Thank you, Quinkilo1055, Link's Ocarina Blade, I.K.A.Valian, Booklover13, SuperGoatGrl, and Yuleen75 for your reviews! I hope I have spelt all your names right today! Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter…


Chapter Twenty-One – Body Shocks

Seated at the head of the breakfast table, a huge repast spread before him, Rauru couldn't help but smile. Breakfast was his favourite meal, it was the only time he was ever allowed to gorge himself in Impa's presence. Besides of which, the sun was shimmering brilliantly through the shutters, casting slits of golden light across the walls, the birds chattered in the trees and a recreant cucco clucked as she passed by the door. It was a perfect morning, so why everyone else still looked so vexed was a mystery to him.

Opposite him sat Impa. Whilst it was not unusual to see her glaring at somebody, it was a little early in the day for her unpleasantries to begin. Rauru sighed sadly as he observed her expression. It was a shame Impa enjoyed being cantankerous, he decided. Kru could be forgiven for his annoyance. After all, he had been rudely awoken at an hour just before dawn when an army of keese had suddenly decided to take up residence in his room. It was unfortunate that his screams had attracted Impa's attention. She did not like her dreams interrupted and when the said interruption had made it apparent that both her charge and her charge's erstwhile companion had managed to escape her clutches, the result was not pleasant.

Underneath her fury, Rauru knew that Impa was genuinely concerned for Zelda's welfare, and that anxiety only led her to stoke the flames of her anger, so when Zelda did eventually return (with Link in tow) she was ready to just about murder somebody. Fortunately Link, otherwise known as the bane of her life, had been standing nearby so she was able to vent her spleen on him. Unfortunately, she had not expected Link to react as he had. He had first argued with her and had then burst into tears and stormed off to Zelda's room. Zelda had watched the proceedings with an appalled look on her face and had shot after him, shouting "My reputation!" Impa had followed the pair and after another ugly run in, where Link was hauled off to his room in hysterics, Zelda banished to her room in a state of seething fury and Impa retired downstairs to raid her 'lethal-strength-only-to-be-consumed-in-emergencies-drinks cabinet, some semblance of normality had returned.

Rauru, ever the optimist, had hoped that the whole incident would be forgotten by breakfast. Judging by Link's sulky air, Zelda's glittering eyes and Impa's expression, and the unfriendly hush in the air, the combatants were not quite ready to forgive and forget.

"Eggs, anyone?" Asked Rauru, attempting to break the uncomfortable silence. He smiled blankly, focussing on the silver tray he was holding out, rather than confront three of his four companions. Zelda was the first to relent.

"Go on then." She said, holding up her plate. She met Link's eyes as she spoke, clearly some message was passed between them, for she smiled hastily and added, "Please?" to her sentence. She piled three eggs to her plate and then added two slices of bacon, three sausages and a few cooked tomatoes. Under Link's unwavering blue stare she quickly grabbed a couple of slices of toast as well.

"You seem to have a good appetite today." Remarked Impa, giving her charge the same incredulous look that Link did.

"Er, do I?" Replied Zelda, gazing at her fully loaded plate in apparent confusion.

"Do you not think it would be wise NOT to eat so much?" Asked Link, a brittle edge to his voice.

"I'm hungry." Retorted Zelda, shoving a forkful of egg and bacon into her mouth defiantly. "You should eat summat too!" She added, munching on a piece of toast, "You'll get hungry, Link."

"I will not." Link gave the spread of food a look of loathing. "I don't think I can eat today."

"No?"

"Not. A. Bite." For a moment Link and Zelda glared at one another across the table, both pairs of blue eyes flashing a challenge.

"I'll make you." Threatened Zelda, the slightest hint of a smile lurking on her otherwise stern mouth.

"Will you now?"

Not at all impressed with how the two seemed to be reacting to one-another – their manner was far from informal - Impa cleared her throat and ordered Rauru to pass her the tea. Casting an unladylike wink at Link, Zelda returned her attention back to her plate, smiling.

"It's good to see a young lady with a healthy appetite." Remarked Kru, as he watched Zelda joyfully add a pile of fried mushrooms (which had previously escaped her notice) onto her already rather full plate. "So many girls these days half starve themselves to maintain what they'd call a "nice" appearance – skeletal appearance, that's what I'd say, why when I was a lad it was the height of fashion for girls to be a plump…"

"Little handful." Zelda finished his sentence, with a rather odd hand gesture (for a girl) and her dark eyes glinting playfully. "I know just what you mean, Kru. I think women in general look better with a couple of curves on their body – you know, let's us…er - you guys know there's a real woman underneath them clothes and…"

"Oh so that's why you are practically gorging yourself? You think it is attractive?" Asked Link pointedly from across the table.

