DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN CSI:NY OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS. I ONLY OWN SAMANTHA ROSS.
SPECIAL THANKS TO ANGELIC STARS FOR HER HELLO KITTY EMAIL! I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT IT AND I THANK YOU FOR THINKING OF ME WHEN YOU SAW IT!
AND A HUGE THANKS TO THE FOLLOWING FOR THEIR SUPPORT: DONNA, ERICA, RACHEL, HEIDI, MICHELLE, DORI, CASS, SAM AND MANY MANY MANY OTHERS.
THE BOTTOM HALF OF THIS CHAPTER GOES OUT TO CASS. DOES THE WORD 'CUFFS MAKE YOU GIGGLE? LOL. REMEMBER: CHOCOLATE, FLACK AND HANDCUFFS MAKE FOR ONE HELL OF A NIGHT IN.
OKAY, I JUST WANT TO CLEAR SOME THINGS UP. FIRST, I WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO LAURZZ FOR OFFENDING HER IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM. NOTHING IN THIS CHAPTER OR ANY CHAPTER I'VE RECENTLY POSTED WAS WRITTEN OUT OF SPITE OR RETALIATION. IT WAS AN ACKNOWLEDGMENT. NOT A DIG. AND I'M SORRY, BECAUSE OF MY POOR JUDGEMENT, ABOUT THE PROBLEMS THAT ERUPTED. IT TAKES A BIG PERSON TO APOLOGIZE IN A PUBLIC FORUM AND I HOPE EVERYONE CAN APPRECIATE THE SENTIMENT THAT WENT INTO THIS. SECOND, YOU WANT TO SLAM MY OC? THAT'S FINE. SHE'S A FICTITIOUS CHARACTER. JUST LIKE DANNY AND LINDSAY AND FLACK AND EVERYONE ON THE SHOW. THEY AREN'T REAL. BUT WHEN THE ATTACKS BECOME PERSONAL BY CALLING MY SON A 'RETARD AND A MONGOLOID', JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE SOMETHING YOU'VE READ? THAT IS CROSSING A LINE. THIS IS A FICTIONAL WORLD WE ARE LIVING IN HERE ON FF. NET PEOPLE. NOTHING IS REAL. AND IT'S TRULY SAD AND APPALLING WHEN A REAL HUMAN BEING WITH REAL FEELINGS TAKES A BACK SEAT TO THE FAKE CHARACTERS. I'VE REPENTED. BUT PLEASE, PLEASE BACK OFF MY SON.
OF BUMPKINS, EASTER CREAM EGGS AND 'CUFFS
"Well my Daddy used to tell me
Any man can be a king,
it ain't that complicated,
it's a very simple
don't need no castle or throne for sitting in,
All you need is one good
If you find yourself somebody
who will meet you at a stump,on a rainy sunday morning
before the sun is even
who 'll stand right there beside you and fight any fight you're in,
then you've got one good friend."
-One Good Friend, George Canyon
Danny strode quickly and purposefully past the elevators on the thirty-fifth floor. His attention focused on the case folder that lay open and clutched in his hands as he made his way to Mac's office. He heard the dinging of the elevator as it arrived on the floor, followed by the doors swishing open and the sound of heels rushing in his direction from behind. As he felt a small, affectionate hand fall on the space between his shoulders, a slow smile crept across his face. He didn't need to even glance back. All identity had been revealed in that familiar light, floral base scent that happily invaded his senses.
"How goes the good fight?" Sam asked cheerfully, as she stepped alongside of him, her hand slipping to his shoulder.
"It goes," he replied. "What are you doing here? Aren't you afraid that Mac's going to see you? You usually don't hang out at the place you're playing hooky from."
"I'm not playing hooky. I took a personal day. And Mac knows that I'm here. I called him and asked him if he had a few minutes for me to come and talk to him. About everything that's been going on lately. How I've been feeling and struggling and all of that."
Danny nodded in understanding. "Is this something you're doing willingly or is it something someone is pressuring you to do?" he asked.
"Willingly," Sam assured him. "I just realized that I can't handle this on my own and I figured the bigger support system I can build for myself, the better. People don't understand why I can be as sweet as pie one second and raging psychotic bitch the next unless I tell them what's going on. And before you ask, no. I'm not attempting to create a Sam Ross Pity Party. I just want you guys to be aware that sometimes I'm not being me. If that makes any sense at all."
