DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN CSI:NY OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS. OBVIOUSLY. I ONLY OWN WHO AND WHAT YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE.
VOTING IS NOW UNDERWAY FOR THE 2009 CSI:NY FAN FICTION AWARDS! SEEING AS I'M NOT GOOD AT GROVELLING, PLEASE HEAD ON OVER AND VOTE FOR YOUR FAVOURITES! AND FEEL FREE TO PASS SOME OF THE LOVE MY WAY! LOL
A/N: AS REQUESTED BY MY DEAR FRIEND RACHEL, THIS IS ANOTHER FUTURE CHAPTER
It's been awhile
"People don't know about the things I say and do they don't understand
about the shit that I've been through,
it's been so long since I've been home
I've been gone, I've been gone for way too long
Maybe I forgot all the things I miss
Oh somehow I know there's more to life than this.
I said it too many times and I still stand firm
you get what you put in and people get what they deserve.
Still I ain't seen mine
No I ain't seen mine
I've been giving just ain't been gettin'
I've been walking down that line
So I think I'll keep walking with my head held high
I'll keep moving on
and only God knows why."
-Only God Knows Why, Kid Rock
"Mommeee," three year old Courtney Garrett whined miserably, as she fought against the restraints of her car seat in her parents' rented sedan. "I'm too hot!…I'm sweating!…My boots are too heavy!…This scarf is scratchy!…Why do I gotta wear all this stuff?!"
"Because it's freezing cold out, stupid," her eight year old brother Stanton informed her, his intense dark eyes never leaving the Nintendo DS clasped tightly in his hands as he sat buckled in beside her.
"I am not stupid!" Courtney angrily declared, and swinging her legs forwards, brought them forcibly back down, the back of her pink winter boots colliding hard with the immaculate beige fabric of the car's back seat. "I am just too hot!" she screamed, her shrill voice rattling the windows and nearly shattering every last nerve of the other occupants of the car.
The DS toppled from Stanton's grasp as he brought his hands up to cover his ears, glaring ferociously at his little sister as she continued to assail him and their parents with her shrieking.
"That's enough!" Natalie Garrett bellowed as she wheeled around in the front passenger's seat and fixed stern eyes on her daughter. "There is no need for that!" she continued, as Courtney's mouth instantly snapped shut and the little girl's eyes welled with tears, clearly frightened by her mother's outburst. "The two of you have done nothing but carry on since we left the airport!"
"But mom…" Stanton attempted to defend himself.
"Both of you," she insisted. "I want complete and utter silence starting right now and lasting until we get to Aunt Sam and Uncle Don's house. Give me and your father a little peace and quiet. Stan, no name calling and Courtney, no more whining. You have to wear a hat and mitts and a scarf and boots and everything else because it's cold here. It's winter. See all the snow on the ground? You can't go around in all of that snow in the same clothes you wear back home. So please, child…no more. Okay?"
"Fine!" Courtney huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, a dramatic pout on her face.
Natalie sighed heavily, and turning back around in her seat, rested her elbow on the ledge of her window and put her hand to her forehead. "Isn't this the exact reason why we never travel with the kids?" she asked her husband. "Why people always come to our place?"
"It is," Reed answered, his eyes riveted on the snow covered road. "But we couldn't exactly get Hawkes' funeral moved to San Francisco, could we."
Natalie frowned and stared at him. "Was that meat to be as sarcastic as it sounded?" she asked. "I was just making conversation, Reed. I wasn't insinuating that his body and his visitation and his funeral be brought to us. I was…"
"Just making conversation," he finished. "I heard you the first time. And no…it wasn't meant to be sarcastic. I was merely just making a statement. Explaining why we're back in New York City after three years. In the dead o winter. With two hellions in tow. I always thought when and if we ever came back here…"
"It would be under far better circumstances," Natalie finished.
He nodded slowly, then gave a soft smile as his felt laid a gentle, comforting hand on his knee.
