"Be as fearless as the women whose stories you have applauded."
Chapter 3: Compulsion
Ariadne POV:
Watching Spencer play chess with himself was about as fun as it sounded. However, it happened to beat the alternative where I actually had to be the other player. No matter how much he bugged me about it, I refused to play chess with him. Not only had I never actually learned the game, I simply had no interest in it.
I also knew it'd be a cold day in hell before I ever beat him, therefore I was content to sit my pretty ass down and watch from afar.
My desk happened to be the one across from Spencer's, but I never really spent a lot of time there. If someone needed me, they could usually find me at either Spencer's desk or Derek's. Taking a look over at my station I can see the small mountain of paperwork that resides on it and feel my mood drop. I was so not looking forward to having to read all that.
Gideon descended from the stairs behind us and in one swift move he made a play on the chess board. "Check. Checkmate in three moves." And as if nothing happened, he walked off. Naturally, both Spencer and I threw questioning looks at Gideon's back.
"What...?"
My sentiments exactly.
Derek twisted his chair around to look at the two of us, "You know you'll beat him when you start learning."
Maybe I was just an idiot, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what Gideon knew about chess that Spencer didn't. No offense to Gideon, it's just that Spencer is a certified genius, there's not much that he doesn't know. Except for maybe a few social skills.
"Learning what?" Spencer asked, just as confused by the prospect as I was.
"To think outside the box."
I gave my brother a deadpan stare. I should've known he'd say something like that; it didn't make sense and yet a part of it did. This conversation was fast becoming much too fucking complicated for me.
Reaching out, I allowed myself to run my fingers through Spencer's hair gently. I was becoming way too attached, but as far as he was concerned these were just the actions of a best friend. "You're the smartest person I know. I have no doubt that you'll beat him one day, so don't stress out about it too much."
I'm pleased when he nods, actually looking like he believes me. Which is good, because his self-esteem could use a serious booster most days.
The sound of heels clacking against the floor alerts me to the rapidly approaching she-demon as she made her way into the pen with the rest of us. "Question for you," she stopped once she reached Derek's desk. "The footpath killer, why did he stutter?"
Her arrival had done wonders in decreasing my mood, and her question only served to aggravate me. But instead of saying anything, mostly because I didn't trust my mouth, I turned my cold gaze onto her form. Derek was clearly the nicer sibling, a fact I had absolutely no problem admitting because he was actually entertaining this bullshit.
"Come on Elle, we've all asked him, and he won't say. He wants us to figure it out."
Correction dear brother, I didn't bother asking Gideon anything about that day. The whole thing had really pissed me off. How the fuck was it fair for him to get into trouble when he wasn't even on the job?
Needless to say, I hadn't been happy with myself, feeling somehow like I had failed at my job. I was struggling to reign in my agitation with the whole situation, a feeling that clung to me like a bad odor. I'd come in for my monthly meeting with the director, a time we used to ensure every measure was being taken for the team's security, and it had taken him one look to realize I was still pretty bothered.
You can't be everywhere at once Agent Morgan. Things happen, that's what life is all about. Don't beat yourself up over something you had absolutely no control over. To do so is an insult to your abilities.
I wasn't accustomed to anyone other than Derek trying to console me, but the sentiment was appreciated none the less.
Greenaway stood a little straighter, pushing her shoulders back while tilting her chin upwards, "Okay, I'm up for a challenge."
I rolled my eyes to the heavens and scoffed loudly. I knew it'd draw her attention to me, but did I care? Not a single fucking bit. I'd been moody for the entire goddamned week; nothing was going my way. Gideon had gotten himself into a holy fuck of a situation, Greenaway had somehow managed to get on probation with the BAU, and my mother wouldn't stop calling and asking about when I was gonna come up for a visit.
I loved my mother, despite all that had happened throughout my childhood, but that didn't mean I could always be around her. I didn't like the person I reverted into when I was with her. I was no longer Ariadne Morgan, the collected young adult who served her country and somehow managed to endear herself to a group of people by being a grade A sarcastic but lovable bitch.