"I can stand to gain a couple pounds." Declared Zelda, casting him a defiant look.

"I say you are perfect the way you are." Snapped Link. "One slice of toast and maybe a sliver of bacon should be sufficient for someone your size."

Zelda grinned at him and, throwing caution to the wind, grabbed another thickly buttered toasty treat. With a mischievous grin at her adversary, she raised it to her mouth. The next instant Link had jumped from his chair and had slapped it furiously from her hand. It fell on the floor and was promptly devoured by Amber, who like her master, rather liked buttered toast. Link's chair followed the route taken by the toast, clattering to the floor unnoticed as Zelda and Link stood over the table, glowering at one another, noses only inches apart.

"Don't eat so much, Zelda." Snarled Link, he had grabbed both of her wrists in one hand and held them in a death grip.

"Stop telling me what to do, Link!"

"Just stop being such an ass." Snapped Link. "And why were you in the bathroom for a whole hour this morning? What the heck were you doing?"

"I was trying to get dressed!"

"For a whole hour?"

"YES! I got a bit sidetracked…"

"Oh, sure you got sidetracked, you disgusting, perverted little…toad!"

"Hey, I can't help it! All right?"

"No it is not all right! You…you…"

"Er, children…?" Began Kru, trying to calm the seething pair. He looked at Rauru. Rauru looked from Link to Zelda, he could almost see the sparks flying between their eyes. He gulped and turned to Impa.

The Sheikah judge sipped calmly from her china teacup, red eyes watching the battle with obvious indifference. She carefully placed the cup back onto its saucer and then removed Zelda's plate from the table, passing it to Amber who watched anxiously from the sidelines.

The noise of the plate meeting the stone floor with a gentle click was hardly ear splitting, but in the tense silence of the room it made the combatants jump.

"My breakfast!" Exclaimed Zelda, as she watched Amber munching the entire contents of her plate almost as quickly as she herself could. Link 'humphed' and sat down. He'd forgotten his chair had been pushed from the table in a rage. As he fell he grabbed the snow-white tablecloth. The result was inevitable. Link's screech as he was covered in a yummy, hot coating of toast, bacon, eggs, sausage, mushroom a pot of tea and various sauces made a smile appear on even Impa's stern face.

From the wreckage of breakfast came a small voice. A pair of bright blue eyes sought out the face of Zelda. A look of loathing filled those beautiful eyes and (not so) unusual tears started to flow. With a look that could kill, if only her magic was working properly, Zelda, trapped in Link's body, glared at her number one antagonist and pronounced that beautiful phrase. "I hate you."


"So Nabooru, what do you think of my idea?" Ganondorf sounded so like an excited little child, that Nabooru, who had woken up to find herself with a hangover and only hazy remembrance of the nights happenings, wondered if he'd been on the happy pills again. She remembered them getting bored of watching Zelda, who was wandering through a series of ever darker rooms, with her ghostly companion. Ganondorf had then switched the seeing-stone off and had said something about sharing a bottle of '46 Gerudo Ruby Rioja. She remembered downing that. She also remembered that after about the fourth, or maybe fifth bottle of Chateau Romani they had imbibed, they had decided to have a chat, the conversation getting louder and a lot more vulgar, for she recalled they had giggled over something for ages. And then she had… Nabooru sat up and blushed. Surely she hadn't had she?

"What ails you now?" Asked Ganondorf.

She turned her puzzled gold eyes to him and noted that he was still only partially clothed. That was all right, he had only been partially clothed last night. She had a suddenly horrible vision of herself sprawling across his very broad and very naked chest saying "'n ffwat maksschhyuu a grrreat kin-hic-ing, Gannny, issch dat yuuu de most gorgoshched effin mmman-hic in al' Hi-hic-rule. I ffrrealllly ffffanceesch yuuuu…" Right after that it seemed she might of accidentally sort of launched herself at her King. She blushed again. "Er…Sire, we didn't…er…do…er…I mean, did I…um…behave inappropriately last-last night, Sire?"

"Don't you mean 'Ganny'?"

Nabooru screwed her beautiful eyes closed and cast a slender hand over them. She could not meet her Lord's eyes, and thought it was rather mean of him to chuckle when she was so clearly mortified. "Sorry." She whispered.

"Heh! You didn't say that last night when you molested me." Smirked Ganondorf, who was still to be fair, a little stunned by the uncharacteristic affection shown to him by his second in command, though he had vowed to get her drunk more often. "Anyway, what do you think of my idea to kidnap Zelda?"

"Kidnap? Er, My Lord, haven't we already done that and didn't it fail?"

"Yes." Replied Ganondorf, with an evil look. "But you know – 'if at first you don't succeed, try try again!"

