After months of silence... I have returned.

Sorry for the delay, but this special chapter is twice as long as my usual ones, and I was quite occupied in real life (finals, work, finishing Watch Dogs...). But I'm back.

As promised, this is a special chapter, co-staring Naruto, Fuu, Han, Tenten and Anko. The chapter is semi-canonical: it completely exists outside the main storyline and chronology, and none of its events will affect the rest of the story. In short, skipping the chapter won't prevent you from understanding the rest of the story, but it might help you see characters under another light.

For those who do not recognize them, Kagura and Bando are characters from the Clash of Ninja video game series. They're admittedly pretty forgettable and so far I haven't seen any of them adapted in any fic, ever. I thought it might be interesting to change that. What can I say, I'm a sucker for overlooked characters.

This chapter contains a shitload of shout-outs to Apocalypse Now, Wallace and Gromit (yes, really), Ratchet and Clank, Final Fantasy VI, the Order of the Stick, Megas XLR, Jojo's Bizarre Adventures, Powerpuff Girls, the Wire, X-Men, Man of Steel, 300, Frozen, My Little Pony, Game of Thrones, Fate/Stay Night, Dragon Ball Z Abridged, and Fallout. You get a cookie if you find all of them.

Thanks ABitterPill and Third Fang for their excellent betaing.

Have fun.


Atlas Gaiden

"Sound modulation… special frequencies afflicting the inner ear with irregular harmonics and throwing the victim off balance… chakra used to adapt the frequency…"

"What are you doing?" Apophis asked, crawling on the ground and glancing at his partner.

"I'm trying to reverse-engineer Dosu's Melody Arm," Naruto explained, as he kept disassembling the device. "If I can understand how it works, I can devise a copy that doesn't need chakra."

"I'm surprised it didn't get wrecked during your…" Apophis stopped himself before he could utter the dreaded word.

My rampage. "What do you want, Apophis? I don't want to sound harsh but I'm having a hard time focusing already, and silence would be welcome. The Kage Summit is within weeks, and I have to prepare for what I think will be a very brutal showdown."

"I finished recovering some of the belongings you left in Konoha, before Pain abducted you," Apophis said, "And I found that."

He placed the item on the table, the blonde glancing it at it. It was a hexagonal crystal. A beautiful, shining pendant. Naruto smiled. "I wondered where that went," he admitted. "Thanks. It's very precious to me."

"I wanted to know what it was," Apophis admitted, "It is a magnificent jewel."

"It's a gift from a friend," Naruto said, "I befriended her during a mission that went off the rails. Her country was pretty amazing."

"Really?" Apophis asked, narrowing his eyes in curiosity. "Tell me everything."

"That was before the Chuunin Exams, right after Han and Fuu arrived in Konoha, and before Anko got captured by Sasori and Orochimaru," Naruto said, "Anko was given a mission and took me with her. Due to lack of manpower, Tenten was sent to help, and it didn't take long for Han and Fuu to come along.

"It all started in a theater…"


The movie had reached its climax.

Princess Gale, surrounded by undead soldiers called upon by her nemesis Mao the warlock, prepared to fight for her life, inspiring courage in the hearts of her despaired companions. Closing her eyes, she summoned the fabled power of Rainbow Chakra. The audience whispered in awe, mesmerized, wondering if the princess would survive or die…

"Deus ex Machina! I call hax!"

The audience glared at the blonde troublemaker, who glared back. "Oh come on!" Naruto complained. "Am I the only wondering if she brought this never hinted-at-before Rainbow chakra out of her butt? Am I?"

"Naruto, maybe you shouldn't talk that loudly," Tenten whispered.

"The Han says it's a fine movie, just go along with it," the giant added.

"Naruto, I think this movie sucks too," Fuu whispered, "But that's not a reason to disturb the cinema."

"It's so cliché I can predict the ending," Naruto pouted, "She defeats Mao in a blinding ray of light and BAM the land is covered with magical rainbows, end of the story."

"Stop spoiling you dick!" a moviegoer complained.

"Shut up!" Naruto shot back. "A kindergartener could write a better script."

"The Han hopes the princess gets a pony at the end. A princess without a pony is no princess at all."

Naruto raised an eyebrow at Han, who shrugged. "Seriously, I told you we should have watched K-men: Bloodlines of Future Past. Or Frozen Mizukage. That's animation but at least the plot is better than this shit."

While the four Shinobi were occupied bickering, the movie's ending unfolded… and Naruto's predictions were nearly entirely confirmed.

When the film was over, the four ninjas walked outside into the city's streets. "I can't believe movies like this one exist," Naruto said, "I mean seriously, yeah the actress is award-level, but everything else makes me sick."

"Does he always complain about movies?" Fuu asked Tenten, who shrugged.

"You should have seen him after the Shinobi of Steel, he couldn't stop bitching about the ending."

"Oh come on, Superninja killing someone? That's a big NO, and that comes from a hard-core fan of the 300 Hundreds Samurais."

"See?"

Naruto groaned. "Anyway, I'm starting to wonder if Anko's new mission isn't a sick joke from her. We've been waiting for hours. Hell, even Kakashi would have arrived earlier."

"By the way, so you know what this mission is about?" Tenten asked. "I mean, not only did Anko agree to take your Jinchuuriki friends along, but I got drafted too for extra muscle. This must be a perilous job."

"VIP protection," Fuu said. "Must be a Daimyo or a rich entrepreneur."

"Whatever, the sooner we get away from this cinema the better I-"

Naruto never finished his sentence, as a horse almost hit him. Taking a leap backward, Naruto glared at the rider.

It happened to be a very good-looking, raven-haired woman with light eyes. Her hair was long and silky, her visage was that of an angel, and her elegant blue robes that of a princess.

Tenten instantly recognized her. "That's Princess Gale!" she squealed, her inner fangirl awakened.

Soon after the princess left the team's range of vision, a dozen armored riders chased her, swinging their weapons and professing insults.

"Oh my gosh, she's under attack!" Tenten panicked. "We've got to save her!"

"Maybe we should let them kill her," Naruto scoffed. "I mean, no more Princess Gale, no more movies."

After everyone glared at him, the blonde rolled his eyes. "Alright, Fuu, get me on the roofs…"


Koyuki Kazahana, also known as Yukie Fujikaze, glanced with boredom at her pursuers. This pursuit scene was uninteresting, especially since it happened at least once per film. It was a tradition among Princess Gale movies.

The scene followed the script almost perfectly. The pursuit continued in a street, where Yukie would soon take a shortcut and escape outside the city without any trouble.

Then an arrow killed one of her pursuers' horse, making the rider crash on the ground. Soon afterward, a volley of projectiles massacred all the mounts, the actors falling down helpless to the ground. Yukie Fujikaze, the only one whose horse hadn't been shot, glanced at the source of it all.

"I got four," a blonde archer whispered, sitting on a roof with somebody else.

"I got six," a brown-haired girl replied, "I won."

"Damn it."

"Are you insane?" Yukie shrieked. "We were filming a scene!"

The two archers exchanged a glance, with the blonde snorting. "I guess they should have hired stuntmen," he said, unwilling to apologize.

"Maybe we should tell Han and Fuu?" the girl said. "I mean, before they slaughter the rearguard."

"That's too late for that, I'm afraid."

The duo was interrupted when a purple-haired kunoichi materialized next to them. "What the fuck were you doing?"

"I was saving the world," the blonde deadpanned.

"From a bunch of horses?"

"… From evil horses."

The older kunoichi rolled her eyes. "Feel lucky you didn't hit her. This girl is our client."

Silence.

"… You're joking right?" both Koyuki and Naruto said at the same time.


Naruto wanted to go home.

"No. No, just no."

"Sorry, you've got no choice," Anko said, "This mission should have been taken by Kakashi, but his team is occupied in the Land of Moon. They're paying us well for this shit, and that's all that matters."

"I refuse to go along with this crap."

Anko hadn't lied. Yukie Fujikaze, the actress playing Princess Gale, was the VIP they had been hired to protect, by her manager Sandayu. They would be escorting her to the Land of Snow, where her newest movie would be filmed and screened.

In short, Naruto would have to suffer for weeks, and he would suffer alone. Han and Fuu were pretty excited, and Tenten hoped to make money working on the stage.

Naruto could have gone with it, if this Fujikaze wasn't such a bitch.

"Look, even the actress doesn't want to participate to this trip," Naruto pointed out, "She left a while ago. After refusing to give an autograph to her kid admirers, which was incredibly snobbish."

"The personality of a client is the last of Konoha's problems," Anko replied. "As long as the money flows, we do as we are told, no question asked."

The kunoichi crossed her arms. "As for the actress, you're the one going after her."

"Why?" Naruto complained. "You're the team's tracker, remember?"

"First… because you don't look like a Shinobi. You look like civilian, and being unrecognizable is a boon in VIP protection. Second… you're pretty good at tracking when you want, while I have to plan our itinerary and escape routes."

This made Naruto perk up. "You expect an attack?" He saw Fujikaze's reluctance to leave the Land of Fire in another light.

"That's a long story, but according to Kakashi, we'll run into trouble in the Land of Snow, or beforehand."

Naruto nodded, suddenly interested. What could push someone into trying to kill an actress of all people? Especially one without any political agenda? "I'll find her."


It didn't take long.

Naruto was a people person, after all. There, away from Konoha, his bad reputation within the hidden village didn't get in the way. After sweet talking a few individuals, he discovered Fujikaze had settled in a bar.

Entering the establishment, Naruto quickly noticed his client had already found a way to run into trouble.

Sitting against the counter, the actress was already drunk. Her beautiful pendant, a crystal of extreme purity, was exposed for all to see. A shady-looking man walked in her direction, his body stance indicating he intended to grab it and flee as fast as he could.

Moving faster, Naruto snuck behind the man and applied a kunai against his back, making the thief flinch.

"If you don't leave, then this kunai finds its way into your spine," Naruto promised, "Go, before I spill your blood all over the floor."

The man gasped, and hurriedly fled. Undisturbed by the clients' glares, the blonde sat next to Fujikaze and ordered some ale. "You're a pain to protect, princess."

The actress snorted. "Then get lost."

Great, this is going to be a long mission, Naruto noted. "I'm paid to ignore that order, sorry. I'm your bodyguard, even if none of us like it."

"Bodyguard me? You?" Fujikaze snorted. "You don't look like you could bodyguard a child."

"I did help bodyguard a Daimyo once." Although it ended very badly. "Trust me, I've faced worse than a few hitmen." Orochimaru comes to mind.

"You've no idea what awaits us in the Land of Snow," she shot back.

"Why don't you tell me then?"

Fujikaze glanced away, ignoring the blonde. "Another beer!" she ordered, drinking at her leisure.

Tasting his own ale, Naruto decided to change subjects and accommodate the actress. "Nice pendant," he said, "Where does it come from?"

"That's none of your business."

If someone wants to steal it, then it's mine. Naruto stayed silent, realizing the actress was too drunk to be amiable. After a few more minutes, she ended up falling asleep on the counter.

"Great…" Naruto noted. "Now I have to carry her drunken ass to the ship." He glanced at her pendant. The item's shape was strange and yet elegant, probably a personal treasure.

Mmm… maybe I should do something about it.


The journey on the ship happened without incidents. Well, almost.

"The Han is going to puke," the giant complained, his nausea obvious. He watched the sea like a lost puppy. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

"How can you puke with your mask on?" Fuu asked, out of morbid curiosity.

"Secret ninja puking technique," Naruto shrugged. He didn't expect Han of all people to suffer from seasickness. I mean, he has a giant dolphin in his stomach. Who would have thought?

"That's ridiculous."

"Hey, we live in a world where you can create dragons out of water. Creating a technique to puke through a mask sounds reasonable."

Fuu rolled her eyes, while Naruto glanced at the clear seawaters. "Why did you came along?" he asked. "I appreciate, but you aren't Konoha-nins. You have no obligation to do anything the old man asks."

"Outcasts gotta stick together," Fuu replied, "Especially if they're Jinchuuriki, don't you think?"

"The Han had nothing better to do," the giant said, "The Han's instinct tells him this mission is going to be great."

"Even with the nauseas?" Fuu mocked.

"The Han will conquer the illness, like he conquers everything," the Jinchuuriki shot back.

Naruto rolled his eyes, and showed them Fujikaze's necklace. "By the way, what do you think of that?"

The two Jinchuuriki glanced at the item, with Fuu grabbing and examining it closely. "That's pure quartz," she said, "It's a mineral crystal. It's pretty fragile, but very resistant to heat."

"You've knowledge of mineralogy?" Naruto asked.

"It was one of my hobbies when I was a kid," Fuu said, "Collecting stones was a solitary activity, and I could practice it without being bothered."

"It's Princess Gale's necklace," Han noted, "You stole it?"

"I did not steal it, I borrowed it," Naruto corrected, glancing at Fujikaze. She was wearing a replica of her necklace around her neck. "Beside, she should not even notice."

"What's that, a fake?"

"It's a poor man's replica Anko made," Naruto confirmed, "With a tracking device inside."

"Oh, I see," Fuu guessed. "This way we can locate the client anytime."

"Yes. Considering how careless she is, it does not hurt to be careful. When the mission is over, I will give her the real necklace back, but it looks strange for a pendant."

"That's not a decoration," Fuu said, "It's a key."

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Could you explain yourself?"

"The crystal is shaped to fit in a lock," she said, "Takigakure often used crystal keys to keep its vaults locked. Each important family had one."

