Sorry it's taken so long to post this chapter – I can only blame a combination of writers block for this story, inspiration for the real novel I'm writing, a obsession with Studio Ghibli, and the UK release of Persona 4 (Oh how I love that game) for my lack of personal creativity. However, now I've overcome this hurdle, hopefully the next chapter won't be too long in coming.
Many thanks to: mysterygal3189, QuinKilo1055, Link's Ocarina Babe and la generala for your continued support, ideas and encouraging comments! You guys are awesome!!! And also thank you to everyone who's subscribed to an alert or favourited this story!! You all make my day! (I could write a lot more on this subject, but I won't bore you! Instead, I send you all a home-cooked virtual triple-chocolate cream cake, with extra frosting– calorie free of course!)
Chapter Thirty-Two – Duck!
Xeial's method to transport the judges to the castle was simple and effective. She transformed into a dragon. Impa was the only of her fellows capable of speech after that hair-raising journey. There were many things she would have liked to say to Xeial, most of them being rather impolite, but she contented herself with the simple question of why on earth Xeial didn't stay in dragon form? Surely that was the best shape to shift to – it was powerful, fast and scary?
Xeial smiled at this thought and answered, "You think the best form I can be in is a cumbersome dragon? This body isn't agile, you know? Besides, I am not like the other Dream Snatchers. Their purpose was to stop Lefestra's heir destroying Saeru, my purpose is to stop Saeru destroying Lefestra's heir. Therein is the difference. I am not a monster and if I was a dragon, apart from obviously transporting him around the country in the blink of an eye, and feasting on farm animals and the occasional Goron, how could I have helped Link?"
"Uh…" Impa stared at Xeial for a long moment, wondering if there was any argument she could advance in favour of the Dream Snatcher remaining in her rather more terrifying form.
"You must also understand that in order to help Link, I must be in a form that he would recognise and trust. A fool he may be but even he would be a little nervous of befriending a dragon."
"We are talking about the same Link, aren't we?" Wondered Impa. "From what I know of him, he'd be overjoyed to have a terrifying dragon as a friend."
"You mean a pet." Smiled Xeial. "Maybe he would but it's not just that either. I can't stay as a human for any length of time, it is too taxing, but I needed to be able to communicate on a basic level with Link. I did try being a cat but he said I freaked him out – apparently he didn't like the way I could outstare him – and I didn't want to be a horse so I thought I'd best become a dog of sorts. Man's best friend and all that junk."
"But you're not a dog – you're a wolf."
"Yeah, I guess." Xeial smiled her peculiarly evil grin that reminded the Judges forcibly of Link and added, "I'm not the cute, cuddly Hylian terrier type of girl, you know. I am a Dream Snatcher after all. Anyways, I like being a wolf – when you're a dog people pet you and tug your ears and throw things for you to chase, as if that's fun, and they talk to you in this stupid baby-talk way. When you're a wolf people respect you."
"And when you say respect, you mean fear." Said Impa, wryly.
"It's not my fault I make a pretty scary wolf!" Retorted Xeial. "Only stupid people are afraid of me."
Impa glanced at her colleagues and remembered their reaction to the Kakariko Wolf situation. She couldn't help smiling slightly. "Does….Link know who you really are?" she ventured.
"By now he probably does. That boy would be quite smart if he could be bothered to use his brain." Xeial smiled sentimentally, "He's quite like Lefestra, you know." She straightened her back and tossed her hair over her shoulders. "Speaking of which, I'd better go help him. After all, that's what I am still alive for."
"Oh, right…" Impa exchanged a glance with Rauru, who stilled looked rather green and smiled slightly, "I'd suggest you two enter the castle by more conventional means."
"You want us to call on Ganondorf? Oh good golly, Impa, are you mad? We judges don't just pop into the castle for a bit of a social. What do you expect us to talk about?" Asked Kru, starting to panic.
"Anything, Kru my friend, after all, you could talk the hind legs of a donkey. Xeial, I am ready." Impa turned and saw the familiar golden wolf standing before her. "I always thought you were smarter than Link." She said. Amber growled softly and shook her coat. It was almost like she was laughing.
