Chapter 29
After dinner, Rey showered while Ben flew them to orbit. After Rey was clean, she found herself hanging out with Growlie in the cockpit while Ben had his turn in the refresher. She could have stayed in the bunk room, but the bunks really were not designed for two people, and she wasn't sure what to do. She still didn't have night pants, though she did at least have underwear on underneath Ben's big black shirt. She blushed, wondering what would happen tonight.
"You sleep with him every night, don't you?" she said to Growlie. "I'm jealous, I think. I would like to snuggle up to him without worrying about what might happen."
Growlie squawked at her, and Rey frowned at the porg and sighed. "I'm not your enemy, Growlie. We're both far from home." She gazed out at the stars. "I wonder what direction Jakku is in."
She heard steps behind her, and Ben leaned over her shoulder. His chest was bare and warm from the shower, and its proximity left her feeling lightheaded and a little dizzy. "Ready for bed?" he asked.
"The bunks are too small," Rey said.
Ben smiled. "Maybe if we were planning to make love, but they're big enough for us to sleep holding each other."
Rey blushed. Apparently she had been the only one thinking they might do something more tonight. "Okay," she said, feeling and odd mix of relief and disappointment. What in the force did she want?
Ben took her hand and led her back to the bunks. Ben got into bed first, turned on his side, and left an arm sprawled across the bed in invitation to her.
Rey crawled in next to him, facing him with her head on his arm. She was still nervous, but when he pulled the blanket up to their chests and rested his arm on top with their faces inches apart, the space felt like a tiny cocoon of paradise.
Ben smiled at Rey and hugged her closer to him. Her face ended up against his neck, and while she enjoyed feeling treasured, the idea of being this physically close to another person for any length of time without an objective was confusing, and she had no idea what to do with her arms and hands. They were awkwardly tucked between them with her hands curled away from his chest. Her legs were equally stiff and withdrawn.
It did feel like paradise, and she had no idea what she was doing in it.
"Don't be afraid, Rey. Here," Ben said. She felt him lower his mental barriers, and a wave of warmth and love hit her.
"What are you doing?" Rey asked, wary even as she felt her nerves relax.
"Calming you. Do you want me to stop?"
"No," Rey said, and she lowered her barriers too, because feeling was easier than thinking. The force swelled with their love for each other, and she smiled sadly. "We won't be able to do this when we're with the First Order," she said.
"No. It won't be safe there," Ben said. She sensed his consideration of whether he should even bother going back when everything he wanted was here in his arms.
"You don't have to go back," Rey said.
Ben sighed, dropping the thought for a conviction to return. "Poe won't get a peace treaty to happen without me, and you wouldn't want to leave your friends exposed to the First Order without it." He frowned. "You do have good friends. I understand why you wanted to save them."
Rey reached her arm around his back and snuggled against him, her awkwardness forgotten in her gratitude for Ben.
"Thank you," Rey said.
"You're welcome. We can talk more in the morning. Let's get some sleep," he said. Rey sensed his intent to help her rest, and she closed her eyes as he sent her to sleep using the force. Her dreams were peaceful and warm.
The next day cycle came too soon.
Waking had been all smiles and gentle embraces, but now they were zooming through hyperspace to the First Order. Their minds were closed to each other once more in preparation. Rey was tempted to ask Ben if he had a plan, but she hated them herself. Still...
"All I need to do is act like I'm infatuated with you, right?" Rey asked.
The corner of Ben's mouth twisted into a frown. "That had been the plan. I'm thinking of a new plan now though. We do love each other."
Rey frowned. "Weren't you afraid they would use your attachment to me against you?"
"I thought we would only be connected by the bond. With you next to me… Rey, they couldn't stop us if they tried."
"Unless they blow us out of orbit before we board the ship," Rey reminded him.
Ben smirked. "There is that." He gazed at the streaks of light from the stars passing by. "However," he said, and turned to look her in the eye. "I'm tired of hiding. I didn't realize until last night how very little I know of my knights, and how little they likely know of me. I killed Hux, you know, and I don't think I trust my second-in-command in the knights to think beyond the vision Snoke provided us, but if one of the others were worthy, maybe I could train that person to replace me and be free of it all."
Rey's lips parted in shock. "You mean it. You mean to renounce the First Order."
His eyes narrowed. "I mean to stay by your side. If that means renouncing the First Order, then so be it, but I will do my part to leave it in good hands. Therefore, if they decide not to blow us out of the sky, we will join them as ourselves in truth, and you will help me find a suitable replacement."
Rey nodded and gazed back at the stars. Somewhere beyond them was her future, and now it was a future with Ben, without the First Order, possibly without the Resistance. After all, while Rey loved her friends, her role had been to support them against the First Order. Once the conflict was no more, she had no place there.
Rey smiled and turned back to Ben, wondering what they would do next. She had always fancied the idea of smuggling after hearing of the legends of Han Solo, but given Ben's personal involvement in that legend, she doubted he would care for the idea. Besides, neither of them were very good at lying, which seemed to be a crucial skill set.
"What will we do, after?" Rey asked.
Ben's eyes widened and his own lips parted, and Rey knew then that he had never thought that far ahead. "I don't know. Do you have any ideas? No, not smuggling," he said, narrowing his eyes. Rey chuckled. "I don't know how to live in a galaxy without war. It's been my entire life. What's scavenging like?"
Rey scoffed. "You want us to be scavengers?"
"Not at all, but it's something you did that didn't involve the war."
Rey hadn't thought of it like that before. "In a way, it did. I was scavenging parts from an old battle, and they likely went back to use for new battles. I never did ask Plutt what he did with the goods we sold him."
She paused to think about it. "Scavenging was hard and dangerous work. I thank the force that I'm alive. Most child scavengers didn't make it. Many adults didn't either." She shuddered, thinking on the corpses she had come across of those who never made it home from searching for salvage. "It's not a future. Repairing ships, though, that might be something, and piloting! We're both solid pilots."
Ben smiled at her. "We are. Maybe we can make that our future." The dash beeped and the smile faded from his face. "It's time." He dropped them out of hyperspace, and over a half dozen Star Destroyers and other ships were suddenly before them. Rey bit her lip against the fear that welled up inside at the sight of the fleet. The Resistance would never survive a full-out battle against the First Order.
Next to her, Ben barked out the codes to grant them permission to land, and a moment later, they were caught in a tractor beam pulling them into the hangar of one of the Star Destroyers.
"Looks like everything's in order," Ben said. He took her hand in his, and they watched out the viewport together as they came closer. "Got your lightsaber?" he asked when they landed. She nodded. "Good. Let's go."
And another one's up! I'm hoping to keep these coming once every day or so until this story's done.
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I've stopped responding to individual reviews unless a specific question is asked so that I can focus my energy on writing and taking care of that big old life thing in the background. If you're ever wondering something, feel free to send me a message. I like chatting on here. :)
