Katie knocks back another glass of gin. She grabs the bottle, already a quarter way through it, and pours herself another glass.

Her room was looking much less empty since Negan had filled it with items he'd found whilst out on runs. He'd insisted on her having first dibs on whatever he brought back, and when she'd politely declined, he'd had stuff put in her room when she wasn't there.

Katie now had a coffee table, a grey rug, many books, of which one of Negan's men had fitted her some shelves, and a whole closet full of clothes. She knows she should be happy. A roof over her head, strong people to look out for her, a full stomach each day, and a bed to lay her head down each night. Yet she wasn't.

She holds the glass to her lips, scrunching her eyes at the harsh taste of the alcohol before she swallows it down. She'd never been a fan of gin, but then she'd never been a fan of drinking full stop. The days weren't so bad. There was always something to do, something to take your mind off things, to keep yourself busy. But as the sun faded in the sky, each night she found it harder and harder to sleep, John's screams echoing through her mind. So she'd taken to drinking, when she could find it. They'd been at the Sanctuary for just over a month, and they'd built up quite a good stock of food, that included a rather impressive amount of alcohol, and Katie being one of the people at the top, was taking full advantage of it.

Katie thinks about Negan. She'd been guarding the gates earlier and he'd gotten back from a three day run, a nice growth of hair on his face. Immediately she had looked away from him, lifting her head no higher than his chest. Then when she'd realised how ridiculous she must have looked, she'd headed inside without so much as an explanation, finding Arat to cover her shift. Katie had gone straight to her room and hadn't left since.

She couldn't stand him looking like that. It was hard enough with him being John's twin, but at least when he was clean shaven she could stand to be around him. But when he grew even the smallest beard, apart from his slicked back hair, he could literally be John.

Her head hazy, she downs another drink then heads towards Negan's room, unsure as to why.

As she knocks at the double doors, she hears muffled voices and laughter from within. Shit! She frowns, realising it's late, and he's most likely busy with one of his wives. She turns to leave when the door creaks open, Negan standing there shirtless.

"I'm sorry," she shakes her head. "I didn't realise how late it is, i'll go."

Negan reaches out a hand, placing it softly on her shoulder. "Hey, don't be silly. You're fucking welcome here any time. Just give me a sec," he says, heading back inside.

She waits outside, unsure as to why she's even there. Katie looks up as Frankie leaves, tying her silk dressing gown around her waist.

"Sorry," Katie says, looking away awkwardly.

"Don't be," Frankie says. "Are you okay?" She asks, taking a step towards her.

"Frankie," Negan says, pulling his t-shirt down as he steps through the door. He nods for her to leave, clearly irritated with her. She nods and walks off. "Come in," Negan smiles, stepping aside. Katie sits down on the sofa, Negan sitting beside her. "Everything okay?"

Katie shrugs. "You got anything to drink?"

Negan smells the gin on her breath. "I'm not sure that's a good idea, you look like you've had enough."

Katie laughs. "It's never enough."

"I hope you haven't gotten into the fucking habit of drinking, it really isn't good for you," Negan frowns.

"Why? You worried it'll kill me off? Much better way to go than being eaten alive, or..," she stops in her tracks, staring into the distance as she once again pictures John being burnt to a crisp.

"Jesus, have you been drinking to help yourself sleep?"

"A little, or at least it was a little at first," she smiles.

"Jesus fucking christ, Katie. I told you to come to me if you were struggling. You don't wanna get in the fucking habit of drinking every night, what the fuck are you thinking?" He says.

"I'm thinking that i'm tired of seeing John's face every time i'm alone, every time i close my damn eyes!" She shouts.

Negan drops his head, sighing deeply. "Fuck, i'm sorry. I really should've-," she silences him with a kiss, her lips pressing roughly against his. Negan's heart pounds against his chest, shivers running down his spine. He runs a hand through her hair, his other hand going to her waist as he groans against her mouth.

