Five Years

Chapter Ten

Disclaimer: I do not own anything mentioned in the following fanfiction, except for the character of Penelope Richmond. She is of my own design.


"Higher, Momma! Higher!"

She gave a laugh and then pushed the seat of the swing as it came to her, putting some muscle into the push as she saw him inch higher in the air with his swing. Jake let out a peel of laughter a second later as he dangled his little feet while he continued to swing, Penelope's eyes locked onto her son as he swung back and forth on the swing set in front of her.

After coming home last night from work to find James feeding Jake popsicles and cookies for dinner, she decided to take the next few days off to spend time with both of them, showing James a more hands on way of being a parent, right down to how to feed your child. They'd both waken up bright and early the next morning and prepared a big breakfast together, Pen showing James how to make pancakes and how to fry bacon so that next time, he could make them for her in bed.

After stuffing themselves full of breakfast the three of them dressed in their summer clothes, Penelope throwing on a pair of jeans and a loose white button down with a purple camisole underneath while James and Jake matched in cargo shorts and plain white t-shirts, they headed off to the local park to hang out and do what normal families supposedly did. Normal, she had to think to herself. That's the watchword.

Ever since her little realization that she was stumbling back into the terrifying yet oddly soothing world of being in love with James Tiberius Kirk, she had to give herself a little credit this time around. He'd been doing such an outstanding job with Jake that she felt that regardless of their past, she probably would have fallen for him anyways. The way he looked at his son and even the way he looked at her now a days just did something to her; something in the variation of butterflies and dizziness, but something none the less.

She watched with a smile on her face as Jake's momentum on the swing slowly brought him to a halt, grinning to her son as he hopped off the swing and headed over to the monkey bar set complete with a force field on the ground to soften the blow when the youngster's fell off. She adverted her eyes from the jungle gym for a second to find James, her smile brightening almost instantly as she saw him approach with a spool of cotton candy and a vanilla ice cream cone in hand.

"Look at you, being all fatherly. I swear, by the way you're taking to fatherhood you'd think you'd fathered children before" she teased as he came to her side, shooting her an amused yet un-amused look with his eyes that she just smirked at, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Still like cotton candy?" he asked a second later as he handed her the balloon of sugary confection, gesturing for Jake to come over with the other hand.

"Do birds still fly?" she retorted sarcastically, taking the pink bubble and pulling off a section, revelling in the way the cottony candy just melted on her tongue.

She hadn't had cotton candy in years. She halted the piece she had in her hand poised to make it to her mouth when she realized just how long it'd been since she'd had cotton candy. Six years, three months and...four days ago, she realized as she checked her watch.

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"So you go to the Academy?"

She looked up from the toy phaser gun she had in her hand from winning a carnival game, one that required her to pop balloons with a ray gun. The twenty one year old in front of her was cute in the way only locals were; sun bleached blonde hair, freckles dusted across every inch of skin, and sea foam green eyes that she swore looked exactly like the sea. He was cute; but he was no James.

"Yeah, the cadets were given a weekend pass to come check out the city. We ended up here" she said as she tucked some of her beachy waved hair behind her ear as she gave a smile, gesturing to the carnival around them.

Twenty or so odd recruits had been given a weekend pass from the Academy in order to relax and recharge after an intense few weeks of study. James and herself, along with a few of their friends from their inner circle had headed out to the beach for a day of surfing and sun before ending up at a clambake on the board walk. She'd lost them all in the fray of people and was now being chatted up by some of the local talent.

"Awesome. What do you study there?" he pried as he sipped from his cup, the faint smell of beer lingering in the air from his breath.

"Theoretical physics, mainly. I dabble in some Astronomy and a little bit of Transport Tech but, Physics is my major. What about yourself, do you go to school somewhere?" she asked as a gentle wind washed over them and played with the hem of her white cotton sun dress.

"I go to USC. SoCal" he replied with such definition and confidence that she had to suppress a laugh. USC? That was like grade three compared to the Academy.

"Wow. What do you study there?" she asked, feigning interest. She didn't know why she was bothering; she felt great. She was rocking a solid caramel tan, her hair was down in gentle waves, and the cotton sundress was hugging her in all the right places. So why, oh why, was she wasting it on a USC student who didn't hold a candle to James?

