"And how have you been since I last saw you Erin?" Doctor Dan Williams was sitting on the floor of his office opposite Erin. As a psychologist he knew how important it was to make his patients feel comfortable around him, he had soon worked out that Erin did not like formalities and so they took to having their sessions sitting cross legged on the floor facing one another
"Ok I guess" Erin said shifting her position slightly
"So what have you been up to?" he said watching the young girl closely
"Not much…."
"Come on Erin" he said gently "I know you don't like talking much but…"
"…it only serves to help me" she finished for him and he nodded "The fostering application came through"
"So I see" Dan said pointing to a brown file on the floor next to him "How did that make you feel when you found out?"
Erin paused for a moment trying to find the right word "Happy…but not just happy, really really happy. I couldn't speak I was that happy" she blurted out, frowning slightly when she realised that what she had just said might not have made perfect sense
"I understand Erin" Dan said smiling at her "Now do you remember what I asked you to think about for me last time?"
Erin nodded "My mum" she said quietly and Dan nodded
"I know this is hard for you…"
"I don't care" Erin said defensively
"Are you still getting the nightmares?"
Erin shook her head "Not so much anymore, occasionally I do…"
"And what do you do when you have a nightmare?"
"I calm myself down with that breathing technique you showed me…."
"…Good girl" Dan smiled encouragingly
"And then Leo told me that I should wake him up…even if it's really early in the morning. We talk it over and he tells me that its ok and she can't hurt me anymore"
"And you understand that she can't Erin, don't you?" Dan said frowning
Erin nodded slowly "She's dead…she can't get me" Erin said with no emotion in her voice
"So you understand that when you have a nightmare that it's only a bad dream and dreams can't hurt you"
Erin nodded again "I just want to move on from this…I don't want her to ruin my life anymore. I want to prove to myself that I'm not a waste of space, I don't want to be a victim anymore"
"And you will do all this, Erin but these things don't go away overnight but talking through them helps and so does telling Leo how you feel" Erin nodded and Dan made a note on the pad next to him "So what do you dream about now?"
Erin thought for a moment "When Leo found me, and the times I spent with Harry and Nikki"
"And those are good dreams?" Dan asked cocking his head on one side
"Those are very good dreams" Erin said with a smile "And sometimes I…" she stopped in mid-flow and looked up at Dan
"Go on…" he encouraged
"I dream about my Dad…" she said quietly
Dan looked at her closely, this was the first time they had touched the subject of her absent parent "How do those dreams make you feel?"
Erin shrugged "I don't know how to explain it…"
"Do you want to draw it?" Dan said motioning to the pens and pencils on the floor space between them
Erin nodded and he pushed a sheet of paper and a selection of pens towards her. Erin leant over the paper and started drawing intently, her tongue was pushed between her teeth in concentration and her brow was furrowed in thought. Soon she was finished and she pushed the paper back towards Dan. He studied it carefully; Erin had drawn the outline of a man's face but had not filled in any of the features, the figure was standing with his arms outstretched and was surrounded by a dark mist
"And this is what you dream?" He asked
Erin nodded "Sometimes…but I don't like this dream as much as I like the ones about Leo, Nikki and Harry. When I dream about my Dad it scares me"
"How do you know this is your Dad?"
Erin bit her lip before answering "I jut know…"
"And what happens in this dream?"
Erin frowned and closed her eyes "It's dark and I can't quite make out where I am, I turn around and he's stranding there. I know it's my Dad…but it's all blurry and muddled up. He stretches his arms out but I don't understand if he wants to hug me or choke me. I start to get scared when he moves towards me, I want to run but at the same time I want to see if I can make out his face if he comes close to me. He gets closer and closer but the mist is getting thicker and thicker, it's a swirling haze that feels like its suffocating me and then…then I wake up"
"It's ok Erin" he said noticing the tears forming in the girl's eyes "It's only a dream and it won't hurt you"
Erin nodded "It feels so real though"
"I know" Dan said gently "But you're safe and when you wake up the dream is over and it can't hurt you. And you know that Leo isn't very far away from you and if you need some reassurance you can talk to him ok?"