There'd be no question on whether or not he'd attend Hawkes' visitation and yet to be scheduled funeral. The moment Reed had gotten off the phone with Mac -less than twenty four hours ago- he'd immediately began making plans to head to New York City. He'd stay with his adoptive folks and spend time visiting with them and Mac and Kelli and seeing old friends while waiting things to be finalized for the services. He had originally planned on flying out the moment that Mac had called to give him dates and times, but a lengthy email from Samantha Flack, expression her disgust over the department's refusal to give Hawkes a 'proper' burial, and her request for help with the situation, had him both leaving San Francisco sooner then he'd first thought, and furiously composing both a letter of outrage to the NYPD, and another to the editor of the Times, who was a close personal friend. Reed had been guaranteed that his letter would run on the front page in two days -the morning after arriving in New York- and would be the perfect accompaniment to a piece focusing on Hawkes' history within the NYPD and the legacy he'd left behind with his friends, colleagues and most importantly, his family.
It had been Natalie's idea that she and the children accompany him. Although she barely knew Hawkes -save for a few brief encounters at the lab when she was there to visit Sam and Lindsay Monroe- she wanted to be there to support her friends. And Mac, who she considered not just an in law, but a second father as well. There was more than enough room for the four of them to stay with Mac and Kelli, and the older couple were thrilled at the prospect of having them there. Even in the midst of such a trying, emotional time. The invitation had also been extended to stay with the Flacks, but their house, by the sound of it, was going to filed to capacity with friends of theirs coming from Detroit and camping out in the basement with their own two kids.
Natalie had felt a strong bond begin to form with Sam and Lindsay the second the two CSIs sat across from her in that interrogation over eight years ago, quietly and intently listening to her tell them about the night she'd been date raped by Jesse Carver, and an second, unknown male. It had been the most painful, trying moment of her life. Coming clean about what had happened to her. But Lindsay and Sam had been so compassionate and understanding. So patient. She hadn't seen pity or disgust in their eyes. Only empathy. After the tale had been finished and the proper questions asked and answers supplied Lindsay had stayed in the interrogation room, holding Natalie's hand in silent support across the table, while Samantha disappeared from the room and returned several minutes later, her eyes red, her face streaked with the tell tale sign of tears, with a glass of water for Natalie.
It was their care and tenderness that had firmly cemented them a special place in the younger woman's heart.
After her father had murdered Jesse aka Hank Bedford and had been both stripped of his badge and sent to prison, Natalie had steered clear of the lab. Keeping her dark secret -the fact she'd gotten pregnant, as proved by a private DNA test, by Bedford- away from everyone except for her parents and her older brother. When she'd finally been ready to 'come out' after lengthy counselling sessions, her first stop had been to the crime lab to pay a visit Sam and Lindsay a visit. To thank them for how they'd handled her during such a fragile time, and to show off of her then months old son, Stanton. Named after her grandfather. The most honourable and brave man that Natalie had ever known.
Everyone had been surprised by the realization that Natalie, at just the tender age of eighteen, had became a mommy to a baby conceived from such a horrendous, unforgivable act. She had seen the shock written all over Sam and Lindsay's faces. And after several minutes of stunned, awkward silence, it had been Sam who'd broken the tension. Giving a bright smile, she'd leaned down and peered into the buggy and began praising the gurgling infant on how adorable and precious he was. Then she'd snapped open the restraints and scooped the baby up.
And promptly handed him to Lindsay.
"She needs the practice," Sam had declared, patting Lindsay's rounded stomach.
Natalie smiled at the memory. And at the thought of seeing the two women and their families again. It had been three years since, while she was pregnant with Courtney, she and Reed had left for San Francisco after he'd been offered the job as the editor at the Gazette. Thee years since she'd seen Kellan and Kallison in person. Three years since she'd last heard that flirtatious banter and good natured teasing between Sam and Flack. She'd never witnessed a couple that much in love. Who could express the depth of their feelings through simple touches and secret smiles and longing looks passed across a room. It had shocked Natalie when Sam had gotten a hold of her eight months ago to tell her that she and Flack had separated. That divorce was looking like the only viable option. That he'd cheated on her, and had been, for nearly a year.
Thankfully, the state of the Flacks marriage had not come to that. They had somehow managed to pull each other back from the brink and get their acts together. Sam had eventually, after begging and pleading on her husband's behalf, packed her girls up and went back home. With a strict warning that if he ever fucked up again in any which way, shape or form, she was taking her daughters and leaving both him and the city and he'd never, ever find them again. While she couldn't legally do that without facing criminal charges, Flack had been so unnerved by her threat that he'd vowed to never mess up again.