"Okay, so now I am confused," Complained Zelda as she peered into the expanse of darkness behind the wall in the corner of the room. "Do we trust her?"
"Trust whom? Nabooru? I can't see why not. She risked her neck for us, she'd hardly do that for nothing, now would she?" replied Link, following Zelda's gaze. At his feet was a small glass bottle containing a sparkly-looking blue liquid and the white-bladed dagger. Nabooru had left them in the corner of the room for their use before returning to Ganondorf's side. Zelda examined the blue liquid and bit her lip. Given the state both she and Link were in, the magic potion would be mightily handy right now, it would certainly give them the energy to face whatever was going to be thrown at them, however, she had a nagging feeling of uneasiness. The liquid could just as easily be a poison and they could be walking right into a trap.
"Think about it, Zel - they need us either way! Why would she bother to poison us when she could have just let on she'd seen us back then? It doesn't make sense."
"I suppose…"
"Look, I'll drink some first, we'll wait a bit and if nothing happens, then you partake. If I keel over and die then you don't partake, you run and you go find Impa. Deal?" Link grinned at his friend and before she could agree or disagree, he uncorked the bottle and took a large swig of the contents. He kept his eyes fixed on hers as the potion worked its magic, filling him with a whole new energy and spirit and a feeling, strangely enough, of power. Normally he would have pretended the potion was poison, just to frighten Zelda, but he decided (fortunately) that she had had enough stress for one day and he would play fair for once.
"See, all good." he announced after a few minutes. "It is safe." He held the bottle out to her. "Half a dose is better than none at all, drink it, Zelda." After a good few minutes of indecision, she slowly obeyed. "Wow, that stuff has a kick to it, doesn't it!" She remarked, wiping her mouth with a trembling hand. "I feel half better now."
"Great, then let's continue, shall we?" Link knelt by the hole in the wall and dislodged a couple more stones. As Nabooru had remarked earlier, behind the seemingly solid wall lay a long, dark passage heading in an easterly direction. If the Gerudo was to be believed, it would lead Link and Zelda to the quarters of the castle's two resident witches, Koume and Kotake. Having heard so much about them in his disreputable past but never having seen them in the flesh and he couldn't wait to meet them. He didn't share Zelda's whispered opinion that they were walking into a trap. For one thing, he was confident Zelda could out-magic anything flung at them. And as a final guarantee of safety it was well known that the two witches were elderly, rather lonely old hags. Everybody knew elderly ladies loved personable young men. And Link could be very, very personable when it suited him.
They could hear the witches before they saw them. Koume and Kotake were identical twins. They had lived together all of their lives. They shared exactly the same tastes, likes, dislikes, hobbies and interests. In every respect they were the same, so for them, living with one's sister was like living with oneself and unless you have ever lived with yourself, you would never realise what a trial that could be. After all – familiarity breeds contempt – and in the case of these two, familiarity had bred an almighty, all-encompassing and unimaginable loathing for each other.
"My dear Kotake," cackled Koume, her voice eloquently polite "Did I misread the spell? Were we, in fact, to add two newts to the broth? Did my eyes deceive me, Sister, I am certain that no newts were included in the ingredients."
"My dear Koume." Smiled Kotake, sweetly, "I fear that you might be going senile in your old age. We are making newt-stew. Such a concoction does require the addition of newts."
"Since when were we making Newt Stew?"
"Since our little Ganny asked us to." Kotake peered at her sister through eyes that seemed to bulge out of her skull and cackled. "My precious sister, I do fear that your advanced age is getting the better of you."
"My advanced age?" Koume peered back at Kotake with a look equally as bland and snorted, "Are you forgetting you are the same age as me, you old hag. We are twins, remember!" She stared at her sister for a long moment, and then returned to her careful stirring of the odd coloured liquid bubbling away over the stove. "I fear if anything, you are the one losing your mind, my dear. Our little Ganny asked us to perform a special task for him, don't you remember?"