"I wonder if Fujikaze has any idea of her necklace's true nature." Naruto shrugged. "What do you think it opens? A vault? A treasure chest? Come on, dream with me."

"I don't know," Fuu admitted. "It might be a lost key, which went from hand to hand."

"I see…" Naruto said, his hand moving to take the necklace back, only for Fuu to put it in her pocket. "Hey!"

"It's quartz," she said, "It's horribly fragile, and let's face it, you aren't the most careful guy around. You've a tendency of breaking things."

"That's a lie," Han chuckled, "Sometimes he simply sets them on fire."

The conversation was interrupted by Anko. The kunoichi smirked at Fuu and Han. "I need to talk to the brat for a few minutes," she said, "Alone."

"Come on," Fuu said, grabbing Han by the shoulder and leading him away, "Walking will help you feel less sick."

"The Han is not sick! His stomach is undergoing a spiritual awakening!"

Anko watched them leave, before seating on the ship's edge. "You've made pretty strange friends, Naruto."

"Fuu is pretty reasonable," the blonde replied, "Han… I don't know which world he lives in, but it's not our own. He's crazy, but harmless crazy. Not shove-my-axe-in-your-face crazy."

"Can we trust them?" Anko asked. "I don't want to sound xenophobic, but they are both missing-nin from their villages and have refused to enroll among our forces."

"They're missing-nins because they have been rejected one time too many," Naruto replied. "They're nice people looking for a purpose in life. You're being paranoid."

"Naruto, any ninja reaching the level of jounin is paranoid to a degree. It helps you stay alive." Anko shrugged. "I guess they're in the same boat as we are, with Akatsuki after the Jinchuuriki. But what will they do when Akatsuki is dismantled? Alliances born out of fear of a common enemy rarely end well."

"They could stay in Konoha," Naruto suggested. "The population does not know their nature like they know mine. They could have a nice life there." Inwardly, he hoped these two wouldn't leave. He quite enjoyed their company.

"Maybe," Anko admitted. "But they are not Konoha-nin, Naruto. We cannot force them to stay with us, or kick them away. The choice is theirs to make."

The blonde nodded, glancing at Fujikaze next. "Back to our mission," Naruto said, "How much distance can the tracking device cover?"

"Half a country," Anko smiled, "That's ANBU tech I borrowed from Kakashi. They use it to follow VIPs or fugitives."

Naruto wondered if the Sandaime had used a similar device to track him down, after Orochimaru kidnapped him He had used a seal, true, but it didn't hurt to have multiple contigencies. "Why are we protecting her?"

"It's complicated," Anko said, "That Sandayu and Hokage-sama have a role for her, but if she doesn't follow it, then everything was for naught."

"You raise more questions than answers."

"It will become clear later. It is better if Sandayu explains you everything himself."

"It would be better if you told me right now. Why not?"

"The Sandaime wishes it this way," Anko admitted, "He doesn't want your behavior to change around our client yet. She needs to feel we do not have second-thoughts, at least for now."

So it's another of the old man's plots, Naruto thought, The boss is a master at misinformation. "I hope it's worth the trouble."

"If it works, then Konoha's position will be strengthened," Anko said, "Make no mistake brat, I don't like it either, but we've got orders. Be yourself and run along with it."

Naruto was kind of sick of all these secrets. I can't wait to make ANBU, he thought, then I will know what I'm fighting for.

The kunoichi apparently read his mind, for she shot down his hopes. "Unless you become Hokage or a commander, you will never fully learn a mission's long-term objectives," she said, "Some pieces of information are too precious to be shared with underlings."

"And if I make ANBU commander?" Naruto replied. "Danzo won't live forever."

Anko smiled. "In fifty years, maybe," she said, "Assuming you live that long. We are ninja, Naruto. Living past thirty is an achievement in our trade. You have to accept that you're expandable before considering moving up a rank. Only a tenth of the entire ninja population dies as a jounin or ANBU."

"Way to give me hope, sensei."

"I'm blunt. I'm not your sensei to give you hope. I'm your sensei to ensure you make it to the end of the line." Around them, the film staff seemed confused and angry, the producer ranting at them. Anko frowned. "What's happening?"

"Oh, that?" Naruto snorted. "Maybe someone stole all copies of the original script, threw them into the sea, and replaced them with another, better one, and maybe this person is fighting the urge to indulge in an evil laugh as we speak."

"You did it?" The kunoichi raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because the script was boring," Naruto snapped. "And because I have a plot to save the filming industry. Read the text."

Anko glanced at the script. "Game of Logs?"

"An epic story of betrayal and politics," Naruto narrated. "Princess Gale visits her cousin Robert, who won the One Log by slaying the dark lord Aerys, and ruled the Land of Logs for a decade. Yet, the end of his reign is marred with betrayals, treachery, and conspiracies. For whoever controls the One Log… controls the universe. Can Princess Gale play the Game of Logs and save the land from itself?"

"Wait, wait," Anko said, skipping through the pages, "This script contains one graphic incestuous sex scene, two executions by beheading, one case of poisoning, five murders, one scene of torture, verbal and physical abuse, one parricide… that's a rate of one atrocity per five minutes."

"Indeed," Naruto replied, "The story is dark, bleak, and characters die all the time. Enough with the winged ponies and rainbows, the time for undead monsters and endless night has come!"

"I'm not sure the fans will be happy to see a beloved character die every half an hour."

"That's the point," Naruto said, "Most people watching Princess Gale are children or their families. By introducing a dark, depressing entry in the franchise, Princess Gale's core audience will desert theaters after some kids are traumatized. This should kill the franchise."

"Wait, just wait," Anko cut in, "You concocted an elaborate plot involving theft and forgery… all to end a movie franchise you don't like?"

"I took pranking to a whole new level," Naruto gloated, "The prank will be on the audience itself! Is it not glorious?"

Anko grinned childishly. "I was a better teacher than I thought."


"Hey, Tenten, watch thi-" Naruto stopped, glancing at his friend. "The hell are you doing?"

Tenten and Fuu were playing a game on a board of gold. The pieces were made of a strange white and black substance, and looked like towers, soldiers, riders… Tenten played the white, Fuu the black. "Later, Naruto," the weapon user said, "I've got to focus."

"What's that?" Naruto asked. "It looks like Shogi."

"It's a variant called chess," Fuu said, "It's more popular in the northern half of the continent than the southern half."

"Fuu was teaching me how to play," Tenten admitted. "You want to play?"

"If I know the rules, why not?" Naruto said, sitting next to the board. "Is that true gold?"

"Nah, that's a solid variant of my golden powder," Fuu replied, smirking at Naruto's horrified face. "Don't worry, this kind won't explode in your face."

"Even the pieces are made of it?" Naruto asked, observing them. "How is that possible?"

"The powder is an organic compound that Nana can produce at will, the same way a larva can create silk or a spider a web," Fuu explained, "By mixing it with my chakra, I can achieve a variety of results, from explosive dust, to harmless glue or solid webs."

"That could be very useful for construction," Tenten suggested, "You could make a lot of money selling this gum."

"I wouldn't listen if I were you, Fuu," Naruto laughed, "Tenten is the queen of 'get rich quick schemes' that never work. Remember that time we tried selling your low-cost sealing tags?"

"That was an accident!" the kunoichi complained. "I couldn't know the formula was unstable!"

"The gum only lasts two hours before degrading," Fuu told a dejected Tenten, "So no, it does not have a lot of mundane applications."

Naruto coughed. "So… what do these little soldiers of gum do?"

"The game is simple," Fuu explained, "That's like a Shinobi war. That piece right there? That's the king. The goal is to capture the other team's king. The king can only move one space, but in any direction. He's the one making decision and the one everything revolves around. If he falls, his army falls."

"That's the Kage, in short?"

"Yeah. That piece, that's the queen. It's the second-in-command. She goes where she wants, as far as she wants, in order to win. It's the legendary ace, the elite ninja, the strongest warrior in the army. Like the Sannin during the Third Shinobi War."

"What about these towers?"

"The castles? That's the Jinchuuriki." Fuu shrugged. "They move horizontally or vertically, as far as they want, and they wreak the lines of defense. They're engines of war."

"The riders are the knights," Tenten continued, "They can move behind enemy lines. They're ANBU and infiltrators. These guys are the bishops. They move in diagonals, strike fast and exploit weak points. They're like Jonin."

"And these bald guys are the genins and the chuunins?" Naruto continued the metaphor. "The grunts?"

"They're the pawns," Fuu said, "They can only move one space forward, but they attack at angles."

"In short, they're weak and they face the enemy head on, without any special ability, like lambs ripe for the slaughter," Naruto noted, "They don't last long, do they?"

"Most of them never see the end of the line," Tenten confirmed. "They get sacrificed so the better pieces can do damage."

"But if a pawn reaches the end of the board," Fuu said, "He becomes a queen, an ace. If. It rarely happens more than once per battle."

"So you've got be clever to survive as a pawn," Tenten mused.

"No," Naruto noted, "You've got to be lucky enough to be the last one standing."

Fuu nodded gravely, prompting another question from Naruto. "Can a pawn become a king?"

"No," Tenten said, "The king stays the king."

"And if a castle arrives at the end, can he become the king?"

"The king stays the king," Fuu replied, "A castle stays a castle. And a pawn can become a queen at best."

Naruto glanced at the board, slightly depressed. I'm too weak to be a rook and not yet above chuunin, he thought, I'm a pawn, if a special one. And even if reach the end of the line and become an ace, I will always answer somebody's orders and the battle will continue. No way out.

"But what if the king is beaten, but other pieces remains?" Naruto asked. "Can't the queen become the king? I mean, if the old man kicked the bucket in battle, someone would step in to assume his role. That's how the Nidaime handed the title to the Sandaime."

"Maybe, but the battle turns into a defeat," Tenten said, "If the king falls, the battle is over… but you can have a new one later, with a brand new king."

"And what if all the pieces but the king are gone, does the other side win?" Naruto asked. "If only the leader remains to face an entire army, with no one to command, then he has no way to win. It's no longer a battle, it's a last stand."

"As long as the king remains, the battle never ends," Fuu said, "The lone king will keep destroying pieces until beaten himself. He may not hope to win, but he can make the other side's victory costly and meaningless."

"In short, it's dying in a blaze of glory, instead of losing miserably," Tenten added.

"No," Naruto replied, "It's still losing miserably, while being in denial about it."

The battle continued, and although Tenten had only recently learned the rules, she dominated the first half of the battle. Having the white, the first team to play, she gained an advantage during the opening. However, Fuu started making progress in the second half, before finally cornering Tenten's king and winning the duel. "Checkmate," the Jinchuuriki said.

"Congrats," Tenten smiled warmly. "Hey Naruto, would you like to play?"

"No," Naruto said. "A game where nobody can become a king is not worth playing. It just doesn't feel right to play a war where soldiers do all the work and never get rewarded for their work. Still, it's a pretty insightful game."

"You wanted to tell me about something?"

"Yeah," Naruto handed her his newest invention: a bouncing ball covered with explosive tags. "The bouncing ball of insanity!"

"That's just a bouncing ball with explosive tags on it," Tenten pointed out.

"Imagine the applications: you light it, you throw it into a room with multiple opponents, and BAM! Flawless victory."

"That's crazy. How can you prevent it from bouncing back and exploding in your face?"

"Hey, I'm the visionary, you're the technician: I have an idea, you make it work."

"Nah, I've got a better plan to make money," Tenten suggested, "Using Henge to play actors and elaborate Ninjutsu-based special effects. It's going to be a huge cost saver for the film, if we offer our services to the producer."

"Yeah, you're right," Naruto pointed out, "You can have one ninja play multiple roles with nobody the wiser. You might even play children and old men. While using ninjutsu for special effects… wonderful."

The producer wholeheartedly agreed to the proposal, especially since the new script involved a lot more actors than the original one. He quickly started distributing roles.

"Tenten will play Sansa Stark," the producer explained. "You will need to let your hair down for that."

"Wait, I wanted to play Arya Stark! Sansa doesn't even get to wield a weapon!"

"I got the role," Fuu said, reading her text. "What kind of character is called Arya Stark, anyway? It sounds like spark."

"A slightly psychopathic little girl that gets turned on by violence," the producer explained, "Anko Mitarashi will play Cersei Lannister."

"Hey, no!" Anko complained, reading the script. "I refuse to play an incestuous bitch! I've got standards!"

"I might have chosen otherwise, but your outfit… I thought you would enjoy the role."

"It's a professional uniform," Anko complained, "It's for infiltration."

"Bordello infiltration, right." Naruto got a light punch on his shoulder for his trouble.

"Han is going to play Gregor Clegane, the only character with his height," the producer said, "The mountain that rides."

"Nah," the giant shook his head. "The Han will be the Mountain that ROCKS!"

The producer face palmed. "Next, Naruto Uzumaki will play Prince Joffrey Baratheon."

"Prince Joffrey?" Naruto complained. "The most repulsive character of all? Why should I play an annoying, blonde, attention seeking, violent brat with a penchant for disproportionate retribution… oh."

"You will fit nicely," Anko mocked.

"I would have given you the role of Jon Snow, but… you just have the right face for this role."

"… If only I had a crossbow to shoot you with…"

"Good, you're following the script already," the producer commented. "Now, get your sorry ass on the stage and play!"


"Naruto, I have to ask," Fuu said, as the duo stepped from the boat, "Do you enjoy horrible endings?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Anko told me everything against a free dango."

