those that had vowed to serve and protect preformed an essential service. Even if doing so meant putting your family and your own line on hold more often then not.
But she also knew that Danny's agitation and anger stretched far beyond the disappointment of interrupted plans. That it had nothing to do with being called into work to help ease the burden off an already overwhelmed, disgustingly overworked staff. Mac had been trying to efficiently run the lab on little help, and the lack of progress and the small number of solved cases were beginning to show that even he couldn't perform miracles. Sinclair had done the city of New York a great disservice by forcing Mac to make cut backs. What the department brass deemed necessary, the cops who did the grunt work deemed complete and utter crap. The lab just couldn't do a proper, sufficient job with the number of staff, or the lack of dollars for equipment. And in the end, it was the members of the city paying the price for bureaucratic bullshit.
And while that ate at Danny and made his already foul mood even fouler, his main bone of contention was the unavoidable torment that his best friend had been dumping on his innocent family for he past eight months. As if an extended affair wasn't enough, now a love child that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with was coming back to haunt Flack in a big way. When Flack had originally come to Danny and not only confessed the affair -which he'd ended just weeks before- and the child that Jordan Gates was carrying was his, Danny had done everything in his power to keep himself from strangling or beating his best friend to death with his bare hands. He'd been shocked at first, then filled with the utmost disgust and disappointment. Flack had always been the one walking around preaching about how much he loved and respected his wife and adored his kids. Always going on and on about how they were his entire world and he could never life without them. And then using stress as an excuse, had gone around behind his wife's back and completely fucked her over.
Things had become chilly between the two friends after Flack's admission. Danny didn't hide the fact that what Flack had done made him sick to his stomach, and Flack being Flack, had gotten defensive of his actions and in response, had become downright nasty. It was Flack's way of protecting himself. Be as vicious as possible verbally in order to make himself feel better about the things that he'd done. Danny was used to that kind of behaviour from his best friend. He'd been on the receiving end of Flack nastiness on more then one occasion. And while Flack was the first one who always came to Danny's defence and had his back no matter how many times Danny screwed up, Flack was also the first person to toss past mistakes in your face in the course of an argument. And mentions of Ruben and Danny's own infidelity with Rikki while dating Lindsay had cut deep and Danny and Flack's friendship had taken a direct hit because of it.
Sam and Lindsay had been the ones who'd made them both see the light. Who'd told them to stop being so goddamn immature and petty. To not let hurt feelings and differences of opinion destroy a nearly fifteen year friendship. Sam had pointed out to her husband that Danny had long ago accepted his mistakes and had paid for them ten fold and didn't need to be treated like a second class citizen for what he'd done. And that in time, Flack too would accept the consequences of his own actions. Lindsay in turn had reminded Danny, that the shoe had once been on the other foot. That during the whole Rikki fiasco, Flack had always been supportive and non-judgemental of him. And Danny hadn't shown his friend that same respect.
So while their wives -accompanied by their respective children- had gathered at Flack's place for dinner and Disney videos and a basement camp out for the kids, Danny and Flack had taken a trip to a sports bar in downtown Flushing. The first hour had been spent in an uncomfortable silence. The two friends sitting side by side and the bar and nursing their drinks, each struggling for the proper words to get the ball rolling, and each not wanting to be the person to give in first. Eventually, Flack had polished off his third glass of JD on the rocks and nodded in the direction of the television set mounted on the wall behind the bar.
"Rangers are having a shit post season," he'd commented. "Hope it's not a sign of things to come."
No apologies had ever been exchanged and none had been needed. By Flack taking the reigns and attempting in his own way to bring things between them back round again, Danny had known that neither had needed words to help repair their relationship. They'd done their proverbial kiss and make up without any hard work on either of their parts. And their friendship had been quickly and effortlessly rebuilt.
Danny was worried about his best friend and what Jordan Gates' death and the emergence of baby Hunter would do to Flack and his family. And he was also concerned about what would happen to that innocent child that had never asked to be dumped into the sordid mess he now floundered in. Danny knew for a fact that there was no way that Samantha would punish that baby because of his father's sins. That her anger and hatred for Jordan wouldn't cloud her judgement. As a woman who'd been told after the birth of twin daughters that she'd never had another child of her own, Sam respected and appreciated life. She knew what a miracle each and every baby brought into the world was. And there would be no way she'd turn her back on Hunter. Whether he was created through an extra marital affair or not.