Katie wraps her arms around his neck, her fingers pulling at his hair as she parts his mouth with her tongue. His hands snake over her body eagerly and greedily, Negan leaning over her as he pushes her down on the sofa. Katie's eyes widen, her drunkenness disappearing in a heartbeat as she realises what she's doing. She places her hands against his chest as Negan's fingers trail up her thigh. She pushes against him gently, Negan hovering above her.

"What.. what's wrong?" He asks, his throat suddenly dry.

Katie gets up, Negan sitting on the sofa with a hurt look on his face. "Everything's wrong," she shakes her head, covering her mouth as if it will erase what just happened. "I am so sorry," Katie says, her eyes filling up as she heads out the door.

"Katie," he almost whispers, rising to his feet as he watches her leave. He wants to run after her, but he knows he shouldn't. So he stands there, running his fingers over his lips, his eyes closed as he tries to prolong the feeling he had whilst she was kissing him, feeling her body beneath his. He drops down on his bed, opening the zip on his pants before he reaches into his boxers, stroking his throbbing cock. Negan closes his eyes as he runs a hand down his length, the taste of her still on his lips. It doesn't take him long before he gets his release, shooting his load in his boxers, whispering her name under his breath.

He lies there staring up at the ceiling, his underwear still a hot sticky mess. Negan closes his eyes, sleep taking him quickly as Katie haunts him instead of his brother for the first night since he killed him.


Katie lays on her front, sobbing into her pillow. She'd gone there with the intention of doing more than kissing him. Who better to take comfort from than the man identical to the one you were grieving for? As wrong as she knew it was, she'd wanted more than anything to feel what it was like to be in his arms again, to feel his lips against hers. So she had been bitterly disappointed when Negan had proven a poor substitute, more than that, she felt ashamed, using him in such a way.

She turns over, staring up at the ceiling. "I'm sorry, John," she whispers. "Come back," she sobs, knowing that no such thing will happen, but wishing for it anyway, as if by some miracle he'll appear in front of her. Katie wouldn't even care if he were mad at her for what she just did. Even if he never spoke to her again, at least he'd be alive, and then she could have one night where she didn't wake up in a cold sweat as she hears his screams.

It's hours before sleep finally takes her, and it's a restless sleep.


Frankie sits on the edge of Karen's bed, brushing a knot out of her hair. "So where's Lisa?"

Karen glances at her with a smile. "Where do you think?"

"Again?" Frankie giggles. "Jesus! She might as well just marry Simon."

"So how come you're here and not with Negan?" Karen asks.

"Katie showed up, she looked upset. I'm worried about her," Frankie frowns.

"She'll be fine, just needs time. I was like that when i lost my husband, it's not easy, especially with things the way they are now. Nobody has time to grieve anymore," Karen points out.

"That's not what i'm worried about, well.. i am, but it's not my biggest worry."

Karen turns to her, raising an eyebrow. "What else is there to worry about?"

"Come on, don't tell me you haven't noticed how Negan's been ever since he found her and John. He's infatuated with her," Frankie says.

"And you're worried because?"

"Because Negan isn't holding his shit together anymore, he's losing it. I..," Frankie drops her head.

"What?"

"It doesn't matter," Frankie says, shaking her head.

"Course it matters, so what is it?"

"I.. i think Negan might have had something to do with what happened at the school," Frankie says, bluntly.

Karen stares at her, a confused look on her face. "You can't be serious?"

"I wouldn't be saying it if i wasn't," Frankie says.

"So what, you think he torched the school, why would he do that? It doesn't make sense," Karen shakes her head. "Burning down the roof over heads, and for what?"

"Katie," Frankie says.

Karen laughs. "You're paranoid."

"Maybe? Or maybe he wanted John out of the picture that bad, that he was willing to do anything."

"This is crazy, Frankie. Look, i know what you're saying about Katie, i've seen how he is. But burning down the school just so he can get rid of his own brother?" Karen shakes her head. "That's just crazy."