"That gluttonous traitor!" Naruto cursed. "Betraying my trust should have cost you a hand, or more! Am I that cheap?"

"We both know your sensei is addicted to these meals," Fuu snorted, returning to the former subject, "No one is safe from your pen. Half the good guys are dead. That's insane."

"On the contrary, I should be congratulated for not killing the other half," Naruto grinned. "Winter is coming…"

"Ah shut up," Fuu shivered, even under her heavy green pull-over. "Why is it so cold, damn it?"

"It's called the Land of Snow, what did you expect?" Naruto said. "Summer beaches?"

"Land at last!" Naruto and Fuu turned around, witnessing Han kneel on the snow and roll over it in joy. "The torture is over! THE HAN FEELS GREAT AGAIN!"

Naruto and Fuu laughed at that display of emotions, and they weren't the only one. Fujikaze herself seemed to struggle not to chuckle, as she stepped down from the boat. "You know, princess," the blonde pointed out, "I didn't know you could smile outside of acting."

The actress instantly regained her icy composure, much to Naruto's annoyance. "You don't have to be ice cold all the time, no bad pun intended," the Jinchuuriki pointed out, "Cheer up a little, princess."

"My emotions are only an act, Uzumaki," Fujikaze replied icily. "And stop calling me princess."

"Emotions, an act?" Fuu frowned. "You can't be an actor without emotions."

"What is troubling you?" Naruto asked, his curiosity overwhelming his prudence. "Why do you hate this trip?"

"Sure the country is icy as hell," Fuu stated, "But it's just snow, right? There's no big wolf waiting to swallow you."

"You have no idea how dangerous the Land of Snow is," Fujikaze said.

Before Naruto could ask why, he got his answer.

The ice trembled, and three ninjas emerged from the snow, wearing strange armors. "Princess!" one of them snarled, grinning wickedly. "How nice to see you back!"

Fujikaze paled in terror, and took a step back. "Wait, that wasn't in the script," Fuu pointed out, "Who are these guys?"

"Trouble," Naruto pointed out, grabbing his Tanto. "Guys, get into formation thirty-"

"Wait!" Han cut in. "Can the Han have them for himself?"

Fuu glanced at him in surprise. "You want to fight them alone?"

"You do realize you're outnumbered three to one?" Naruto asked.

"Nah, they're outnumbered," the giant replied, "They should have brought three thousands men to challenge the Han."

The group rolled their eyes, making the Han cross his arms. "The Han needs exercise," he said, making puppy eyes, "Pleeeaaase…"

"Alright," Naruto facepalmed, "Go enjoy yourself."

"YES!" the Han pointed his index at the Snow ninjas. "Prepare to get Han'ed!"


"What happened next?"

Naruto glanced at congregation of snakes gathered in front of him. A least two dozens serpents had joined Apophis in listening to the story. "What happened next…" the blonde shuddered. "The horror... the horror..."

"Oh come on!" A viper protested. "Tell us!"

"Trust me, words cannot properly portray the terrifying ordeal these minions endured at Han's hands," Naruto replied, "You're too young and pure to hear what happened."

The congregation hissed in protestation, but Naruto continued his story. "After Han gave them the beating of their life, they returned to their dread master, the dictator Doto Kazahana…"


Doto, ruthless, bloodthirsty ruler of the Land of Snow and usurper of the throne, observed his elite trio of ninjas with astonishment, when they returned to his castle after their latest mission. "What happened?"

"It wasn't our fault, lord Doto…" Nadare, the cool headed leader of his ninja team, was missing a tooth and his face was covered with bruises. "There was… one hundred."

"Definitely two hundred," added Fubuki, the trio's pink-haired kunoichi. Her nose and left arm were both broken. "Koyuki brought an army with her… a terrifying army…"

"You told me she only had five Shinobi with her," Doto stated.

"… We vastly miscalculated…"

Doto clenched his teeth and glanced at Mizore, the biggest, meanest member of the group. The colossus was laying on the floor, crying in a fetal position. "What happened to him?"

"That… oh my god that was inhuman…" Nadara cringed. "Poor Mizore…"

"That fist…" Mizore whined in his corner. "That was a demon's fist!"

Doto put his palm on his face. "Get out of my sight. All of you."

The trio crawled away miserably. Doto clenched his fists in rage, and considered his options. If his elite had failed so spectacularly, then sending his regular troops would fail. He needed a better alternative.

Fortunately… there was one.

"Call Akatsuki," Doto told one of his guards, "Tell them I have a job for their organization."


"Castration Fist?" Naruto shuddered. "Where did you learn something like that, Han?"

"Roshi taught me," the giant chirped. "Alongside the enhanced form, the Pillar and Stones Destroyer. Roshi was one scary guy."

Naruto shuddered. After seeing what Han did to these poor snow ninjas, he didn't want to be on the man's bad side, ever.

The ninjas had retired to the captain's room, where Sandayu awaited them. "The Han han'ed them good," the giant said happily, "They aren't coming back."

"Han'ed them?"

"It's a new word the Han invented," the giant said, "It means to utterly dominate and crush. I han, you han, we han, they got han'ed, such a hanning defeat, it was hantastic, it was hanmazing, that meal was hanlicious…"

The blonde Jinchuuriki smirked, highly amused, before glancing at Anko. "Look, you owe us an explanation. Who were these guys? And their tech…"

He had never seen something like that. Although Han had thoroughly dominated his foes, their strange armor had nullified some of his ninjutsu, letting it flow over them without effect.

"It's a chakra armor," Sandayu explained, "A prototypal weapon developed by the Land of Snow's army. Only five examples are in circulation, and they protect against ninjutsu and genjutsu by producing a natural chakra barrier around the skin."

But they do not protect against Han's main strength, taijutsu, Naruto noted. Still, this weapon was obviously a powerful tool.

"So these guys were official snow-nin…" Tenten noted. "And they attacked Fujikaze, calling her a princess. She's more than she appears, right?"

Sandayu nodded, and dropped the bomb. "Fujikaze is not her real name. She is Koyuki Kazahana, rightful Daimyo of the Land of Snow."

Naruto chuckled… until he realized he was serious. "The hell? That girl is a Daimyo?"

"Her uncle Doto Kazahana killed her father a decade ago, burned the royal castle to the ground, and usurped the throne," Anko continued, "Kakashi was her bodyguard during this time and managed to smuggle her to safety. She was given a false identity by Konoha, until she could regain her place."

"I was a soldier of the Land of Snow's 50th brigade," Sandayu explained. "I spent the last decade coordinating the resistance against Doto alongside Sarutobi-sama. Today, we are ready to move and re-install Koyuki-sama."

Naruto narrowed his eyes and glanced at Anko. "What do we have to gain out of this?"

"Beside a valuable ally?" Anko shrugged. "The Land of Snow's army has developed an advanced technology Konoha would like to obtain, including the chakra armor you witnessed. In exchange for our help, the Daimyo will trade military secrets with us. This should bolster our forces, and with a possible war with Suna and Akatsuki looming over us, any boon is welcome."

"That's if Koyuki agrees to go along," Naruto said, "She doesn't look enthusiastic."

Sandayu lowered his head in discomfort. "Koyuki-sama is… a bit fearful of Doto, for obvious reasons. She has retreated into herself, and hardened her heart. I had hoped the journey would give her hope and enlighten her on her subjects' pain."

"She doesn't even care about her fans, how do you expect her to care about her subjects?" Naruto countered. "A reluctant ruler would be just as bad as Doto, both for herself and others."

Sandayu found no answer, and Naruto shrugged. "Why us, Anko? Black ops should have been recommended for this."

"Who told you black ops weren't in the Land of Snow as we speak?" Anko shrugged. "Who do you think trained and equipped the rebellion all these years? No, Naruto, the only thing we need to topple Doto is a replacement ruler. Which is why the Sandaime gave us this mission in the first place."

Naruto's eyes widened. "Our mission isn't to protect Koyuki?" he asked.

"No, it's to convince her," Anko said, "You're a magnet, Naruto. You've got that weird power to befriend even the most awkward individuals and get under their skin. He believes simply sending you near Koyuki would be enough to make her emerge from her shell."

"That's ridiculous."

"Try, it's not like you've anything to lose. Sasuke Uchiha opened his heart to you. It shouldn't be that hard to break the ice with this girl."

Naruto frowned, but reluctantly nodded.

"So what do we do next?" Fuu asked. "These ninja will attack us again, with larger forces when they learn the initial assault failed."

"We will move farther inland until we reach the rebellion's base," Anko explained, "However, we will have to be more careful. Tenten?"

"Yes?"

"You will trade clothes with Fujikaze and use a Henge to disguise yourself as her," Anko explained, "Meanwhile, Naruto will help the princess disguise herself. This will make protecting the VIP easier. Do you think you can do it?"

"In short, I will be a body double?" Tenten smirked. "It shouldn't be too hard."

"I know this job is risky, but I've a shortage of candidates," Anko said, "I trust you to do it competently."

Naruto had to admit seeing Anko drop her happy, childish demeanor and becoming a professional jounin was a thing to behold. The plan was pretty smart, doubly so considering the real Fujikaze would keep a tracker on her. This meant a double contingency.

"Han and I will constantly surround Tenten, adding credit to the misdirection," Anko continued, "Meanwhile, Naruto, Fuu and Fujikaze will be at the end of our caravan. They should appear as a rearguard and a less interesting target. If we are to be attacked, they will focus on evacuating the client at all costs, instead of fighting. I trained Naruto at evasion, so he's the best fit for the role. The security of the client is the main objective, so Naruto will evacuate her, even if it costs us our lives. Any objections?"

The group nodded in confirmation, and Naruto moved out of the captain's quarters, intending to inform Fujikaze himself of the details. He reached the cabin and knocked the door. When he got no answer, he entered and closed the door behind him.

Fujikaze was sitting on bed, and barely seemed to acknowledge his presence. "What do you want?" she asked, without looking at him directly.

"I just wondered how you felt," Naruto said, "We're going back to your kingdom, after all."

If she was surprised Sandayu told him everything, she didn't show it. "I should have died back then," she uttered lifelessly.

Of course she has survivor's guilt, Naruto realized. She saw her father die and home burn. Her icy personality made much more sense now. The ninja sat next to her. "I can't say if you should or shouldn't have," the blonde admitted, "But you're alive."

"But my heart and my family are dead," Fujikaze replied. "Why am I even talking to you? You can't understand."

"No, I don't," Naruto replied. "I never had a father, nor a mother. I don't even knows how it feels like to have a family. I can only imagine."

The actress glanced at him strangely, but there was no light in her eyes. "Did you love your father?" Naruto asked. "What was he like?"

"He was a very kind man," Fujikaze admitted, "A wise ruler. Always smiling, and caring. But Doto killed him, like he killed everyone."

"Sandayu and Konoha want to get rid of Doto and put you on the throne," Naruto stated with honesty, "Do you share their goal?"

"It's not a damn movie," Koyuki replied with a frown. "It's reality. We're never going to get rid of Doto, ever. He's too strong, too protected."

"Tyrants come and go," Naruto said. "Most find their end at the dagger of their own allies. If Konoha wants Doto dead, then he will fall. But taking his place is your choice alone. So, I ask you, what do you want?"

The princess said no word, only glancing at the window. "I want to get away," she said. "I don't want to go back to this place."

Naruto examined her for a whole minute, in perfect silence. Fujikaze was born to assume a role, enforced by others, and beyond her control. She just wanted to get out of her role and bury the past.

… She was like him.

I can't do it. I can't have someone assume a role he doesn't want. Naruto searched in his miracle bag. "I may be able to help you."

Fujikaze glanced at what he brought out.

Fake passports. False identity cards. Forged documents. "What, you think you're the first who once considered leaving her homeland and start a new life elsewhere?" Naruto told an amazed Fujikaze. "My name is my name, but I can assume many other names. I can help you disappear, if you wish."

"Are you kidding?" The actress snorted. "Konoha will never-"

"What they don't know can't hurt them," Naruto replies, "I don't want to force someone to assume a role he does not agree with. I have been forced into one all my life, and I know how it feels. If you want to get away, you can count on me."

He put the documents back in the bag, and approached the door. "But know this," Naruto said. "I may not have a father, but if I had one… I guess I would do my best to honor his memory."

He locked eyes with Fujikaze.

"Will you?"


"It's fantastic!" Naruto exclaimed. "What's the name of this thing?"

"It's called a car," Fujikaze replied softly, while Fuu helped her dye her hair blonde.

Naruto was amazed by the device. It appeared to be a moving house on wheels, powered by some kind of strange, complex mechanism. An engine beyond the Land of Fire's technology. In short, Naruto felt like he had back in his childhood, when he still believed Ninjutsu to be magic.

The car's inside looked like an expensive bedroom, with two beds, windows, a table, and even a shower. Glancing through the window, Naruto noticed the steam coming out of the device. "It's amazing… it's exactly like how Han's armor uses steam to help his movements. It's wonderful!"

"The Land of Snow is small, but its technology is miles beyond that used in the Shinobi Nations," Fujikaze explained, "We even have developed a device called an airship able to fly through the use of gas."

"Why the hell don't we have things like that in Konoha?" Naruto wondered. "This would revolution our economy."

"Ninjas cannot afford to let this kind of technology spread too much," Fujikaze pointed out, "Most of their income from low-level missions like helping in fields. If civilians exploit these devices, it means they become less reliant on ninjas."

"You seem to know the subject well," Fuu noted.