But Flack…Flack worried Danny. Tremendously. Danny was unsure if Flack was willing to step up to the plate or not. He'd been adamant that the child not bear his last name and that he never lay eyes on it. And it left Danny wondering if it came down to it, Flack would up and bail on his family because he was unwillingly to open his heart to his son. Hunter was an unpleasant reminder of Flack's mistake. And Danny worried that if Sam chose to accept the baby into her heart and home, that Flack would simply walk away.
"He wouldn't be that goddamn stupid," Danny said aloud.
Lindsay's eyes snapped open at the sound of her husband's voice. She had just begun to drift off to a pleasant sleep when his words had cut into her brain. She yawned noisily and glanced over at him. Noticing how his jaw was tense and his lips set in a grim line and how his hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white.
"What did you say, babe?" she asked.
Danny didn't respond. His eyes remained riveted on the road. What he could see of it given the condition of the weather.
Lindsay frowned. "Dan…" she reached over and laid a hand on his knee and shook his leg lightly, attempting to capture his attention. "Dan…Danny…Danny…Daniel!"
He gave a small start and cast a quick glance at her. "What?" he asked.
"You said something a couple of minutes ago," Lindsay replied. "Something about somebody not being that goddamn stupid or something like that."
"I did?" Danny looked, and sounded, perplexed.
She nodded. "I was just falling asleep and I heard you say it. Who were you talking about?"
"Flack," he said with a heavy sigh. "I was just thinking about this fucking mess he's gotten himself and his entire family into it."
"He got them into it months ago now," Lindsay reminded him. "They've been dealing with what he did for a while now."
"Yeah…but now this with Jordan…"
"It wasn't Flack's fault that someone killed her," she said. "How was he suppose to know she was going to be murdered? That would have been the last thing on his mind. It's not his fault that his crappy choices are being tossed into his face all over again."
"But the baby, Linds. The baby. Makes me sick to think what might happen to that kid. He didn't deserve what happened to his mother. And he doesn't deserve to be abandoned just 'cause his birth father couldn't keep his goddamn dick in his pants."
"If that isn't the pot calling the kettle black," Lindsay murmured.
Danny frowned. "What's that suppose to mean?" he inquired.
"It means that you're the last person who should be judging him. You made a similar choice a long time ago. So you shouldn't be sitting there condemning him and wanting to stone him for having an affair. It happened. It happened and they dealt with it and you need to…you need to just let it go already."
"I won't just let it go. Kellan and Kallison are my goddaughters. Our goddaughters. Sam's your best friend. She's been like this little sister to me ever since she started at the lab. And I can't just shrug my shoulders and turn my back on what went down."
"And neither can I," Lindsay told him. "But you know what, Danny? Flack and Sam have dealt with what he did. And they'll deal with this too. Stop underestimating them so much. They'll both step up to the plate and do the right thing."
"It's not Sam I'm worried about," Danny murmured.
"There is no way that Flack is going to turn his back on his own child," Lindsay argued. "You know him, Danny. You know what kind of man he is. And you should know that he doesn't have a malicious bone in his body. Outside of a work he's a softie. You see what he's like with his girls. He loves them and adores them. And once he gets to know his son, he'll feel the same way about him too."
"You sound awful optimistic about the whole thing," Danny commented.
"Sam and Flack are great parents," Lindsay reasoned. "They have so much love and so much patience and it broke them when Sam had the hysterectomy and they couldn't have any more babies of their own. They aren't going to lift a gift horse in the mouth, Danny. That baby may be half Jordan's, but he's half Flack's too. And Sam…Sam will welcome him with open arms and love him like her own. There's no doubt in my mind. Flack will take a little longer to get used to the idea of having Hunter around. That baby is a constant reminder of how badly he hurt his wife. How he almost lost everything that mattered to him. And once he gets past that way of thinking, he's going to realize how precious his son is and love him just as much as he loves his girls."
"And if he doesn't?" Danny asked.
"Well…" Lindsay sighed heavily. "If that's the case…I guess Flack's going to have to live with himself after he does lose everything that matters most to him. Sam won't tolerate that shit. That isn't the man she married. If he shuts down like that, she won't waste her time getting him to change his mind. She'll take the girls and that baby and leave. Because making sure her children are well cared for and loved are most important to her. And if he can't love his own son? She won't put up with that. And to be honest, I wouldn't blame her one bit for walking away from him. A woman can only take so much. And that just may be the last nail in the coffin."
Danny nodded slowly as he considered her firm words. And realized that everything she was saying was the truth. Baby Hunter could either bring them even closer together, or drive them apartment. He would either heal the remaining fractures, or disintegrate them all together.
