DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN CSI:NY OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS. I AM MERELY HAVING FUN WITH THEM AND KEEPING MYSELF SANE WHILE DOING IT. LOL.
A HUGE, WARM WELCOME TO MS. LORI REZNOR! THANKS FOR YOUR REVIEW AND YOUR SUPPORT OF THIS STORY! HOPE YOU CONTINUE TO ENJOY!
ONCE AGAIN, THE FANTASTIC DOCTOR AUGUSTA 'GUS' BROUSSARD BELONGS TO THE PHENOMENAL MADISON BELLOWS. CHECK OUT HER STORIES! THEY'RE FANTASTIC!
ENORMOUS THANKS TO MADDY FOR ALL OF HELP!
AND THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR HELPING ME REACH 900+ REVIEWS! ALREADY! WOW! MY REVIEWERS TOTALLY ROCK! HUGS AND KISSES TO YOU ALL!
Works in Progress
"I run from hate
I run from prejudice
I run from pessimists
But I run too late
I run my life
Or is it running me
Run from my past
I run too fast
Or too slow it seems
When lies become the truth
That's when I run to you
This world keeps spinning faster
Into a new disaster so I run to you
I run to you baby
And when it all starts coming undone
Baby you're the only one I run to
I run to you
We run on fumes
Your life and mine
Like the sands of time
Slippin' right on through
And our love's the only truth
That's why I run to you."
-I Run to You, Lady Antebellum
"I like blue," Kellan announced, breaking the silence that had been hanging over the play room for nearly twenty minutes.
The moment that her father had exited the room, leaving her alone with Gus, the five year old had quickly shut down. The playful twinkle in her blue eyes had rapidly disappeared and a pout took over her lips that had once been curved into a smile. She'd shyly, and nervously, slipped into one of the kiddie chairs with her new colouring book and had neither looked at Gus or said anything to her as the therapist slid into the wooden chair alongside of the table.
Gus had done little more than sit and observe the cherubic little girl before her. Noticing how her adorable bob haircut framed her pale, smooth face. How impossibly long and black her eyes lashes were, and how her finger and toe nails had been painted a cotton candy pink. Most of all, she noticed the sadness and loneliness that darkened the child's eyes and face. She hadn't spoken to Kellan or asked about the pictures she was colouring. She had simply sat patiently and waited for the child to speak to her. And if that didn't happen, well then that was just fine. It wouldn't be the first time that it took a child longer then the first visit to open up. Gus almost expected it with each client she saw. And she would have been genuinely surprised if Kellan had have just started spilling her guts out to her.
"Is it your favourite colour?" Gus asked.
Kellan nodded and bit her bottom lip in concentration as she worked intently on the picture below her. "It's daddy's favourite colour too," she said. "We like lots of things the same. We like to watch Tom and Jerry together. Every Saturday morning we watch it. Before mommy and Kallison and Dawson get up. Well…that's what we used to do when daddy still lived with us."
"What else do you and your daddy like?" Gus inquired.
"Lots of stuff," Kellan replied, and putting the cap on the blue marker clutched tightly in her left hand, surveyed her colouring before giving a nod of approval and exchange the blue marker for a red one. "We like spaghetti and meatballs and hot dogs. And pizza. But not all at the same time. And chocolate cupcakes. Daddy makes really good cupcakes. And pancakes. Banana ones are my favourite."
"Do you and your daddy to a lot of stuff together?"
The little girl nodded. "We play lots together. When mommy's working. Daddy has tea parties and plays dress up with Barbies and My Little Ponies. And we go to the park down the street from our house. Daddy's really good at pushing the swings. He pushes really, really, really high. I like to go really, really, really high and daddy always lets me. He taught me how to hang upside down from the monkey bars, you know."
"He did?"
"Yeah…from my ankles. One day he put me upside down like that and I laughed really, really, really hard. So hard that I was crying! And then every time we went to the park, he let me do it. But he made sure that he was standing right behind me. So I wouldn't fall. But he didn't touch me 'cause I said I wasn't a baby and I didn't need him touching me."