"Back when I was a princess, I learned many lessons on how countries are run," the actress admitted, "My father always said an ignorant ruler was no ruler at all."

"Your father was a wise man," Naruto replied. "Damn it, think about what we could do with this tech! In fifty years, we might fly to and conquer the moon! I'm sure it must be made of cheese."

"A moon of cheese?" The actress couldn't help but smile. "That's absurd."

Naruto grinned back. With her hair dyed blonde to match her blue eyes, Fujikaze was without a doubt a gorgeous woman. Yet, only her smile allowed her beauty to truly come out.

Fuu agreed, as she smiled to the young woman. "Don't change a thing," Fuu said, "You're perfect the way you are."

Fujikaze instantly regained her composure, much to the displeasure of the former Taki-nin. "You don't have to pretend to be someone you aren't. That's smile? That's the true you."

"The true me?" The princess raised an eyebrow. "For an actress, it doesn't mean anything. Not being myself is my job."

"No," Fuu shook her head, "There is a difference between playing a role for the camera, and playing a role to yourself. You're trying to retreat into yourself, and it's unhealthy."

"What do you know about being yourself?" Fujikaze sneered. "Have you ever played a role to yourself?"

"When I was eleven," Fuu explained, "One of Takigakure's florist needed someone to help her. Since I needed a little more money than my mother was willing to give me, I asked if I could get the job. The florist told me to get lost, but I didn't give up. I dyed my hair, wore make-up to hide my face, and worked on my voice to hide it. I told the florist I was an orphan called Rin Tohsaka, I got the job, and she treated me kindly. For a month, I worked there. Even after I got enough money. I just wanted to be someone else."

Naruto listened to the story in sadness. Obviously, he hadn't been the only one mistreated by his village. Hell, considering Han's insane behavior, he probably didn't have the best environment to grow up in either. Meanwhile, Koyuki listened attentively, her face stone cold.

"But the more I worked, the more I realized I was deluded. Every time the florist smiled at Rin, I remembered the harsh words she told Fuu. In the end, I couldn't keep the masquerade. I told her the truth, and I walked out of the shop. The silent glare she sent me was painful, but oddly, I felt happy. I might not be appreciated, but I was myself again."

"Why did this florist hate you?" Fujikaze asked, curious.

Fuu glanced at Naruto, who nodded. "Naruto, Han and I share a special ability that people fear," Fuu explained. "We grew up rejected because of it."

"You have a bloodline limit?" Fujikaze wondered. "You're a family?"

"We don't share a genealogy, we share a curse." Naruto smiled sadly. "We're a family of outcasts."

The actress examined them closely. "You guys are Jinchuuriki."

The duo paled.

"It wasn't that hard to guess," Koyuki said, "Your headbands are different, and it's incredibly rare for multiple villages to share a Kekkei Genkai. Besides, I heard Jinchuuriki of the Nanabi often developed green hair due to the Bijuu's chakra."

"So?" Fuu asked. "How does that makes you feel?"

Naruto expected a stare of contempt or cold indifference, but surprisingly, Fujikaze's eyes were full of sorrow and sympathy. "I don't care."

Somehow, her tone made it sound heartwarming.

The trio spent most of the travel chatting. Much to Naruto's delight, Fujikaze and Fuu seemed to go along great. Koyuki even began to open herself a little, discussing very down to earth subjects. "So, Fuu-san, do you have a boyfriend?"

"I might have one in sight," Fuu admitted, lightly blushing, "He's very friendly, charming and magnetic, but… he seems to be very dense."

Don't tell me it's Han, Naruto thought. I do wonder what is Han's orientation… considering his narcissism, he's probably Han-sexual. "And you, princess?" he asked.

"Don't get me started," Fujikaze rolled her eyes, "I must receive, what, one thousand love letters from admirers per week? Some of them are downright obsessive. Sandayu had to get rid of a stalker once."

"No serious love story, however?" Fuu asked. "Even with other actors?"

"No," Fujikaze smiled sheepishly, "I guess I did not find the right one yet." She glanced at Naruto. "And you, Naruto-san?"

Naruto-san? The blonde smiled to himself, considering how badly their relationship had started. "I find it more likely for the moon to be made of cheese," he said, "Than finding a girl interested in dating me."

The comment made both girls laugh, and the blonde glanced at the fake necklace. "Is that an admirer's gift?"

"That?" Fujikaze shook her head in denial. "My father told me this was the key to the Land of Snow's hidden treasure. He said it could bring spring to the Land, but… that season can never come in this country."

Remembering the time someone tried to steal it, Naruto assembled the pieces of the puzzle. "Princess," he asked, "Does your uncle knows about this treasure?"

The actress stopped smiling. "Yes, but father told the treasure's purpose to me only. He must think it is a weapon of some sort, or worse."

Naruto and Fuu locked eyes without uttering a word.

The car stopped. It was time to rest.


The convoy had stopped next to a mountain, before an open tunnel. They had started eating, exchanging stories and laughing.

Above the group, hidden under the snow, two ninjas observed their targets with binoculars.

The first was unmistakably an ANBU. Her white cat mask and Tanto were a proof of that. Her fair skin, revealed by a very shameless red outfit, was covered with tattoos of crimson petals. Her white hair was tied by a rope, and her icy blue eyes followed her targets with intensity. In spite of her light attire, she seemed unaffected by the cold.

Her partner was a large, gigantic man, easily the size of Han himself. His short orange hair and grey eyes gave him an odd look. He wore a blue, sleeveless shirt, and black pants. His left hand had been replaced with a long, heavy red canon. "That's them," the large man said, "Boss, do you see the princess?"

"Yes, Bando," the woman, whose name was Kagura, frowned. "Anko?"

"Who?"

"An old friend from my time in Konoha," Kagura replied, "How interesting… and have you seen her team?"

"Not one, not two, but three Jinchuuriki," Bando smirked, "That's our lucky day. Orochimaru-sama will give us our weight in gold for bringing them to him."

"One problem at a time, Bando," Kagura said, annoyed by his greed. Bando was very competent, but his lust for money often blinded him from danger. One Jinchuuriki was not to be underestimated, and three of them had to be handled with extreme care. "The contract first. We'll think about what to do with the Jinchuuriki when we have secured the necklace. We will need some prep work to contain Bijuu for an extended period of time."

"Alright, boss, you're the tactician here," Bando replied. "So? Do we kill this Anko and abduct the princess?"

"That would have been my first choice, had the girl next to Anko been our target."

Bando raised an eyebrow. "Why? She matches the description Doto gave us."

"Looks at the way she moves," Kagura pointed out, "It's too controlled. She doesn't waste a single breath, and she is on her guards. That is not how a civilian acts. It's how a Shinobi does."

Bando was completely lost. Of course, he doesn't have ninja training beyond the basics, Kagura thought. The man was an arms dealer, first and foremost, preferring to work with experimental weapons than Shinobi skills. But fortunately, his organizational skills, contacts, and efficiency more than made up for his lack of experience.

"Besides, one of Anko's favorite tricks is to use a body double of her client, while making the real one pass under the radar," Kagura continued. "Considering the mission's importance, I doubt she hasn't prepared a few contingencies."

"Then, where is the real Koyuki?"

"Look at the other group of ninjas. The two Jinchuuriki are alert, and their posture indicate they're ready to fight an ambush anytime. The third member of the trio looks forward, her posture is too relaxed for even a genin, and the Jinchuuriki are positioned to intercept a hit for her. Finally… look at her neck closely."

Bando did as he was told and grinned. "The necklace… so that's our target."

Kagura glanced at the tunnel. It was a perfect place where to stage an ambush. "Tell our men to prepare to fight. Clean and fast."

"Sure boss," Bando said, guessing her plan, "Looks like these guys will learn to ski soon."


When the earth started to rumble, Naruto realized Doto's troops had caught up to them.

The assault started with a volley of fireballs, which quickly blew up one - fortunately empty - car. Twenty, no, thirty ninjas emerged from under the snow, each of them wearing a slashed headband. "Nukenin!" Tenten shouted. "That's a team of missing-nin!"

Naruto quickly realized while these men might be missing-nin, they were definitively not ordinary marauders. They coordinated their assaults, moved as one, and covered each other, like an army unit.

That was a group of professionals.

Obeying the protocol defined by Anko, Naruto grabbed Koyuki by the waist, before putting her on his back. Ignoring her surprised squeals, Naruto prepared to run for his life. "Fuu, cover me!" he shouted, the girl instantly manifesting chakra wings and flying upward.

Meanwhile, the counterattack had started. Han had shielded the noncombatants with a cloud of steam while Anko had charged into the melee, backed up by Tenten's kunai. Fuu, meanwhile, hovered over the battlefield, preparing an aerial assault.

Naruto only had one place where he could be safe from this chaos: the tunnel. Racing toward it, he entered the darkness.

Only to be welcomed by a masked woman, charging at him with a knife.

Quickly releasing Koyuki on the ground, the ninja grabbed a kunai and parried. The masked woman continued her assault, showing impressive knife fighting skills. Although Naruto was no slouch at armed combat either, the woman quickly pushed him back.

"This knife fighting style," the false ANBU noted, "I recognize it. I had heard Anko had taken an apprentice, but I didn't believe it could be someone like you. Then again, Anko was always fond of bastards and broken things."

Examining the woman's features and mask more closely, the blonde quickly identified it. "Sumeragi Kagura," Naruto said, remembering her Bingo Book entry, "A-rank missing-nin from Konoha. Wanted for murdering her former ANBU team and stealing valuable techniques."

"I do have quite the reputation," Kagura replied, "Only a bounty makes one worthy of being called ninja. You, however, do not have an entry in the Bingo Book yet."

"So I'm not a real ninja to you?"

"No. Come back in a decade or two and maybe I will consider you worthy." Taking a step back, the kunoichi joined her hands into a seal. A powerful gust of wind tossed Naruto to his back, and by the time he regained his footing, the renegade had reached Koyuki.

Yet, the woman didn't kill Koyuki, although she could have easily. She only seemed to have eyes for-

"Toss me the necklace!" Naruto shouted. "She wants the necklace!"

The princess obeyed, instantly throwing it to Naruto. Kagura attempted to catch it midair, but the Jinchuuriki was faster. "You want it?" he asked. "Come and get it."

"I don't think so," a new voice interrupted. "Drop it, or the girl gets it."

Naruto realized, to his horror, another ninja had sneaked inside the tunnel, and currently pointed an odd cannon at Koyuki's head. The blonde recognized the man as Bando, another wanted criminal. Koyuki raised her arms in surrender, clenching her jaw.

"If you fire, I crush the crystal," Naruto warned, "Let her go."

"The girl's life for the necklace," Bando agreed, "An even trade."

"Naruto-san," Koyuki said, "Don't-"

"Your life is more important than a trinket," Naruto cut in, "Let the princess leave this tunnel, and I will surrender the crystal to you. I give you my word."

Bando glanced at Kagura, who gave him a sharp nod. Naruto glanced at Koyuki next. "Run," he said, "Go."

"Naruto, I-"

"Don't worry," Naruto smiled, "I will come back I promise."

With one last look of sorrow, the princess ran away, vanishing at the end of the tunnel's edge.

Kagura quickly moved behind Naruto, and knocked him out with a single blow to the head.


"And that, people, was how I got captured by bad guys for what must have been the eleventh time," Naruto said. "You'd think that they'd learn by that point to, you know, just kill me when they have the chance, but apparently it's a tradition."

"Who was this woman?" a small boa questioned. "And her partner? Who were they?"

Naruto shrugged. It seemed half the Ryuchi Cave had decided to listen to the tale, even the gigantic snakes. Manda, self-proclaimed boss of the snakes, and the White Snake themselves had joined in.

"Sumeragi Kagura and Dio Bando," the White Snake said, "A-rank criminals, listed in the Bingo Book. The former was an ANBU operative from Konoha, the latter a renowned weapon dealer in the underworld, although he never officially joined any Hidden Village. They ran a group of mercenaries for hire since the end of the Third Shinobi War and became wanted internationally after killing the former Earth Daimyo at the behest of a mysterious employer."

"Why did this Kagura defect in the first place?" the boa asked.

"Kagura wanted to become Tsunade's apprentice, and was publicly rejected," the Sage explained, "While Dan Kato's niece Shizune, an average Shinobi, was taken in. Kagura grew bitter and decided to form her own team."

"In terms of reasons for defecting, this one beats everything in sheer pettiness," Manda pointed out. Given that he had worked with Orochimaru for decades and as such came across more than a fair share of renegade shinobi, that meant something.

"Anyway," Naruto cut in, "Back to the story. Kagura and Bando carried me to Doto's lair, retreating with their men and my friends in their pursuit. I met Doto Kazahana in person for the first and last time…"


Naruto awoke with one hell of a headache, outnumbered, and his hands restrained by ropes.

He was obviously in a huge and large throne room of some sort, and a badly illuminated one to boot. A tall, powerfully built man was sitting on a stone throne, surrounded by ninjas. A few were clad in white clothes, while others wore slashed headbands. Bando stood next to Naruto, observing him closely.

Naruto's weapons had been confiscated, but the ninja could use the ropes as garrote. He examined Bando's neck, waiting for an opportunity…

"I wouldn't do it if I were you," Kagura said, walking into view, "I would kill you before you could blink."

Naruto clenched his jaw, and glanced at the man on the throne. "You must be Doto Kazahana."