"Ok" Erin sniffed and wrinkled her nose trying to push back the oncoming set of tears
"I want you to do something for me" Dan said standing up and walking over to his desk "I want you to record your dreams when you wake up, write them down or do a drawing like you did for me a moment ago" he came back from around the desk and sat down next to Erin with a small black notebook in his hands "This is going to be your special dream log book and you can write down them in here"
"How's that going to help?" Erin said looking confused
"It might be able to help you understand why you have these dreams and when you come and see me for our session we can talk the dreams over. Subconsciously, when you're asleep, you're mind goes back through past events and incorporates them into a dream. So what you dream about might be an issue playing on your mind. Now you told me you want to move on so if we start addressing these things you're dreaming about, you'll be able to work through them and have happier dreams like the ones about Leo, Nikki and Harry"
"I like those dreams" Erin said with a faint smile on her face as she recalled the memory
"I know you do" Dan said smiling at how innocent the girl in front of him was "So do you think you can do that for me?"
"Yes" Erin said sounding a lot more confident
"Good girl, now do you remember when is it I'm seeing you again?"
"Monday" Erin answered are a pause for thought
"So today is Wednesday which means there are five days before we talk again" Dan said making a note in his diary "Make sure you try to fill in the dream log and talk to Leo if you're feeling scared by your dreams"
"I will" Erin said standing up and following Dan out of his office
"Stay safe for me Erin and I will see you on Monday"
Erin said her goodbyes and made her way out of the building, she stepped into the car park and pulled her jacket tightly around her as the winter wind started to pick up. She smiled as she spotted Leo's car waiting for her and she hurried over to it eager to see Leo and to get warm
"You're looking much happier" Leo said noting the rosy glow in her cheeks and the smile that played on her face
"Yeah" Erin said settling down into the car seat
"Did it go ok?" Erin made a noise of affirmation "Good"
Leo started the car and they started the drive in silence, Leo was careful not to push Erin too hard after her sessions with Dan Williams and she usually didn't say much after them but eventually when they were caught in traffic Erin spoke up.
"Do you ever have weird dreams?" she said glancing across at Leo
"Sometimes…" he said keeping an eye on the traffic
"I do too…we were talking about dreams today"
"You and Dan?" Leo asked and Erin nodded
"He thinks that the dreams I have might be to do with an underlying issue I have to face" Erin said trying to repeat exactly what Dan had told her
"Well I'm no psychologist but he might have a point there. Many people think that dreams are significant"
"He told me I should write them down in a dream log"
"Did he?" Leo said with a smile on his face, glad that Erin was at ease talking to him about her sessions
The two of them sat in silence for a little longer waiting for the traffic to move, when it eventually did and the road started to clear it was Leo who broke the silence between then
"I've invited Nikki and Harry over for dinner tomorrow night"
"Really? That's nice" Erin smiled
"And Janet…" Leo said hoping that Erin would react positively
"Oh…Ok" Erin said quietly
"She's looking forward to meeting you" Leo said trying to coax Erin round to the idea
"Oh right…" Erin said turning her gaze out of the window
"You can help me cook if you want" Leo said changing the subject
"I'm not very good at cooking but I'll try" Erin said turning back to Leo with a smile
Leo returned her smile and the two of them started to talk about how they would plan the evening, Erin seemed quite content but whenever Janet was mentioned she seemed to clam up a little. Leo just hoped that the dinner evening would go smoothly and would be a positive experience for them all.
Author's note: I'm not sure about this chapter, but anyway the next chapter will be the dinner evening which I've started to write so I should get that up soon (hopefully by the end of the weekend-but don't quote me on that) I think i'm getting the hang of one hand typing now! I still have a little way to go if you're all still reading and enjoying it. As usual if there's anything wrong with it just drop me a note and I will sort it :)