So far, so good. Judging by Sam's emails and frequent long distance calls and the family photos she'd sent over the Christmas holidays, the Flacks were doing quite well. Even if Sam had been fired and was taking a position at the New Jersey crime lab and the family had decided to move out of state. If anyone was a life long New Yorker it was Don Flack. Natalie couldn't imagine him being able to exist anywhere else.
"Mommy?" Courtney's tiny voice piped up from the back, snapping her out of her reverie.
"What, baby girl?" Natalie asked.
"Why does Auntie Sammie and Uncle Duckie live somewhere so cold?" the little girl asked. "Why does Auntie Sammie and Uncle Duckie live so far from us? With lots of snow?"
Both Natalie and Reed grinned at their child's use of her pet name for Flack. Uncle Donnie had just been over used and Uncle Don or Uncle Donald were just too old and proper sounding. And Reed didn't want his kids referring to anyone, especially those considered family, by their last names. So Courtney had thought long and hard about what she was going to call her Uncle way far away in a place that she referred to as Qweens. She had been watching the Disney Channel one morning when inspiration hit and sent her scrambling off the couch and up the stairs and into the kitchen where her mother was preparing breakfast.
"I gotta call Uncle Duckie and tell him his new name!" Courtney had demanded.
"Uncle who?" Natalie had asked, perplexed.
"Uncle Duckie in Qweens!" her daughter had informed her.
It was then that Natalie had put two and two together. Courtney was associating her Uncle Donald with an other Donald. A very famous one.
Donald Duck.
Uncle Duckie had been born. Much to Flack's dismay.
And everyone else's great amusement.
"Because Auntie Sammie and Uncle Duckie love living here," Natalie explained to her daughter. "They were both born here and Uncle Duckie has lived here all of his life. They don't want to live anywhere else."
"But it's sooooo cold!" Courtney cried and gave a dramatic shiver. "I don't think the cold. Or the snow. Or having to wear a hat and mitts and boots and a scratchy scarf. When can I take all of this stuff off, daddy? Are we almost there? Are we almost at Uncle Duckie's house? You think Auntie Sammie will have cookies and hot chocolate? Do you think that…"
"Whoa…whoa…slow down," Reed laughed. "We're almost there, kiddo. When we get there, then and only then can you take all of that stuff off. Right now, you just need to sit there nice and quiet and give mommy and daddy a chance to preserve their sanity. Can you do that for me? Be quiet for about…I don't know…ten minutes?"
"Okay, daddy!" Courtney chirped, then clamped her mouth tightly shut and turned her attention to the scenery passing by her window.
Natalie gave her husband a tender, loving smile and reached out to comb her fingers through his hair. Reed had come into her life at a time when she'd needed someone the most. She had been dealing with her new role as a single mother and struggling to bond and fall in love with a baby that had been created by a man that was sick, twisted and ultimately evil. Every time she looked at her son, the only person she could see was Hank Bedford. All she could think about was what had happened to her, and in turn that made her feel dirty and victimized all over again.
It had been her father, locked up for killing her rapist, who'd convinced her to have the baby. She'd gone to visit him, in tears over finding out that she was pregnant and had expected him, after he got over his initial shock, to back up her wishes of wanting an abortion. Instead, with his own tears filling his eyes, he'd asked her to reconsider. To not punish an innocent baby, his grandchild, for the sins of its father.
Now that grandchild was a happy, healthy, well adjusted, phenomenally intelligent, insanely adorable eight year old who loved video games and science fiction movies and drawing. And his gentle, calm, studious demeanour could only be accredited to one person. The amazing man she loved more than life itself. Who, after a chance meeting at the lab followed by several innocent coffee dates, had taught her how to trust again. Who had treated her like a princess and as if she was the most beautiful woman in the world even when she had felt like anything but. Who'd been patient and understanding when she hadn't been ready for intimacy. Who had held her tightly in his arms several months later, after she had willingly given herself to him, and stroked her hair and whispered words of comfort while she sobbed into his chest.
It was at that moment that Natalie Gerrard had fallen hopelessly in love with Reed Garrett. Seven and a half years later, with a graduate degree in English literature that he'd encouraged her to pursue to her name, they were disgustingly happy and crazy about each other. Married for five years, two incredible kids and great careers.
Life was perfect.
Or at least it had seemed that way until Mac had delivered the horrible news of Doctor Sheldon Hawkes' death.
"Daddy?" Courtney piped up from the back seat.
Natalie and Reed grinned at each other. The silent game never last for long in their family.
