Chapter 24

Kylo Ren thumbed through the jedi text Rey had been reading. He had read it before many years ago and wondered if it might offer insight he had missed before. So far, he found little that wasn't historical descriptions of famous jedi or explanations of jedi philosophy-including a chapter on the importance of abstinence. Kylo felt his stomach drop as he realized the chapter was much later in the book than Rey had gotten. Rey might not yet realize that what they shared was against the jedi order.

Kylo had mentioned the restriction to her earlier, but there had been a lot going on, and he couldn't remember if she had confirmed hearing it or not. Of course, Rypo had discussed it with him as well around Rey, but Rey had been unconscious at the time. It was possible she didn't know. How would she react when she found out?

Would Rey end intimacy with him and insist on just being friends? Would she lose herself to a maelstrom of emotions as she battled with her regret and desire? Would she hate him for encouraging intimacy without warning her? Somehow, though he had planned for her to pretend desire in front of his knights, he had not thought through what it would mean for her as a jedi. His heart ached realizing that their first day kissing might also be their last.

Kylo Ren briefly considered destroying the section on abstinence to hide it, but he had said from the start that he wanted to be honest with her. He would not change that now. He would not hide the truth from her. He would not even delay it. He did not want to create more memories together only to have her regret them at an unexpected moment.

He would tell her tonight, as soon as she returned from the refresher.

She had left behind the pants, only bringing his shirt with her. He swallowed hard at the thought of seeing her freshly washed with her legs bare underneath something that belonged to him. Had she realized the effect it would have on him? Was it as intentional as his own decision to not wear a shirt, knowing that his bare chest attracted her?

If he were going to have this talk with her properly, he should put a shirt on.

Kylo grabbed a shirt for himself and pulled it over his head before stretching back out in his bunk. How long would she be in there? He listened to the shower water from the refresher and found his mind drifting to how she was naked right now. The bond started to form, and Kylo shook his head violently to stop it before things between them could become even more complicated.

"Meditation," Kylo gasped between panting at what he had almost initiated with Rey. "I need to meditate."

Ben? He heard her say in his mind. She must have felt what happened. She sounded startled, but not entirely displeased.

I want to speak with you, but I can wait until you are decent. The force was less patient. I prevented the bond from forming when I realized its intentions. Kylo explained.

He heard nothing for a minute from her, and he began to despair her reaction when she spoke in his mind again. I'll be out soon.

Kylo sighed and forced his mind to empty itself for meditation. He lost himself to time, and suddenly Rey was there before him, touching his knee gently. He opened his eyes and nearly lost his resolve.

He had some idea of what she would look like in his shirt, but his imagination had not filled him in on how her cheeks would be flushed or how she would smell good. It had not occurred to him before that she had smelled bad, given that he was used to the smells of battle and sweaty stormtroopers, but smelling soap mixed with her own feminine scent without the usual smell of sweat and dirt was intoxicating. He did not dare look at her legs yet.

"You wanted to talk?" Rey reminded him. She was smiling and blushing, and he felt cruel and heartless for the reality check he was about to give her, but it had to be done.

Kylo Ren very carefully maintained eye contact. "There is something you should know before we proceed," he said. Rey's eyebrows knitted together as she looked back at him. "I'm sorry I did not tell you sooner."

"What's wrong, Ben?" Rey asked.

Kylo gazed at her and found he could not bear to witness her reaction. "It's in your text. Chapter 24. Please read it." He thought for a moment to ask that she make sure to keep her shields up as well, but she had not dropped them at all since she made the small hole for Rypo to investigate, and that had long been patched.

Rey bit her lip and turned away from him. She picked up her book, sat down in her bunk, and flipped to the designated chapter. Kylo Ren closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind as he waited.

"The Jedi and Abstinence?" Rey said out loud.

Kylo felt every muscle in his body tense at hearing those words from her lips, but he nodded, assuming she was looking at him. He listened to her steady breathing and the slight scrape of her finger sliding across the page as she read. His own breath hitched as she flipped the page, and he realized he was terrified, though her own heartbeat remained steady. After another excruciating minute, he heard her close the book and put it down.

She stood and walked up to him, so close he could feel the fabric of the shirt she wore brush against the fabric covering his knees. He did not dare open his eyes to see her expression.

"You're afraid," Rey said. Her voice was tinged with wonder, and he did not understand why.

"I am," he admitted.

"Ben, I'm not going to give up what we have just because some dusty old book says it's a bad idea," Rey said.

Ben's eyes shot open to look at her. She was standing with her hands on her hips, glaring at him. She was beautiful, and he felt something like hope ignite inside him.

"Did you think a little note like that would sway me when the fact that you've been more dark than light and the leader of the First Order didn't stop me? These texts say not to desire physical intimacy. They also say I shouldn't feel hate, fear, or any passionate feeling. I feel all of them. I feel them strongly, including desire. They're part of who I am, and I won't give that up."

She dropped her hands and let them hang limply at her sides. "I've embraced the conflict within me. This book is a guide, but only a guide. I make my own choices, and I chose you."

Rey held her hand out to him, and he stared at it blankly, noting the black sleeve folded up on itself to be the right length for her arm even as he was still reeling in the shock that she was not affected by the teachings against intimacy.

She dropped her hand when he didn't take it. "You put your shirt back on for this, didn't you?" she said. "Weren't you going to seduce me to the dark side?"

Kylo was speechless as she took the hem of his shirt and slid it up, stroking the muscles of his chest in the process. He lifted his arms as she pulled the shirt all the way off and tossed it on the foot of the bunk. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him slowly, deeply, and intensely. The position hitched his shirt up high on her thighs so that the entirety of her legs were visible. They were beautiful, and he reached out to feel the outside of her thighs without thinking. Her legs were not shaved like those of most women he had seen. They were wild, just like she was, and he loved it.

He relaxed into the kiss, finally trusting that this was the future she wanted. He recalled how much she had wanted his hands on her bottom the last time they had kissed, and he slid them up from her thighs to cup her butt underneath the shirt. He fully expected to find underwear underneath. He did not.

She gasped, breaking the kiss, and stepped backwards away from him. "The… the underthings you got me were too big to wear. I hadn't planned on…" Her voice drifted off and she pulled the shirt down with her hands, obviously self-conscious now and blushing deeply.

Kylo froze and processed that she had nothing on underneath his shirt. His tailor had bungled things amazingly in supplying her clothes. "We can get new underwear for you after Ilum," he said. "Nightclothes too."

"Yea. That sounds good," Rey said.

"I'll go check how far we have until we exit hyperspace. Why don't you try to get some sleep?" Kylo said. He was entirely too wound up to rest, and Rey looked like she needed some space to recover from what had just happened.

"Thank you," Rey said. He gazed at her, not wanting to leave her, and she gazed back. "I'm sorry," she said. "I backed off right after reassuring you that I do want to be intimate with you. I don't know anything about how to pace these things."

"Me either," he admitted. "We can figure it out together."

Rey smiled shyly and nodded before carefully climbing into her bunk, pulling the blanket over her, and closing her eyes. Kylo gazed at her still, marveling at his luck to be with her.


This story is currently rated T, but this chapter could have easily gone in the direction of an M rating. With that in mind and their developing relationship, I'm letting you readers have input on whether I keep it in the T rating or change it to an M rating for when it makes sense. Thoughts?

And as always, please review!

First couple reviewers seemed to think I was asking about whether I needed to change the rating if I included mature content. I know I'd need to change the rating if I included it. I'm trying to get feedback on whether y'all, my readers, are comfortable reading mature content. Please let me know. :)