No, around Valeria Costa I became broken little Ariadne. The girl who resented her father and the impossible standards he left in his wake. The girl who got pushed into walls and thrown down stairs by some lowlife junkie who turned her home into a personal hell. The girl who prayed for those blue and red lights to come rescue her when that same junkie would wander into her room at night and claim there was nothing wrong with it. The girl who had to shove her fingers down her mother's throat to ensure she wouldn't become an orphan. The girl who ran headfirst into a war just to escape the shadows of her past, dragging the only good thing in her life down the rabbit hole with her. The girl who was wasn't quite strong enough, or fast enough, to save the people she had grown to call 'family'.
The Ariadne my mother knew created holes in the walls when the nightmares became too much, she shut everyone out and wore her guilt like a treasured prom dress.
Here I could pretend I wasn't so fucked up, in this office with these people who had never seen the worst of me. But in the face of my mother I couldn't hide who I really was behind all the walls I'd built.
I had been destined to crash and burn, and the only person who could see that, who could bring up those age-old deep wounds, kept begging me to come back like it didn't light my soul of fire just to look her in the eyes.
So after five voicemails and over twenty text messages, I think I earned the right to be as snarky as I fucking wanted.
So when Greenaway glared at me, I wasn't ashamed to say I grinned in response. I was nothing if not honest when I called myself a bitch. I owned that shit, wore it like a badge of honor.
I was so preoccupied with making sure Greenaway knew I wasn't going to take her transfer lying down, that I completely missed JJ coming towards us. When she spoke I was a little startled, "These go to you." She placed a stack of papers into Greenaway's arms before continuing, "Special Agent Jennifer Jareau, JJ if you like."
Greenaway struggled to get herself together, shoving the papers into one hand so she could stick out the other in JJ's direction, "Elle Greenaway."
"Well, I'm the unit liaison. My specialty is untangling bureaucratic knots." JJ gave me a quick side hug while she spoke before she turned to make her way up the stairs towards the conference room. "You'll probably be talking to me a lot. My door's always open, mostly because I'm never in my office, so just call me on my cell, okay? We'll talk."
JJ was moving so quick that she was out of sight as soon as she finished her sentence. The idea of Greenaway immersing herself into this team was not a comforting thought. Maybe I was just overly possessive of the people I considered to be mine, I don't know.
What I did know is that Derek was off fucking limits. Over my dead body would the two of them become besties. I'd be fucking damned before she ever got an invitation to meet the rest of the family.
"BAU team, can you meet me in the conference room please? I need to show you something."
Hotch also seemed to sprout from thin air because one second he wasn't there and now he was. I try to ignore the fact that Greenaway is coming with us, that's definitely going to be something I have to get used to. Who knows, maybe my prayers would be answered and her probationary period would suck ass and she'd leave.
I could dream after all.
Hotch waited till we were all seated before he began debriefing us, "This is from the Phoenix office, Bradshaw College in Tempe, six fires in seven months."
Ah, arson, gotta love the invention of that.
JJ goes on to inform the rest of us that a kid with a digital camcorder recorded the whole thing from the building across from the dorm, "The other person you'll see is his roommate twenty year old Matthew Rowland."
As the video begins, I couldn't help but notice that whoever was holding the camera didn't seem to understand the levity of the danger around them. "Whoa that's crazy!" Clearly both men were more enraptured by the fire than they should have been. They didn't say the words out of fear, in fact I was pretty sure I could hear a hint of excitement in their voices, I guess college was not nearly exciting enough for them.
There's movement behind them that catches my eyes, and I watch as a strange substance starts coming out from underneath their door. It's becoming pretty clear that the fire in the building across of them is simply a distraction.
It didn't take long for one of the guys to reach out and touch it, and we all watched as he went up in flames immediately.
Maybe it said something important that the sight didn't do much to me. Perhaps I should have been more disgusted by it, been more sympathetic like Penelope would've been, but I wasn't. I'd seen a lot during the duration of my service, most of it occurring by my own hands, and the sight of this young man on fire was not something that'd I'd be haunted by in the least.
I didn't like what that said about me.