"It sounds like you and your daddy have a lot of fun together," Gus observed. "Do you do other things with him?"
"Sometimes we go to the movies. And we share liquorice and popcorn and he always lets me drink pop. Mommy never lets me. She says that it's bad for my teeth. But daddy…" Kellan giggled. "Daddy just rolls his eyes and says it's our little secret. Not to tell mommy. It's fun having a little secret with my daddy."
"Does your sister do lots of things with your daddy too?" Gus asked.
"Sometimes," Kellan replied. "But most of the times she does stuff with mommy. She loves mommy bestest and I love daddy bestest. That's just the way it is. That's 'cause I'm a daddy's girl. Do you know what that means?"
"I do," Gus confirmed.
"Kallison and I are twins, did you know that too?"
Gus nodded.
"Identical twins," Kellan informed her. "I have a little brother too. He's just a baby. His name was Hunter and now it's Dawson. He had a different name when he first came to live with us."
"Do you like having a little brother?"
"Yeah…he's lots of fun. He sits up on his own and crawls all over the place. And he laughs a lot. And poops and pees a lot," Kellan added with a giggle. "He wasn't in mommy's tummy though. Not like me and Kallison were. He didn't come from mommy's belly like we did."
"Well where did he come from?" Gus asked.
"Daddy had a girlfriend. He came from her tummy," Kellan sighed heavily and looked up at Gus, her lips set in a firm line. "I hate her," she declared.
"Who do you hate?"
"Daddy's girlfriend. It's her fault that mommy and daddy started hating each other. It's her fault that they fight and yell and say mean things all the time. She took daddy away from us. She made him do bad things. I'm glad she's dead. She deserves to be dead. It makes me mad. That she took daddy away."
"And how does it make you feel when your mommy and daddy fight?" inquired Gus.
"I don't know…" Kellan shrugged, and set her red marker down in favour of a yellow one. "Makes me scared. 'Cause they yell really, really loud. Especially daddy. Daddy frightens me when he yells. He makes me cry when he says mean things to mommy. 'Cause mommy cries and it upsets me. I don't want to see mommy cry. Mommy is a nice mommy. Daddy shouldn't yell at her like that. He shouldn't call her names and tell her he hates her. One time, he told her that he wished he never met her and that he never had kids with her."
Gus nodded slowly. "How did that make you feel?" she asked.
"It hurt my feelings," Kellan replied. "It hurt right here," she said, and laid a hand over her heart. "Do mommy and daddy hate each other?" she asked.
"Do you think they hate each other?" Gus countered.
"I don't know…" Kellan admitted. "I don't think so. They always make up after they fight. They always tell each other sorry and say I love you. But that doesn't make the ouchies in my tummy and in my heart go away."
"It's hard when mommies and daddies fight," Gus stated.
Kellan nodded. "I wish they wouldn't fight anymore. 'Cause that's why daddy doesn't live with us. 'Cause they fight all the time and daddy and mommy said that they don't want me and Kallison to be sad 'cause they fight. If they just didn't fight then we wouldn't be sad. Why do they do it, Doctor Gussie? Why do they fight if they know it makes us sad?"
"Well…" Gus chose her words carefully. "Sometimes adults, when they get really mad at each other, can't control what they say to each other. They're so mad that the words just slip out. They don't really mean to say them and afterwards they feel really bad about it. And your mommy and daddy realize they shouldn't be fighting all the time and that's why they're not together right now."
"I don't like it," Kellan declared. "It makes me sad. I want daddy to live with us. I don't want him to live somewhere else. I don't get to see him very much and I don't like that. 'Cause we don't get to snuggle together and watch Dora in the morning anymore."
"It must be hard," Gus sympathized. "To be without your daddy when you love him so much."
The little girl nodded. "It makes me mad," she said. "I get mad when he doesn't call when he's s'pose to or when he can't come and get us."
"What happens when you get mad?" Gus asked.
"What do you mean?" Kellan inquired.
"Well…how do you feel inside when you get upset? What do you do when you get mad?"
