"Hello again Erin" Doctor Dan Williams said as he walked out of his office to see the young girl sitting on a chair waiting for him "Do you want to come through?"
She nodded and slipped herself off the chair and followed him into his light and airy office, she seated herself down on the floor as Dan picked up a folder from his desk and leant down to join her. It was Monday and Erin was back again for another session with her psychologist. Dan was impressed with the progress the young girl was making and how mature she was being when facing up to her traumatic past
"So how have you been?" He looked at the young girl who was fiddling with the black notebook she had in her hands
"Good" she said finally looking up at him
"Have you been recording your dreams in there?" he asked motioning the notebook and she nodded "Can I have a look?" she paused before nodding again
She passed him the notebook and he accepted it with a warm smile. As he flicked through it he could see some of the pages covered in Erin's loopy handwriting. He scanned the pages and threw his glance back across at Erin who was picking at the sleeves of her top nervously
"Have you had anymore nightmares?" he asked handing it back to her
"No…not the ones about my mum anyway" she answered truthfully but Dan sensed some hesitation
"Erin?" he coaxed "I'm here to help"
"I know" she nodded and took a deep breath in as she closed her eye; Dan could hear her counting from one to ten under her breath. She was following a relaxation technique he had taught her, she mouthed the word ten, opened her eyes and looked back at him "I dreamt about Dad again. I don't want to dream about him anymore…"
"…Why not?" he asked "Is it still the same dream of the figure in the mist?"
Erin made a noise of agreement "But it's starting to scare me now, before I wanted to see what his face was like but now I just want to run"
"It's ok Erin" Dan said noticing the girl was getting herself in a state
Erin closed her eyes and counted to ten several times before continuing "I have the nice dreams with Harry, Nikki and Leo and they seem to make the bad dreams even worse"
"Erin" Dan said "Am I right in thinking your dad died when you were very young?" Dan already knew the answer but he wanted Erin to tell him in her own words
"Yes" she nodded, her voice became monotonous and her eyes showed no emotion. It was the same stance she took every time she spoke of either absent parent "I was a year old"
"Do you remember him?" Erin shook her head "How did her die?"
"You know that" she sighed "It's in their" she motioned to the brown folder Dan had picked up off his desk when he had arrived. It was a record of Erin and everything she told him
"I want you to tell me" he said gently
"He killed himself" Erin said coldly "Apparently he slit his wrists and that's how my mum died as well, someone slit her wrists. Maybe it's genetic…" her sentence trailed off as she pondered the thought
Dan shook his head "It's not, you are nothing like your parents"
"How would you know, you didn't ever meet them" she snapped and then shook her head violently "I'm sorry I didn't mean to shout"
Dan waved off her apology "You're allowed to get cross; I'm prying into personal areas…"
"It's not that" Erin sighed "I want to move on, but these dreams"
"You are moving on" he said gently "The nightmares about your mother are getting less and less frequent, situations like yours don't resolve themselves overnight but I promise you that you are making progress, it will just take time to fine tune everything"
"But why am I dreaming about him, I didn't even know him…" her voice was on the brink of desperation
Dan paused, trying to frame the words of his next sentence carefully "Maybe that's why you dream about him Erin. You see you're trying to move on from your past but there's a tiny part of your past that's always been unresolved. Think of it this way; your mind is like a huge filing cabinet and now you've got some new files to put in it but before you can move those new files into it you have to put the old files away. And you've sorted most of them but there's still one final one left"
"It's marked Dad" Erin said starting to understand the analogy
Dan nodded "But when you pick it up and open it to check where to file it, you can't find anything in it, it's empty…you didn't know your Dad and so you have no information about him"
"Mum never spoke about him" Erin frowned
"And you can put a file away that has nothing in it and so it just remains there and you keep coming back to it to see if you can put it away but there's still nothing there at the moment and so you can't"
"I think I understand" Erin said nodding slowly "Because I don't know anything about him, it's a part of my past that I cant put away because it's still very much open and still part of my present"
Dan nodded "Exactly Erin and that's why you keep having those dreams about your Dad. The ones about your Mum are fading because you're able to deal with that part of your past but the ones about your Dad are very much still issues that you need to attend to"
"How do I do it?" she said looking up at him intently focusing on each word he was saying
"That's for you to work out" Dan said and Erin sighed
"That's what you always say" she rolled her eyes at him
"Well it' your mind and you're the one who's in control of your life and thus you are the only one who can work out the right thing to do"
"But where do I start, I don't really want to go back there…it would mean remembering mum and I really don't want to do that"
"There are other ways" Dan said "Try talking to Leo or Nikki or Harry about it…"
"…Or Janet"
"Who's Janet?" Dan said registering this new name
"Leo's lady friend" she said using air quotes to frame her sentence
"Ah" Dan nodded "And do you two get on alright?"