Spencer was still playing his chess game on the jet, and I wanted no part in that so I elected to steal the seat next to my brother. Like fuck I'd let Greenaway sit beside him. My head was resting on his shoulder and I watched as he pulled up a calendar on the computer he placed in front of us.
"There are two common stressors for a serial arsonist," Spencer chimed in while moving a chess piece.
I don't know how Spencer can play chess and still be keep up with a completely different thought process at the same time.
"Loss of employment and love," I pipe up from my comfortable position. I mean don't get me wrong, both situations suck, but just because your lover ran away doesn't mean you have the right to set shit ablaze.
"When was the first fire set?" I could feel the vibrations of Derek's voice while he spoke, and I had to admit that it was doing a fairly decent job of lulling me into a drowsy state.
As Hotch started reading off the dates of the previous fires, Derek highlighted them on the calendar. Soon a pattern made itself known, the fires were beginning to speed up. And we all knew that typically pointed towards a recent stressor. "Hey Reid, you got a statistic on arsonists?" Derek asked without moving his eyes from the screen.
"Of course he does. He's our resident genius for a reason."
As soon as I finished my sentence, Spencer took the opportunity to prove me right. "Eighty-two percent are white males between seventeen and twenty-seven. Female arsonists are far less likely. Their motive typically being revenge."
Sounds about right. All those songs about a woman scorned aren't just fantasy, it's a goddamn warning. Women can be downright fucking vicious when betrayed.
It was a thing of beauty really.
I wasn't saying that setting some dude on fire was the way to go, but I had nothing against a woman who fucked up her ex's car or threw his shit out the window cause he was a douche.
I go to further snuggle into my brother's shoulder when I notice that Greenaway was reading the screen from behind us. So naturally I shift upwards so that my head's blocking her view.
Her exasperated scoff is like music to my ears.
Once we arrived at the college, Gideon made us all put our badges away. He didn't want the unsub to have the satisfaction of knowing they caught the attention of the FBI. "Try not to look official." I refrain from laughing at his statement. The only people who have that down are Gideon, Spencer, and myself. The other three are in suits while I elected to go a more comfortable route.
Some white washed jeans and a light pink tank top was right up my alley. Plus I was probably the only one would of the six of us who actually looked like they could be a college student, besides Spence of course.
Gideon turned and took one look at the rest of them before sighing, "Try to look less official."
Laughing, I pulled Derek aside before taking off his tie and unbuttoning the first two buttons on his shirt. "There," I stood back to admire my handiwork, "less FBI and more GQ." I smirked at the playful wink he shot me as we made our way after the others.
The dean of students was a kind woman who led us to the origin of the fire. I chose to bring up the rear of our group, keeping an eye on those passing by. The likelihood of the unsub being a student was high, and that meant everyone around us was a potential suspect. I also didn't like being out in the open where there were too many things to keep track of.
We came to a stop once inside the main building and I was able to relax a bit. Anyone could've been watching us outside, they could've even been in a dorm room watching us from above. I was so preoccupied with looking around that I missed the entire conversation in front of me. Which was something I regretted as soon as Spencer and Hotch started walking off on their own.
What the fuck do these people have against sticking together in one big group? It would make my life so much easier.
I nudged Derek with my elbow, "Hey, where are they going?"
"They're gonna go check out where the last fire was and see if they can figure out how it started."
That calmed me down significantly. There really wasn't much they could get up to when going to a place the unsub had already struck. For now I was content to follow the main group.
The dean continued with what I suppose was a tour of the campus, I really wasn't asking questions about that one, and it didn't take long before Hotch and Spencer met back up with the rest of us. I think we were in one of the cafeterias where they had set up the devices our arsonist had used on a few of the tables.
"There was no device used on Matthew Rowland. Unsub set that one manually?" Gideon asked the technician about the man we had seen on the video earlier.
"Maybe he wanted to be there to enjoy the kid's death," Derek shrugged while giving us another possibility.