"In the flesh," the dictator agreed, before faking politeness. "I apologize that our meeting must occur under such circumstances."

"I expected something else from a bloodthirsty tyrant. All black armor with spikes or a skull-shaped helmet. Or a scar on the face."

Doto snorted, and gave a nod to Bando. The ninja instantly appeared next to Naruto, and slammed a round device against his chest. The ninja instantly felt a surge of electricity run through his body, making him squirm. "What is that?"

"It's a chakra absorbing device," Doto said, "The Land of Snow's newest technology."

"I know you do not have chakra," Bando said, "But this should prevent the Kyuubi from throwing a tantrum."

Naruto's eyes widened in horror. "You… you know?"

"Of course. We wouldn't be in Akatsuki if we didn't."

Naruto's heart briefly stopped beating for a second. "You guys are agents of Akatsuki?"

"Sasori-sama and Orochimaru-sama are our direct superiors, yes, and we operate on their behalf," Bando confirmed, "The Kyuubi, Gobi, and Nanabi will be our tribute to the organization. We should get promoted to the ten rings after that."

Naruto clenched his fists. This was bad, very bad. If Akatsuki was aware three Jinchuuriki were located in the Land of Snow, then Orochimaru or someone worse might pay them a visit. And this time, the Hokage was too far away to help.

"But one problem at a time," Bando said, throwing the fake necklace to Doto, "Here is your crystal, Doto-sama."

The dictator grabbed the necklace, grinning wickedly… until his face turned into an expression of rage. Naruto grinned smugly. "They make counterfeits out of anything nowadays," he gloated, adding insult to injury.

"Where is the real crystal?" Doto snarled in rage.

"You switched the pendant?" Bando asked Naruto, obviously angered by the bluff. "You tricked us!"

"He did more than that," Kagura said, examining the fake crystal more closely. "That's a tracking device. His allies are probably hunting us down as we speak. He trapped us."

Doto tossed the tracker away, his blood boiling with anger. "Kagura, Bando," he ordered, "What are you waiting for? Go find the real one!"

"Why should we do it?" One of the ninjas with a slashed headband asked. "It's just a freaking decoration."

Naruto examined his options. His could say the truth, and risk letting Akatsuki get his hands on a powerful device. This could end up in a catastrophe.

but.

But he had a big opportunity to screw over Doto, sow the seeds of internal fighting, and engineer his escape. If he played his cards right, then he could wipe out Akatsuki's forces in the area and destroy Doto's powerbase with one fell swoop.

"The real crystal is the key to the Land of Snow's treasure," Naruto said, attracting everyone's gaze. "Doto wants it because he can then access a powerful weapon built by his brother, the former Daimyo."

Doto's eyes narrowed dangerously, as the missing-nins frowned. "Silence."

"He will never pay you… all he wants is to conquer the Shinobi nations with it." Naruto shrugged. "Interrogate his men, if you do not believe me."

"He's lying," Doto said.

"He bluffed once," Bando pointed out, "This guy lies better than a politician."

Kagura didn't focus on Naruto. No. The kunoichi kept starring at Doto, with her icy eyes piercing his very soul. "Bando," she said. "Check it out."

The man instantly pointed his cannon at the face of an armored ninja, making him pale in surprise.

"You're Doto's second in command, right, Nadare?" Bando asked the man. "This cannon might rely on chakra, but it also uses gunpowder for the detonation. Even your armor won't shield you from a direct hit at this distance. If you value your life, you better not lie: is this runt telling the truth? Is the crystal the key to a weapon?"

Nadare clenched his jaw, and briefly glanced at Doto. But even loyalty didn't trump his fear of death. "Yes," he said, "Yes, he's telling the truth."

It happened in an instant. A knife sharpened by chakra slashed through Doto's head, slicing half his head and killing him on the spot.

The snow ninjas gasped in shock and most took a step back, as the tyrant's blood and grey matter fell on the ground. Kagura grabbed the corpse and easily tossed it away. Then, she calmly sat on Doto's throne.

"Lord Doto!" One of the snow ninja prepared to avenge his master, but a missing-nin put himself in front of him.

"I'm in charge now," Kagura said, "This country is now Akatsuki's property."

"And why is that?" Nadare snarled.

"Because I am stronger than all of you put together," Kagura said calmly. "You can fight with me or be crushed under my heel. It makes no difference to me."

The snow ninjas exchanged worried glances, before deciding fighting the iron lady was pointless. All in all, the coup had lasted five minutes.

"This country's technology will be a boon for Akatsuki's plans," Bando noted, "We'll make a lot of profit mass producing it."

"I can't wait to see that whore Tsunade's face when her land is swarmed with a thousand ninjas equipped with chakra-armor." Kagura smiled. "I am drunk on this vision. As for this treasured weapon, I can't wait to see it in action."

"Yeah, genius, but you would need the real necklace to use the weapon and-" Naruto stopped himself, glancing at his tracker. "And fuck…" I didn't think about that…

"You're going to lead them to us," Kagura confirmed. "They will never allow a Jinchuuriki to fall into our hands. We just have to wait, and they will bring us the key on a silver platter."

"Besides, we get to add two more Jinchuuriki to our collection," Bando noted, "Isn't it great?"

"My friends will beat you," Naruto replied, "All of you."

"We shall see," Kagura snorted. "Nadare, please lead the Jinchuuriki to his cell. We'll deal with him later."


In Fuu's mind, Doto's castle was gloomy as hell. Black and shadowy, surrounded by a snowy forest, it screamed 'evil lair'.

"Koyuki-san, are you certain you wish to go along with us?" Fuu asked. "You have no combat training."

"People are going to die for me today," the princess replied, having traded her usual clothes for a light leather armor and a small sword. It was mostly for the symbol and the troops, as she had no knowledge how to use a weapon. "Naruto is in danger because he wanted to protect me. I will stand by the sidelines no longer."

Fuu nodded, before handing over an item to the princess. Koyuki's eyes snapped open. "The pendant! How did you get it back?"

"The one Naruto kept is a fake," Fuu admitted, "It contained a tracker, in case we lost you. I'm returning the real one to you."

The princess accepted the necklace and put it around her neck, before facing the gathered troops. Sandayu and the insurgents had been joined by members of Konoha's ANBU and Koyuki's bodyguards. Koyuki took her breath.

"My name is Koyuki Kazahana, rightful Daimyo of the Land of Snow," she declared, "Ten years ago, my uncle Doto organized a coup d'Etat, killing my father and taking over our country by force. For a decade, he ruled our land through fear and cruelty. No more!"

The insurgents roared in acknowledgement.

"I am not there to claim a throne!" Koyuki shouted. "I am there to free a friend, and to free you, from Doto! When this is over, I promise you a new era will fall upon the Land of Snow! Beyond the harsh winter, a new spring of hope and peace! A new bright future! Now, come with me and take this castle!"

The rebellion roared twice as hard.

"All of you, with me!" Anko declared. "We will take the castle's southern gate, while the princess will stay behind with the rearguard. Tenten, you're with me. Han and Fuu, protect the princess at all costs."

The group quickly separated, most of the army advancing forward. Koyuki was left with Han, Fuu, and three insurgents as guards. It took Fuu a mere glance to realize they weren't ninjas. They were mere peasants, driven to fight an oppressive ruler without having ever been given combat training.

They were lambs ripe for the slaughter. Hopefully, Konoha's forces would far better-

"Fire Release: Star Rain."

A volley of blue fireballs started falling from the skies.

Fuu reacted quickly, two wings of chakra growing out of her back. Moving fast, she grabbed Koyuki and fled the fireballs' range, briefly noticing Han protect himself by releasing steam as a shield.

The three insurgents were cooked alive, their screams of pain echoing through the forest. A masked woman emerged from behind a tree, and charged at Fuu. "That's her!" Koyuki recognized her. "That's the woman that kidnapped Naruto!"

Fuu tossed Koyuki into the soft snow and flew toward the assailant. While the princess rose back to her feet, the jinchuuriki charged at her foe, attempting to punch her. The older kunoichi dodged the blow and retaliated with an elbow strike. The defendant deflected the attack, and her assailant prepared to punch her next.

"INCOMING!"

Han's foot connected with the kunoichi's mask, shattering it utterly and revealing a beautiful face twisted in a snarl of pain.

The kunoichi, propelled backward, twisted on herself. Landing on her feet, she quickly charged forward, drawing a knife and leaking killing intent. The two Jinchuuriki charged together, their arms raised. They dodged the weapon, and punched the kunoichi's face at the same time.

The woman vanished like a mirage.

A shriek of surprise resonated through the forest. Fuu paled, and glanced at the princess.

"Afterimage," the kunoichi explained, her knife within an inch of Koyuki's throat. "The technique that earned me my ANBU rank. For a split second, I move so fast I could fool a hawk's vision. But if you take a step forward, I assure you the princess' death won't be a trick of the eyes."

"Who are you?" Koyuki asked calmly, managing to keep her composure even as a hostage. "You do not look like a snow-nin."

"My name is Kagura," the woman replied coldly, "Princess Koyuki, I am afraid to say your uncle Doto died from a terrible accident. My condolences."

"Doto's dead?" Koyuki frowned. "I don't believe you."

"Believe whatever you want, your uncle is gone," Kagura replied, "Fortunately, Akatsuki will assume control of the land in order to bring peace to it. I hope you have no objection."

Han and Fuu instantly tensed at the mention of the dreaded organization. Koyuki, who had no knowledge of the name, simply narrowed her eyes. "Why are you doing all of this?" she asked. "Why must we cause such a senseless bloodshed?"

"You ask why?" Kagura shrugged. "Because the Hidden Villages are weak. They are afraid of their own power. If a technique is too powerful, they label it Kinjutsu and forbid its use. When Orochimaru-sama made great breakthroughs in the enhancement of ninjas, they attempted to destroy his research. The Leaf could have ruled the entire world if it exploited Kinjutsus like Edo Tensei, but instead it is decaying. That's why I left that pathetic village."

Kagura chuckled. "Akatsuki doesn't care if a technique is forbidden, or if a method is too extreme to be used. It cares only about victory. The Hidden Villages have already lost the coming war. They're just don't know it yet."

"So you're ready to murder anybody for social advancement?" Koyuki spat on the ground. "That's disgusting."

"You have no idea how powerful we are," Kagura replied. "Our leader is a god. When you cannot beat them, join them. I'm simply on the winning team."

The woman shrugged. "You could join it as well, princess. You could keep your throne, if you bent the knee to Leader-sama. Akatsuki will make your country a strong land. You just have to accept the new order."

"I will not kneel before a bunch of kidnappers and criminals," Koyuki said.

"Who said about you having a choice?" Kagura snorted. "When Sasori-sama is finished rewriting your memories, you will be more loyal to Leader-sama than a trained dog."

"I've heard enough," Fuu said, "Han, let's save the princess and kick her ass."

"Prepare to suffer a hantastic defeat!" the giant boasted.

"The both of you won't be enough," Kagura replied, "Your defeat will be my ascension to the ten rings."

"You think you can take us both on?" Fuu asked.

"No." A red seal appeared on Kagura's forehead, taking the shape of an open eye. "I believe you will take yourself out."

Suddenly, a red aura surrounded the eye, moving toward the duo like a ghost. Fuu dodged it by flying above the ground, but Han took the aura head on. The ghostly projectile did no damage, instead vanishing upon contact.

"Hah, the Han felt nothing!" Han replied, "The Han…"

"Han?" Fuu asked, seeing Han hold his head. "Han, are you alrigh-"

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Han roared madly, his eyes turning completely blank. The red aura started surrounding him, and the Jinchuuriki released a powerful, crushing killing intent.

"That's the Warp Spasm," Kagura smirked, "A kinjutsu that drives the victim berserk with rage. In his state, your pal cannot distinguish between foes and friends. The Gobi's chakra will probably expel it, but by then, you will have been beaten within an inch of life. Now, if you excuse me, I have a secret weapon to unlock."

She vanished alongside Koyuki in a whirlwind of snow.

"Princess!" Fuu shouted, only to get Han attempting to punch her as a result. The girl stepped out of the way, her friend's fist shattering a tree in half. "Han, I'm not your enemy! You can fight this seal!"

The giant's response was to throw the broken tree at her face. Dodging the attack once more, Fuu ground her teeth. "Fine," she said, "I will break you out of it forcefully."


On the way to his cell, Naruto put in action the second part of his plan. Fortunately, all the guys leading to his cell were ninjas of the Land of Snow. Perfect. "I feel bad for you guys," he said, "Working with Akatsuki will be painful."

"Shut up," Nadare said, "You're the cause of all of this."

"I mean, they're led by guys like Orochimaru and Itachi Uchiha," Naruto continued, "The first dissects his own underlings and the second killed his whole family just to see if he could. I get the feeling you aren't going to live long."

Nadare stopped walking, much to the other snow ninjas' surprise. "The hell, boss?"

"You know I'm saying the truth," Naruto stated.

"I heard rumors…" the ninja admitted, only to be interrupted by another group of snow-ninja. "What's happening?"

"The insurgents are attacking the castle, and they've got Leaf-ninjas with them," the man said. "Princess Koyuki is leading them! What must we do?"

Koyuki? Naruto narrowed his eyes. I see… this works even better.

"No matter," Nadare said, "We will survive, as we always did."

"If you were fighting a bunch of peasants, maybe," Naruto shrugged, "But you heard Akatsuki: the Nanabi and the Gobi are out there, and unlike me, no chakra suppressing device to restrain them. The one reason they didn't destroy this castle already is that I'm in it."