"Something tells me that the split personality thing isn't going to go over well," he teased, nudging her playfully with his elbow. "And what made you think I was going to accuse you of tossing yourself a pity party?"
Sam arched her eyebrows and stared at him pointedly. "You honestly didn't think I couldn't hear you when you called me crazy girl last night, did you? Or that Lindsay didn't crack and tell me how you think I'm faking my moods to, and I quote, 'get what I want and control my boyfriend'?"
Danny hung his head in shame. "Sam…look…"
"It's okay," she assured him. "I'm not pissed or anything. I mean, I should be, but…I know it's hard for some people to accept depression as a legit illness. And Linds told me that you've never really had to deal with anything like this before. So I get why you're acting the way you are. Closing yourself off."
"What is it with you women and this whole closing myself off thing?" he asked.
"It's what you do," Sam told him. "You push people away. Do I really need to go into vivid details about the number of times you've done that to Linds since I've been her or before I ever arrived?"
"Hey…she's not an entirely innocent party you know. She's got this uncanny ability of holding your feelings hostage and using them against you when the mood strikes her. And not to mention how goddamn hard and long you actually have to chase her."
"Maybe we like to be chased," Sam said. "Maybe we like to watch the guy work his ass off and lay his heart and soul bare so we can…."
"So you can what? Shit all over him? Trample all over him?"
"No. I was going to say so we can feel good about ourselves by watching you prove how sincere you are about your feelings for us. We like to see how hard you're willing to work and how far your willing to go to land us. We like to play hard to get. It's fun. I guess we feel if you guys think we're worth it, you'll bust your ass to get it."
"With a warped thought process like that, it's now easy to see why it took Flack a year and a half to land you," Danny remarked.
"Oh come on. Not even I play THAT hard to get. We all know it took that long 'cause he couldn't get his head out of his ass. But all's well that ends well, right? I mean you had to fight to get and keep Linds. You made your mistakes and you redeemed yourself. Now look at the two of you…" she reached up to tousle his hair affectionately. "Soon you'll be a hubby and a daddy."
Danny grinned.
"And then there's the insanity that is me and Don," Sam laughed. "We are so completely dysfunctional. We're always at each other. If you ask me, we are an epic love/hate story. We can't figure out whether to love one another or kill one another."
"But you guys work," Danny pointed out. "Somehow you guys get past all of that and you work. It's so obvious how much he loves you. And how much you love him. The two of you can't even walk past each other without it being written all over your faces when you look at each other. And I've never, ever seen Flack look at someone like that."
She smiled.
"You guys got a good thing going on," Danny told her. "And once you both…and notice how I stressed the word both?…get your shit together, it's going to be an amazing thing."
She sniffled noisily and used a finger to wipe under her eyes.
"What?" Danny chuckled and laid a hand on the back of her neck. "You goin' all emotional on me now, B? You getting' all misty eyed listening to me talk the romance?"
"Shut up," she grumbled.
"You're such a sap," he said, shaking his head. "And what's this look you're rocking today?" he asked, eyeing her from head to toe. Taking in her wide legged, almost bell bottomed jeans, wedge heeled sandals and a white peasant style top with billowy sleeves and intricate purple, yellow and pink embroidery along the neckline. She had braided two thick sections of hair, one on each side of her head, and brought them back and secured them with a flower shaped barrette. "You fall into a time machine or something? You unleashing your inner flower child? Is there a Woodstock revival going on?"
Sam rolled her eyes. "I will have you know, Daniel, that there are many sides to me. My hippy flower child side I am modelling today, my preppy American Eagle side, my retro, second hand store clothes side and then my sexual goddess in mini skirts and camis side."
"Easy to figure out which one is Flack's favourite," Danny mused.
"Behind closed doors you mean? On the street he wants a lady. In private? The skankier the better."
"Why does that not surprise me?" he asked with a smirk. "So what have you…" he paused, his eyes narrowing as they were drawn to the side of her nose. It appeared irritated and swollen and there was something imbedded in her nostril. He was tempted to reach out and brush it away until he realized that the something was actually a small, sparkling pink stone. "Please tell me that's not real," he pleaded.
"What?" she asked innocently, then brought her finger up to her nose. "Oh you mean this? Okay…I won't tell you."
"Brooklyn…what in the hell is wrong with you? What are you doing to yourself? Why are you going out and purposefully maiming yourself?"
"I am not maiming myself," she informed him. "I am simply expressing my individuality."