And it was the latter that he was terrified of. And determined to stop.
The drive into mid-town was slow and tedious. Average travelling time by car from Ridgewood was forty five minutes, even with the backlogs on the Queensboro Bridge and the many snarls you encountered as soon as you hit lower Manhattan. The ferocious snowstorm had not only shut down most of the city, but had doubled the duration of the trip.
After the girls had been tucked into bed and last stories had been finished up, Adam, knowing that whatever Mac had stop by for wasn't pleasant, had retreated to the basement to watch television. Giving Sam and Flack the opportunity to talk behind the closed and locked door of their bedroom. She had taken it a lot calmer and smoother than Flack had expected. Shock had registered on her face and in her eyes when he'd told her that Jordan had been murdered. After a couple of moments of quiet contemplation, she'd began to ask questions. About what had exactly happened and if Mac had any suspects in mind. Flack had said he had no idea. He was being kept as far way as possible from the investigation, but that he'd have to give prints and DNA and a formal statement in order to protect Mac's ass, and his own. She'd nodded slowly, letting all the information sink in as they sat side by side on the edge of their bed. Their voices low, the twins' and Amanda's giggles floating down the hallway and into their room.
"What about the baby?" Sam asked, breaking the silence that had descended upon them. "Is he okay?"
Flack nodded and stared down at the wedding band he wore, absentmindedly twirling it around his finger and then pulling it to his middle knuckle and sliding it back down again. Over and over. A nervous trait that he'd possessed for years now. "Jordan's son is at Angel of Mercy," he told his wife. "He wasn't injured or anything, but the CPS agent in charge of his case felt that keeping him there until permanent arrangements can be made was for the best. They'll have to figure out what to do with him."
Sam's eyes narrowed. "They'll?" she asked. "Don't you mean we'll?"
Flack ignored that. "Jordan has no family except for that douche bag ex of hers whose in jail 'cause he hired Suspect X to kill her. So I guess all CPS can do is wait for a spot in a foster home to open up."
Sam was horrified that he'd even suggest such a thing. "He is NOT going to a foster home!" she spat. "Are you out of your goddamn mind, Don?"
"Jordan's son needs…"
"He needs a proper, stable family to take care of him!" Sam angrily cut him off. "He needs hugs and kisses and cuddles and everything warm and wonderful a baby deserves and needs to grow and develop properly. How can you just sit here and consider tossing him into a foster home? Into our grossly mismanaged and neglected system? You know what happens to most of those kids, Donnie! What if something happened to me? Would you just shrug your shoulders and say 'shit happens' and send Kellan and Kallison to a foster home?"
"You know the fucking answer to that!" Flack snapped, anxious to defend himself against her oncoming tirade. "That's completely different! I'd never abandon my girls and you know that!"
"But you're quick to abandon Hunter!" she cried, jumping to her feet, as if sitting next to him any longer would be detrimental to her health. "You're quick to just let him become another statistic!"
"He's different! You're my wife and Kellan and Kallison are my daughters!" he argued.
"And he's your son!" she fought back. "He's not just Jordan's! He has half of your DNA inside of him! You helped make him, didn't you? Did you not lie down in bed with her and get her pregnant?"
"I fucked up! I know that! But you and the girls don't need to suffer because of it!"
"We have suffered, Don!" she hissed. "We began to suffer the second you decided that getting laid and getting your rocks off on a regular basis were more important than your family! And then all hell broke loose when that crazy ass bitch called her and ratted you out! You don't think we've suffered? Me and you? We separated! The girls and I lived with Sid for fuck sakes! You don't think that was hard on me and our girls?"
"I know it was hard," Flack said, his voice quiet. "I know that it was rough. On all of us."
"Your daughters missed you! They cried for their daddy every night and hated me because I took them away from you! You were the one that fucked everything up yet I was the bad guy! So don't you dare even begin to think you know how badly you hurt me!"
"And I've apologized every day for eight months. Sam! And we went to counselling and you took me back and we became a family again. What more do you want from me?"
"I want you to get your head out of your ass and accept the consequences of what you did! Jordan isn't the only guilty party here. You slept with her and you got her pregnant! Hunter is your son! How can you just turn your back on him like this? He's an innocent little baby! He didn't do anything wrong! He didn't ask for this. He didn't ask for his mother to be killed! He didn't ask for you to be a complete and utter fucking tool and cheat on your wife for three months and get another woman pregnant! Our girls and your son are the only innocent parties in this whole God awful shitty ass mess!"