I normally try not to speak up unless I'm asked to, but I figure if I say something now then maybe they'll leave me alone later. Fuck it, I'm gonna go for it. "But there was no way that he could. The fire was set from outside the room unless he set cameras up beforehand, he wasn't able to see what went on in that room. Not to mention the fact that he would have had to leave quickly so he wasn't caught. None of that sounds like he had the time or the circumstances to enjoy it."
There was a moment where I was worried I sounded like a dumbass, but then Gideon and Derek sent me a pair of proud smiles and the feeling faded. Since I was still in the training phase or whatever, positive reinforcement was used to ensure I knew when I did something right.
"Well if the target was Matthew Rowland, why set the other two fires?" The bane of my existence spoke up yet again.
Because Greenaway, an arsonist enjoys setting fires. It's kinda what they do.
Before I could voice said opinion, Spencer took over the explanation, putting it in much kinder words than I would've. "Motives for arson are relatively simple. There's vandalism, crime concealment, political statement, profit, and revenge."
I figure setting someone on fire is pretty personal, so I was betting on the whole thing being about revenge.
The rest of them continued to talk about the various other reasons as they proved and disproved theories left and right before Hotch and Gideon sent us all in different directions with a specific job.
I wanted to hit my head against the wall when those orders left their mouths. I was getting real fucking tired of this team constantly splitting up.
Derek would've been the odd man out had I not elected to wander the campus with him. I wasn't keen on any of this, but that didn't mean I could just sit back and let anything happen. The two of us ended up by the dorms, standing outside the doors and letting the cool breeze wash over us. It actually felt nice considering it was fairly warm outside.
"Alright, I want to set a dormitory on fire. Where would I start?" Derek's looking all around while he talks to himself.
"I think it's sad that those words actually came out of your mouth just now."
Turning to look back at me quizzically, Derek raised an eyebrow, "And why is that?"
I nearly scoffed at his question. How could he not see the strangeness of it all? "You're telling me that you don't find anything wrong with what you just said?"
"C'mon Ari," he turned, placing his back to me, "don't make a big deal out of nothing."
Maybe I was making something out of nothing, but I couldn't help it. "No, I'm serious Derek. I mean in what reality is it normal to have to ask yourself that type of question?"
"That's part of the job sis."
"Well it's a pretty fucking lousy job," I mutter the words under my breath so Derek won't hear them. It wouldn't do me any good to have him discover just how much I hate this job. Some people were fine with the whole doom and gloom thing, but I'd seen enough death to last me a lifetime and I really didn't want to see more. Yet here I was, placing myself in a position where I rarely went a day without being surrounded by it.
The things I do for my brother sometimes astounds me.
Derek, seemingly over our slight argument, continues to look around for any type of clue while I stubbornly keep silent. I hated fighting with Derek, in fact most of the time I didn't have the heart to, so silence was the best way for me to avoid it.
There were very few things on this plant that could ensure a screaming match between the two of us, and we'd only ever done that twice in my life. Derek and I were passionate people and we said what we wanted without consequence.
Standing on opposite sides never turned out pretty and after the last one we both promised to never go that far again.
"It wasn't the building I wanted to set on fire." Derek's voice shakes me out of my thoughts and I was about to ask him about his revelation when we were thrown into chaos.
The sound of the fire alarm shot straight through me, forming a pit in the base of my stomach. My head snaps up and I catch Derek's equally startled gaze. There's a split second where I don't know what to do. Derek's my priority, no question about it, but he's here with me; safe and sound. That means I have four other people unaccounted for.
It takes everything in me to turn my back on my brother when the threat of danger is so close by. Yet somehow I manage to.
Because there are four people I have to find.
I take off, like a bullet leaving the chamber, heart racing and soul aching as I ignore the sharp sound of Derek shouting my name.
Four people.
I shoot past the stairs, turning the corner and nearly colliding with Greenaway in the process. I spare her a half second gaze, her eyes reflecting the fear I'm sure are in mine, before I'm sprinting towards a building with billows of smoke coming from it. The echoing sounds of pounding feet are still trailing after me.
Three people.
"Move! Get out of the way!" I'm pushing bodies out of my way the closer I get to the building. Although I have no time to be gentle with my movements, I still cringe slightly at the amount of force I use. My eyes are drawn to Hotch and Spencer like beacons, they're the only things standing in between the growing crowd and the fire.