"Four tattoos, a navel ring, a tongue ring and those things at the top of your right ear…"
"Cartilage piercing," she said.
"Whatever…all of that isn't enough? That's not expressive enough for you? Yesterday it was a Hello Kitty branding. Today it's a nose stud. What next?"
"I was considering another tattoo," she admitted. "And getting chunky pink highlights put in my hair."
Danny stared at her.
"I decided against the latter. Well, actually, Jessie talked me out of it. Okay…so she literally yanked me out of the chair and dragged me out of the salon. She said that that was a little too much."
"You're a little too much," Danny declared. "Honestly…what's Flack going to do when he sees that?"
"Actually, he already knows about it. Unlike yesterday, where I just went and got the branding down, today called him and asked him if he had a problem with me getting my nose pierced. He said as long as it was classy, he was cool with it."
"He's gone nuts. He has seriously gone nuts. Either that or his fears of your drugging him are true."
Sam laughed evilly. "I will never give away my secrets. Better watch out, Linds is taking notes and learning quick. Is she around? I bought her some things while I was out shopping."
"Shopping, huh? With Jessie?"
Sam nodded.
"And Jessie is Jessica Angell?"
"Before you ask, yes I know Don called her and yes I know she showed up at his desk and they went for coffee together. Then she came to the apartment to see me. And it's made me realize that the office gossip mill doesn't deserve my attention. I don't want to be part of the he said she said bullshit."
"Limp Bizkit fan, huh?" Danny grinned. "That whole 'He said, she said bullshit'. It's from Break Stuff."
"I like to entertain my Fred Durst crush every now and then," she admitted.
"You are seriously disturbed. You know that? Flack's about as far removed from Fred Durst as you can get."
"Which is why I adore my Donnie to the ends of the earth. Don is Don. And I love every inch and every side of him. For who he is and what he is. He doesn't have to change the man he is for me to love him."
"He's a lucky guy," Danny concluded. "Lots of guys feel the need to 'be that man' someone wants them to be."
"If someone loves you enough, you shouldn't have to change, they should just love you for you."
"Amen to that," he agreed whole heartily. "So this whole Jessie thing…what's up with that? You two kiss and make up? And if you did, did you take pictures?" he teased.
"Sorry. The hot reunion sex wasn't a spectator sport," Sam joked. Then turned serious. "I wouldn't say we're besties. I'd say we're under renovations."
He nodded slowly. "You know, when Linds heard that Flack went to Angell for help…it kind of hurt her feelings. I guess she's worried Angell's going to walk in and take her place."
"Her place in what?" Sam asked. "My life?"
He nodded again.
She couldn't help but laugh. "That's just plain stupid," she declared. "No one could ever take Linds' place. You can't replace a friend you love that much."
"Which is exactly what I told her," Danny said. "But you know what she gets like when the hormones start taking over. It's hard reasoning with her. And it only made things worse when you were screening her calls."
"Screening her calls? I wasn't screening her calls. I had the ringers turned off so I could sleep. I just didn't want to be bothered. By anyone. It's not against the law to want some private time, is it? I just wanted to be alone for a while. It wasn't anything personal to anyone. My whole life doesn't revolve around her or work."
"I know that. And so does she. But I guess she thought 'cause of what happened this morning…"
"Oh you mean the fact that her and my boyfriend were in a state of undress in the bathroom? Hunkered down at the toilet together? How gentle and sweet he was rubbing her back and sponging her neck and forehead down? Looking as if he was the expectant daddy or something?" she tried her best to not let the bitterness creep into her voice.
"Sam…come on…he was just being a good friend. Helping her out. That's all. I'd do the same if it was you."
"Actually, I would hope you wouldn't considering that's a private moment to be shared by two people who are together. But I appreciate the sentiment behind it. But how in the world would you help me when you couldn't even hear the mother of your child in the bathroom tossing her cookies and get out of bed to take care of her?"
"Okay…so I'm an insensitive ass sometimes. But what you saw was perfectly innocent and you just…"
"Reacted badly. I know. I have a knack of reacting badly. Rake me over the goddamn coals. Stone me in the middle of the town square. Vilify me and make other people a Personal Jesus. Don and I dealt with it this morning. It was all me and my irrationality. My insecurities."
"That's Flack talking," Danny told her. "Not you."