"What, doll face?" he asked, casting a glance at her through the rear view mirror.
"Is this where Santa Claus lives? Is that why there's so much snow? Does Auntie Sammie and Uncle Duckie know Santa?"
"Santa Claus lives a little further north," Reed told her.
"Oh…like in Manhattan? Where grandma lives?"
"A little farther, sweetie," Natalie responded.
"Buffalo?" Courtney tried again.
"No…the North Pole stupid!" Stanton huffed. "Everyone knows that Santa lives in the North Pole!"
"Enough of the name calling!" Natalie scolded him. "Don't you make me get your father to stop this car. Don't make me force you out and let you walk all the way to Uncle Donnie and Aunt Sam's house."
The eight year old rolled his eyes and returned his attention back to his video games.
"Days like this is where I seriously question my sanity," Natalie sighed. "And ask why in the world I wanted to have more than one kid."
"Because you met me," Reed reasoned. "Because you met me and fell madly in love with me and just had to show me how much by gracing my life with a child."
Natalie stared long and hard at her husband, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth as she tried hard to figure out if he was serious or not.
Reed's lips trembled as a grin played on them.
"You are such a smart a…" she caught herself before the profanity could slip out. "You're too much sometimes, you know that right? Where'd the old Reed go? The sweet, tender, attentive Reed that used to buy me flowers from the vendors in Central Park? Who used to write me these adorable emails and leave love letters tucked under my apartment door? Where'd he go, huh?"
"He's now the mature, responsible man who loves you and his children to the ends of the earth," he replied.
She laughed brightly and tousled his hair. "Damn good answer," she said.
"I thought the house was up for sale," Reed commented, as he led the way up the Flacks' front walk -which had been thankfully well shovelled and sprinkled with salt- Courtney on his hip, her tiny arms circling his neck. The Christmas lights along the railing and the edge of the windows and in the tiny patch of bushes twinkled brightly and a wreath still hung on the door. A shovel was propped up against the red bricks alongside of the front door. The living room lights burned brightly.
"Last time I talked to Sam it was," Natalie said as she and Stanton followed behind, a frown on her face as she observed the absence of For Sale sign on the small front lawn. "You spoke to her last night. Did she say anything? About it selling already?"
"Not a word," Reed told her, then paused at the foot of the stairs and motioned for her and Stanton to go ahead of him. "But I think that was the last thing on her mind."
Natalie gave a solemn nod and guided her son up the steps. She would have been lying had she said she wasn't disgustingly excited about seeing her friends again. She had missed them every day for the last three years. She missed Flack's sarcastic comments and his boyish, dimply smile. She missed Sam's musical laugh and the way she bore the brunt of her husband's good natured teasing and then consistently gave just as good back. And she missed those adorable twin girls with their coal black hair and their big blue eyes and the faces of angels. It was so good to be there and they hadn't even knocked on the front door yet. And she felt tears of anticipation welling in her eyes.
Reed climbed the steps and reached out to lay a finger on the door bell. The light, musical chime sounding throughout the house. He shifted his weight from foot to foot in a bid to ward off the cold, listening as footsteps grew louder and louder as they approached the door. There was a flash of light as the door leading from the living room into the breeze opened, and moments later a shadow appeared behind the frosted glass on the front door and they heard the tell tale sound of a dead bolt snapping open.
The door swung open, and instead of Sam or Flack, there stood Jessica Angell-Powell. Her luscious brown locks long gone in favour of a pixie cut that enhanced her features and brought attention to her soulful brown eyes. Clad in a simple pair of jeans and a black sweatshirt at least two sizes too large, she looked weary. And still as beautiful as the day the Garrett's had left New York.
"Jess!" Natalie gave a happy cry as the two women embraced each other warmly. Having met through Sam, Jessica had been one of Natalie's four bridesmaids. "How are you?! How was the flight from Detroit? What time did you guys get here at?"
"I'm good, the flight sucked because of all the turbulence and we got here about an hour ago," the older woman replied with a laugh, as she kissed Natalie's cheek and released her. The smell of home cooking drifted throughout the entire house and trickled out the front door, as did the sounds of children laughing and shrieking and playing, little feet pounding across the hard wood. "Come in…come in…" Jess said, stepping back and holding the door for the family. "Ana and Markus are in the basement with the twins and Amanda Messer. We' re just waiting for Don to finish cooking dinner."