"My tummy gets really, really sore and I feel really hot," the five year old explained. "Sometimes I even feel dizzy and I can't breathe. And then…" Kellan looked around the room suspiciously as if to make sure no one was watching or listening, then turned her big blue eyes up at Gus. "..and then I do really naughty things," she whispered.
"You do really naughty things to yourself?"
Kellan nodded, and setting the marker down, pushed the sleeve of her cardigan up to show Gus the bites that decorated her right arm. Some were still relatively raw and painful looking while others had covered up with scabs and some had already healed and had left faint bruises behind. "I don't know why I do it," she said. "I just get so mad and I can't stop. I hurt my head a couple times too. Because I was angry and I hit my head on the ground and daddy had to take me to the hospital to get stitches. It hurt to get stitches. I had to sit in daddy's lap while the doctor did it. But afterwards I got a popsicle. A cherry one."
"Do you remember what made you so angry?" Gus asked.
"Yeah…'cause daddy brought me home and I wanted him to stay forever and he said no," Kellan sighed and picked the yellow marker back up and continued colouring. "Am I bad, Doctor Gussie? 'Cause I hurt myself?"
"No. You're not bad. You're angry and frustrated and sad. And we're going to find other ways for you to get those feelings out so you don't hurt yourself."
"Sometimes I hurt other people too," Kellan admitted sadly. "My sister and my Auntie Linds. And the kids at school and at camp. And my mommy," tears sparkled in her eyes. "I don't want to hurt them. I don't want to hurt my mommy. My brain just tells me to do it"
Gus gave a sympathetic smile.
"I don't want to talk about it anymore," Kellan suddenly declared, her lips set in an angry line as she scribbled furiously at her picture. "It makes me upset and I don't want to be upset. I'm thirsty. May I have something to drink, please?"
Gus nodded and standing up, made her way over to a small bar fridge by the one way glass. Opening it, she studied the contents before glancing over her shoulder at Kellan, who had stopped colouring and was aggressively chewing at her bottom lip and digging her nails of her left hand into her exposed right forearm as she rocked vigorously in her chair.
"Kellan…" Gus called gently to her. "Why don't you come here and pick out what kind of drink you want," she suggested, hoping to distract the five year old and stop her from hurting herself.
"Okay…" the little girl slid off her chair and hurried over. "Are you sure it's okay?" she asked. "Did mommy and daddy say it was okay?"
"I'm sure that your mom and dad don't mind you having something to drink."
"I had chocolate moo juice outside. I only get chocolate moo juice when I'm really good," Kellan said, as she reached into the fridge and selected an apple juice drinking box. "Is this one okay?" she asked, holding the drink aloft.
"Whichever one you want," Gus replied.
"Could you do this for me please? I don't know how to do the straw yet. I'm not that good."
Grinning, Gus took the drinking box and tearing the straw off the side, ripped it open and jabbed it into the top of the drink.
"Thank you muchly," Kellan chirped and took back the drink. "Can Holly and I sit on the alphabet mat?" she asked.
"Sure…who's Holly?"
"She's my dolly," Kellan told Gus, and racing over to the table, scooped her beloved doll off of one of the small blue chairs. "See? This is Holly. My uncle Shelly gave her to me a long, long time ago. He's an angel now. A bad guy killed him dead. I miss him a lot. Daddy said that Uncle Shelly is in heaven. With God. Our hamster died too. A long, long time ago. His name was Pepper. You know what happened to him?"
Gus shook her head and lowered herself into a sitting position on the floor as Kellan plopped down and settled Holly lovingly in her lap.
"Daddy killed him," Kellan told her. "By accident. Pepper got out of his cage and went missing. We couldn't find him anywhere! And you know what happened next?"
"What happened?"
"Daddy stepped on him. In the bathroom by the kitchen. He didn't see Pepper and he smooshed him. Stepped on him and squashed him. Poor Pepper. 'Cause daddy's really tall and big and has huge feet. Daddy didn't mean to kill him though. But it made me sad. Daddy too. Daddy wrapped Pepper in one of mommy's bestest face cloths and put him in a box and buried him in the backyard. Daddy said that Pepper went to heaven. And now uncle Shelly is there too. Do you think they're friends? Maybe uncle Shelly is playing with Pepper? Do you think?"