"Sir, might I point out that the only thing kidnapping a maiden is good for is to give some idiotic knightly type the chance to bag himself a rich bride? If you kidnap Zelda again, you'll just have that idiot Link come and rescue her again, and don't say he won't. It's bound to happen. Things like that always do."

"What if I wanted to promote their relationship? Make them fall in love." Asked Ganondorf, a sparkly look in his eyes.

"If you wanted to what?"

"You know – help them get together – you disagree, huh? Oh well, I thought it'd be entertaining to play matchmaker for once. You know I feel so happy today. The sun is out, the sky is blue and the birds are singing. It's good to be alive."

Ganondorf watched Nabooru puzzling over this statement for a moment, before grinning evilly. "You should see your face." He laughed. "Priceless. I think I should always keep you by me, you are the most… interesting… woman I know." He flicked her cheek with a lazy finger and smiled benignly.

Nabooru, who was on the verge of having her King committed for such alarmingly abnormal behaviour sighed with relief. Seeing him happy was something she was unaccustomed to, and it both confused and amused her. Her golden eyes turned to him instinctively. He was watching her intently, his dark gold eyes fixed on her face. His lips twitched as he saw her expression. "My Lord." Gasped Nabooru. "I have just had a brilliant idea!"

"Is it a dreadfully villainous idea?" Asked her Lord cautiously.

"Oh, it is the most wicked, nasty thing I have ever thought of!" Reassured Nabooru, smirking. Ganondorf's eyes became all sparkly again as she began to explain her very, very, very evil plans.


Link ached all over. His back hurt. His legs hurt. His arms hurt. His hands hurt. Even his head ached. He pulled up from his brisk jog and leaned over, hands on his knees catching his breath. The sight of his dainty little feet, and long shapely legs (or what he could see of them) encased in white and blue Sheikah armour, for once did not instantly cheer him. In fact he felt miserable. Twice that day he had felt like crying, for no reason whatsoever, and once he had actually been on the verge of lashing out at Zelda when she had smiled at him.

Stupid Zelda trapped in his lovely, man body, whilst he was stuck with the feminine equivalent of a slug. Another stomach cramp sent him reeling. "Oh gods, I am dying." He moaned. After a pause, the pain subsided. He glared at Zelda's retreating figure.

"Wait up!" He shouted.

This made his companion turn around and glare at him. It was the most bizarre thing in the world, he decided, to see yourself truly in the flesh and listen to yourself speak. Well, it wasn't really yourself, he supposed, watching Zelda roll her eyes and place her hands on her-no-his hips, she was speaking, but she was using his vocal chords and she was completely, utterly tearing your carefully built reputation to shreds.

"Will you keep up, lazy bum?" Yelled Zelda.

"I am trying to! It's not my fault this blasted body of yours has no stamina. I thought you said you went for a five mile run every morning."

"I do." Link did not see the slight blush that spread across her cheeks as she spoke this blatant lie.

"Well you can't have been pushing yourself very hard." Retorted Link, inching forward, rabid cramp invading every muscle he could feel. He was entirely convinced that women were made in a completely different manner to men. He hurt in places he'd never even dreamt of before. "And please, don't stand there with your hands on your hips. I never do that!" Guiltily Zelda adjusted her posture. Link cringed. "Nor do I stand clutching one arm in my hand, legs together and head down. Legs slightly apart! Back Straight! Shoulders back! Head up! Face everything with a grin, got that?"

Zelda adjusted her posture again and sighed. "Happy now?"

"I'm only trying to help." Explained Link. He looked at her, or rather his body and ran his eyes over it to check for any visible signs of damage. Their jog had taken them partway up the Death Mountain trial, away from the village. With Impa watching the pair of them like a hawk, they had decided to go for a run to escape the slightly too shrewd judge. "Did you get a bruise when you ran into that table this morning?" He asked, plonking himself down on the grass and immediately yelping as he sat on a stone.

"A bit." Replied Zelda, sitting much more elegantly by his side. "It's strange though, it didn't hurt nearly as much as it should."

"Yeah well, my body is a lot tougher than yours." Smirked Link, casting another look at his body.

"Yeah, and it seems to be inherently more stupid, clumsy and lazy. Why already I feel my intelligence levels sinking to new lows." Retorted Zelda. She gave her own body a critical look and sighed. "If we are going to be stuck in these bodies for any length of time, I suggest I give you some lessons on how to dress."

"I thought I'd did alright today. And it only took half an hour."

"Twenty-seven minutes to gawp at my bust in the mirror, one minute to find some clothes when you heard me leave my room and the other to fling them on at random and pull a comb through my hair." Link blushed (he seemed to do that a lot in Zelda's body. In his own body he would have grinned sheepishly). "Don't think I don't know what you're up to." Said Zelda, ominously.