"Don's cooking?" Natalie arched an eyebrow as she kicked the snow off of her boots and motioned for Stanton to do the same.
"Don't tell me Sam's been fooling you all these years with her whole Betty Crocker bull crap," Jess rolled her eyes, then returned Stanton's hug as he stood on his tip toes and circled her waist with his arms. "We all know that Don's the domestic one."
"In other words he's whipped," Reed concluded, as he stepped into the breezeway and Jess closed and locked the door behind them.
"Never, ever let him hear you say that," she said, and accepted a one armed hug and kiss from the cheek from the young man. "And who would you be?" she asked, as she reached out to gently tug the pink wool hat from Courtney's head.
The three year old gave a shy smile and buried her face in her father's neck.
"This is Courtney," Reed told her, pride seeping from his voice. "Courtney, this is your aunt Jess."
"Well hello, Courtney," Jess smiled at the precious little girl and ran a hand over her light brown hair. "How hold would you be?"
She held up three fingers.
"I have a three year old too," Jess said. "Her name is Anastacia. Do you like My Little Pony?"
Courtney nodded energetically.
"Well my Ana brought her entire collection along. And when I say entire collection, I mean every My Little Pony that's been made since she was born. And on top of that Kellan and Kallison have all of their ponies and all of their Barbie stuff out. Do you think you'd like to go and see your cousins? Have fun playing with them?"
The little girl offered another nod, then stretched her arms out towards Jess.
"That's my girl!" Jess praised as Reed transferred his daughter from one set of arms to the other. "Let's get these pretty little boots and that gorgeous little coat off of you and we'll go downstairs and see what the other kids are up to? Okay? You can come too, Stanton. Uncle Adam is down there playing Wii and I'm sure he'd love someone to play with."
"Can I mommy?" the eight year old, already kicking off his boots and peeling off his coat.
Natalie nodded and smoothed down his dark hair before he hurried off, dragging Jess by the hand behind him.
The Garretts shed their own coats and hung them up in the hall closet and toed off their boots, placing them on the overflowing rubber mat by the front door, and then smiling to each other as Stanton's excited shriek of "Uncle Donnie!" travelled through the entire house, and then was followed by Flack's distinct voice as he teased Stanton.
"Whoa…" he gave a hearty laugh. "Who let a linebacker for the Giants in my house?"
"I'm not that big, Uncle Donnie!" Stanton giggled, and both Natalie and Reed could imagine the scene taking place in the living room as the big, bad homicide detective feigned a hernia as he picked up the eight year old.
"Uncle Duckie!" Courtney screeched. "Did you miss me Uncle Duckie?! Did you?! I missed you, Uncle Duckie?! Where's Auntie Sammie? Do you have hot chocolate and cookies? Where's Wiener?! I've only seen him in pictures! Can I play with him?! Can I?!"
"She is permanently going to be glued to his hip," Natalie commented to her husband. "As if having two girls of his own isn't enough."
"What in the hell did you feed that kid on the flight to New York?" Flack asked, as he appeared in the door of the breezeway. Dressed in a pair of baggy jeans and a black Henley top and looking relaxed despite the last gruelling twenty four hours and the grief for his friend that gnawed at him. "You pump her full of caffeine or something? OD her on chocolate?" he inquired, as he gathered Natalie into a warm hug and kiss both of her cheeks.
"It's just her undying love for her Uncle Duckie," Natalie teased him, wrapping her arms around his waist.
"It's hard being so popular with all the ladies," he joked and released her from his embrace. "Especially when my wife is so damn demanding all the time. I cook, I clean, I work full time, pay the bills. What more could she possibly want?"
"Oh I don't know," Sam appeared behind him, her arms circling his waist as she poked her head out from under his left arm. "A credit card with no limit, a designer wardrobe, a closet full of Jimmy Choos and a sparsely tattooed Latin pool boy."
"We don't have a pool," Flack reminded her, dropping a kiss on the top of her head.
"Doesn't mean I can't have the sparsely tattooed Latin boy to keep me company while you're working," she teased him, playfully pinching his love handles before ducking under his arm to greet Natalie with a hug.
"I am so glad you guys are here," Sam said, pressing a kiss to the younger woman's cheek.
"So am I," Natalie breathed, and then sniffled noisily.
