Hours later, Zircon stood behind a stack of crates, dripping with sweat.
By now, every refugee in the underground — all eleven, excluding herself — had heard what had happened with the transport. Not necessarily the bit about yelling at Raspberry; thankfully, Cranberry and Raspberry agreed that an anti-quartz slur was nothing to brag about. But the peridots wouldn't stop blabbing about what THEY had seen. Zircon running into the tunnel, in the path of the train. A great force field billowing out from Zircon's hands, saving Raspberry in the nick of time. In less than an hour, the tale blew to titanic proportions. Zircon was whispered of as a hero.
And yet, she had never more wanted to hide forever.
Most of the rebels had returned to the base terminal, finished with combat training for the day. The last six left were Cranberry Tourmaline, Raspberry Quartz, Cherry Ruby, Yellow Zircon, and the peridots. The final three stood with their heads down in various states of shame.
"Just because it was an accident doesn't mean it wasn't stupid," Raspberry scolded them. She was wearing the officer's capelet again. "You get approval before activating large machinery, so you don't shatter anyone. Am I clear?"
"Yes, Raspberry," mumbled the peridots.
"Zircon?"
Yellow Zircon tilted her chin imperiously. "I claim no responsibility for this."
"Oh. Well, how do they say it in fancy court language — I don't give a clod. Don't do it again."
A mighty sigh. "Whatever."
Until then, Zircon had been peering over the edge of a crate, but then Raspberry turned and she ducked back down. "Just get out of here," was all Raspberry said. There came the forlorn crunch of feet on gravel, fading as the three troublemakers left. Then Raspberry snapped, "Don't think you're off the hook."
Initially, Zircon froze in terror, certain that she had been found. Then Cherry Ruby spoke up:
"In m — m — my defense...if I said the — the peridots would fix a six, seventy thousand year old t, t, t, transport, and your gem would be saved by, by a zircon who stopped the transport with — with her bare hands…you wouldn't believe me."
"She has a point, love," said Cranberry.
Raspberry didn't respond, just grunted noncommittally. Zircon heard some steps and then Cranberry said, softer, "Do you want to be alone?"
"I don't know...yes."
"Okay."
There was a soft, quiet noise — a kiss.
"I can look for Starlite. I'm sure she just went back to the terminal," said Cranberry. "Just...be careful."
No response. Cranberry's footsteps receded, then vanished.
For a very, very long time, it was silent. So long that Zircon relaxed, certain that Raspberry had left. Her hands had fallen into her lap, palms up. She wasn't sure why her subconscious had decided to generate her gloves like this, but they left her fingers bare and had a line of extra padding along her palms. There were many things about her new form that she did not yet understand. Her cold, bare fingers twitched.
Inhaling deeply, Zircon fanned her fingers and let go. Before her eyes, a blue-white spark bloomed above her palms, forming a small bubble the size of her fist. It warmed her hands — but it didn't radiate heat so much as it felt like it drew some from her, like an extension of her body.
She knew it wasn't exactly a bubble. She had bubbled things before — unruly defendants, overstressed colleagues, one time even a load of files that she'd been too tired to carry home. But those were simple containment bubbles...this was something else. Something more. A force field of some kind, like a shield; it almost felt like the same substance as her monocle and screens…
Suddenly, there was a loud THUMP very close to her head. When she whirled around, she found herself staring at a very particular behind.
"GAH!"
Raspberry Quartz had unknowingly walked over and sat down on the very crate that Zircon was hiding behind. Maybe if Zircon hadn't yelled, Raspberry would never have noticed. But not so. Gasping, Raspberry leapt to her feet and drew two saxe knives from her forehead gem. An accidental force field popped up around Zircon.
"What the hell?!" Raspberry yelped.
They stared at each other, and it was clear that they KNEW there was no immediate danger, but neither put their weapons down. Raspberry's lips curled back in a snarl. "How long have you been there? You were spying, weren't you?"