"Well for once he's right. I'm not perfect. I can admit when I'm wrong. I am irrational and I am jealous and I am insecure. I'm human. And I shouldn't have to apologize for that. But for Linds…for Linds and only Linds I will go in there and swallow my pride and grovel for forgiveness. Is that what she wants? Me to get on my hands and knees and ask for salvation?"
"She wants you to reassure her that you're not shutting her out of your life," Danny told her. "That you're not going to turn around and stab her in the back by just bringing Angell back into the fold. She doesn't want to be on the outside looking in. She doesn't want it being Sam and Jess. Or it being Linds and Sam. She wants it being the lot of you coexisting peacefully."
"That goes both ways," Sam pointed out. "I can't be the only one making the effort."
"You seem to be forgetting that it was Angell that shit all over and turned her back on you," Danny said.
"And I was the one that her boyfriend dumped her for. Let's call a spade a spade, okay? Human beings can be downright shitty to each other. I'm guilty for that. I'm not denying it. Linds means the world to me. She always has and she always will. No one can take her place or mean as much to me as she does."
"Well you should be telling her that."
"I would if you'd keep yapping so much and let me go and see her," Sam said. "Don's right. You do suffer from diarrehea of the mouth a lot."
"Actually…" Danny closed his case folder and swatted her playfully on the top of the head with it. "He says that about you. And Adam. I remember him specifically telling me that it seems to be a Ross trait."
"Well then you must be our long lost brother," Sam shot back.
"Could explain a lot," Danny told her, as he lingered in the doorway to Mac's office. "Like why we both have this little soft spot for country girls."
Sam laughed. "Danny, for some reason, every time you call her that I want to break out singing Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy."
"Buy Flack a hat and a pair of boots and go to town," he retorted.
"Sorry," she paused in the doorway to Lindsay's office and winked back at him. "But 'cuffs and Kevlar are more my style."
And with that she turned on her heel and disappeared into the office.
"You women are just plain dirty," Danny declared, and journeyed in to see the boss man.
"Hi, bumpkin!" Sam greeted cheerfully as she waltzed into the office where her best friend was hunkered down at her desk, one hand working at her computer keyboard while the other rested on her stomach. "Are you okay?" she asked worriedly.
Lindsay shook her head miserably. "I have tried everything," she grumbled. "Crackers…melba toast…Tums…gravol…stale gingerale…the list goes on and on and on. And nothing gets rid of the nausea."
"I think I may have something that will help," Sam told her, as she settled her shopping bags in the chair in front of the desk.
"Jesus…" Lindsay managed a laugh through her misery. "Did you leave Flack any money to survive for the next month?"
"It amounts to just enough for two coffees each day," Sam joked, as she rummaged through the bags. "I actually didn't take his offer up on his credit or bank card. I've happily put my own self into debt. Anyhow…" she busied herself separated purchases into their rightful bags. "I went into that Motherhood Maternity store across the street from Macy's and I picked you up some stuff. I've never had a preggers bestie before so I might have went a little overboard. But I couldn't resist. Here…" she held up a bag bearing the name of the maternity store and carried it over to the desk.
"Sam, you didn't have to…"
"Did you not just hear me? I've never had a pregnant bestie before. Can I help it if I'm just a little bit excited? This is big stuff and I am going to enjoy every possible second of it. And don't you even dare think I'm not going to take Danny's place at one of the ultrasounds. Because I want to see what the spawn of Messer looks like before he or she graces us with their presence."
"I wouldn't think of not having you there," Lindsay told her. Grateful that all her doubts and worries about their friendship had been put to ease without having to say a word. "Besides, it will give you practice for when your own time comes."
"Well that isn't coming for a long while so let's not worry about that. There's something in that bag that could help you and your little puking problem you've got going on."
Lindsay snatched the bag and plopped it into her lap and opened it. She rummaged through the wide assortment of items. T-shirts and sweats, bras and underwear, a peasant style skirt and a pair of denim overalls and two books. She finally spied what Sam was referring to. A cellophane bag containing an assortment of different flavoured suckers and the words Mommy to Be Lollies written on the front of it.
"The girl at the store told me that there's some kind of herbal ingredient in them that combats morning sickness," Sam explained, picking up her other bags and sitting them on the floor before taking a seat in the chair. "Or in your case, all day sickness. And seeing as nothing else was working, I figured what the hell? Let's give it a try."
"You are truly a Godsend," Lindsay declared and immediately tore into the bag. Taking out a cherry flavoured sucker, she unwrapped it and popped it into her mouth.