"Hey!" Sam scolded and pulling back, took Natalie's face in her hands. "No tears, okay? Not even happy ones. There's been too many tears around here. And there's going to be more. So for tonight, no crying? Not in this house. Kapish?"
The younger woman sniffled noisily and nodded. "Kapish," she agreed. Then smiling, reached up to touch Sam's hair. "I love it," she gushed, admiring the new style.
"Well at least that's one of us," Flack grumbled, receiving an elbow in the ribs from his wife as he stepped past her to offer a hand to Reed. "Glad you guys could make it," he said.
"We wouldn't have missed it," Reed said, shaking the older man's hand. "Sounds weird to say that about a funeral…"
Flack nodded in understanding. "It's been a tough twenty four hours that's for sure. Messer's still in the hospital, Hawkes' body is still in the morgue while Mari waits to see what the hell is going on with the department. She doesn't want to make any arrangements for a private thing and pay all that money out and find out they're giving him a proper burial."
"Understandable," Reed said.
"And Sam and I have a new baby," Flack casually added.
Natalie's eyes widened as she looked her friend from head to toe. "Okay…unless I missed the modern miracle that enables a woman with no uterus to carry a baby…"
"No immaculate conceptions or miracles here," Sam assured her. "But we do have a new baby. A son. Dawson. He's a month old. Adorable little thing. Looks just like his daddy," she winked at her husband.
"But…" Reed's eyes flitted from husband to wife. "Was it adoption? Surrogate?"
"He's Donnie's biological son," Sam told him. "With Jordan Gates."
Flack gave a tense smile and cleared his throat noisily as he saw his guests' eyes widened.
"It's all good!" Sam assured them, as she curled her arm around Flack's waist and tucked her head under his arm. "Trust me…it's all good…Donnie and I are fine…adjusting to life as parents of an infant after five years, but we're fine."
Reed and Natalie both nodded, unsure of what to say next.
"Come on guys," Sam laughed. "It's not horrible news. If anything it's the best news we've had in a long time. Donnie's son…our son…he's a blessing. The silver lining in the dark cloud that's been hanging over our heads in the last twenty four hours. The only good thing to come out of this horrible, godforsaken shitty mess. Be happy for us. Please. He's…Dawson's beautiful and part of our family…."
Natalie smiled. "Well then how about you take me so I can go and get my baby fix?" she asked, and reached for her friends hands.
Sam breathed a sigh of relief, and after receiving kiss from her husband, took Natalie's hand in her own and the two women prepared to leave the breezeway.
"Hold up!" Reed suddenly called to them. Going to the closet, he reached into the inside pocket of his coat and pulled out two sheets of computer paper, stapled together and folded. "I've got a present for you," he told Sam, and held the items out to her.
"Christmas all over again!" she cried, and took the papers from him. Unfolding them, her eyes immediately filled with tears at the picture of Doctor Sheldon Hawkes that smiled up at her. Accompanied by big, bold, black letters that read: HERO DENIED NYPD BURIAL.
"That's going to be the front page of tomorrow's Times," Reed told her. "And…" he flipped the page over, showing her the letter to the editor he'd penned. "That's going to run alongside of it and an article about Hawkes."
"Thank you," Sam whispered, struggling with her emotions. "Mac fought so hard with the commissioner but he got nowhere."
"Brass wouldn't budge," Flack spoke up. "Not even in the slightest."
"Well, just wait until the public gets a hold of all of this," Reed said. "And you'll see how fast they pull their heads out of their asses. The NYPD hates bad press. And they've been getting a lot of lately in the past couple of decades. So this…this will just shake things right up. And he deserves to go out a hero. Hawkes deserves that."
No one could argue with that.
"This is perfect," Sam assured Reed, and folded the papers back up. "Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to all of us."
Flack smiled softly at her and reached out to run a soothing hand over her hair. He didn't need to say anything. The compassion in his blue eyes and in his caress as he stroked her tresses before letting his hand travel down her neck, across her shoulders and onto her back, spoke volumes.
"I need a drink!" Sam declared. "A stiff one."
"Sounds good to me," Natalie said, and linking arms, the two women headed out of the breezeway together.
Sighing heavily, Flack leaned against the front door and dropping his chin to his chest, closed his eyes momentarily.
"Hell of a long twenty four hours, huh?" It sounded more like a statement coming from Reed's mouth.