"No! No, please, it's not like that!" Zircon sputtered, but she knew it wouldn't work. Her shields were still up — metaphorically AND literally. This time she was so on edge that the force field didn't even drop when she lowered her hands. "I — I was just — I've been there for quite some time, actually, but it wasn't...oh, pebbles."
By the look on Raspberry's face, Zircon could tell that she wasn't having it either. Still scowling, she returned her knives to her forehead and turned to leave.
"Raspberry, wait!"
Raspberry stopped, glaring back over her shoulder. "What?"
Another "I'm sorry" rose to Zircon's lips, and she was about to let it out, but then it suddenly sank. Of course she was sorry. They both knew it and it was getting old. She remembered that sometimes, if she read or focused on one particular word long enough, it started to not look like a word anymore. It lost its weight. I'm sorry — Zircon was sorry, and she gloated about it as if it was a feat, as if Raspberry was supposed to forget everything just because she was sorry.
She thought of 10011's collar again. How heavy it was, dragging Zircon's hands down to the ground; she couldn't help but think of 10011, the chain tethering her silhouette into a painful hunch. She wondered how 10011 would feel if a gem apologized to her. If it was while the chain was still around her neck, and while the other gem wrung her hands in simple pity, never bothering to loosen the bonds. An apology, then, was nothing. A soothe for a sympathetic heartache.
And a new question came softly:
"Are you…okay?"
It hung in the air between them, suspended just outside Zircon's bubble. Raspberry's eyes widened for just a second, flicking to Zircon, then jerking away.
"Of course I am," she muttered. "Who doesn't love almost being hit by a train?"
The acid in her voice was still scalding, but Zircon's shoulders involuntarily relaxed. Sarcasm. She could deal with sarcasm. "Oh. I...suppose that wasn't quite the right question. I'm sorry."
Raspberry turned her back and folded her arms again, but she didn't leave. Didn't respond, either. Slightly less discouraged, Zircon tried to move towards Raspberry despite her force field, but even when leaning her whole weight against it, the bubble refused to budge. Only when she pressed her palms to it did it inch along the ground, but with difficulty. Blast this thing...why wasn't it popping? She had places to go, like out from behind this stack of crates.
An embarrassingly long time later, Zircon had finally shoved her bubble three feet closer to Raspberry, still stoic and sulking. Yet the closed distance still seemed as vacant as ever.
"I...Raspberry," said Zircon, rubbing her arm, "I just — I know you're not okay. But I realized I was wrong and that I hurt you."
No response. A single sweat drop rolled down Zircon's jaw.
"If there's anything you want to tell me, anything at all, I want to know. If there's anything you want me to do...I want to do it. I regret my words because I only now realized how much they hurt you. I know it sounds shallow, but I'm sorry. I want to help you. I want to understand."
When she finished, her hands were shaking. She was no stranger to saying things that were uncomfortable for everyone, but this was different. Raspberry had turned to stare at her and Zircon couldn't meet her eyes.
"Anything, huh?"
It sounded like a challenge. Zircon gulped. Languidly, Raspberry stepped forward, her blurry face becoming clearer as she drew closer to the force field. It looked as if she was trying to keep her expression indifferent, but was just on the verge of punching something too.
"Here's something," said Raspberry. "I was an hour old when I was ripped off my home planet to fight a battle. I didn't even know my own name. Two standard rotations later, half of my batch was shattered."
She leaned against the bubble, supporting herself with one hand. Something hot pressed into Zircon's core, something cold against her back — the back wall of the bubble. Raspberry was trembling and somehow Zircon could feel it.
"I watched them be ground to dust," she said.
The words echoed in the halls.
"One of them had her gem at her collar, just like yours. When I found her, a chisel had sliced her throat right down the middle and lodged in her gem...she...she grabbed at my face, and she couldn't speak, but I KNEW she was begging for help."
Raspberry's own voice faltered. A shiver ran underneath Zircon's gem, and she couldn't tear her mind from the chisel. "What...happened?"
"I took her to our agate," said Raspberry, "and I asked for help. So she ordered me to pull the chisel out. When I did, the gem broke apart in my hands. And our agate LAUGHED."