"I've met her only the once" Erin said smiling at the memory "I was a bit scared at first, I thought she might be like Mum but she's not at all, she's like Nikki"
"How do you mean?"
"She's kind, caring and compassionate" Erin ticked off the attributes she had assigned to Janet on her fingers "Though she doesn't tell as good jokes as Nikki"
Dan smiled "You have another ally in your life and that's good. You should try talking to her as well"
"Do I have to dig up my past?" Erin said looking worried
Dan shook his head "That's for you to decide but there are other ways of dealing with events. You should consider talking to Nikki, Harry and Leo especially. They're pathologists and they deal with suicide cases. They can probably help you understand why he did it. Maybe you don't need to know every detail about your dad's life but more why he did what he did"
"And do you think the bad dreams will go away then?" she asked looking hopeful
"They might do, it's worth a shot isn't it?" Dan said and Erin nodded in agreement "But promise me you will talk to Nikki, Harry and Leo even if it's not about your Dad. Just keep talking to them and telling them how you feel"
"I will" Erin said solemnly agreeing to the promise
"After all Erin, everybody needs somebody…"
"…to love" Erin finished with a smile
"Someone to love" Dan said with a smile and Erin giggled
Dan looked across at the young girl that was the first time he had ever seen her smile like that and it was the first time he had ever seen her laugh. He had noticed that in each session her happiness seemed to be growing and it was never more evident than when she was talking about Harry, Nikki and Leo.
Half an hour later Erin exited Dan's office feeling a lot happier. She was determined to put her past behind her and when Erin Jones had decided on something her mind was firmly made up. Her mother called it a vile stubborn streak but Leo called it her resolute fiery nature. He always smiled when he saw the look in her eye that meant she had made up her mind and he always chuckled when Erin told him that she had 'totally defiantly and absolutely made up her mind forever and ever', She didn't mind him laughing, it wasn't in a horrible way but in a kind way that just about summed Leo up. As she stepped out in the car park she glanced around, she couldn't see Leo's car anywhere. The car park was empty and it was starting to get dark, the winter evening set in quickly and tonight was no different. She shivered pulling her jacket around her tightly as a cold wind came about ruffling her hair. Just then a black car sped into the car park and Erin immediately breathed a sigh of relief, as the car got closer her observations were confirmed as she saw Harry sitting at the drivers seat. He motioned for her to get inside and she gratefully accepted the invitation, eager to get out of the cold
"Leo got called out to a case" he said rolling his eyes as Erin buckled up her seatbelt
"I thought it was your day off?" she said glancing up at him
"Well it was but then I heard that there was a young girl in need of a lift home and well I couldn't leave you there standing in the could, could I ?" he grinned at her
"Well you could have…"
"But Leo would have strangled me with a pair of scrubs and Nikki would have kicked my shins very hard with one of her many pairs of boots that she has accumulated" he said pulling a face and Erin giggled
"Did Nikki finish moving in then?"
"Just about, lucky she's done I think my house would burst with the amount of stuff she's got" he grinned
"I'll tell her you said that" Erin teased
"Oh no don't" Harry exclaimed trying hard not to laugh "She'll give me her death look"
"She has a death look?" Erin questioned not able to picture it
"A little one" Harry said "But it's very deadly, she can stop a man in her paces a twenty feet"
"She's got you well trained then" Erin laughed
"Just in time…" Harry said and cut his sentence short realising what he was about to say
"Just in time for what?" Erin said sensing he was keeping things from her
"Erin" Harry began "Can you keep a secret?"
"Of course" was her straightforward reply and Harry could see the honesty in her eyes
"We're getting married…"
"What you and Nikki?" she exclaimed
Harry sighed "No, me and Leo" he said sarcastically "Of course me and Nikki"
"Shame..." Erin said
"And why's that?" he said as they stopped at a junction
"I think you and Leo would make a sweet couple and I can just see you in a wedding dress"
Harry snorted with laughter "I'll make you walk all the way home"
"I'll tell Nikki to put on those black boots, the ones with the really sharp heel"
"Touché" Harry laughed
"Harry…" Erin said after a pause, waiting for Harry to recompose himself
"Erin?" he said
"Nikki's very lucky to have found you"
"I know she is" he smiled
"I think you're very lucky too, to have found her"
"Indeed I am" he said keeping his eyes on the road "And Leo's lucky to have found you"
"In different circumstances though and I was a mess when I came to the lab"
"Better than Nikki, you should see her first thing in the morning" he grinned
"I'm defiantly telling her you said that" Erin smiled
Harry chuckled as he registered Erin's comment, he was pleased to see this playful side coming out of her and he knew that she was right about him and Nikki. But as he glanced across at the young girl he couldn't help but notice there seemed to be something troubling her, he knew it wasn't about him and Nikki as it was the same gaze he had seen when he first pulled into the cap park to pick her up. He knew she could open up to Nikki and Leo but he wondered that maybe just this one time if he would be able to help her.