"Well i hope you're right, maybe you are. But, i just can't shake the feeling that he had a hand in it."

Karen places a hand on Frankie's arm. "I love you, girl. But you need to keep those feelings to yourself. Otherwise Negan's gonna divorce you, and then where will you be? You really wanna clean up piss with the rest of the workers? Because that's the kinda job he'll give you."

"No, i don't. But if he gets worse, cleaning up piss will be the least of my worries."


Katie washes in the communal bathroom, dark circles under her eyes. She'd awoke long before sunrise, her skin covered in a sheen of sweat as she tried to catch her breath, struggling to tell dream from reality.

Once the dream had slowly faded, she'd thought of Negan. Her stomach had begun to roll, and then she'd ran out into the corridor and vomited in the nearest toilet.

As she looks in the mirror, brushing at her damp her, she curses herself mentally. What must he think of her?

He kissed you back though, more than that, he was all over you, she thinks.

Either way, she knows she'll have to go through the embarrassment of speaking to him, if only to apologise.


Negan whistles as he strolls down the corridor, a smile on his face as he swings Lucille. He'd had a full nights sleep for the first time since the school, and he hadn't felt this good in years, in fact, he hadn't felt this good since Lucille.

"Hey, Negan," Simon nods as he heads towards him.

"Simon," he smiles.

"Well you look in a good mood."

"I am, i feel fucking awesome. Have you seen Katie? I knocked on earlier, but she wasn't in her room," Negan says.

"Yeah, i think i saw her heading outside. Oh, while i'm here, you still wanna go out on that run with us?"

Negan shakes his head. "I'll give that a fucking miss for now, got shit i need to do here."

"Alright, well i'll see you whenever i get back," Simon nods.

"Seeya," Negan smiles, heading outside.


He sees her sitting on the steps, a far off look on her face. "Hey."

Katie looks up, dropping her head quickly as her cheeks go red. "Hey," she barely whispers.

Negan stands in front of her with a frown. "You alright?"

Katie looks up at him, rising to her feet. "I'm so sorry."

Negan swallows deeply, his throat suddenly dry. Don't fuck it up, be fucking cool, he tells himself.

Katie runs a hand through her hair. "You must think i'm the shittiest person ever."

"Hey, i don't think that. I'd never fucking think that about you."

"What kind of person kisses her dead boyfriend's brother?" She frowns, her stomach rolling a little at her own words.

"Don't do that. You were upset, it's understandable."

"Is it? He was your brother," she shakes her head. "I don't know what i was thinking."

"It's not all on you, i didn't exactly say no," Negan points out. "And.. i don't regret it."

Katie stares at him. "You didn't?"

Negan shakes his head. "Fuck no. I.. i like you. I mean, i get that it's weird, but, i can't help how i feel."

"I.. i don't know how i feel about this, it's.. too soon," she says, rubbing at her temples.

He looks down at her, his heart pounding against his chest. This wasn't going the way he'd imagined it would, far from it. "Sorry," he frowns, dropping his head as his shoulders sag.

"It's not your fault," she places a hand against his shoulder. "And don't be sorry, i'm flattered. It's just, it's too weird. I'm not saying i don't like you, cos i do, but it's too soon."

He looks down at her with a weak smile. "I hear you. Shit, i shouldn't have said that i like you," Negan frowns.

"Don't say that," Katie smiles. "I just need to get my head around it, around everything."

Negan suppresses a smirk, his mind once again hopeful. "Things aren't gonna be weird between us are they? That's the last thing i fucking want."

"No, they're not," she smiles, pulling at his shoulder as she leans into him.

Negan wraps his arms around her waist, sniffing at her hair, a content smile on his face.


John balls his fists as he watches Negan wrap his arms around Katie. Fucking fucker! He thinks, as he clenches his jaw. It takes all his strength not to go straight over there and smash Negan's skull in. But he knows he has to be smart about this. If he's to get what he wants, he has to bide his time and do this right.