The blonde smirked. "Besides, how do you think Konoha will react when they learn you abducted their Jinchuuriki? They will go to war with you, and you will lose, badly. You might have tech, but challenging the might of a great nation is beyond your meager troops, and we know it both."

"Konoha is far away, while Akatsuki is in this very castle," Nadara shot back.

"And other nations like Iwa are closer, and they're a little more warmongering than Konoha," Naruto said, "You really think they're going to tolerate a bunch of missing-nin killing a Daimyo and taking over? They can't. It would give ideas to their own foes. You're going to be crushed and made an example out of for the rest of the world. And even if, by some miracle, you manage to hold your ground, you won't get to live long either. Doto, although a usurper, was part of the royal family. He was legitimate. Kagura isn't. Neither the other nations nor the population will accept her as ruler. Face it, you're on the losing side right now."

The snow ninjas began to whisper among themselves. "Nadare, maybe we should-"

"Do what? We've nowhere to go!" The ninja ground his teeth. "You want to desert and live as a miserable missing-nin the rest of your life?"

"Look, guys," Naruto said, getting rid of the ropes, "I've got a proposition for you."

"Weren't you tied?"

"That was five minutes ago," Naruto shrugged. "I could have broken out anytime, but I want to lessen the bloodshed. I can save your sorry ass, if you do as I say."

Nadara frowned. He didn't like it, but Naruto guessed listening to the blonde was the lesser evil. "Speak."

"The military of the Land of Snow must turn on Akatsuki's troops and open the castle's gates," Naruto said. "Then join the rebellion. Say now that Doto is dead, you have decided to join the last, rightful ruler of the Land of Snow, and how much you regretted fighting her, etc... whatever sentimental bullshit you need to make the story believable."

"That's insane," Nadare said, "We overthrew Koyuki's father. She will never trust us, or let us go."

"She doesn't have a choice," Naruto admitted, "Koyuki wants peace in the Land of Snow, and she knows this option reduces the bloodshed. Besides, she needs the military to keep order. She will grant you amnesty. She won't like it, but she will do it. And if she refuses, Konoha will support you. They can't afford a civil war in the Land of Snow. A swift change of leader is all the Leaf wants. If you do as I tell you, I promise every single one of you will get out of this shit as clean as the day you were born."

Nadare glared at the blonde. "You planned for all of this," he stated, "You planned it all along."

"Hell no," Naruto replied with a foxy grin, "I improvised on the fly. Doesn't that make you feel so much better?"

The ninja inhaled sharply, and glanced at his men. "Spread the word," Nadare declared, "That Koyuki Kazahana is the rightful ruler of the Land of Snow. We do not recognize Akatsuki's authority, and will do everything in our power to wipe their forces out of this castle. Open the gates to the rebels and join them."

Nadare then touched the chakra-suppressing device and removed it. "Now that we're friends, there is one last thing," Naruto said, "I need my weapons back, and most importantly… I wondered if you could let me borrow one of yours."


Fighting Han, Fuu thought, was like for the wind to fight the mountain. A mountain that could run and smash.

Fuu was nothing if not fast and agile. She could dodge, she could fly, she could avoid hits and retaliate with firepower. But she wasn't that resistant to direct damage. Her fighting style relied on being fast enough to dodge and counter-attack.

Han, meanwhile, was strong and enduring. One of his punches would knock her out instantly, and he could take quite a beating. Under normal circumstances, she would have stayed away, and adopted a hit-and-run tactic.

At least, if Han wasn't that damn fast.

The man moved so fast each of his hits barely missed Fuu, forcing the girl to fly above the ninja. Gathering his strength in his legs, Han jumped and grabbed the girl's knee, attempting to crush it. The Nanabi's vessel moved in circles, forcing Han to drop and land on a car-sized boulder.

"Han, I'm not your foe!" Fuu shouted. "Fight the seal! I don't want to hurt you!"

Han replied by effortlessly lifting the boulder and tossing it at the Nanabi's vessel. The girl dodged, before descending. She punched Han's torso with all her strength at the speed of a cannonball.

Han barely flinched, and raised his arm.

Fuu moved backward, dodging a deadly punch. However, Han used his momentum to charge forward, and tackled Fuu with his shoulder. The strength behind the blow wouldn't have disgraced a raging ox.

She crashed against a tree, the aftershock shattering the bark upon impact. Had the chakra wings not absorbed a bit of the shock, the attack would have destroyed the girl's spine. Grunting in pain, the kunoichi managed to move away, dodging a kick from Han. The giant's foot and leg went through the tree, briefly trapping the enraged Jinchuuriki.

Suddenly, Fuu got an idea. Nana, she thought, can you help me change the dust's properties?

You want gum?

Lots of it.

The Jinchuuriki inhaled sharply and spat adhesive gum at Han's leg, keeping the man attached to the tree. Han roared and attempted to free himself, his mere strength enough to slowly uproot the tree. Working faster, Fuu spat gum after gum, first keeping the giant's legs adhered, before pinning the giant to the ground.

Han snarled, but couldn't move enough to free himself.

"Han," Fuu whispered, "Please… calm yourself… breathe easy."


Han was not in the Land of Snow.

Han was back in his childhood, in the streets of Iwa. "Do you know who I am?" he asked two punks. Although they were older, Han was one head taller. "Do you know who I am?"

"Get lost, Horseface," one of them snorted, "Nobody likes you!"

Han snarled and punched the punk, starting a brawl. The two teamed up on Han, punched him, kicked him, bit him, but the Jinchuuriki was stronger and faster, repaying each blow with one of his own. The duo ended up running away. "That's right, run!" Han snarled. "Cowards!"

"Han, the fuck are you doing?" The voice belonged to an old, red-haired Shinobi, clad in purple clothes and carrying a bottle of sake. "Where did that bite mark come from?"

"From nowhere, Roshi. Nowhere."

"You fought again," Roshi snorted, "You got beat up pretty bad."

"I beat them harder!"

"Why?"

"So they will remember my name!" Han snarled. "That way, they will respect me and stop calling me Horseface!"

"Oh, poor boy," Roshi said sarcastically, "You want their respect? You can't get their respect! They're stupid, and stupid don't get smart overnight! You're a Jinchuuriki, now and forever, deal with that!"

"You say I let them call me Horseface?" Han glared at the old man. "I'm Han! I don't want to be called anything else!"

Roshi snorted, and grabbed Han's hat, much to the kid's displeasure. "Give it back! That's was a gift!"

"I know, I gave it to you!" Roshi snorted. "But you've got to listen to me."

"Why should I listen to a drunk old chimpanzee?"

"I'm as sober as a newborn lamb," Roshi lied through his teeth, swallowing a gulp of sake next. "And the Yonbi isn't a chimpanzee, it's a gorilla! And I'm a pit of priceless wisdom so shut your big mouth and learn."

Han crossed his arms. "Alright, go on."

"Han," Roshi said, pointing his finger at the boy's heart, "The secret of true respect lies here."

"The lung?"

"No, you idiotic punk, that's the heart!" Roshi said. "You've got to respect yourself, otherwise, no one else will. You've got to be at peace with yourself if you wanna be at peace with the cosmos, young disciple!"

"You sound like a self-help booklet," Han shot back.

"I am trying to help you, midget!"

"I'm nearly as tall as you!"

"That's the problem, Han," Roshi said, "Anytime someone belittles you, you strike with anger, anger leads to hate and… I think it's pain next… anyway, that's not how you must do it. You must be above these insults and these words. They only have power if you give them power. Let them breeze like the wind on the mighty mountain!"

"So what should I do? Let them mock me?"

"No," Roshi said, "When someone belittles you, take it as an invitation to be better than this twit. Don't focus on trying to burn the trash, step over it! Do great, daring things! You mustn't be Han the thug or Han the boy, you must become the Han, the one and only! You must be larger than them, and then, and only then, will your name be remembered."

"So… I must become the Han, instead of just a Han?" the giant scratched his hair. "That sounds pretty cool."

"It is," Roshi said, putting the hat back on the kid's head. "The Gobi has a true name too, and if you earn his trust, then you will have the right to call him that."

"And he will become my friend?"

"Yeah," Roshi smirked, "And later, you'll earn the trust of others, and form bonds with them."

"But if they reject me?" Han asked. "What if they hate me for being a Jinchuuriki?"

"Then they weren't your friends at all," Roshi said, "A friend is someone who break you out of hell, if you're stupid enough to end there. They're rare… but you will value them, just as much as they will value you."

With these words, the memory vanished, replaced with a snowy forest, and-

"Fuu?" the giant blinked. "Why is the Han covered in gum?"

The girl smirked. "No reason, Han," she said, "No reason at all."


While Anko and Tenten led the charge in the snowy forest, they were quickly welcomed by a powerful shot being fired. The two kunoichi managed to dodge, as did Sandayu, but five soldiers were blown apart like rag dolls. The responsible party walked into view, ready to fight.

"Bando," Anko recognized him, "A-rank criminal. I should have known your kind was involved. You always are when there's pointless bloodshed."

"Everywhere there is war, there is profit to be made," Bando smiled, "I'm a mere merchant of death, after all."

"Leave him to us Konoha-nins," Anko told Sandayu, "Get out of the area and assault the castle."

"Good luck," the soldier nodded, quickly leaving with his troops.

"Why bother fighting?" Bando asked politely. "Can't we strike a deal? We're both mercenaries, we've got the same motive. Tell me how much Konoha pays you: I'll double, no, triple your pay."

"Sorry, it's not about the money," Tenten said, "You abducted a friend. That's priceless."

"Don't tell me you work pro bono," Bando mused, "I guess I'll keep my money and cut off our losses right there and now."

"Wind Release: Air Bullet!" Anko snarled, spitting out bullets of compressed air at Bando. The man dodged and landed on the snow, quickly retaliating with a blast of focused orange chakra.

Tenten put herself in the way and opened a scroll. The seals on it absorbed the blast, causing Bando to grind his teeth in rage. The seals full, Tenten tossed the scroll away and charged forward, backed up by Anko.

Bando gathered chakra above his forehead, giving it the shape of a sphere and propelling it forward with a headbutt. The two kunoichi leapt out of the range of the projectile, which caused a powerful explosion upon impacting with the ground, flashing the snow into steam.

Her vision slightly clouded, Tenten opened another of her scrolls, releasing five spears aimed at Bando. The mercenary dodged, his right arm surrounded by a long whip of chakra. Bando cracked it at Tenten, forcing her to leap backwards. The criminal pressed forward, swinging his weapon frantically.

Anko emerged from the steam cloud, her left hand surrounded by four long snakes. The reptiles extended and bit into Bando's flesh arm, making him hiss.

More out of rage than pain, however.

The colossus grabbed the snakes with his hand, cooking the reptiles alive by releasing his strong chakra. Anko ignored her summons' death wails, and raced towards her foe. Dodging his whip, the older kunoichi punched Bando's jaw with an uppercut. The blow was powerful enough to propel Bando one meter above the ground. Before the giant could land, Anko rotated and kicked the man's chest with all her strength. One rib broke in a loud, sickening cracking noise, and Bando crashed against a tree.

"Now!" Anko ordered, launching a volley of air bullets at Bando. Tenten followed, opening a scroll and unleashing a volley of weapons in the criminal's direction.

Bando quickly rose to his feet and roared. A layer of orange chakra covered the man's skin, repelling the projectiles. Bando laughed in ecstasy, the power racing through his veins. His arm cannon shined brightly, empowered.

Bando laughed, and opened fire. Instead of a single blast, the cannon unleashed an endless volley of fireballs, each of them exploding upon impact.

Tenten, too slow to dodge, was only saved when Anko grabbed her by the shirt and leapt away. Bando's projectiles crashed at random, devastating the landscape, and the kunoichi could only hide behind a thick oak to protect themselves.

"He's going to set the entire forest on fire," Anko noted, as fire rained down all around their improvised shelter. "If the fire doesn't kill us, the smoke will."

Tenten attempted to look at Bando, only for a projectile to barely miss her face. "I can't aim straight," she complained, "Sensei…"

"I will use an earth technique to dig a way out," Anko said, slamming her palms. "If the forest doesn't crumble on itself, that is."

"Wait!" Tenten cut in, searching in her pockets, "I think I have a solution."

Anko raised an eyebrow, observing the item the teen had brought out. "A bouncing ball?"

Tenten took the bouncing ball and analyzed the fireballs' trajectory, attempting to calculate an angle and pinpoint Bando's location.

"Get out of your hole!" Bando snarled, firing continuously and without aim. "You've got nowhere to hide!"

"Neither do you," Tenten replied, launching the bouncing ball.

The ball bounded off one tree, then another… before entering Bando's cannon, the fire inside the barrel instantly detonating the ball.

The following explosion dwarfed all of Bando's blasts, and the entire forest shook. When the dust and snow powder settled, the onslaught had stopped. Anko and Tenten glanced at their target.

All that remained of Bando were a bunch of mutilated limbs and charred bones.

"Remind me never to piss you off, brat," Anko told Tenten, "You're pretty scary."


"Never anger a female human, kids," Manda told the younger snakes, "They're deadlier and crueler than the males."

"Meanwhile," Naruto continued before his reptilian listeners, "Koyuki was at Kagura's mercy. I decided maybe, just maybe, it was time for me to channel my inner Rock Lee and have my own… dynamic entry."


A heat generator.

The Land of Snow's treasure turned out to be a giant heat generator.