"I don't know," Gus replied. "Maybe…"
"Aren't you s'pose to know?" Kellan asked as she sipped her juice. "Daddy says you're an expert. That you know everything. My uncle Peanut, he knows everything too. He's really smart. And super funny. He does all kinds of cartoon voices. He's cute too. Mommy says uncle Peanut is adork-able."
"Who's uncle Peanut?" Gus asked.
"My uncle," Kellan replied a matter-of-factly, as if she'd just been asked the dumbest question ever.
"Is Peanut his real name?"
Kellan giggled. "No! His name is Adam. Adam Ross. That was mommy's name too before she married daddy and then her last name became Flack. Like mine. But uncle Peanut says that daddy should have changed his last name 'cause he's whipped. 'Cause mommy owns him."
Gus couldn't help but grin.
"Uncle Peanut lives with us," Kellan continued. "'Cause the wicked witch kicked him to the curb uncle Danny said. That's okay though. I don't care. She was mean and stupid anyway. Do you have a boyfriend, Doctor Gussie? Are you married? Do you have kids?"
"I…"
"You'd like uncle Peanut. Maybe you can come over to our house and meet him. He'd like you. You're pretty and smart. Like mommy. Maybe you and uncle Peanut can go on a date. You can wear a dress and uncle Peanut can wear good clothes for a change and comb his hair. There can be wine and candles and nice music. Then you can play kissy face afterwards. That's where babies come from you know. And when mommies and daddies have tickle fights under the blankets."
"Dear God," Sam muttered, as she sat in a bank of chairs in front of the two way glass in the observation room and covered her face with her hands as her husband laughed heartily.
"Your daughter's telling Doctor Gus all of our sex secrets," Flack chided, as he stood by the glass, a hand on the wall beside it, listening and watching as an animated Kellan was telling her therapist about how she'd walked into mommy and daddy's room once and mommy was making funny noises and daddy was under the blankets. Way under the blankets.
"Why is it they're my kids when they do something wrong?" Sam asked.
"'Cause it means the Ross genes are going haywire," Flack teased, and moving away from the glass, took a seat beside his wife.
"Yeah…'cause the Flack genes are just so pure and perfect," she snorted, then removing her hands from her face, grinned at him and leaned into him. "Because you only kicked in everything that makes them insanely adorable."
"Pretty much," he agreed. "I guess that's the one good thing I did in the last eight years. I helped make some beautiful babies."
Sam gave a sad smile and laying her hand on the space between his shoulders, rubbed his back soothingly. "You did a lot of good things, Donnie," she said. "A lot of amazing things, actually. We just…I think we need to concentrate on all of those amazing things and think less about the crappy stuff."
He nodded in agreement and reaching out to place a hand on the back of her head, pressed a soft kiss to her temple.
"I can't believe she's talking about all of this random stuff," Sam commented, and moved away from him. Uncomfortable with their close proximity with each other. Not because she didn't want to be that close, and even closure, with them. But because they were trying so hard to take things slow that she was worried she'd give in to her feelings and her emotions too soon and screw everything up.
"I guess we should just be happy that she's opening up at all," Flack said, slightly offended by her obvious rebuff and reminding himself that she wasn't acting that way because she wanted to hurt his feelings. But because she wanted to protect herself. And him.
"I guess," Sam sighed.
Flack sighed, and removing his ball cap and tossing it in the chair beside him, ran his hands over his head and down to the back of his neck. "Some of that was pretty harsh," he said, obviously troubled by what he'd heard. "Some of what she said…"
"It was hard to hear," Sam admitted, her voice quieted, her eyes riveted on the scene playing out before them. Kellan and Gus sitting across from each other in the middle of the room as Kellan commented about how much she liked the way Gus talked. In Kellan's accent -a mixture of both Brooklyn and Queens her parents figured- the word came out sounding like 'tawk'.
"I like the way you talk too," Gus responded with a wide, bright smile.