"Fucking brutal twenty four hours," the detective said. "It's just so hard to believe, you know? Last person I ever expected something like this to happen to was Hawkes. I always thought it anyone was going to go out in a blaze of glory on the job it would be me. But Hawkes?" Flack shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and his forefinger. "That's just not right," he said, lifting his head and opening his eyes.
"Not right when it's anyone," Reed told him. "No one deserves that."
"We accept it as part of the job," Flack said. "We accept it when we take our oath during graduation from the academy that one day we may need to make the ultimate sacrifice. That one day we might, all for the sake of serving and protecting, be shot, stabbed, whatever. Hell, I got blown up in a building for Christsakes. And I made it. I survived. Hawkes walks into a dingy fucking apartment on some backstreet and dies saving Danny. A bullet ricochets of a goddamn wall and hits him in the neck. Just like that. Just like that and he's gone. That man spend years saving lives. Then moved to the ME's office where he helped give families some kind of closure by finding out of their loved one died. As a CSI he solved case after case and helped put away scumbag after scumbag. All those years he's toiled for the fucking department. And for what? For them to turn around and say he's not a sworn officer? That he doesn't deserve to be buried with full honours?"
"It's not right, Don," Reed told him. "Not right at all. And that's why we're going to do something about it."
"All those perps that were put away 'cause of him and this is how the department repays him?" Flack snorted and shook his head. "Fuck that. That man was a hero and he deserves to be treated like one."
Reed nodded in agreement.
"You know, years ago, Messer and I were at Sullivan's the night we both testified at that bullshit inquiry into that whole Clay Dobson fiasco. You know, when the department was trying to use Mac as a fucking scapegoat…"
Reed nodded.
"And Dan-o and I had this talk about why we did the job. Danny was jaded. He needed answers to why we did what we did. Why we got up at two thirty in the morning and stood at a crime scene. In the pouring rain. Why we put our asses on the line day in and day out for our city when it just seemed like everyone hated us. And I said something along the lines of how it's 'cause we're good at what we do and we'd suck at anything else. How maybe we do it for that one time that someone thanks us for catching their son's murderer. And back then? I honestly believed every goddamn word I said that night."
"And now?" Reed asked.
"Now?" Flack leaned his head back against the door and stared up at the ceiling. "Now I guess I do it 'cause I know I'm one of the best at the job. Because I can't imagine doing anything else. And because I've got a wife and three kids to take care of. A mortgage, bills to pay. Food and clothes to buy. I do it for them. To provide for them. And being a cop is all I know."
"What about the serving and protecting part?" the younger man inquired.
Flack snorted and shrugged. "Honestly? I don't know if I believe that crap anymore. Maybe I'm the jaded one now. Maybe that night, years ago, I was just spewing a lot of bullshit."
"And maybe you've just lost your faith in the job and in yourself because one of your closest friends just died," Reed bravely suggested.
A smirk tugged at Flack's mouth.
"And maybe, when all that pain and all that grief finally subsides and you look around you and see all the blessings in your life, you'll put that gun and that badge on and be proud of it again," Reed continued. "And you'll look at your wife and your kids and you'll realize you aren't doing it to provide for them. You're doing it to make the city safer. For them."
Flack nodded slowly. "Maybe," he said. "Maybe one day I won't be such a bitter bastard anymore. Anything could happen right?"
"You're just hurting, Don. And we say a lot of shit when we're hurting. And when the pain of this settles down, you'll realize how damn lucky you are. And how you're a hero just for putting on that badge and putting your life at stake each and every day."
"A hero," Flack gave a dry laugh and shook his head. "I don't know about that. But you know what I do know?"
"What's that?" Reed asked.
"I know we got two beautiful wives that are in my kitchen right now, getting shit faced without us."
"Well then," Reed slung an arm around the older, bigger man's shoulders. "Why don't you say we join them? What ya think about that?"
Flack grinned and tousled Reed's hair affectionately.
"I think that's the best goddamn thing I've ever heard you say," he said.
A huge thanks to everyone that is reading and reviewing! I appreciate each and every one of you! Even all the lurkers! I can't thank you all enough for all of your support that you've shown towards me and my stories!
Please R and R folks!
Special thanks to:
Hope4sall
Afrozenheart412
CSINYMinute
HighQueenReicheru
Soccer-bitch
xSamiliciousx
wolfeylady
Delko's Girl 88