"Of course I remember." Snapped Kotake, shoving her sister from her position over the bubbling cauldron and taking the spoon from her hands, "That is why I added the newts. You can't make come-alive juice without a good Newt Stew base." The elderly witch sniffed the broth and cackled again. "Ah, this is wonderful good stuff. Ganny with be so pleased with me."
"With us, my dear. Us! We have both worked on this…" The sisters looked at one another, both had a look of saintly patience attached to their haggard faces but it was clear that the war was just getting started between them.
"But of course." Smiled Kotake, her voice filled with awful politeness, "I remember you…you…did something that I cannot remember…"
"Poor Kotake, perhaps you should go lie down for a while. Is your head hurting with all the thinking you are doing? After all, it is I that was blessed in the brains department and it was my brains, as you will recall, that divined this spell which is now ruined by the addition of newts."
"Was it you?" Wondered Kotake, her eyes beginning to glisten with fury. "I could have sworn you, my sister, have spent the morning slacking off. Perhaps I was mistaken."
Link watched the battle from the sidelines, thoroughly enjoying himself, and probably would have continued watching had Zelda not prodded his arm at this point, reminding him that they were on a rather urgent mission. He couldn't help a little 'Eep' noise slip his mouth as Zelda's sharp fingernails dug into the fleshy part of his arm. This effectively stopped the argument between the sisters. They both looked in his direction.
"Er, hello ladies! I was wondering if you could help me?" began Link, crawling out from his hole near the hearth, "I seem to be a bit lost."
The two witches stared at him in amazement. Having not been privy to the fact that a secret entrance ran from the chimney breast of their quarters to the cells they had no idea how Link had miraculously appeared. They exchanged a look and returned to their scrutiny of him.
Link grinned and wriggled forward into the room. The passageway up to this point had been relatively easy to traverse but the exit had been a bit of a squeeze. He was glad to be out in the open, even if the open was the witches' den. He was confident he could handle them. His blue eyes shone happily as he smiled up at them.
Confronted by a vision of blond haired, blue eyed male perfection, smiling innocently up at them from their fireplace the witches were at first incapable of speech. It was Koume that recovered first, saying "it is a good thing I didn't let my sister light a fire there today, young man."
Kotake looked indignant and was about to speak when Link stood up and flashed another one of his beautiful smiles in their general direction. They were suitably dazzled. "I am so glad about that!" He chuckled. "I was frightened when I ended up in that horrible dark passage and didn't realise it was going to lead to an actual fireplace. Guess today is my lucky day, huh?" He took another look at the witches and smiled angelically, "Yep, definitely my lucky day today."
"Er…." Kotake gulped and rallied her senses. She was three hundred and eighty years old (give or take a day or two) and had previously thought herself immune to a dazzling spell, such as the one this young-un was using but alas, she had never before run into anyone quite as dazzling at Link before. It took her a while to right her brain, "Er, where were you supposed to be heading, young man?" She asked.
"Oh, I was trying to find the two witches that supposedly haunt this castle." Replied Link, airily. "I didn't expect to run into a pair of nubile lovelies like you two though! I mean, the castle's full of beautiful women but you, both of you, are astonishing." Link spoke with the utmost sincerity, his eyes shone happily and his mouth was twisted into an automatically innocent smile. Had he told the truth, he would have confessed that the two witches reminded him of a pair of featherless, drab ravens. The pair of them were plump, wrinkled, ghastly old hags that were about a third his height yet when he spoke, it was without a trace of a lie. He could have won a medal for his dishonesty.
"And what do you want with the witches?" Asked Koume, at length.
"Do you know where they are?" Replied Link, eagerly.
"We are the witches." Stated Kotake.
Link stared at them for a very long moment, opened his mouth, closed it and stared a bit more. He ran a hand through his golden hair too, for good measure, before blinking and saying. "Never."
"What?"
"You're not the witches." Sniggered Link, "Come off it, ladies! I've heard from many reliable sources that the Gerudo witches are squab little creatures with birdy faces that are about five-hundred years old."
"Actually, that's four hundred. Not five-hundred."