"Well let's just hope that they work," Sam laughed. "'Cause if your sickness was anything like what I went through when Zack and I…" she clamped her mouth shut.
"It's okay to talk about that," Lindsay assured her. "That was a big part of your life. You lost a baby. And I know it probably really hurts to see me pregnant."
Sam shook her head. "Actually…it doesn't. Not anymore. Because when I think about what my life and that child's life would have been with Zack…it's a sad thing to say, but maybe what happened, happened for a reason. To spare that poor kid a life of hell like my father put me through. You and Danny deserve this. Your happily ever after. I can't begrudge anyone that. Especially you."
Lindsay smiled.
"Let me try these things out," Sam said, and leaning over the desk, grabbed a green lollipop.
"You're not even pregnant," Lindsay laughed.
She shrugged, and tearing off the wrapper, popped the candy into her mouth. "If they're safe for expectant women, they're obviously not going to kill me. Unless there's some kind of mystery ingredient in here. Like some kind of fertility drug that's going to going to aid and abet conception."
"I think you'll be okay," her friend said. "Unless you don't want to be."
"Don and I talked and we're not ready for a baby. We don't know when we will be ready. But we do know that now is not the time. Considering the place we're in…it's just not a good thing. It's not fair to a baby to be brought into something unstable. Not that Donnie and I are unstable. It's just other things that are a little topsy turvy at the moment."
"There's no need to explain, Sammie. And about this morning…"
She waved it off. "Let's just put that past us, okay? It's history."
Lindsay breathed a sigh of relief.
"And this whole thing with Jess…"
"Danny," Lindsay sighed. "Big mouth."
"Look, I'm not going to sit here and bullshit to your face. I know Angell and Donnie talked. I know he asked her for help. Why he did that is his business. But I can assure you that he didn't do it because he's trying to replace you. If anything, he's doing it to protect you. In case you haven't noticed, he's got this whole Knight in Shining Armour complex. It's so hot, isn't it? A big, strong, handsome guy wanting to slay the dragon and whisk you into the sunset? I'll never admit it to him, but it turns me on."
"If you ever admit it to him, you relinquish all control," Lindsay concluded.
"Exactly. And there's no way that is ever going to happen. But like I was saying. About Jess. She came to talk to me after she saw Donnie. And we're trying to mend things. It's going to take a while for us to get back to where we were. If we ever get back there. But I want you to know that she's not walking into my life and taking over that place in my heart that's just reserved for you. I want you to know that."
"Sam…I…"
"She's my Jess and you're my bumpkin," she continued. "And being my bumpkin means that…it just means that you can't be replaced. Plain and simple."
Lindsay smiled, embarrassed to find herself fighting tears.
"Oh come here you blubbery little pregnant girl," Sam teased, and jumping to her feet, went behind the desk and drew Lindsay into her arms. "I am seriously going to kick the shit out of your hormones," she declared, stroking her best friend's hair as Lindsay nestled her head into her stomach.
"Please do," the country girl sniffled.
"Say the word and it's done," Sam said. "In fact, I'll…" a frown covered her face as a loud knock came to the door. Looking over, she found her boyfriend, eyes wide eyed and curious, watching the exchange in the office. "Do you mind, Don?" she asked. "We're having a moment here."
"I can see that. Danny told me you were in here. Mac wants to…"
"A girls only moment," Sam informed him. "As in you belong out in the hall."
"I'm just here to tell you that Mac says he'll talk to us now," he said. "Don't be going all PMS bitchy on me."
"Would you please just leave?" his girlfriend asked. "Please?"
"Those better not be magic lollipops," he said.
"Get out!" Lindsay screamed. "Do you not understand! Get out!!!!"
Flack's eyes widened and he held his hands up in surrender before slowing backing out of the doorway.
"Nice tie by the way," Lindsay called out, in a calm, collected voice. "About time she started picking your clothes."
"I'm going to wait down by Mac's!" he yelled as he headed off down the hall. "Save myself from all this estrogen!"
Lindsay looked up at Sam.
Sam looked down at her.
Both dissolved into giggles.
"Are you okay now?" Sam asked. "Everything's under control? You're not going to spontaneously combust on me, are you?"
"I'm fine. I'll be fine. How come you and Flack are going to talk to Mac?"
"He's just tagging along for morale support," Sam said, tucking Lindsay's hair behind her ears before pulling away from her. "I just felt the need to fill Mac in on what's been going on lately. Donnie didn't think I should have to go through it alone."