"Daddy talks funny," Kellan said. "But not as funny as mommy. Daddy says that when mommy gets really excited or really upset, he can't understand her. Like she's talking some foreign language that he needs a 'trepretor for."
Flack gave a laugh and shook his head. "Is there anything she doesn't remember me saying?" he wondered aloud.
"You know how she is. Every word daddy speaks is law around the house," Sam told him. "You know how much she adores you, Don. She's always been closest to you. She's always thought the sun rises and sets on you. And nothing is ever going to change that. You can do no wrong as far Kellan's considered. And me…" Sam sighed. "I'm the evil one because I made you go away."
"She never said that Sammie. She said that…"
"She said that I'm the one that made you leave. She may not have said that to Gus but she says it all the time at home when she's in one of her moods."
"She's five. She doesn't know what she's saying when she gets upset," Flack reminded her. "She just freaks and all kinds of things come out of her mouth. She doesn't mean them. She just says them 'cause she's pissed."
"Remind you of anyone you know?" Sam asked.
"Reminds me of both of us," he replied. "Don't be turning around and making it sound like I'm the only nasty one when we fight."
"I never said that…" she took a deep breath and closed her eyes briefly before exhaling slowly. "Let's not do this, okay? Not here. We've been doing so good with each other, Don. We've been arguing less and talking and listening to each other more and I don't want…I don't want us screwing this up. We can't screw this up. For ourselves and our kids."
"I don't want to screw anything up," he said. "I'm trying really, really hard Sammie. We're both trying really, really hard. Just sometimes…I don't know…sometimes it seems like we just say things to wind each other up. Like we get off on pissing one another off."
"Either that or we're both just so on edge that we can't control it," Sam reasoned. "All I know is that I don't want to do this with you. I don't want to argue with you. Not here. Not anywhere, actually. I just want us to…I just want us to get along. To love each other. That's all I want."
He gave a small smile and capturing her left hand in his right, entwined his fingers with hers and placed their hands on his thigh. Then giving a small frown, he turned her hand over to get a look at the top of it.
"What?" she asked.
"You put your engagement ring back on," he commented, as the diamonds sparkled up at him.
"Well you did give it to me," she reasoned. "And we are going to get back together. So I just figured…"
"We're not going to get back together Sammie," he said.
Her face blanched and she yanked her hand out of his. "Excuse me? What the hell is that supposed to mean? We're not going to get back together? You're telling me this here? Right now? You picked your daughter's therapy session to tell me that you're giving up on us? What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Whoa…whoa…" Flack held his hands up in self defence. "That is not what I was going to say. You are totally jumping to conclusions here."
"I can't believe you'd pull this shit," Sam huffed, and crossing her arms over his chest. "You're a real winner, Don. So what's all this crap you've spewing at the counsellor? About wanting our marriage to work and wanting us to be a family? About how much you miss me and how much you love me?"
"I do miss you. I do love you. And if you'd just be quiet for a second and.."
"And what? Listen to you say I miss you and I love you but not enough to be with you? Whatever. Is that the real reason you came here today? To tell me this? You couldn't have done this some other time? Some other place?"
"Sammie, you are way overreacting. Can you stop being…can you stop being yourself for five seconds and let me talk here?"
Sighing heavily, she turned sideways in her seat and stared at him pointedly.
"Babe…I do miss you and I do love you. Don't ever doubt that."
"But?" she asked irritably.
"There's no but. All I was trying to do was correct you for Christsakes. All I was trying to say is that we're not getting back together. We already are back together."
Her eyes widened, then her cheeks flushed crimson. "Oh…" she said, and turned back towards the glass. "Ooops."
"Ooops?" he laughed. "That's all you can say is ooops?"
She bit her lip pensively, and then turned her face towards him. "I'm sorry," she said.
A grin tugged at his lips. "I bet that just tore you right up to say that," he teased.
Frowning, she reached out and laid a hand on his chest and pushed him playfully. "Don't push your luck," she said. "Now is not the time for you to be a smart ass."
"You're right," he agreed.
She smirked and reached up to pat his cheek softly.