"Recreation and Leisure Studies" he replied once again with confidence, Penelope this time biting down on her lip to stop herself from laughing out loud.

"Wow. Rec and Leisure. Wow" she said, once again faking it. She felt her lips bear a fake smile as she tried to remain gauged into the conversation, finding her attention waning as he spoke on.

"People say it's a bird major but there's some intensive work to be done. Just last week, I had an exam on the origins of games. Nearly blew my mind" he explained as he gave his head a shake before taking another sip of his drink.

"So what do you plan on doing with that?" she asked, trying to find some last pieces of hope for the guy. He was fading pretty quickly in her eyes.

"I don't really know yet. I'm still like, testing the waters and everything. Just kind of partying a lot and doing the fraternity thing on campus. You know fraternities, right? People say it's kind of archaic but you know, it's a brotherhood. I'm a Gamma Sig. You should totally come by and check out the house sometime" he said as he leant in towards her, putting the final nail in his coffin as he smirked wickedly down at her and let out a breath of beer-smelling air. She'd tried really hard to like someone else, but he just didn't compare. As cute as he was, studying Rec and Leisure at a state school while being in a frat just didn't match James in any way.

"Yeah, that'd be uh...great" she replied with a fake smile as she took a step back from him, mentally giving a sigh of defeat. She hated doing this.

She snaked her left hand behind her back and put up two fingers in a peace sign, her signal for James to come fake being her boyfriend.

They had a whole system devised for whenever they needed help. One finger meant 'STAY AWAY! Things are going good'. Two fingers meant 'Fake boyfriend time' and three fingers meant 'Get me out of here, now!'. It always worked out quiet well for them, really. Of course, she put up two or more digits far more often than he did, but that didn't bother her. Much.

Without fail, a second later she felt a body saddle up beside her, a pair of warm lips press themselves against her temple as a pillow of pink fluffiness came into her sights.

"Sorry pretty girl, the line at the candy spinner was longer than ever. Whose this?" James asked a second later as he draped a hand across her shoulder's possessively as he peered at the guy in front of them questionably, the guy now looking thoroughly confused.

"Ah, Hansen meant James, my boyfriend. James, meet Hansen. He goes to USC for Rec and Leisure. He's in a frat" Penelope said with fake enthusiasm, giving Hansen a generous smile before turning back to James, his eyes giving her a wicked look before turning back to Hansen.

"Ah. Well, we all can't be future space diplomats, now can we? Anyways, we gotta get going, Sugar, if we want to make the movie. It was nice meeting you, Jensen" James said as they turned to go, giving the confused looking surfer a wave with his hand before heading off, his arm staying across her shoulders until they were far down the boardwalk and out of sight.

"He looked like a nice guy, what was wrong with him?" he asked as they hopped up on the boardwalk railing, his eyes turning to look at her quizzically.

She gave a sigh, trying not to shake her head in irony. What was wrong with him? Well, for starters he wasn't you.

"He just wasn't...enough" she fumbled a few seconds later, shrugging her shoulders as she looked away from him and back down the boardwalk, closing her eyes to try and steady herself. It'd be so easy to just blurt it all out and lay her feelings down on the line but she didn't want to risk their friendship. He was her best, best friend, and she didn't want to challenge that in any way.

"Cheer up, Pen. You'll find someone eventually. You're too big of a catch not too" he commented as he reached out a hand and place it on her shoulder, giving it a squeeze. She gave a quiet chuckle, once again struck by the inevitable irony of the situation. So she did what she always did, she shook it off and kept the secret to herself, the sanctity of their friendship in tact.

"Yeah. I know there's someone out there for me" she said wisely and knowingly, a deep sense of knowing rooted down into her bones telling her that her someone was sitting right beside her with a hand on her shoulder, his eyes boring into her's and a smile on his lips.

He was definitely her someone.

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"This is nice" he said as they moved over to a bench after Jake had scampered over and relieved his dad of the dripping ice cream cone, running off to enjoy it while sitting in the local jungle gym. They were sitting close together, Penelope all too aware of the way his arm was draped across the back of the bench with his finger tips gently brushing against her shoulder, the pair of them enjoying the mid afternoon sun.

"Yeah. It is" she replied honestly as she plucked another piece of cotton candy off of the spindle, James reaching over to take a piece as well.