One person.
Without a second thought, I'm between them, throwing open the doors and launching myself into the burning building.
Because there's still one person unaccounted for.
Smoke fills my vision and my lungs.
My body's first instinct is to turn right back around, where I know fresh air awaits, but I had a building to check. There's a moment when I wonder if Gideon's even here, maybe I've made a mistake and he too is waiting outside, but the sound of glass breaking confirms my fear.
I round the corner to see Gideon at the end of the corridor, using a fire extinguisher to smash the glass on a door leading to a classroom. Glass that happened to be holding the fire back.
I don't make a sound as I run ahead and grab ahold of Gideon. But of course nothing with this man is ever easy, and he immediately begins to struggle against me, trying his hardest to wrestle out of my hold. I resist the urge to hit him over the back of the head, I'd rather be forced to carry his dead weight than continue to let him fight with me.
Him staying behind is not an option, so instead I tighten my grip, probably to the point where he'll have light bruises in a few hours, and I drag his unwilling body out of the building despite his continual verbal protests. I don't even have the time to see the relieved looks coming from the rest of the team when Gideon starts yelling.
"Wait Morgan! There's somebody still in there!"
People are shouting all around us, blinding sirens and flashing lights fill the space, but all I can see is the tortured look in Gideon's eyes.
A look I'd seen far too often in the mirror.
Determination fills my every pore and in seconds I'm standing back in the building, my lungs struggling to deal with the rapid change in atmosphere. Gideon's extinguisher is clutched in my hands; I didn't know when I grabbed that.
I push past the thick smoke, fully intent of making my way back to where I had dragged Gideon from. My body was fighting this decision, knowing that it wasn't safe to stay in this building. But I had to find the man Gideon was trying to help, I just had to.
Do you think if you save enough people it will make up for the fact that you let the ones who mattered die?
I beat the cruel voice back.
I hate that there's a good chance it's probably right.
However when I finally lay eyes on him, the man isn't moving. His own glossy eyes are wide open as the flames dance across his skin.
I was too late.
Again.
Suddenly there are arms clasping around my waist. The only thing that stops me from throwing back a vicious headbutt against who I thought was the potential arsonist, is the fact that I know these arms. I turn my head slightly to the right and my brother's face fills my vision. The fight drains from my body and I let him carry me out.
The sunlight assaults my eyes and my body is wracked with shuddering coughs as my body fights to inhale as much air as it can, acting like it's prepared to be deprived again soon. Derek doesn't put me down until my respiratory system finally gets itself back into working order. I didn't have time to realize while I was hacking up a lung, but Derek had yet to say a fucking word and now the silence was doing a wonderful job of making me sweat.
I'm a hundred percent sure that Hotch is keeping the rest of them back, probably cause he too felt the pissed off vibes my brother was currently throwing down.
I look up to see stern eyes and the little girl inside me practically rolls over and shows her belly, praying that her big brother will take it easy on her.
Disappointing Derek has been one of my biggest fears since I realized what disappointment was.
"What the fuck were you thinking?"
The simple fact that he kept his voice quiet and controlled, scares the living hell out of me. I open my mouth to explain but my tongue feels heavy and there's a moment when I don't think I'll be able to lift it.
Derek takes notice of my struggle, no doubt assuming it's due to smoke inhalation. In reality it's because there are few things that can freeze me in my tracks and his glare is one of them. I'm wracking my brain for a reason I think he'll accept when Gideon literally comes swooping in to save my ass.
"Why didn't you let me save him? He was still alive when I was in there."
I'm thanking any god I can think of for Gideon's impeccable timing.
The older man looks beat down in this moment and he's pleading with me to give him some sort of reason to absolve him of the guilt he feels. He shouldn't feel guilty; this death isn't on him. And yet I know that he'll shoulder this loss personally.
I don't try to explain that to him, because he won't accept that, won't accept the fact that there was nothing more he could've done. All I can do is hope the softening of my eyes helps cushion the blow of my words. "Gideon, he was dead long before you even found him. You wouldn't have done anything other than get yourself killed by staying."