"And yes. Before you say it, it did just tear me right up inside to admit that you're right about something," he chided. Then laying his hand over hers, pressed a kiss to her palm before once again entwining their fingers together and placing their hands on his stomach. "I just figured we are back together 'cause we're dating. Or whatever the hell it is we're doing. Married but courting? Does that make sense?"
"Nothing makes sense," Sam sighed.
Flack couldn't argue with that.
A companionable silence fell on the room as they both turned their attention back to the playroom, where Kellan, with her legs and arms stretched out in front of her, was wriggling her fingers and her toes and telling Gus about all the fun she'd had the day before when mommy took her and Kallison with her to the hair place to get her toes and nails done. And how the nice lady at the hair place did their toes and their nails too.
"Kallison got silver sparkle polish and I got pink!" Kellan cried excitedly. "And mommy got black!"
Flack glanced down at his wife's toes and then at her hands.
"It's purple actually," Sam told him. "It just looks black."
"A funky new hair cut? Red at that? And black…sorry…dark purple nails? You going Vampire girl on me or something? Do I need to start calling you Bella? Or Elvira?"
A grin played at the corners of her mouth. "You're a smart ass, Donald Flack Junior."
"Yeah…I guess I am. You miss that about me, don't you." It was more a statement then a question.
Her fingers tightened around his. "I miss a lot about you," she said. "I just miss you period."
He nodded slowly and smiled. "I miss you too, Sammie."
"Doctor Gussie is really, really nice!" Kellan exclaimed a half an hour later, a cherry flavoured lollipop in her mouth as she skipped happily in between her parents, holding each of their hands as the family made their way out of the front entrance of the hospital. Sam's free hand in possession of Holly Hobby and Flack's holding the colouring book that Gus had given to their daughter earlier. Half a dozen cellophane wrapped suckers tucked in the back pocket of his shorts. "Do you think that she liked me?"
"I think that she loved you," Sam said.
"What's not to love?" Flack asked. "You come from daddy don't you?"
"Uh-uh," Kellan shook her head vigorously, her hair swinging back and forth. "I come from you and mommy," she corrected. "It takes two, daddy."
Sam grinned at her husband. "She told you."
"You're not suppose to know about stuff like that," Flack said to his daughter.
"What's there to know?" Kellan asked. "Everyone knows that it takes a mommy and a daddy to make a baby. You and mommy just got lucky 'cause you made two at once."
"Yeah…" Flack smiled at his wife. "We got very, very lucky," he said and winked at Sam.
"I had lots and lots of fun at Doctor Gussie's," Kellan told her parents. "Do you think that I did good daddy?"
"I thought you did great. And as long as you had fun and you liked her, well that's all that matters. You weren't there to be tested or anything, Kellan. Mommy and I told you that already. You were just there to meet Doctor Gus and to get comfortable with her. And we're just glad that you like going to her as much as you do."
"She's not mean at all," Kellan said. "I was scared that she'd be really mean but she wasn't. She was super nice. And she's really pretty and she smells really, really nice too. I don't think she has a boyfriend or a husband. Or kids."
"Well that's really none of our business," Sam told her daughter.
"If she doesn't have a boyfriend and she's not married, maybe she can come over to our house and meet uncle Peanut!" the five year old chirped. "Do you think that they'd like each other, mommy? 'Cause she's pretty and uncle Peanut is cute. And they're both crazy smart! Do you think they'd like each other?" she asked.
"I don't know," Sam replied. "I guess. But I don't think…well I don't think she's allowed to come over to our house and visit."
"How come?" Kellan inquired. "Doesn't she like us?"
"It's not that she doesn't like us," Flack answered. "It's just that…remember that confidentiality thing I told you about a couple of days ago?"
His daughter nodded.
"Well that means that she can't just hang out with the people that she sees in her job. She can't come to our house 'cause you're a patient of hers. And that's breaking some of the rules she has to follow. And if she gets caught breaking the rules, she'd get in trouble. And we don't want her getting in trouble, do we?"
Kellan shook her head. "Maybe uncle Peanut can go to her house," she suggested. "Uncle Peanut needs a girlfriend."