Her hands, pressed against the bubble wall, clenched into fists. Nausea bubbled in Zircon's gut. "Wh…"
"She said we deserved it — because we were defective, we were dirty and impure, we didn't fight hard enough — WE shattered our own lost gems!"
Suddenly, the shield burst, startling both of them. Raspberry dropped to her hands and knees. Her entire form trembled.
"That's what granite means," she hissed. "THAT'S what I have to think of. That we're nothing but useless, mindless QUARTZES."
The last word was spat like a curse. And Zircon was struck speechless, left only to stare. She hadn't known. She wouldn't have even dreamt of it. There WERE cases — occasionally, a soldier would emerge with a lawsuit against her own agate, a protest of abuse or a selfish order, but Zircon had always been told these were isolated incidences. And the soldier never won.
Zircon opened her mouth, then closed it, and finally summoned something. "Thank you for telling me," she whispered. "I wish I knew how to fix this."
"You can't." Her voice was tight.
"Have you told Cranberry?"
No response. Zircon couldn't tell if it was because the answer was no, or because of something beyond that. She reasoned that, because the two fused on occasion, Cranberry might have found out anyway. But still Raspberry said nothing, just sat and hugged herself and stared at the ground like a lost gemling. Despite her size, she seemed so small, weak, vulnerable. And Zircon's shield was gone.
Finally, Raspberry let out a bitter, barking laugh.
"I can't even believe myself," she said. "Whining to a zircon out of self pity. Isn't it pathetic — "
She never finished. On impulse, Zircon stepped forward and hugged her. Half of Zircon expected to be grabbed and flung across the warehouse like any number of the things Raspberry had been throwing lately...but even as Raspberry tensed up, Zircon could feel it all spilling out again. Raspberry's shoulders heaved and she began to cry. Not nice crying, either. Big, breathless, gasping cries that had all the pain of being held in for millennia. When Raspberry hugged Zircon back, it was hard enough to knock Zircon off her feet, but strong enough to hold her steady again. It was warm in Raspberry's arms. She smelled sweet, but of something Zircon didn't recognize. Her hair was softer than anything Zircon had ever felt before.
"It's okay. It's gonna be okay, I promise you," Zircon found herself murmuring. It was familiar. How many times had she been assigned to an inconsolable client? "It's healthy to cry. It's gonna be okay."
"Thank you for saving me," Raspberry whispered suddenly. It took Zircon aback, but Raspberry never moved, so she just nodded. She had begun stroking Raspberry's hair.
"It was nothing. Don't worry about it."
When Raspberry pulled back, she sniffled and wiped her eyes with the corner of her capelet. "I don't know if I've ever cried about that."
"Do you feel any better?"
She gave a tight, humorless smile. "Are you going to get all desperate again if I say no?"
"Desperate? I wasn't — " Zircon stopped herself, thought, and then changed her course. "Alright, I MAY have come off as desperate. But it's really not healthy to bottle up emotions. I'm glad you could cry about it. Er — oh stars, that just sounds mean…"
She nervously met Raspberry's gaze, but then realized that her smile had softened. "You sound like Cranberry," Raspberry said.
"I...do?"
"You're both very intense about this sort of stuff. Emotions and all that."
Zircon didn't exactly know what to think about that. It would mark the second time in the past few rotations that someone had called her some variant of "emotional", despite the fact that she still sometimes thought of herself as a clever, logical voice of reason. "Thank you…?"
Raspberry chuckled, even though Zircon hadn't meant for it to be funny. Maybe she should try keeping her voice cracks under control. Then Raspberry stood, brushed off her pants, and turned to leave, but seemed to realize something. She stopped and glanced back at Zircon.
"Hey, um," she began, rubbing the back of her neck, "I don't have anywhere important to be. If you want to pick up training again, I can stay now."