Koyuki glanced at the area, the sight bringing back memories. The frozen lake's ice resisted the surge in temperature, but the snow all around it was melting away slowly. Her father hadn't lied: he truly found a way to bring spring to the land.

"Your father was a genius," Kagura smiled, "Don't you see the potential applications of this generator? With a few precise manipulations of temperatures on a national level, it could affect the world's climate. It could cause tsunamis, start tornadoes, sink islands, or debut an ice age. I shudder to think what Pain-sama could do with it."

Her back was turned on the princess… which was an opportunity. The princess grabbed her ceremonial sword. If I had a father, I would do my best to honor his memory. The words echoed in her head, and Koyuki realized she needed to take them to heart. I can't let this woman defile my father's work, she thought, her decision taken.

She slowly sneaked up behind the gloating kunoichi. Then, gathering her courage, she attempt to impale the woman from behind.

Kagura instantly turned around, grabbed Koyuki's arm, and disarmed her by twisting her wrist. The princess gasped in pain. "You dare attack me?" the kunoichi asked, a knife appearing in her free hand. "You dare?"

Koyuki hesitated, but clenched her teeth. "I dare," she said, "I won't let you transform my father's work into a weapon. You will have to step over my corpse to do it."

"Fine," Kagura whispered, raising her weapon. "Too bad, you would have been a nice figurehead."

Koyuki waited for a death that never came. An arrow flew forward, aimed at Kagura's head. The ninja deflected it with a swing of her knife, only for the projectile to explode into a cloud of smoke.

Although the princess couldn't see anything, she felt someone grabbing her by the waist and then running away, emerging from the smoke cloud and then stopping on the other side of the area. Koyuki glanced at her savior's face, and her eyes widened in recognition. "You… you came back!"

"I told you I would," boasted the blonde Jinchuuriki. He had traded his orange clothes for one of Doto's white chakra armors, and carried an odd device looking like a long metal rod.

He placed Koyuki on the ground, as far from Kagura as he could. "Sorry to be late, I had to change wardrobes."

The princess shook her head. "Thanks for saving me." She paled, upon remembering Kagura's latest fight. "Your friends-"

"Are safe." Naruto turned around, glancing at a surprised Kagura, and prepared to fight. "I'll take care of Snow White there. Stay back."

"Naruto…" Koyuki smiled. "Win."

Naruto smirked back, before focusing back on Kagura. "Hey, I've got the lady's favor! Nothing can stop me now!"

"You really believe a piece of scrap metal will save you, boy?" Kagura mocked. "I was an ANBU once. There is no way a mere genin, even a Jinchuuriki, is going to beat me. I thought our last meeting had taught you that."

"I know. It's like a pawn facing a king." Naruto shrugged. "But face it, you've lost the war. The snow ninjas abandoned you. The castle already fell, and your forces have been decimated. Even if you beat me, you are not getting out of the Land of Snow alive. You better surrender."

"Surrender to Konoha?" Kagura spat on the ground. "I would rather fight and take my chance."

Naruto snorted. "Then bring it."


Kagura didn't waste time and charged, sliding on the ice with grace and speed, her knife surrounded by a shroud of blue chakra. Naruto waited for her to come, calculating his strategy. He didn't know the limits of the chakra armor, nor its weaponry, so he would have to rely on his own skills while exploiting the armor's resistance to ninjutsu to even the field.

Naruto charged forward, his armor's special heels allowing him to keep his mobility on ice. When his opponent entered its range, the Jinchuuriki unloaded his flamethrower in her direction. The flames consumed Kagura, but left no body behind.

An afterimage.

Naruto ducked low, as the knife missed the back of his head. Turning around, he kicked Kagura's left breast, propelling her away. The kunoichii landed on the ice, more surprised than hurt. "How did you learn about my techniques?"

"Hey, some of us do memorize the Bingo Book's info!" Naruto shot back. "Nothing in your arsenal will surprise me."

"I don't need to surprise you. The difference in power between us is all I need." The deadly assassin threw the knife toward Naruto at high-speed, aiming for the head. The blonde managed to dodge it, but Kagura exploited the opening to launch a jutsu. "Fire Release: Inferno Palm!"

Opening her palm in Naruto's direction, Kagura unleashed a stream of blue flames. The blonde raised his arms, the chakra armor activating. The missing-nin's chakra vanished before it entered contact with the metal, fully absorbed.

Kagura's confidence turned into surprise, and much to Naruto's delight, a hint of panic. "What?"

Unleashing a burst of fire in his opponent's direction, the young Konoha-nin put her on the defensive. Kagura snarled and used a jutsu, creating a shield of swirling water out of moisture. The water took the shape of a dome, shielding the kunoichi from harm.

"You aren't so impressive without your ninjutsu, are you?" the Jinchuuriki taunted, hoping to goad Kagura into close combat. "Without it, you can't even keep up with a civilian!"

The dome exploded into steam, and Kagura quickly reappeared, skating on the ice at high speed. As she circled around Naruto, the Jinchuuriki kept pressuring her with his flamethrower. The missing-nin made hand seals, knives materializing out of thin air, each of them aimed for Naruto's exposed head.

Fortunately, the woman didn't have Tenten's nigh-unnatural accuracy. Naruto easily dodged the projectiles, and Kagura grew annoyed. The flamethrower's fire started to melt the ice under the duelists. Kagura covered her skin with a layer of chakra, obviously switching tactics.

Suddenly jerking, Kagura changed her trajectory and raced forward Naruto, unsheathing her tanto and sharpening it with her chakra. The Jinchuuriki reacted faster and burned her with a burst of flames.

Only for the afterimage to vanish, the real Kagura attempting to behead Naruto from the side.

Quickly tossing his flamethrower away, Naruto unsheathed his own Tanto and parried as best he could. The mere aftershock pushed him backwards, and Kagura quickly charged once more, attempting a horizontal swing. Lowering himself, Naruto barely avoided decapitation once again, before exploiting Kagura's loss of momentum to retaliate with a slash of his own.

Unfortunately, the layer of chakra over Kagura's skin stopped the Tanto, deflecting it. Alright, Naruto thought, Lets see how much chakra this armor can deflect.

Naruto unleashed a powerful kick at Kagura's chest, his foot getting past the chakra and hitting her at full force. Her chakra second skin was nearly instantly dissipated by the armor's device, leaving her defenseless. The missing-nin grunted in rage, and took a step backward, trying to put as much space as she could between her foe and herself.

"You aren't going to get away," Naruto taunted, charging forward. Kagura parried a slash with her sword, using it as an improvised shield, before pushing the Jinchuuriki back with a push. "So? How does it feels to be outmatched by a real ninja?"

"Really?" Kagura glanced at Koyuki. "If you're a true ninja… then you should seek victory by any means necessary." Then, she raised an arm in the terrified princess' direction and unleashed a burst of blue fire at her.

"You coward!" Naruto snarled, putting himself in the flame burst's way. The armor quickly dissipated the attack, but the woman exploited the opening to charge at Naruto, raising her blade and preparing to perform a vertical strike. One that would cut the Jinchuuriki in half.

"Farewell, Uzumaki." Kagura swinging her weapon. "You weren't that impressive."

What happened next occurred within fractions of a second. Naruto slashed forward, while slightly moving to the right.

Naruto's Tanto went through Kagura's chest, progressing between the ribs and impaling the lungs. It would matter little. Her blade would cut him in half all the same.

However, Naruto's position turned a mutual kill into a decisive victory, as Kagura's sword impacted on the chakra-deflecting device, shattering it. Fortunately, the steel stopped the strike and preventing it from reaching the flesh, although the mere aftershock broke Naruto's shoulder, making the Jinchuuriki grind his teeth in pain.

The ice under the duelists broke down under the pressure.

Before Naruto could realize what happened, both him and Kagura fell into the lake's cold water. The blonde Jinchuuriki shivered, as his entire body became submerged. His own head underwater, the blonde glanced at the surface.

Naruto attempted to swim back above the water, only for a hand to grab his leg and pull him under.

She's still alive, Naruto panicked, facing Kagura. The kunoichi's blood tainted the waters red, and her bright eyes shined with rage. Her survival instinct and sword were both gone. Now, all she wanted was to take the Jinchuuriki down with her.

Grabbing Naruto's neck with both her hands, Kagura started strangling him. The blonde attempted to push her back to no avail, as the missing-nin stubbornly refused to let him go. As he felt his vision grow darker, Naruto grabbed his Tanto, still embedded in Kagura's chest. Withdrawing it from his foe's flesh, making Kagura grunt in pain, Naruto then impaled the kunoichi's head through the eye.

Kagura coughed out blood in one final gasp, and her lifeless hands let go of Naruto. Her corpse sank in the lake's darkest waters.

Refusing to end up like her, Naruto attempted to swim above the water, but his breath began to fail him. His vision blurred, and the dizzied blonde started sinking down.

A hand reached his forearm, and pulled him out of the water, onto the lake's remaining solid ice.

Laying on his knees and forearms, Naruto coughed out water, his savior patting his back to help the process. "Well," Koyuki said, "That was close."

"Yeah…" Naruto panted, finishing coughing out the last water. He glanced at Koyuki, and smirked upon seeing her worried expression. "If you want, you can give me a kiss of life. It would help me breathe better."

Much to his surprise, the princess' response wasn't an annoyed glare, but a small, amused smirk. Naruto didn't know how to react to that. He simply shivered, still freezing in place. "I n-need a f-fire!" he said through his chattering teeth.

"We should get closer to the generator," Koyuki suggested, "It would warm you up."

"You do realize your father's device just killed the polar bears?" Naruto joked. "GLOBAL WARMING!"

While Koyuki chuckled, Naruto glanced at the scenery and enjoyed this vision of spring.


The coronation of the Daimyo of the newly named 'Land of Spring' was a very public affair. Koyuki was crowned by Sandayu before hundreds of people, her uncle Doto all but forgotten.

Naruto didn't especially enjoy such events. Too many faces he didn't know, and he felt naked without his weapons. Still, he had decided to go along, trading his chakra armor for an orange kimono. His friends had done the same… except Han.

"Han, I know you love your armor," Fuu coughed, clad as she was in her green kimono, "And I know you love your hat, but-"

"Just switch clothes, you idiot," Anko said. She and Tenten had let their hair down, and both of them were wearing brown yukata.

"The Han's face is too great for mere mortals to watch," the giant replied, "It would burn you to cinders, or turn you into salt."

"Meh, you don't have to hide your face Han," Fuu noted, "In term of weirdness, we have seen everything."

"Fuu, the Han…" Han coughed. "I'msosorry."

"What?"

"… the Han is sorry he attacked you. The Han apologizes, and hopes he… is still your friend."

"You weren't yourself, Han," Fuu smirked, patting the giant's back. "No harm done."

Although the man's face was hidden under his mask, Naruto was certain Han was smiling beneath it.

"Here," Anko said, handing over a Tanto to Naruto - his Tanto. "I recovered it from Kagura's corpse."

"Thanks," Naruto said, grabbing the weapon and hiding it under his sleeve. "So, she's really, really dead? Not just mostly dead?"

"She's gone, and as such, her twenty million ryo bounty goes to you," Tenten smirked, "While I got ten million for killing Bando."

"By the way, you confirmed what I always thought," Naruto chuckled, "You can kill people with bouncing balls!"

"Yeah, yeah, well, look at that!" Tenten brought a sheet a paper from underneath her kimono and opened it.

It was the plan of some sort of huge piece of artillery. "What the hell is that?" Naruto asked.

"That's the plans of Bando's cannon prosthesis," Tenten said, "The ANBU recovered it from one of his henchmen."

"And you plan to make one for yourself?"

"I will do better than that: I will make one bouncing-ball proof." Tenten grinned. "I think I'm going to call her… Gustav."

"That sucks!" Han shouted. "The Hanstroyer is better!"

"Why don't you just call her the RYNO, Rip You a New One?" Naruto joked. "Or Mojo Jojo?"

"Big Bertha," Fuu said, "I don't know, it sounds pretty nice."

"The Hansterminator," Han suggested, "Or the Hannihilator!"

"Megas XLR," Naruto nodded as if making the final decision. "We can decide what the letters mean later."

"The Megaton," Anko offered. "The Fat Man!"

"Fat Man is nice," Tenten decided, "Fat Man it is!"

"Meh, the Han still thinks the Wonderhan would have been great."

Naruto noticed although Anko enjoyed herself, she seemed a little sorrowful. "What's up sensei?"

"You know… Kagura was part of my class in the Academy," Anko said, "We were never friends, but we were comrades. We became Chuunin the same year, and worked together on a few missions before she defected. Although she was a traitor, I'm kinda sad she died alone and disgraced. She had such a bright future ahead when she started her career."

Anko chuckled. "I nearly defected once," she admitted, "I was so consumed by my hate of Orochimaru I nearly left the Leaf to track him down. In another world, Kagura might have been your sensei, and I the one drowning in a lake."

"I feel lucky to live in this world then," Naruto chuckled, "You would have killed me with your hands tied."

Anko smiled sadly. "Some bonds can't resist what the life of a Shinobi puts in their way, Naruto," she replied. "In time, it will happen to you as well. The key to living with it is to accept the inevitable and move on."

Naruto nodded. "I understand... by the way, have you seen how I played the snow-nins like puppets? That should earn me a promotion, right?"

"You mean, after you got captured?" Anko mocked with a childish smirk.

"Hey, I was bluffing them!" Naruto replied. "It wasn't capture, it was tactical infiltration!"