"Feels like a family, doesn't it?" he asked as he turned his head to give her a grin, his eyes sending an ever so faint shiver down her spine.

"In an unconventional, we're not married and you're leaving in less than seven days...yeah. It does" she bite back with unintentional venom, giving him a fake smile that seemingly caused his happy, content face to slowly slide away.

"You been thinking about it much?" he inquired as he looked back towards the jungle gym in front of him, Penelope watching him for a second watch his son with hawk like eyes of protection.

"Everyday. I just can't figure out what you're going to say to him to make it all okay" she replied back honestly as she turned to face him, angling her towards him to focus her attention on him and his on her.

"Well maybe I don't have to say anything. Maybe I can just stay" he said as he brought his eyes of the gym and onto her's, raising his eyebrows expectantly.

"James, come on—" she started, her eyes going to his hand as he raised it to interrupt.

"Just here me out, Pen. I want to be here, with you and with Jake. This is my life now, and I can't imagine not having you two in it anymore" he explained, giving her a pointed look.

"How about the Enterprise? Can you imagine life without her?" Penelope pried, pressing him for information.

"Yeah, I can. Very easily, actually. That's just a job, that doesn't matter. Jake growing up and me being here with you, helping you raise him, is all that matters now" James replied as he gestured to Jake by turning to look at his son who was still devouring the ice cream. She watched him look at Jake for a few seconds, a small smile coming to his face, before his eyes returned to her.

"James, that's incredibly sweet and I love you for it but it's not that easy. This isn't your life. Making lunches and taking him to soccer practice. This is my life, and I like it" she explained, this time her eyes looking over at Jake as James' stayed trained on her's.

It was true. A part of her was internally squealing at how involved James wanted to be and in a way it intensified the renewed feelings she'd been having for him. But a bigger part, the part that was still his best friend, saw other wise.

"Why can't it be our life?" he exasperated, giving her a pleading look with his eyes as she looked back over to him.

"Because it doesn't work that way, James. You shouldn't have to give up one thing you love in order to have another" she offered, raising her eyebrows in expectation.

"I can live without being on the Enterprise" he said stubbornly, Penelope taking a deep breath to try and reason with him. He just didn't see the big picture.

"What are you going to do then, hm? For a job?" she asked, gazing at him critically.

"Get a teaching job at the Academy. Advanced Combat Techniques or Intergalactic Relations. Five years on a Starship equips you with a very particular skill set, Pen. I would know" he offered as he gave a rye smile, his lips crooked as they tilted upward.

"A skill set that's only put to good use aboard a ship. James, I'm your best friend and I know you better than you know yourself. Trust me when I say that you wouldn't be happy being here. Teaching isn't your thing. You're destined for so much more" she said plainly, giving her head a single shake as she just looked at him.

"And you weren't?" he countered, this time shaking his head as he looked away for a second.

"I was never born to be on a ship. I'm homey and a creature of habit. But you...James, anything is possible for you. You shouldn't have to settle for an ordinary life when you were meant for something extraordinary" she explained in a soft voice as she gently nudged his knee with her own, bringing his attention back to her.

"Then come with me. Both of you. The Enterprise has a small contingent of children already and we are in need of a new Engineer" he said as he looked back at her, nudging her back.

A part of herself twanged at him saying that, her eyes narrowing slightly in defense as she contemplated his suggestion.

"I refuse to uproot Jake from his life. This is his home. He has friends here. Besides, a starship is far too dangerous an environment for our son. I refuse" she said sharply, cutting off that idea before it even had room to blossom.

She remembered her days on the Enterprise quite vividly and just how many people they lost. If she had her way, Jake would never have to know such fear. The life of a crew member is too dangerous for her son; she'd never allow it. Not at four years old and not when he is practically the only thing she has.

"I don't want to leave him, Pen. I want him in my life" he said definitively as he looked back at Jake, his body language signalling to her that this conversation was over.

"I can't tell you what to do, James. If you stay, great. You'll have a big part in his life, I can promise you that. But you'll slowly begin to resent it, because I know you love being aboard the Enterprise. So just think about that before you start promising him a life where you're here all the time" she said finally as she just gazed at his profile, staring into his turned away eyes.

"Fair enough" he said eventually, the conversation ending for now but nowhere near over.