"You've got a good man, Sammie," Lindsay told her, using the backs of her hands to clear her tears away.
"He's amazing. And that's something I don't give him enough credit for. Something I will definitely have to work on. I better go. I can't say I'm not shitting myself at the thought of spilling my inner most secrets to my boss. Mind you, he's seen nude pictures of me so how bad could it get, right?"
"Who knows," Lindsay mused, as she watched her friend head back around the desk. "Maybe he'll get all pissed off and go all Marine Mac like you like so much."
"Maybe," Sam said, and then laughed. "That happens and the second we're out of the office, I'm dragging Donnie into the closest supply closet. I'll be back before I head home. You should check out the Hello Kitty stuff I bought at Macy's today. MAC brought out this whole limited time only line of cosmetics. As soon as I saw them, I knew I had to have them."
"Let me guess. You bought one of each in every possible shade."
"Close," Sam said. "But I did buy this totally kick ass Hello Kitty toaster."
"Are you serious?"
"No joke…it's in the bags somewhere."
"You honestly think that Flack's going to let you keep a Hello Kitty toaster in his kitchen?" Lindsay asked, getting up from her chair and walking around her desk.
"Does he have a choice? And it's my kitchen now too. You should see the butterfly and Betty Boop magnets I bought yesterday."
"Poor guy," Lindsay sighed as she began rummaging through Sam's shopping bags. "You're going to be the death of him."
"I am," Sam laughed as she headed for the door. "But at least he'll go with a smile on his face. And make one hell of a well dressed, damn fine smelling, good looking corpse."
Mac had done little more then listen intently behind the close door of his office as Samantha did all of the talking. She had been uncharacteristically terrified as she had sat there on the small couch in front of his desk, both of her legs shaking and feeling sick to her stomach as she found herself spilling every possible secret she'd held for years inside of her. She hadn't been able to help it. The second she'd started explaining what was going on in her life and how it was affecting her work, nothing was sacred any more. Maybe it was the kindness and understanding in Mac's normally cold eyes. Maybe it was the way he didn't interrupt her and just allowed her to ramble off at the mouth. Maybe it was the way that Flack had stayed completely silent as well, his blue eyes riveted on her face, full of compassion and concern as he held both her tiny hands tightly in one of large strong ones and rubbed her back comfortingly with his free hand.
Whatever it was, she had come completely clean. She had told her boss about the abuse she and Adam had suffered at the hands of her father. She talked about the depression that had quickly and suddenly taken over her life when she was seventeen years old. How her step father, while her mother ignored her, head firmly stuck firmly off her ass, had gotten the proper help that she needed. She talked about Zack. About how everything had started out so great and then after losing a baby, everything had went so horrifically bad. She confessed to her ability of always wanting to run away from difficult situations. Of wanting to close out the entire world. Push away everyone that she loved and loved her back in favour of escaping. Or going somewhere where no one knew her.
And she had let loose the one secret she had vowed that no one -save for her step father and a therapist- would ever find out. That her birth father had done sick, perverted things to an innocent five year child. A hell she'd endured until she was ten and she started puberty and she simply wasn't his type anymore.
She hadn't wanted that confession to come out. At least not at that point in time. She had wanted to tell her boyfriend, the man she loved more than life itself, in the privacy of their own home. She hadn't had a select date on when. She just knew that she had to tell him soon. Before things got even more serious then they already were. And when she'd finished spilling her guts about her real father, and silence had descended on the room, she'd seen the disgust that had come over both Flack and Mac's faces. They were horrified and sickened by what had happened to her. And she was terrified that also meant they were sickened by her.
"I never wanted it to happen," she'd said, before promptly dissolving into tears. Her body had instinctively melted into her boyfriend's strong, warm arms as he embraced her tightly. Tossing Mac's 'personal versus professional' rule right out of the window.
It had been Mac who spoke first. He'd paced his office and given them some time. Allowing Flack to successfully calm her down by stroking her back and her hair and whispering soothing, supportive words into her ear. And when he'd finally released her, struggling with tears of his own, Mac had grabbed a handful of tissues from the Kleenex box on his desk and approached the couch.
"It's not something that defines you," he'd said, crouching down in front of Sam and showing an uncharacteristic tender side as he reached out and used the tissue to wipe her tears away. "It happened to you but it isn't you. You know that, right?"