It was evident from the man's eyes that he had been gone. And if I thought back to it, when I grabbed Gideon, there was no other sound. No screaming or crying, nothing to indicate someone in pain. That's why I hadn't noticed there was anyone else there in the first place. I think Gideon wanted to believe he could be saved, but that wasn't the actual case.
I knew Derek was still mad at me, his tightening grip on my arm when I spoke gave it away. Using every weapon in my arsenal, I turned to look up at my big brother, eyes wide and pout firmly in place. "Mi dispiace, non volevo spaventarti," I whispered, knowing that using a softer tone would help my case.
And sure enough, Derek melted.
No matter how old I got, I would still always be his baby sister. And that status came with a few perks. Such as the fact that when using a certain face, I could practically get away with murder in his eyes. I had to refrain from laughing in delight, knowing that would give up my ruse.
I am sorry I scared him, but I would never be sorry for keeping them safe.
Derek sighed before pulling me into a rough hug, taking a few moments to ground himself in the process, "Next time just fucking wait for somebody to go with you." Derek pulled back to look me in the eyes, "Stop trying to do this shit alone."
I nod as I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn to see Spencer. His lips are twitched down in a frown and worry lingers in his irises. I smile up at him from the warm cocoon of my brother's arms, and it's enough to assuage whatever fears he had.
I try not to look into his concern or protectiveness of me too much. I know that the mind can play tricks on you when you like someone. The last thing I wanted was to believe in something that wasn't there. Because like I said, I'd rather be a friend than nothing at all.
"He might be here watching. Elle take as many pictures as you can," Hotch points out the obvious, and it's good he did. We really didn't have time to waste fawning over me; we had a job to do.
I spare a glance at Gideon, the look of regret it still set firmly in place, but I really think he'll be okay. At the end of the day there wasn't anything he could have done and if anything I'm the one who pulled him out of there.
I'd do it again in a heartbeat, but he didn't need to know that.
I'd tried to help the rest of the team look through the various photographs that Greenaway had taken while the fire was being put out, but Derek had shut that down real quick and Hotch supported him.
I didn't think I needed a break, but I wasn't going to complain about not having to do what was essentially paperwork. I had been checked out by the paramedics briefly, like I thought I was completely fine, but my brother still persisted that I needed to rest.
Although it was difficult to see Derek becoming increasingly frustrated with the activity. "We've been at this all night, and we've got nothin'. Look at these expressions. We got fear, a touch of horror, even a little bit of panic. Where's the guy getting off?"
I decided to keep my mouth shut about the whole situation, mainly cause the more time I spent thinking about it, the more pissed off I became. This became so much more personal now that the unsub involved my team. If I had to interrogate every person on this campus to find the unsub, I would.
I entertain the idea for a moment before reality comes crashing in. There's no way Hotch'll let me do that. I guess I could always call the director and request an evac for the team, stating that due to the close call we already had, it would beneficial for a new team to take over. But I feel like that would just cause more problems than we already had.
"Sex and power, the two motives that drive a serial arsonist." Derek is still fuming beside me, and I don't blame him. Everything about this situation seemed to contradict itself.
I couldn't see the connection between the fires and power, but then again I might just be stupid. I still thought this was more about revenge than anything. Almost like the unsub was picking people off one by one.
Couple hours later and I was as good as new. Hotch had taken Spencer and I, along with a campus staff member, down to meet with a few of the chemistry students who had apparently claimed to figure out how the unsub was setting the fires. The only reason I came down here at all was because I was deeply suspicious of the entire thing. The timing just seemed a little too convenient.
There were four students altogether and Hotch pulled us aside while they continued on with their experiments, "Ariadne, Reid, since you're both around their age why don't the two of you do the talking."
I side eyed Spencer, cause there was no way I was gonna take the lead. First of all, I didn't possess the polite people skills needed, nor the patience this conversation would inevitably require of me. Second of all, I just didn't want to.