"Yeah right," Anko snorted, "However, I admit you exploited the situation well. You've got leadership skills, brat. I can see you ending as a division commander."

"I'm not strong enough for that yet."

"Who asked you to be strong?" Anko sneered. "ANBU commander Danzo is much weaker than Kakashi, and yet he outranks him. We need strong ninja, yes, but no one asks for a leader to be physically strong. Only to be good at leading his men and have foresight. You might rise up through the ranks sooner than you think."

"Speaking of leadership, I wonder why Kagura openly killed Doto instead of simply intimidating him or subtly sabotaging his efforts," Naruto whispered. "I can't see what Akatsuki really had to gain in this staging a doomed coup the five nations would never tolerate."

"Kagura acted on her own," Anko replied, "When an organization grows too large, it is inevitable for rogue agents to flourish. Not even Akatsuki is immune to infighting."

"Yet, Kagura was confident Akatsuki's leadership would support her," Naruto said, "Someone convinced her they would back her up. Something is up. I just can't see what yet."

"We will worry about that in time," Anko said, glancing at somebody. "For the time being, let's focus on the end of our current mission."

Naruto realized the princess had left the balcony, joining the group. "The Land of Snow has a debt to you it can never repay," Koyuki told the ninja team, bowing slightly. From a head of state, it truly was a powerful gesture. "Words cannot express my gratitude. If you ever need my help, I will do everything I can to assist."

"Thank you," Fuu replied. "We didn't do much. It's your subjects that did most of the work."

"We fulfilled our mission, and Sandayu - no, the newly installed prime minister - paid us more than the promised amount," Anko noted. "But honestly? I would have helped your country pro bono if needed."

"The Han was happy to han your foes the best he could. It was an hanforgettable experience."

"If you ever need protection again, you know who to call," Tenten smirked.

"We were all happy to help," Naruto said. "And most importantly, I'm happy you're happy."

The princess nodded, locking eyes with the blonde Jinchuuriki next. "Naruto," Koyuki asked, "I wish to speak with you alone. I have a proposition for you."


"Orochimaru," a puppeteer asked, "Why did you do it?"

The snake Sannin grinned at his partner. "You will have to be more specific," he said, not sparing his ally a glance. "I make so many schemes I often forget one or two."

"The Land of Snow's mission was a fiasco," Sasori whispered, "Kagura was to steal their chakra armor and to ensure the Leaf would not depose Doto. Nobody gave her the order to stage a coup."

"Neither did I," Orochimaru whispered. "Leader-sama explicitly said secrecy was our best ally, and we were not ready for open actions yet. Kagura obviously acted on her own."

"Kagura would never had dared going this far had she not been given at least a tacit accord," Sasori replied, "Our influence on the country is crippled for at least a decade, and I know you had a hand in this. I just cannot guess why."

"Alright, maybe I told her she needed to go farther than the mission to impress Pain and join the leadership," Orochimaru whispered, "But thinking I planned for her mission to fail and to sabotage Akatsuki's operations in the region… you wound me so deeply, Sasori. I was just trying to encourage a new recruit."

The Sannin felt his partner's glare upon his back. "One day, Orochimaru, you are going to betray the wrong person," Sasori warned, "Your treacheries are going to catch up to you, sooner or later."

Believe what you wish Sasori, the Sannin thought, When the invasion is over… I will tolerate Pain's authority no longer.


The Land of Snow did not seem to be a fitting name any longer. As he watched the green forests and prairies from the castle's balcony, Naruto wondered if they would have to change the name of the region. "How long will the generator last?"

"No longer than a season," Koyuki said, "However, engineers are examining it. If we take what we know and persevere, the Land of Snow will become the Land of Spring in no time."

"It's a nice name," Naruto said, "Your father would have been proud. I guess changing identity is off the table?"

"The people of this land have suffered from a brutal dictatorship for a decade," the princess replied, "It is my duty to make their future brighter. You were right… I wish to honor my father's memory by ruling as generously as he did."

"So… no more Princess Gale movies?" The news should have made him happy, yet Naruto only felt a little sorrow at his friend abandoning her career.

"Don't be silly," Koyuki smiled, "I will keep playing for the camera. I will have more than enough free time, and I quite like the challenge."

"So now, you're going to be a princess, playing a princess?" Naruto smirked. "You're going to play as yourself."

Koyuki smirked back. "Naruto…" she started. "Why don't you stay in the Land of Spring, instead of returning to Konoha?"

Naruto's jaw dropped. "What?"

"I will need help to reform the Land of Snow," Koyuki said, "Why don't you become my adviser? I have considered making you head of the military."

Naruto's heart briefly stopped beating, and he glanced at the princess. "Are you kidding me?" he asked. "You can't be serious!"

"I am very serious," Fujikaze shot back, "Not everybody will be happy with it, but I need someone I trust in the role. You have showed more than enough leadership skill, when you convinced the Land of Snow's ninjas to join me. Beside, most of the old leadership was too compromised with Doto's regime to be trusted."

"What about Nadare?"

"Strangely, Nadare and most of the ninjas that participated in Doto's coup suffered from… tragic incidents." Koyuki intertwined her fingers. "I only punished the ringleaders, sparing most of their underlings. They were too happy to keep their jobs and few had spoke against this purge. I would have gotten rid of all of them if I could have, but this land suffered enough bloodshed already."

"Good to know, but the populace will never accept a foreigner as a military leader."

"You have become a folk hero here, Naruto. The kids just can't stop whispering tales how you beheaded a dreaded missing-nin, with only your trusty sword as protection."

"She drowned to death after being stabbed in the face, and had I not worn that chakra armor, she would have soundly kicked my butt."

"I like the other version better," Koyuki chuckled, "I have more than enough support to appoint you as a… Yukikage, I guess."

Yukikage. Naruto had to admit the title sounded good. However, there was only one answer possible for him to give her.

"I appreciate the offer," Naruto explained, "But… let's face it. Me? Deserting Konoha for another nation? That would start a colossal diplomatic incident, and most probably a war. Your country has suffered enough, princess. Beside… I don't love Konoha itself, but I love some people there. I'll pass."

The Daimyo didn't hide her disappointment, but Naruto patted her shoulder. "Don't worry, I'll visit you when I can," he said, before realizing he probably broke half the basic rules of protocol by touching a head of state so casually.

Koyuki didn't appear to care for it either, for she hugged the blonde, much to his surprise. The Jinchuuriki hesitated, before returning the hug. "Take care then, my friend," the princess said, "Know that the doors of the Land of Spring will always be open to you and your team."

"Thank you," Naruto gently broke the hug. "I'm touched beyond words."

"There is one last thing," Koyuki said, offering a small crystal to Naruto.

Naruto glanced at it. "That's your necklace. The real one."

"Take it."

"I can't," Naruto protested, "That's a national treasure."

"Yes, hence why I want you to keep it," Koyuki explained, "This way, you will always remember the Land of Snow… and our friendship."

Naruto nodded, and put the pendant around his neck. "Thank you… Koyuki."

Koyuki's smile shined like the sun.


"Aww!" The snakes said in unison. "So cute!"

"Did you kiss the princess next?" a cobra asked.

Naruto blushed in surprise. "That's not a good question!"

"Nah, that's a valid question," a viper commented, multiple snakes nodding, "Did you kiss the princess next?"

"Did you rule the Land of Snow happily ever after?" another boa asked.

"He's right in front of you, stupid," Manda commented, "How could you want him to rule a country half a continent away?"

"I love this ending better!"

"Back to the subject!" a viper snarled. "Did you kiss the princess?"

"Great, I have an army of Jiraiyas for listeners," Naruto deadpanned, still redder than a tomato. "I won't tell anything."

"Come on! Give us the juicy details!"

"Sorry, perverts, I just feel like messing with my audience," Naruto mocked.

"How did you come back to the Land of Fire?" Manda asked. "Did that giant idiot get seasick again?"

"Nah. Han refused to use a boat ever again, and suggested strapping us to pigeon summons equipped with rockets. He wasn't kidding. In the end, Koyuki lent us the Land of Snow's airship to get back home."

"I hope there is a sequel," Smaug said, "Like 'Trouble in the Land of Spring' or 'Return of Akatsuki's revenge - the Reckoning'."

"That was a story from Uzumaki Fox news," Naruto joked, "Stay in tune for the next one!"


"That was so obvious," Naruto thought as he observed the Melody Arm. "Electric shocks could help modulate the sound waves to the right frequency. I can't believe I didn't think of it, it was so freaking obvious… I don't need chakra, just an electric battery. It's just a special radio."

"What are you doing?" Apophis asked, as he crawled inside Naruto's room.

"I've found the way to produce a Chakra-less Melody Arm," Naruto whispered, "It will take some time, but I can do it."

"I told you, you needed to clear your mind a little," Apophis said. "By the way… I have been thinking, why didn't you take one of these chakra armors with you back to Konoha?"

"200 million."

"200 million what?"

"That's the cost of making one armor." Naruto shrugged. "Why do you think the Land of Snow only gave them to its elite? Only a state or an organization as well-funded could afford getting one."

"You could have repaired the one you wore against Kagura."

"Chakra armors were created by the Land of Snow's scientists using a technology much more advanced than the Shinobi Nations. I had no way of repairing them without their assistance, and besides… the devices only deflect chakra. It wouldn't prevent Obito from shoving a knife in my eye, or Pain from throwing a building-sized boulder at my face. I was lucky Kagura mostly relied on her ninjutsu."

"Yet you used Tenten's seal."

"Tenten's seal worked by sucking the chakra of a large area," Naruto pointed out, "Although it worked for a limited time, it was enough to disable long range ninjutsu, and even Sasori's puppet body. But Tobi and Pain are a league above my cousin. The seal will fail before they do."

Apophis stayed silent, and Naruto glanced at him. "What are you thinking?"

"If the Land of Snow could invent a chakra suppressing device… maybe you could make your own?" Apophis said. "If they could do it, so can you. With the data you gained through the use of Tenten's seals… maybe you could create a device with the strength of both the Land of Snow's machine and Tenten's seal, yet without their flaws?"

Naruto thought about it. "In weeks? In a cave? With a box of scraps?"

"An exciting challenge, don't you agree?"

"It's not like I've anything better to do," Naruto admitted. "It's worth a try."

Apophis glanced at the Melody Arm. "A country with houses on wheels… it must have been like seeing the future."

"That's a foretaste of the age to come," Naruto replied. "Kagura was right on one point, the Hidden Villages have lost a war before they begun it. Not the war against Akatsuki. The war against progress. I doubt ninjas will exist fifty years in the future."

"You said this tech was too expensive to be mass-produced."

"Today," Naruto pointed out. "Tomorrow, civilians will create their own cheaper armors. They will be powered by steam, coal, and oil. They will create anti-ninjutsu weapons. It's inevitable."

"I doubt the Hidden Villages will accept this."

"I managed to beat a former ANBU wearing one of those armors," Naruto said, "It took what, twenty years of training for Kagura to reach her level? It took me five minutes to get familiarized with this armor enough to match her. That tech? That's the new face of warfare, the same way Ninjutsu crushed old bows and arrows."

"It puts some of Akatsuki's actions under a new light," Apophis noted, "The Samsara, their development of new weaponry, funding the mass-production of radios in Rain, cooperating with Doto… they're trying to make Ninjutsu itself obsolete."

"Akatsuki considers itself a red dawn," Naruto said, "I have seen what he meant while in Ame, by far the most advanced Hidden Village on the mainland. Both Obito and Pain know the ninjas are in their twilight. When the night has passed, they want their dawn to illuminate the world. They want the new age to be their age. In a twisted way, they're visionaries. But I can't let them succeed."

"A new age… an industrial age. I hope to live long enough to see it with my own eyes." Apophis glanced at Koyuki's necklace. "You could have asked her for help. You could have changed your name and started a new life."

"That would have made her country a target for both the Hidden Villages and Akatsuki… and I am loath to put a good friend in danger. Besides, it makes a far more interesting story! Naruto, the despised outlaw, and his band of merry reptiles, challenging the worst criminals the world has ever seen!"

The serpent chuckled lightly. "That would make a nice adventure film."

Naruto grinned. "Hey, Apophis, you know what's the funniest thing with this mission in the Land of Snow?"

"Come on, do tell."

"We never finished the damn movie."


A/N: ... I still can't believe I put a Wallace and Gromit shout-out in a Naruto story. That must be a first.

I've got mixed feelings about this chapter. It's pretty much a one-shot story in its own right. And a lot more light hearted than the main story. It was a very strange and unique experience overall.

I originally wanted to adapt Road to Ninja (since it's pretty much the only movie that can be considered at least semi-canon, considering Kishi participated in its conception and wrote a manga chapter to promote it), but I decided otherwise, due to wishing to adapt some elements of the Road to Ninja plot in the main story. I hesitated between this one and Land of Sky, before settling on Land of Snow.

About the current manga… is the Naruto-verse suffering from a plant alien invasion or something? I never thought a Mad Plant God Mama would be the final boss (if there isn't a new villain hidden in a corner). Although Naruto using the Harem technique on her was priceless.

Anyway, next chapter will be the continuation of the main storyline and the beginning of the four chapter long 'Kage Summit Arc' (followed by the four part 'Legacy Arc', the last one of the story). Both should be suitably climatic, with one epic duel being a scene I've had in mind since the story's beginning.

Thanks for reading and supporting this story, and would you kindly leave a review?