The trip down the stairs this morning was much different than it had been in the Athletic Club the night before. Then she had been fueled by rage, embarrassment, and pain, but now, her steps were hesitant. Memories of the night before flooded her brain in waves and the only relief she'd found this morning was the empty bed next to her. Surely Nick had been just as horrified as she was by what they'd done only he'd had the chance to leave before facing her this morning. She didn't blame him. She wished she didn't have to face herself. Her steps suddenly stilled as she heard a noise and looked down into the kitchen from the landing.
She saw him standing by the stove already wearing the clothes he'd worn the night before. The slight groan of shame escaped her lips before she could stop it and she watched as his eyes immediately jerked up to meet her gaze.
"Hey," he said softly.
Phyllis slowly moved down the rest of the steps, the space between the stairs and the kitchen somehow seeming much farther away than it ever had in the past. "I thought you were gone," she whispered.
He nodded. "I thought about it, but then I figured, that wouldn't be right … to just leave like that without saying anything, without us talking about what happened."
She swallowed hard as she took a seat at the table. "None of this was right."
The sound of the glass plate of toast hitting the table was the only sound in the room as Nick took a seat across the table from her. He knew there was truth in the words she said. What happened last night never would have happened in any other circumstances. It was a perfect storm of events that was anything but perfect. It was a disaster. "I know," he agreed, "but we both know what this was. The two of us, we have history and we know each other … We trust each other and we just needed a minute to be with someone who wasn't expecting things from us, who wasn't asking us to be something we weren't. Someone that wasn't asking to feel or say something we didn't believe. That's not who we are. That's not who we've ever been."
"Thank you." She took a drink from the coffee cup as she pondered his words. "That's true," she breathed, "But there are a lot of things that have changed – our relationship has changed, our relationship with other people has changed and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one that doesn't want to go back to the way things were for us all those years ago."
Nick let his head drop. "God no. That was … It was."
"Chaos, drama, and a lot of pain for a lot of people … both of us included."
"But it wasn't all bad. We got our daughter out of it and even though she can be a bit of a pain in the ass sometimes, I'd never change that."
She managed a weak, watery smile. "Yeah," she whispered. "Me either."
"And look at us now, we're friends … really good friends, friends that can make a mistake and sit down at the table the next morning and talk it through like adults."
"Is that what this is? Is that what we're doing? Talking through it?"
"We were both a little beat up and we poured some alcohol on top of it. It wasn't something we planned. It just happened and we don't have to make it a big thing. It's not like you and I have never done this before. We know the drill. We know how it ends, so I say we just end it now before it gets too messy."
"You really think we can do that? Just pretend this never happened?"
"I think we have to … for a couple of reasons. For one, I love Sharon and no matter what she thinks about the choices I've made, I truly believe she'll understand in time. Once she sees the good I'm going to do with this company, once she sees that this was about so much more than just getting back at my father … that this was about establishing my own name outside of him, away from him. She'll understand. They all will." He looked at her for a long moment before continuing. "And then the other reason … You love Billy." He smiled a bit as her eyes widened in surprise.
"And yeah, I know, it's not really my style to be trying to push you toward Billy, but in this case, it's more about me pushing you towards being happy. I care about you. You're my friend and I always want to see your happy and, whether I like it or not, Billy makes you happy. I've seen it for months. You're just at ease with him. You can be yourself with him and that kind of relationship doesn't come around that often, so you need to make it right. You need to grab onto it and don't let go. And the only way either of us can have the lives we want is to pretend this night never happened."
Nick slid his hand slowly across the table, his palm up towards her. "So what do you say? I will if you will."
It was all too much to process, but the idea of Billy finding out about this was more than she could fathom. She still remembered the stunned sound of his voice when she'd accused him of cheating of her only days before. How horrific would it be to now have to admit she'd done that very thing to him. "I will," she sighed. "Last night never ever happened."
He glanced down as he righted his footed for the third time. The stairs seemed especially difficult to navigate this morning as pulled his sunglasses down over his eyes. The lingering smells of breakfast now mixed with early lunch as he walked into the dining area. It made his stomach lurch violently and let his body slump against the leather of the small couch. "Coffee, black," he grumbled as the waitress began to offer pleasantries. He wasn't interested in small talk this morning.
Billy pulled his cell phone from his pocket, the screen still showing no calls – just as it had hours before when he'd checked. Phyllis wasn't interested in what he was doing and in truth, why should she be? It was so exhilarating in the moment, when you were drinking and playing and winning, but in the morning when you rolled over and you were hungover and had tens of thousands of dollars less to your name, the reality was far less glamorous. His thumb hovered over her name as he mentally went through the list of pros and cons of calling her. On one hand it would prove to her that he was thinking of her. On the other, it would serve to illustrate that he'd spent yet another night out gambling, the very thing he'd promised her he'd never do again. He didn't intend to lie to her. When he said the words, he'd believed them, but it seemed to happen without his consent, in some ways even without his knowledge as if he was at the table with a hand of cards dealt before he even realized it. And then what? Was he supposed to just walk away? He didn't have that kind of willpower. He never had.
The sound of raised voices caught his attention and he looked up to see Mariah, her face drawn in a mix of shock and horror. She turned towards the door, then back towards her table, then towards the door again as if she wasn't sure what to do or where to go.
"Mariah?" Billy walked over to her. "You okay?"
"I …" The words seemed to escape her as she looked up to see Billy's sunglass clad face. She couldn't even begin to ask the questions that tried to form in her mind. None of that was important right now. "I need to … That was …" She pointed down at the phone she clenched in her hand. "It was a call from the office. There's been an accident. I … GZ Buzz …"
He wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or her clearly disoriented nature, but her words made absolutely no sense to him. "Here," he pointed towards the small couch and gestured for her to sit down. "Why don't you sit for a minute. Catch your breath and tell me what's going on. Maybe I can help."
She did, grateful to have someone – anyone giving her some direction. "I … Hillary's been in an accident. It's bad. She's in critical condition and … I need to go to GC Buzz and …" The emotions that had been threatening to overtake her now rushed to the surface as she saw Sharon rush through the doors.
"Mariah," she sighed, her legs nearly giving way beneath her. "Thank God you're okay. The news report just said GZ Buzz host and I wasn't sure if …"
She wasn't a hugger in normal situations, but in this case she didn't fight the impulse at all. "I'm fine," she whispered, "but Hillary … she's …"
It was Billy that spoke next. "Do you two need me to call you a car?"
"No," Sharon said quickly. "I have my car." She reached out for Mariah's hand and the both stood together, poised to move towards the door. "Did you need something …"
"No," he answered. "I was just making sure she was okay and …" His mind couldn't focus. The only thing he'd been thinking of since he'd heard Mariah's disjointed mumblings was Phyllis. She and Hillary were friends and Phyllis didn't have very many of those. He had to assume she probably didn't know and the thought of her finding out with no one to turn to made him sick inside. He couldn't let that happen.
He watched as Sharon wrapped her arm around Mariah and walked her out the door. Everyone needed someone and Phyllis, even though she'd argue, was no exception.