Flack shook his head. "You didn't deserve what I did," he said.
"No. I didn't. But you know what, Don? I accept my part in it. I expected too much from you. I was sick and dumping all kinds of shit on you. I didn't take the time to realize that it was all too much for you to handle. Your work, my illness, the girls. I took advantage of you and I used you and I pushed you away. And I'm sorry for that. I've done my share of apologizing too, you know."
"I know…" he told her. "But I didn't do all of that 'cause I felt obligated. I tried to handle everything 'cause I love you and our girls and I just…I wanted to hold it all together. Yet at the same time I was terrified, baby. I was worried I was going to lose you. And then all of a sudden you went from needing me to do everything for you to not even wanting me around you. And I shouldn't have felt the need to go somewhere else, but…"
"We are both to blame for what happened between us," she concluded. "I could have just opened up to you more and appreciated you and you could have just said no. We both made mistakes with our marriage. Huge ones. But we love each other, Donnie. If we didn't we wouldn't be here right now. We wouldn't be married anymore. Would we?"
He shook his head.
"But none of that is important right now," she said. "Hunter is. Your son is important. He's lost his mother and he has no one else. And you being so cold and so insensitive and such a bastard, to be so willing to toss him away…" she shook her head. "That is not you. That is not the man I fell in love with and married. Who I had two beautiful little girls with. That is not my husband."
Flack sighed heavily and put his face in his hands. Once again, silence descended on the bedroom. After several long minutes he felt the mattress shift underneath him and heard the squeak of springs as his wife sat down next to him. He could smell the subtle lavender of her lingering body lotion as she leaned in close to press a soft kiss to his ear. He felt her one hand settle on his back, rubbing it soothingly as the fingers of her other hand combed through his hair. Simple gestures. Yet filled with so much love and tenderness that he didn't deserve.
He removed his hands from his face and turned to look at her. Their noses touched, their warm breath wafted over each other's faces. "What are we going to do?" he asked.
"We're going to go to the hospital and see Hunter," she replied. "And then we're going to call whoever we need to and sign whatever we have to and bring him home. He's your son, Donnie. And I love you. So much. And I can love him too. Just give me a chance to do it."
He smiled, touched by her words, and closed his eyes as she leaned in close and kissed him. Long and soft. And at that moment he felt an absolution he thought would never come. And when she wrapped her arms around him after the kiss had ended and she clung to him with all the strength in her body, she cried like she'd never cried in front of him before. All consuming, body shaking sobs that he'd never witnessed in all the years he'd been with her. And he realized then that she wasn't just forgiving him. But herself as well.
Yet the pain and the hurt still lingered. And Flack knew they probably always would. There'd be times she'd think about what he'd done and it would break her heart and hurt her as if it was just yesterday. That there'd be moments where she'd rant and rave at him for what he'd done to her and their family. He wouldn't, and couldn't, deny her those feelings. He had brought them on and he had to live with that. She had forgiven him, but would never forget. And he hated himself all over again as they drove to the hospital. Despising himself for forcing her to accept the child that he had created out of pure selfishness and stupidity.
"Snows much more and we're going to have to call your aunt and uncle up there in Canada and ask to borrow their dogsled," Flack teased, as he took the trip over the empty Queensboro Bridge. In all his thirty-eight years, he'd never seen the bridge without bumper to bumper traffic on it.
Sam gave a small smile at his comment. Her uncle Jimmy had once been employed as a concierge at the Widdington and had shown up at the lab unexpectedly one day eight years ago to reunite himself with the niece and nephew he hadn't seen since they've moved to Arizona. He had had no idea that either Ross sibling were back in town until he'd spotted Adam's name and picture in the paper after he'd nearly been obliterated by a bomb while playing street hockey. Uncle Jimmy had since met a woman with dual American/Canadian citizen, and two years ago had married her and moved up to her hometown of Sudbury. It was a beautiful, peaceful place once known for it's mining and now home to many retirement communities. And of course, the giant nickel. The Flacks had taken a trip there last summer, and the girls had been in complete awe of the massive nickel that graced the side of the road at the entrance into the city.
"Both Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Doreen would boot you in the ass if they heard you," Sam said. "You and your 'All Canadians own dogsleds and live in igloos'."
"And use snowshoes and constantly use the word 'eh," Flack added. "I mean, is that even a word?"
"They do not all say 'eh all the time," Sam said.