The offer took Zircon off guard. But she knew she did need it, and on top of it all, she had a new skill that she had no idea how to use. It was a blow to her pride to admit it even to herself, but…Raspberry knew much more than Zircon did. Steeling herself, Zircon nodded humbly and looked at her feet. "I would like that. Yes."
"Alright. Let me go back to the terminal and see if I can find a practice sword — "
"I — I don't want want to train with a sword."
Raspberry raised an eyebrow. Zircon couldn't believe she was admitting it herself. "You're saying," Raspberry spelled it out slowly, "that you made all that ruckus over having a sword and being treated like Aqua Pearl...and now you don't even want a sword anymore?"
Zircon inhaled deeply, trying to compose herself. Here came more ego-blows. "I only wanted a sword because I wanted respect."
Raspberry's other eyebrow went up. "You think a sword would get you respect?"
"Not just that. I was...trying to be something I wasn't. Oh, how do I say this — "
Schist. Muddy, ruddy, cloddy schist.
"The sword is an attacking weapon. My pole was — is," she amended. At Raspberry's quizzical frown, Zircon reached into her gem and pulled out her last resort — a long, light pole about as tall as she was. The same one that Raspberry had given her to train with.
"This thing is a defending weapon. NOBODY respects the defense. Trust me on that. And everyone down here is so strong and rebellious and — and everyone seems to always be moving forward, all the time. Taking the offensive. I wanted to be like that. But I'm not. My gem weapon is a giant, bubbly SHIELD, for stars' sakes. So — what I'm trying to say, in this very stilted and inefficient way, is that, well, again, I'm sorry. And I want to keep training, but as defense. If, that is, if you even do that."
Meekly, she peeked up past her headscarf to gauge Raspberry's expression. But the quartz had been waiting for that, because she immediately met Zircon's eyes. "Oh, that made no sense," Zircon scolded herself. "You literally just broke every technicality of negotiation and compromise; what would your facet manager think of you now — forget that, what does RASPBERRY think of you now — "
"Okay," said Raspberry.
Zircon's eyes widened. "Huh?"
"Said 'okay'," Raspberry shrugged, stepping back. "We always need a line of defense, and maybe we can even figure out those bubbles of yours. Hope you don't mind being called the last resort, though."
A smile twitched at Zircon's lips. "That's what the prosecutors used to call me."
"Good! So you're used to it," Raspberry grinned. She turned to a large metal box and pulled a lever, flooding the area in light once again. Just like before, Raspberry returned to her place at the head of the training ring and folded her arms.
"But just for the record," she called, "I didn't pick out that pole for you. You remember when me and my girls arrested you? And you looked like you'd just crawled out of a rock tumbler?"
When she had been hiding in the Underworld, just after escaping the Harvester and interrogating Yellow Zircon. The memory came back as Raspberry continued.
"You tried to hit me with that thing; I'm guessing you just picked it up somewhere. I thought it was trash, but Cranberry told me to keep it; she's kinda a hoarder sometimes. So I kept it in my head until today. You're welcome."
She folded her arms moodily, like she was trying to be grumpy, but didn't quite make it all the way. Zircon couldn't help but smile. "Thanks."
"Just — forget it. We don't have all rotation," Raspberry blustered, her cheeks darkening. "Prepare for Sequence 1. Ready!"
Zircon snapped into position. Wide stance, hands balanced on the pole, eyes forward. She didn't expect herself to be magically better at the sequences. But she looked at Raspberry and somewhere, deep in her gem, she felt calm.
"I'm ready," she said.
A/N: thank you to all the support i got from the last chapter. im sorry if i couldnt respond to your review, but i really appreciated the feedback.
i do want to clarify, though: i didnt mean that i would stop writing the story if i didnt get reviews. i would keep writing it even if i was the last person on earth. however, it is very hard for me to update on this site because my computer is dead and this site does not have a functional mobile version or app. in order to post a chapter, i have to go to the public library and check out a computer, something which i can only do about twice a month.
based on the feedback, i will TRY to update whenever i go to the library. however, if you want updates as soon as i am done writing, please follow my ao3 account, f0rt1ss1m0.