She'd nodded and sniffled noisily.
"Take some time off," he'd told her as he stood up. "A week…two…take some time and get yourself in order. I'm going to keep what went down in here today off the NYPD radar. They don't have to know what we talked about or even what's going on with you. We'll fill out the paper work for some personal time and we'll make something up. They don't need to know a damn thing. Just promise me that before you come back to work, you'll get some help. You'll talk to the right people. A therapist, a family doctor, a priest even. You'll get yourself on some meds if that's what you need."
"I've got that all under control," Flack had assured him. "I've got some names and numbers. Hawkes helped me out with that. And some 'scripts to get filled."
Mac had nodded. "Come back when you're ready," he'd told her. "And only when you're ready."
The only thing I'm ready for us to polish off this whole shit load of Easter candy, Sam now thought, eyeing the solid chocolate bunny that called her name as it sat in its box on the coffee table. Along with a wide assortment of mini eggs and her all time favourite, Cadbury's Cream Eggs. She had been unable to resist filling her sweet tooth when she'd seen the Easter goods already laid out at the bodega on the corner. She'd gone in on her way home to buy milk. She'd come home with not just that, but enough chocolate to last her for at least a month.
Or less, depending on how much of a pig she actually wanted to make herself.
For now, she amused and pampered herself with a Cream Egg as she lounged on the couch, watching Titanic - she'd seen it at least fifty times since it's release years ago and still cried each and every time- and wearing her comfy clothes. A man's dress shirt pulled from her boyfriend's side of the closet that was miles too big, and a pair of girl boxers with Tweety Bird on them. A box of Kleenexes on one side of her, a glass of milk tucked into the cushions on the other side.
Rose had just managed to free Jack from his confines in the bowels of the ship -handcuffs, Sam mused at the sight of them dangling from Leo's wrist, they should be a definite must in every girl's sexual repertoire - when she heard keys in the lock and then the apartment door swinging open.
"Better tell your boyfriend to get out of here unless he wants his balls in their proper place," Flack called, as he toed his runners off in the foyer and locked the door up. After her melt down in Mac's office, he'd taken her home and saw her off to bed for a nap calling Whitmore and informing her that there was personal business that needed his attention.
And that he needed a couple of weeks off. The Inspector hadn't been impressed, but had surprisingly granted him the wish. As long as he kept up with old cases by working on the paper work at home, and checked in from time to time in case he was desperately needed.
When Sam had woken up, he'd laid in bed beside her and they'd talked about her birth father and what he'd done to her. He'd assured her, through both words and gentle kisses and touches, that he didn't find her repugnant. That what had happened to her didn't make him think, or feel, anything less towards her. He loved her regardless and was there with her for the long haul. He was going to help her cope. Plain and simple.
Afterwards, he'd gone to the drug store to fill her prescription while she'd took up refuge on the couch with her candy.
"You're too late," Sam returned. "He's gone. He values his life and his cajones."
"Smart guy," he said as he journeyed into the living room. "Oh God no…not this again. Why do you watch this so much?"
"Why do you watch The OC over and over again?" she retorted, smiling up at him and turning her face up for a kiss as he stood in front of the couch.
"Because that Rachel Bilson chick is hot," he admitted and tossed the CVS bag in his hands onto the cofee table.
"I need to get my Leo fix," Sam told him. "My young Leo fix. I figured this was the best way."
"You've fast forwarded through almost the whole movie," Flack commented, as he picked up the plastic glass of milk and sat it on the table and took a seat beside her.
"I wanted it to get to the sad parts so I could cry," she reasoned.
"You just love to torture herself," he declared.
She nodded and grabbed the remote to turn the volume up. Not wanting to miss the moment where Jack put Rose into the lifeboat. It was the part that always started the water works. The looks of desperation on the actors' faces, the sad music…it was all just too much to take. And the second Rose leapt off that boat and ran to find Jack, well Sam just became a blubbering fool.
"I swear to God I am burning this DVD," Flack informed her, as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, allowing her to sob into his chest. "You realize if the Titanic existed today and we were to go on it, we'd be in steerage considering the way the economy is?" he asked.
"Don't ruin my moment," she sniffled.
"I'm just saying…"
When her crying finally ceased and the movie got past that moment of heartbreak and began it's journey to even more, she sat up, wiped her eyes on the front of shirt and went back to her assault on her Easter Cream Egg. She bit the top of, then proceeded to use her finger to scoop out the gooey middle.