"What? Come on. They do. It's a known fact about Canadians. They use it nearly every sentence. Your Aunt and her entire family say it. Even your Uncle uses it and he's from Brooklyn! What's up with that? Traitor."
"It is not a fact that they say it all the time," Sam informed her husband. "It's a stereotype."
"Yeah? Well all them Canadians talk weird if you ask me."
She laughed. "That's funny…'cause Aunt Doreen's whole family say the same thing about you and your accent."
"My accent?" Flack frowned. "I don't have an accent."
Sam stared at him, her eyebrows raised.
"Okay…so maybe I have a bit of a Queens thing going on…but it's nowhere near as bad as your Brooklyn one. I mean, you left town at sixteen. Lived in Arizona for fifteen years. And then you came back and still had an accent. Shows you how bad of a Brooklyn accent it is if you can have a fifteen year sabbatical from the city and still have it."
"Leave me accent alone," she giggled. "You love my accent."
He rolled his eyes. "I can barely understand you some days," he teased.
She swatted his shoulder playfully.
Flack chuckled. "And Kallison's starting to sound just like you."
"And Kellan sounds like you," she said. "So we'll have one Brooklyn girl and one Queens girl."
"We're an eclectic bunch," he declared.
Sam nodded and smiled. Leaning her head back against her seat, she closed her eyes. The pounding headache she'd been inflicted with after their emotional moment in the bedroom was starting to wane thanks to the Tylenol she'd popped on her way out the door. But just slightly.
"Maybe tonight wasn't the best time to do this," Flack commented, concerned about her health and well being.
"I'm fine," she assured him. Her eyes still closed, she reached out laid her hand on his thigh. "I just have a headache from crying. It's starting to go away. By the time we get there, I won't have it anymore."
"I'm just saying that I doubt anyone expects us to come to the hospital tonight. Especially in this weather. So if you want to…"
"If we don't go tonight, chances are they'll put on a rush on finding a foster home," Sam said. "CPS won't want to keep Hunter in the hospital when there's no reason for him to be there. And the hospital will want him out of there because he's taking up a room that could be given to a child who needs it."
"Do you really think they're just going to hand him over to us?" Flack asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I don't think they have a choice. Your name and your signature is on the statement of live birth and I have that copy of the DNA results in my purse if they want to see it. He's yours. We have proof. And when Hawkes called before we left, he said that he found Jordan's will and she had written in it that she wanted custody to go to him if anything happened to her. It's all legally binding, Donnie."
"But why would she put me in her will? She knew how I felt about all of this."
"Because she knew what kind of person you are and she knew you'd never abandon him." Sam said.
Flack sighed heavily. "How are we going to just bring him home? We don't have anything for a baby. Where will he sleep?"
"We have that portable playpen that we use for Makenna when we watch her. We'll set that up in our room and he can sleep with us. He must have been taken to the hospital in a car seat so we don't have to worry about that."
"He can't sleep in a playpen forever," Flack told her. "And what about clothes and toys and diapers and all that? A stroller and all the other crap that comes with a baby?"
"When the crime scene tape comes down and we can get into Jordan's apartment, we'll get all of his things. His clothes and his toys. If he was breastfeeding she probably has a stash of milk in the fridge and freezer like we did with Kellan and Kallison. We'll grab that too and then switch to formula when it runs out. And I know for a fact that Danny and Lindsay have tons of clothes in storage that belonged to Dan-Dan that we can borrow. As for a crib…we'll just buy him what he needs furniture wise instead of going through the hassle of taking everything at Jordan's apart, bringing it to our place and putting it back together."
He nodded slowly. "You're going to have to call Stella," he said. "You're going to need to put off going back to work for her in order to take care of Hunter."
"That's fine," Sam assured him. "There's no need to stress, baby. We'll be fine."
"How are we going to afford all of this, Sammie? Taking care of another kid while we're trying to move? There's all this shit going on and we.."
"I want to stay in New York," she announced.
Flack stole a glance at her.
"I want us to stay where we are," she continued. "Everything's changed now that Hunter needs a home. We need to put some things on hold. If not cancel them all together. We need to concentrate on him and the girls, Donnie. We don't need any other worries on our minds. Our family needs to be first and foremost right now."
He nodded slowly as he considered her words. "I'll call Sinclair in the morning," he decided. "Take back my resignation."
"And I'll call Stella," Sam said. "Tell her I can't take the job. I'm sure she'll understand. She had about ten other candidates after me that she can look at again. Maybe Mac will hire me back part time in a couple of months. Once we get Hunter settled and the girls get used to the idea of having a brother. Even if he can just hire me back as a lab tech."