"I'm only three hundred and eighty." Said Kotake, bating her eyelids at Link.
"How can you be twenty years younger?" Interrupted Koume. "You're my twin! We are the same age."
Link feigned confusion and listened to them argue for a moment longer. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Zelda creep forward from the hole in the hearth and signalled to her to make a run for it. If he could get Zelda safely out of the way, then he could happily waltz out of the reach of the witches without causing too much trouble. His plan depended on Zelda remaining hidden.
Surprisingly, for one of his plans – its success hinging firmly on Zelda's ability to be sneaky – it actually worked quite well. Zelda sneaked carefully behind the two witches whilst Link distracted them by blatantly flirting with them. She slid behind a desk and crawled towards the doorway. And then crashed into a table she hadn't seen.
The two witches swung around at the rather nasty sounding crunch and Zelda's immediate retort of a rather unladylike swearword borrowed from Link's expansive vocabulary. She froze and stared up at the pair in horror.
"Ah, so is this is what you are hiding?" Cackled Kotake, mirthlessly. "I see exactly what you are playing at here. Fool. How dare you try to deceive the powerful Twinrova sisters."
"It was worth a shot." replied Link, smiling disarmingly at them in a manner just sweet enough to diffuse some of their anger. "You can't blame a guy for trying."
"Just you wait 'til King Ganondorf gets here. He'll give you what for!" Sniffed Koume. She glared in Zelda's direction and watched as Link casually sauntered over to her and helped her to her feet. He smiled down at her and mouthed the words 'don't worry' to her. It was not so much the fact that Link had tried to deceive them that annoyed the old witch, it was the fact he had done it to protect a girl who was so much younger, and prettier than her. Such a thing could only deserve vengeance, and nobody ever served vengeance better than a pair of angry old witches. She looked at her sister and they both nodded.
"I think I know how best to punish this vile insult to our person." Remarked Koume. The door behind the Hylians closed with a slam with just the lift of one of the Gerudo witch's fingers. "We were going to wait until King Ganondorf arrived to test this out but now seems as good a time as any. Arise, Sir Kwakoo."
"Kwakoo? What the…" Link's puzzled exclamation was cut short as Kotake bustled into his vision range, and shouted, "You fool, Koume. Call yourself my sister, do you? His name's Sir Kwaksalot." She thrust a small yellow object into her sister's face and waved it about menacingly. "Sir Kwakoo exploded. Remember? This is Sir Kwaksalot."
"Are those…?" Began Link, staring at the yellow, rubbery object in Kotake's hand, he gulped and tried to quell the smile that he knew was just about to burst on his face. His eyes danced in merriment as he met Zelda's confused look. He coughed and tried again, "Is that… a rubber duck?" he asked.
"Well of course it is. Are you blind too?" Snapped Kotake, waving the happy-looking yellow duck in Link's direction, Link bit his lip and Zelda choked.
"And not just any rubber duck." Added Koume, "This duck is the prototype for King Ganondorf's new army of unspeakable, unimaginable terror. This duck will be your doom." A wail of laughter met this threat.
"Pah! Mock all you like," said Kotake, giving the helpless Zelda a look that would have quelled even Impa, "this Duck, this Lord Kwaksalot has been imbued with magical powers…" Another wail accompanied this statement. The two witches exchanged a look and shrugged. "Can you shut her up?" They asked Link. "We are trying to threaten you here. It is rude to giggle whilst a person makes viable threats to your person. This is rubber-duck-of-doom." Link's mouth twitched but managed to keep a straight face. Koume's eye twitched dangerously and she continued, speaking through gritted teeth. "It has been given a high dosage of come-alive juice…"
"…with extra newts…" added Kotake.
"As I was saying," continued Koume, glaring at her sister, "this duck is not your average happy-faced, yellow squeaky duck-of-bathroom-joy, this duck is alive. And it is very, very dangerous."
That was too much for Link. He joined in with Zelda's cries of laughter.
"I see you don't take us seriously." Snapped Kotake, "You clearly don't realise the danger you are in. You should fear for your lives."