"I don't think he's looking for a girlfriend," Sam laughed.
"He needs one mommy. 'Cause auntie what's-her-face did him dirt."
Flack smirked, then caught the furious glare his wife shot at him. "Hey…that did not come from me."
"Uncle Danny said that she doesn't deserve a name," Kellan informed her parents. "That's she's not fit to carry my lunch box. What's that mean?"
"It means that Uncle Danny has some explaining to do when daddy sees him next," Flack said, as Kellan hopped down the front steps of the hospital and they headed down the sidewalk.
"He says that she's auntie what's-her-face now and that she deserves to be shot and pissed on for what she did to uncle Peanut," Kellan continued.
"That's not nice!" Sam scolded. "At all!"
"Hey…I didn't say it…" her daughter defended herself. "Uncle Danny did. Don't shoot the messenger, mommy."
Sam sighed and shook her head and looked over at her husband, who was staring straight ahead as he walked, biting on his bottom lip as he attempted to reign in his laughter.
"What?" Flack asked and let out a chuckle. "Come on…it's funny. Really, really, really funny actually."
"Danny knows better than that," Sam muttered.
"I'll talk to Danny," Flack promised. "But you got to admit. He's nothing if not honest. He speaks the truth. He's only saying out loud what we're all thinking."
Sam couldn't disagree with that. "So where do you want to go?" she asked Kellan, anxious to change the subject.
"I want to go to the zoo!" the five year old cried. "And to get ice cream! And to Toys R Us in Times Square! But not with Kallison and Dawson. Just us! Just me and you and daddy."
"Well daddy might have other plans," Sam said. "You can't just assume that…"
"Only plans I have is to spend every second possible with you two," Flack interjected. "And then, when we're finished doing all our stuff, go and see Kallison and Dawson. If mommy says it's okay, of course."
"Of course it's okay," she smiled. "Why wouldn't it be okay?"
He just shrugged and reached out to press the button for the crosswalk.
"Will you stay for a while daddy?" Kellan asked hopefully. "Will you stay for supper? Will you tuck me in and read me bedtime stories?"
"Sure," he replied. "If your mommy says…"
"Mommy says that's a wonderful idea," Sam interrupted him.
"Will you sleep over?" their daughter asked. "If you sleep over than you can take me and Kallison to camp tomorrow! We can watch Dora in the morning like we used to do all the time! And you can make pancakes for breakfast. Can you sleep over daddy?"
"You know what, I don't think that's a good idea," Flack told her. "It's not that I don't want to sleep over," he added quickly. "'Cause I do. It's just that…your mommy and I…"
"Daddy needs to be up really early for work tomorrow," Sam explained. "So he wouldn't have time to make pancakes and watch Dora. So maybe if he's not working much on the weekend he can stay over then and you guys can do all sorts of stuff together."
"I think I can get the weekend off," Flack said. "I think Scagnetti owes me a favour or two."
"Will you stay daddy?" Kellan asked. "Will you come over for the weekend?"
"If your mommy wants me to," he replied, and glanced over at Sam.
"I want you to," Sam confirmed.
He smiled and gave a nod. "Sounds like fun than," he concluded.
"Maybe this time you won't have to go back to your new place," Kellan said. "Maybe this time you can stay forever and ever."
"I don't know about that," her dad told her. "That's something that me and your mommy are going to have to talk about."
"Well talk about it soon, okay? 'Cause I miss you daddy. So does Kallison and Dawson and Wiener. And so does mommy. Mommy misses you a lot. She cries at night because of it."
"She does, does she?" Flack looked over at his wife, who kept her eyes focused straight ahead.
"Yeah. You being gone makes mommy really, really said," his daughter informed him. "So you guys have to talk soon, okay? So you can come home and no one will be sad anymore."
Flack didn't respond. He simply nodded and they continued on their way towards the public lot Sam had parked in.
"You know," he said, breaking the silence that had fallen on them. "One of my guys had his building sold out from under him. I guess the new owners want to turn them into condos and he can't afford the asking price. He's got to be out in two months and seeing as I signed a year lease, I just can't move out whenever I feel like it. But I could talk to him and see if he wants to sublet from me."