"So much to think about," he sighed. "It's insane. And what do we tell people? Our friends? Our families?"
"We tell them the truth. They'll understand why we kept it from them."
"Sarge is going to come all the way here and kill me," Flack concluded. "And never mind what kind of evil revenge your brother might plot. He looks all innocent and boyish, but I bet you can come up with some sick and twisted shit."
"Adam already knows." Sam sheepishly admitted.
Flack looked over at her.
"I told him months ago," she said. "After you told me that the DNA test had proved that Jordan's baby was yours. I was so hurt and angry and I couldn't keep it inside of me. We hadn't told Danny and Lindsay yet and I needed someone to talk to. Someone to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. Aside from you, Adam is the one person I trust the most. Who I know has my best interests at heart. And who I know won't go around and blab anything I tell him. I'm sorry, Donnie. I should have told you I told him."
"What did he say?" Flack asked.
"Do you want me to answer that honestly?" Sam inquired.
He nodded.
"He told me that I was stupid for staying with you. That I shouldn't use the girls as an excuse to stay in a relationship where I was being treated as a door mat. That I should just cut my losses and file for divorce and take you for everything you had. And that I should make sure you never saw your children again."
Flack's eyes widened but he said nothing in response.
"He's my brother, Donnie. Adam and I went through so much when we were kids. We were always around to protect each other from our dad. And he just…he doesn't want me to get hurt. And he saw how badly I was hurt and he wanted nothing more than to take care of me. He was upset because of the state I was in."
"He had every reason to be," Flack said. "I guess I should be glad that you didn't listen to him."
"Can I be totally honest about something else?" she asked.
He sighed. "I guess now is as good of a time as any," he replied.
"I actually did go and see a divorce lawyer," she admitted. "I had the papers drawn up and I signed them. And I was this close," she held her thumb and forefinger an inch apart. "…this close to either having you served with them or dropping them on your desk personally."
"Why didn't you?" he asked, struggling to hide how stunned and hurt he was at her announcement.
"Because I love you," she replied. "Because we have two amazing little girls. Because no matter how angry and betrayed I felt, when I thought about my life without you…I couldn't imagine not having you. And I knew that if our love was as strong as I thought it was, we'd be able to survive anything."
"It is strong, Sammie," he said. "And it's become even stronger since all of this."
She nodded in agreement. "But it still hurts," she told him. "When I think about what you did…it still hurts. A lot. It wasn't just one time. It was three months. And I never thought you'd ever do something like that to me."
"I never thought I'd do it either," he admitted. "And believe me, babe, if I could go back and time and change it, I would."
"I know," she said, and giving a small smile, rubbed his leg softly. "But we can't change it. We need to just deal with it and move on. And Hunter…" she sighed. "…it may seem like taking him and raising him is the worst thing that could happen to us. And I know you're thinking that it's the last thing we possibly need. But he is your son. And I the love I have for you and for our daughters…I want to be able to give him some of that. He's a baby and he needs us. He needs you. His daddy."
"I just…what do we tell Kellan and Kallison? When they get up in the morning and see this baby in the house? What do we say to them? They're too young to get the whole, daddy had a kid with someone else scenario. What do we tell them, Sammie?"
"We tell them that Hunter's mommy got hurt and went to live with Jesus and His Angels. We tell them that he needed a home and God blessed us with the chance to take care of him. To be his mommy and his daddy. And that God granted their wishes to be big sisters. That they're going to be the best big sisters in the whole wide world. They'll be ecstatic, Donnie. It's all they've wanted for so long. They've been praying and begging and pleading every day for over two years. Imagine what that will feel like to give them their new little brother."
Flack smiled at the thought.
"And when they're older, maybe we'll tell them the whole story," Sam said. "But right now…right now let's just stick with that, okay?"
He nodded, and dropping a hand from the wheel, laid it over her hand sitting on his thigh and entwined his fingers tightly with hers.
"It's really not as complicated as it seems," Sam said, sounding optimistic.
"It's not that it's complicated," he told her. "It's that it's…scary."
She nodded in agreement and leaned across the seat to press a kiss to his cheek. "Let's be scared together," she suggested, and gave a gentle smile.
He returned her smile with a nervous one of his own. And raised their hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to the inside of her wrist.
"Together," he agreed.
Thanks to everyone that is reading and reviewing! I appreciate each and every one of you and thank you all for your ongoing support! I hope you continue to read and enjoy! So please R and R folks!
Special thanks to:
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