"Fear for our l-lives? Because of a rubber d-duck?" Giggled Zelda.
"Of-doom, don't forget that!" Added Link, through his chuckles.
"Yes. Sir Kwaksalot will show you just what he can do! GO!" Kotake threw the yellow duck to the floor. It landed upside down with a pathetic-sounding squeak and was still. For a long moment, everyone was silent and still – waiting and watching. Minutes passed by like hours and then…
Nothing happened.
Nothing. Nada. Zip. The duck lay on its side on the floor, a happy little inane grin on its red beak, its eyes wide open, staring at nothing.
"I knew those newts were a mistake." Snorted Koume, glaring at her sister.
"No-no. It'll work. It has to! Let's give Sir Kwakaslot a moment to compose himself…hmmm…" Kotake stared at the small yellow duck flat out on the floor, willing life into it for a long moment before admitting defeat. "Fine, we'll just have to take matters into our own hands, sister. Let's Twinrova them."
Koume nodded in. "Just what I was about to suggest, my dear. We haven't done this for ages! Let's go!" They placed the palms of their hands together and started to chant. The room began to darken and the floor began to shake. The two witches started to mutter some very nasty sounding words and their bodies began to melt into one.
"Uh-oh, this isn't good." muttered Link.
"You think?" replied Zelda, finally recovering from her giggling fit. "I think its time for another one of our amazing, escaping adventures."
"I'm with you!" Link grabbed her hand and together they made a run for the door. The witches' voices seemed to grow louder and louder as they ran, reverberating from the walls. The floor began to tremble. The door seemed to slide further and further away from them.
"Oh no you don't!" Came a voice from behind them. It was a lot younger than either of the witches, but still sounded remarkably like them. A bolt of ice shot past them and slammed into the door, covering it and the floor all around them in a thick layer of shimmering ice. The ice spread towards them rapidly, smothering everything it touched.
"Crud! Watch yourself!" Shouted Link, dragging Zelda out of the way of the advancing frost. He swung her around with such a jerk that she almost was flung off her feet, and with the momentum she crashed into him and they both went flying to the floor. The next instant the ice had covered them completely. The weight of the frost threatened to crush them and it filled their noses and mouths, trying to suffocate them all the while the bitter cold stabbing all over their skin with a thousand daggers. Link tried to will his body to fight off the cold, to struggle and break free but he was pinned to the floor by both the ice and Zelda, who had somehow managed to break her fall on his legs. His body was also having a mild panic attack, given that it had found itself in the unfortunate position of being unexpectedly deprived of oxygen.
Fortunately for Link, and his oxygen deprived body, Zelda was thinking quicker than she usually did. She realised that the ice was too thick to break through and that struggling would only compound matters, she decided to go for a magic attack herself and channelled every ounce of concentration she could muster into a fireball spell. It wasn't strong enough to shatter the ice, but it made a big hole in it. She felt another wave of ice crashing into her and tried the spell again, this time forcing all her willpower and emotions and everything else she could muster into that one small spell. It made a bigger hole this time but was still not enough.
A wave of frustration rushed through her body as a strange kind of panic kicked in. Something she didn't want to acknowledge began lurking in her mind. A little voice inside her head was telling her that she was going to fail. She was telling herself she wasn't strong enough. The panic at being unable to escape only strengthened her negative thoughts. 'You know you're going to lose, so why even try?' The voice said even as she summoned another fireball to her hand. "Shut up and go away!" She told herself. 'Pathetic.' Retorted her inner voice as the fireball made even less impact than her last attempt. 'You can't even save yourself.' Her inner voice started giggling. 'You'll never save Link…'
"I WILL SAVE HIM!" She screamed, and suddenly flames erupted from all around her, blasting through the meter thick ice as though it had only been as thick as a hair. Suddenly the ice had gone. She rolled to a crawling position, gasping for breath as cold water dribbled from every inch of her skin. Vaguely she heard the witches' cries as they combated the flames in the room but her focus was on Link. She felt her inner voice smirking. 'Sure you don't love him, Zellie.' Her inner monologue mocked her and she quickly tore her gaze away from him.