"Well you're not exactly dapper yourself today."

"At least I am wearing something different than yesterday's clothes."

"That is guaranteed to make Impa suspect something's up! I never change my clothes."

"I noticed! Nor do you bathe, oil your skin, polish your nails or cut your hair." Snapped Zelda. "You are such an oaf."

"Well at least I do not…uh…" Link rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and looked away. "I don't always have time. Besides, I like me looking a little rough around the edges."

Zelda closed her eyes momentarily. She was probably praying for the strength to cope with this ordeal. She wished there was some way she could revenge herself on Link. Some way she could inflict a permanent mental scar on his cockly little self, without actually doing something horrible to her body in the process. Although it was her that had made that stupid wish to understand him better, somehow, she convinced herself that it was still his fault. But she couldn't think of anything. "There's looking rough and then there's looking like you." She snorted. "And the worst of it is, I can't even take a bath…"

"Why?"

"Aren't you embarrassed by…? No. You wouldn't be." Sighed Zelda, only able to cope with the thought of her poor body at the mercy of Link's perverted mind, by not thinking too deeply about it.

Link smirked again. "No. That was the most interesting night of my life."

Zelda's eyes closed momentarily in acute pain. "Unfortunately, unlike you, I have morals and standards. Something you sorely need to learn. I cannot bring myself to…bathe…"

"Go to a hot spring then."

"That's even worse. Then I'd be surrounded by naked Gorons."

"Then tell Impa what you've done."

"I can't. She'll kill me." Zelda moaned and flopped forward.

"Well then…ooooooooocccchhh…." Link suddenly rolled forward.

"Link, are you alright?" Zelda watched as Link doubled over in pain, clutching his stomach.

"I am going to die." He declared.

"Er…why?"

"My stomach hurts sooooo badly."

"It's just cramp. Deal with it!" Retorted Zelda, a little scornfully. "You are such a wuss!"

"I am not. I've never experienced pain like this before. It's agony! It's torture! It's…"

"It happens to me every month but even worse! Just be glad you're not having to deal with that…yet!" Snapped Zelda. "Do grow up! We've got more important things to consider – like what the hell are we going to do?"

Link glared at her, not at all happy with her lack of sympathy. He saw his own eyes staring back at him, enigmatically, a little scornfully even, and he suddenly wondered if he truly looked that uncaring? Were those frown lines he could see on his face? And did he ever need a haircut!

"Link? Real world time please!" Zelda waved her hand in front of his eyes and he blinked. "What are we going to do?"

Link sighed and stared at the horizon. It was a tricky question. He wasn't even sure there was an answer. You see the problem with their body swap was that Zelda had taken all her magical knowledge with her, but she hadn't exactly taken her powers. And as Link knew pretty much nothing about magic, he couldn't revert them back to their own forms. They had tried. They had even toyed with the idea of asking Agahnim for help. But he would only tell Impa. And Impa would subsequently kill the pair of them.

"There's only one thing we can do." He decided, in answer to her question. "We have to find Saeru."

"Well, duh!" Snapped Zelda. "That's a no-brainer. You know, I generally am held to be a smartish sort of girl, you should remember that whilst you are posing as me. Do you think I've not thought of that already? It's impossible!"

"What's impossible?"

"Finding Saeru? To do that we have to defeat the next Dream Snatcher, right?"

"Right…"

"So how can we do that when you can't fight in my body and I can't use my magic in yours?"

"I see…well we could find the next 'Snatcher and see what happens." Said Link, ever the optimist.

"That's your answer to everything, isn't it? Yay – I'm Link, everything will work out okay, coz the sun shines out of my butt! Can't you see we're in serious trouble here? And…"

"Oh stop being so dramatic!" Interrupted Link, angrily. His cheeks flushed and then suddenly he went very white.

"Now what's up?" Sighed Zelda, as Link suddenly lolled forward.

"My stomach…hurts…" Link groaned pitiably and rolled on the grass, clutching a hand to his abdomen. Zelda watched these signs with no little alarm but then enlightenment dawned on her. She looked both guilty and amused. "Am I going to die?" Moaned Link.

"Not really." Zelda suddenly started to giggle, in a manner that Link could only describe as being purely evil. "But I think I know what the stomach pains mean."

"You do? What?" Gasped Link, still doubled over in exaggerated demonstration of his agony.

"I-hehe- don't think you're gonna enjoy this week much, Linkipoo…"


Hope you liked that! Sorry I didn't go into Ganondorf's / Impa's reactions this time although Impa does feature more next chapter so who knows? Also, expect another OOT (and probably OTT!) cameo very soon. Cue dramatic music…or maybe not! Please feel free to review!