They set into a comfortable silence, James' arm draping itself once again along the back of the bench as she leaned unintentionally back into it, feeling the ghosts of his fingertips on her arms. She was just about to say something when he chimed in instead.

"I called Uhura yesterday. She said she'd love to see you. Same with Sulu, Chekov, Bones, Spock and Scotty. I figured we would go grab dinner at Nico's so that they can meet Jake and then drinks at Galaxy like old times?" James said, turning his head to look at her with a peaceful smile on his lips that drew a similar one onto her own.

"Sounds good. I'll get a sitter for Jake" she said as she nodded and looked over to her son, watching as he climbed his way across a set of monkey bars.

"No need. Apparently Momma Uhura's in town and almost lost it when she found out we had a kid" James said amusedly, the pair of them exchanging knowing looks before sharing a chuckle, Penelope giving her head a shake as she sighed.

"No, Ny's mom is in town? God, I bet she loved that" she scoffed, shaking her head again.

Although she and James had been the best of friends at the Academy, there were others they socialized with. Penelope and Nyota's friendship had grown slowly over the three years they were together, the pair of them really only becoming good friends during their last year since they shared many classes. Her friendship with Bones was based almost wholly on James and their efforts to try and get him to focus on something other than women. Despite that, she always knew that the Doctor was a great guy and a great friend when need be. Her relationships with Spock, Sulu and Chekov had all developed during the few days they spent aboard the Enterprise together, but the friendships were solid regardless.

There's something about having an infinite amount of near death experiences with the same group of people that bonds you to each other like nothing else.

So at the prospect of seeing them all, she felt her heart give a flutter and some butterflies twitter around in her stomach. It'd been a long time since she'd seen them, and a lot had changed. They were all going to find out about her and James' night of drunken passion and they were all going to meet the result of that night. It killed her nerves, knowing that they were going to know, but at the same time she knew that they would all love Jake none the less. And, it'd been a long, long time since she'd had a night out.

"She loved it so much she offered to take Jake for the night so we could all catch up" James replied as she looked at his rolling eyes and laughed, looking over at her son.

"Well, I'd like to see them all before you guys head out in five days so why not?" she answered as she looked over at James with expectant eyes, the pair of them sharing a secret smile before they both turned their attention toward their son.

"It'll give you a chance to feel young again. You're only 27, Pen. You're too young to be acting like you're 45" James cut in a second later, gently tickling her with his hand.

"I do not act like I'm 45!" she protested in a knee jerk reaction, swatting him on the arm. She glared over her shoulder at him for a second before looking back at Jake, her brow furrowed.

"When's the last time you went out? And actually went out, not just grabbing dinner with a friend. Like hot dress, sexy heels, game face on going out? Chances are it was the same night Jake was conceived and that just isn't right. A face like yours Pen needs to be shown off. Too pretty not too" he said as she slowly looked back over to him with a critical look on her face, staying deadly still as he raised a hand and ran the back of his fingers along the cut of her jaw line.

She had to suppress the shiver his touch gave her. Immediately she thought back to their ghost of a kiss yesterday and how even the faintest moment of contact had made her feel. She cursed herself for not being able to just bury her feelings for him and let it all be. She hated that after five years he still did something to her that she couldn't explain. But most of all, she hated that after five years, she still hadn't managed to find enough courage to just tell him how she felt.

"You know, I think there's a compliment buried in there somewhere" she griped humorously as she turned back to Jake, smiling to her bouncing son as he came bounding over to his parents. He jumped into both of their laps, the pair of them chuckling appreciatively as they exchanged content looks, Jake snuggling between them.

"There is, Penny. Trust me" he said finally as he caught her eyes again, something flashing through them so quickly that she didn't really believe she even saw it to begin with.

It was the same fire she'd seen in his eyes a few days ago standing soaking wet in her back yard covered in cookie dough, and the same look she'd seen on that fateful night five years ago. It was the passion filled, lusty, desiring look that a part of her would give anything to see in his eyes on a daily basis.

Another part of her, however, would do perfectly fine never seeing that look again.

((Author's Note: Dun dun dun! It's almost here! Next chapter will be the Jake meets crew chapter all of you have been DYING to see/read! Also, look for a chapter written in James' POV soon too. Need to see where his head is at. Anyways, thanks for all the super words of encouragement! You all ROCK! Lemme know what you think of this chapter and see you all soon!)