"I don't." She replied.
"Don't what?" Asked Link, panting slightly.
"Er, I…don't…don't think we're done here yet." She answered, rather lamely and clambered to her feet. She turned around to face the Gerudo Witches and immediately ducked out of the way of a bolt of flame coming from their direction. It flew harmlessly over her head but she felt the ends of her hair singe with the intense heat. Old they might have been, but the two witches certainly knew their magic. The acrid smoke from the fire spell stung her eyes and made her choke.
Through the haze she could finally see what Twinrova was: a rather heavily made up Gerudo woman with improbable chestnut hair who appeared to be levitating about three foot off the ground.
"Coo." Link's whistled exclaimation drew her attention from the hovering witch back to her companion and she noted, with no little sense of alarm, that he was smiling again. "You're actually quite hot for a pair of ancient old bags." He called.
"Teehee. Quite the charmer, aren't you, young man!" sniggered Twinrova, slowly and deliberately winking at him. "But don't think we'll go easy on you just because of your pretty face." Twinrova giggled again and blew a kiss in his direction. Link mimed catching it and putting it in his imaginary pocket. The witch smiled again and held her right arm aloft. "KYAAAAA! TWINROVA FIRE ATTACK!" She suddenly yelled. The flare was aimed for Link's feet. He and Zelda jumped out of the way in opposite directions as the fire slammed into the ground, hitting only one lonely little object on the floor. Sir Kwakaslot became the first flying rubber-duck-of-doom in Hyrule's history, it squeaked in surprise as it became airborne, enjoying its moments of glorious freedom, even if its bottom was on fire, before realising all too soon that there was a glorious principle governing even the world of rubber ducks – what goes up must come down. The ground began to look all dark and huge and solid before the ducks eyes when suddenly a pair of leather clad hands appeared below him and he was snatched to safety.
Link had caught the duck on a reflex and was about to toss it to one side when it squeaked. He was too caught up in the moment of escaping certain death at the hands of the slightly insane Twinrova but his brain did register something odd and he kept hold of the duck as he dodged an ice attack.
"Ppphank you for sqwaving me." Came a little, squeaky voice from his hand. Link jumped out of the way of a fireball, checked on Zelda across the room and then glanced down at his hand in confusion. Sir Kwaksalot was staring at nothing, his red beak curled up in an inane smile. Not for the first time, Link actively began to question his sanity. Now that he had rescued the duck, it would have gone against his principles to throw it away, even if it was beginning to freak him out. He'd have to look for a nice safe spot to leave it. He shook his head and tried to refocus on Twinrova. He could ponder on his mental state later, he decided. He couldn't help squeezing the duck though. A happy 'Pheeeeeek' nose came out of the squeaker and he smiled in relief, until he heard a voice saying, "Don't do phhattt, it hurtsq."
His focus on the battle completely lost, he stopped what he was doing and held the rubber duck-of-doom to his eyes and stared at it. Dimly he heard Zelda yelling at him and he could feel the rush of heat as a Twinrova firey-death special headed his way but somehow he couldn't concentrate on this at all. He was mesmerised by the cuteness of the duck, by its shiny yellow surface and its happy little face and the fact it could talk. All he could do was stare, stare, and stare some more. He wondered what would be the most appropriate thing to say to a rubber duck?
Then he realised how very hot the world had become. He glanced up and saw a wall of flame heading in his direction and knew there was no way he could dodge this time. For a moment, time stood still and in the space where one's life would normally pass by, Link wondered why he had spent his last moments on the earth pondering the nature of existence of a rubber bath toy. There were so many things he preferred to think about, (most of them involving Zelda) but now he didn't have enough time. He didn't even have enough time to think about what his final thoughts should be. Now all he had time for was to whisper his final words – he knew they should be something epic, something heroic – something altogether Link.
"Crap." He said.
And then the flames hit…
...And the chapter ends on a cliffhanger!! Mwahahahaha… I think it got better towards the end the beginning was a bit all over the place! Please don't forget to hit that review button!