"You could," Sam said, and dug her keys out of her purse as they entered the busy lot.
"I mean, that gives us two months to get our sh…our stuff together," Flack said, as he scooped Kellan up into his arms to keep her safe from the constant flow of cars. "Two months of going to seeing Doctor Quinlan every week. That's eight appointments, right?"
She nodded.
"We could get a lot worked out in eight appointments," he told her. "We could ask her to give us more of that homework crap she likes tossing at us. We could even buy some books or whatever to help speed things up. Go to some of those advanced marital classes she's always going on about. You know, the ones that are like AA for couples in trouble. We could always do that."
"If that's what you want to do," Sam said, and used the key chain remote to turn off the alarm and unlock the doors on her car.
"I want to do whatever it takes to make things right again," he responded. "And I think in two months…I think in two months things will be right again. Or at least really close to it."
Sam popped open the passenger side back door of the station wagon and stepped aside as Flack leaned in to place Kellan in her booster seat and buckle her in tightly.
"Did you drive here?" she asked, as he backed out of the car and she closed the door and headed around to the rear of the vehicle. "Or…"
"Took the subway. There's a method to my madness. I knew if I took the subway you wouldn't be able to say no if I asked you to give me a ride home."
"You were hoping I'd offer another kind of ride," she teased.
"I'll neither admit or deny that," he laughed. Then grew serious. "I mean it, Sammie. I really think we could work things out in two months. I don't want this bullshit lasting any longer. It's been hell. On all of us. And I don't think…I can't be away from you and my kids for too much longer. And I think we can…"
She reached out and placed two fingers over her lips to silence him. "I think we can too," she said.
He smiled and pressed a kiss to her fingers.
"And I think you can…"
Reaching out, he laid a hand on the back of her neck and pulled her tightly into his. His mouth capturing hers in a long, intense kiss that left both of them breathless and their heads reeling.
"Okay…" she sighed heavily and placed her forehead against his chest. "Yeah…I guess I…I guess I missed that just a bit."
"I missed that a lot," he said, and wrapped his arms tightly around her slender body.
For a moment they stood there, their arms enveloping each other in warmth and promise. A million and one thoughts -and for once positive and exciting ones- surging through them. Sam had forgotten, in the midst of all the bitterness and angst how got it actually felt to be in her husband's arms. To think about nothing other than how wonderful he smelled and how his heart sounded as it beat deep within his chest. How secure and safe those big, strong arms felt. And it was the first time that she realized how much she had missed him. And how much she missed of him.
She finally pulled away and smiled up at him. "You realize that the third time is it right? We've done this breaking up and getting back together thing twice now. This is it for us, Don. Three strikes and we're out. If we screw it up this time…"
He quieted her with another kiss. "No screwing up this time," he promised, and pressed his lips to her forehead.
She gave a nod and broke out of his embrace. "I think we should get going," she said, and laid her keys in his hand. "We've got two months to make things right. And I don't want to waste any time."
"Me either," he told her and closing his fingers around the keys in his palm, walked around the driver's side of the car. "Hey, Sam…" he said, looking at her over top of the roof, his voice stopping her before she could slip into the passenger seat.
She looked at him and waited for him to continue.
"I just want you to know that I love you."
She smiled. "I love you too," she said.
"And that this time…well there won't be a next time. Okay?"
She nodded.
"Forever starts over again right now," he told her. "Right this second. The second we get in this car, that's when our forever kicks in."
She gave a bright smile. "Well you better get in than," she said, and disappeared inside.
As usual, massive thanks to everyone that is reading and reviewing! And even to those that are just lurking! I am glad that you are all continuing to enjoy this and I thank you all for your support and your kind words. Especially during such a difficult personal time.
Please R and R folks!
Special thanks to:
Afrozenheart412
hope4sall
CSINYMinute
HighQueenReicheru
Ms. Lori Reznor
Heart2Handgun
wolfeylady
Hardylover7477
Anncorcam
xSamiliciousx
Forest Angel
Delko's Girl 88