"Must you?" Flack asked, watching as she slowly, and deliberately as far as he was concerned, used the tip of her tongue to clean her finger off.
"What?" she asked innocently. "What am I doing?"
"You know what you're doing. You're making eating that thing a lewd act."
"I always eat them like this," she informed him. And sticking her finger into the egg, scooped out more of the filling.
"Sam…seriously…don't do this to me…"
"I'm not doing anything," she said, and locking eyes with him, ran the tip of her tongue along one side of her finger, then the other. Before taking the tip into her mouth and sucking on it.
"Sammie…come on…don't sit there and tell me you don't know what that's doing to me…."
"I'm not a mind reader," she informed him and dipped her finger into the egg once again. "And it's not my fault you have this erotic compulsion with food. You're truly a perverted man, Donnie. I can't even eat an Easter Cream Egg without you thinking I'm attempting to turn you on. God…and if I even say chocolate and handcuffs in the same sentence and you're…"
"And I'm what?" he asked, and snatching the egg out of her hand, tossed it onto the coffee table. Then taking her by surprise, grabbed her by the hips and threw her down onto her back on the couch. "And I'm what?" he inquired once again, as he covered his body with hers. "Turning into some raging perv? Some total sex maniac who just can't resist ripping your clothes off?"
"You don't need me to say chocolate or handcuffs for that," she laughed, as he straddled her, a knee on either side of her body, his one hand taking firm hold of both of her wrists and pinning them to the couch above her head. "You're just like that all the time."
"Yeah…well can I help it I find you incredibly sexy and irresistible?" he asked, his free hand moving to the front of her shirt and quickly and effortlessly snapping open two buttons before abruptly stopping. He bit his bottom lips nervously. Concern clouded his eyes as he looked down at her.
"What?" she asked. "What's wrong? You don't want to…"
"No…no…I mean yes. Yes. I want to. But at the same time it feels kind of weird wanting this, and you, after what we talked about earlier."
"I thought you said that you…"
"That it doesn't make me think less of you or love you less. And it doesn't. It's just…that's a tough thing to talk about, babe. To find out. And then for us to just jump into this…"
"We're not just jumping into anything," she told him. "We're two adults in a normal, loving relationship. And maybe I need this. Maybe I need to feel normal. Maybe I need for you to make me feel normal. Like what happened to me doesn't define me. That you love me and find me beautiful."
"I do love you and find you beautiful. It's just that…"
"Just what?" she asked, and turning the tables on him, flipped him over onto his back. "I am asking for this," she said, as her lips found his neck and her hand drifted down his chest and up underneath the bottom of his t-shirt. "I am asking for this from you. I need this from you. Do you think you could do that for me?"
"Oh absolutely…" he said, shivering at the sensation of her nails scraping across his stomach as her tongue and lips did wonders on his ear.
"You know what else I want you to do for me, Don?" she asked, mouth against his ear, her one hand brought one of his arms up above his head, followed by the other. "You know what I really, really, really want you to do?"
He shook his head.
She kissed him deeply as, unbeknown to him, her hands rummaged under the cushion for something she'd so strategically hid while he was out. "I want you to close your eyes and lie there like a good boy," she whispered. "Can you do that?"
He nodded and did exactly what he was told.
"Uh-uh…" she said, as his one hand attempted to reach for her. "I want you to lie just like you were. Okay?"
"Sam…what…"
She silenced him with another kiss.
He lost himself in her. In the feel of her lips and the greediness of her tongue and in their hearts pounding wildly in unison. Then his eyes snapped open as he felt a slight tugging and a sudden cold sensation on his left wrist. And before he could react or get a word out of his lips, she was perching herself on his chest and securely fastening the handcuffs on both of his wrists with a dull click.
He grinned up at her. "Damn you're good…" he said, licking his lips and eyeing her appreciatively.
"Never underestimate the little ones," Sam declared. "Now…now it's time for me to tell you exactly what I want."
"I am all ears," he told her.
She smiled devilishly. "I want you to beg for a change," she informed him.
His grin became even wider.
Donald Flack Junior had never been one to back down from a challenge. And he wasn't about to start.
Thanks to everyone that is reading and reviewing. And the lurkers! I appreciate each and every one of you for all of your love and support. We all make mistakes and do things we regret, and I sincerely thank all of you who accept this and me.
Special thanks to:
CrazyGirlCass
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