Spencer began talking the minute he realized I wasn't going to, "Ahem. Hi-hi guys. Uh, my name's, uh Dr. Spencer Reid and this is Ariadne Morgan." He turned slightly to motion in my direction as he introduced the both of us. "We're uh, Agents with the-the BAU, the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI, which um, it used to be called the BSU, the Behavioral Science Unit. But not anymore, they changed it to the BAU." The more he spoke the worse his fidgeting became and I knew it was only gonna get worse from here on out. "Um, it's part of the NCAVC, the National Center for the Analysis of Violent Crime, which is also part of this thing called the CIRG, the Critical Incident Response Group, and-"
It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion.
Except in this instance I could stop this, and I would. "Essentially what my colleague is saying is that you claim to know how the fires were set," I stepped in because lord knows what would've come out of Spencer's mouth otherwise. "We'd like to hear the conclusion you've come to."
And instead of just speaking up like normal people, the only male in the group stood and made his way up towards Spencer. I was a little uneasy about the whole thing, but there was no indication of ill will so there wasn't all that much I could do to stop him.
Spencer had taken to messing around with a spare lightbulb while his mouth had been running away from him and the boy pointed at it once he was close enough, "May I, please?" Sure it seemed like a strange request, but once again, where was the immediate harm in it?
The boy, whose name I wasn't aware of, held the light up towards Hotch's face, "See this? Drill a hole through the side, and fill it with gasoline or whatever's good and flammable. Turn the light on... boom. That is what went down didn't it?"
This was utterly exhausting and completely unnecessary.
"Considering the fact that you're the ones who told the dean you knew how the fire started, I'd assume you'd all be jumping outta your shoes to tell us."
There was a little bit of condescension in his tone that I didn't care for at all. So if he wasn't gonna give us any useful information then he could stop wasting our time.
One of the girls who sat in the very back decided to take over for the group. "This stuff's all over the net." She had a hard time keeping eye contact, which I could understand. "Wanna know how to make a Molotov cocktail that sets itself on fire? Potassium, sulfur, and normal sugar." She giggled lightly, which struck me as odd considering this wasn't a humorous situation in the slightest. "Sugar, sugar, which is-"
"Not exactly plutonium," she was interrupted by the boy who still stood in front of Hotch, "You could get the stuff anywhere."
Essentially what I was hearing was that all these ingredients could be purchased on a broke college student's budget.
The girl who had been interrupted chimed in once again, "Sugar from the supermarket."
Hotch was on the same wavelength as me, "But you don't need to be a chem major to know that."
"Do you think it's a chem student?" The staff member looked a little fearful to be in a room surrounded with said students.
I wasn't going to lie; it would certainly be plausible for the arsonist to be a chemistry student.
"You wanna know what I think?" The boy wasn't getting the hint that he was working on my last nerve and he held the lightbulb to his temple while taking slow measured steps towards Spencer. "I think-"
Snatching the light from his hand, I make it known on my face that I'm done with the games. I'd been forced into a panic, had run into a burning building, and to top it all off, I had incurred the wrath of my older brother.
I was tired and not in the mood.
"If the next words out of your mouth aren't explicit instructions leading to the unsub, we're done here." My ultimatum casts a silence on the room, a nice reprieve for the headache I was developing. The kid looks like he wants to say more, but thinks better of it and makes his way to gather his books.
I'm sure I came across as a bitch, but in reality I'm uncomfortable. My team is surrounded by danger and it feels like we're being jerked around in different directions because nothing seems to be adding up. My tolerance for bullshit isn't high on good days and today is not a good day.
Perhaps under different circumstances I'd be more patient and willing to hear this kid out. But not today.
Taking the giant hint I had given, the boy decided it was in his best interests to leave the rhetorical questions behind and escort us back to our main group. Apparently there's something about how the elevators don't work after a certain time and need a key, but to be honest I may have tuned out during that conversation.
It wasn't until we were back in the room the dean was letting us work out of that I started to come back to reality. Apparently the unsub had called the hotline directly while we were gone. Unfortunately it was an automated voice, so we still didn't have much to go on gender wise for this unsub.
Karen. I do this for Karen.
I mean we had a name now, but realistically, how many people on this campus were going to have the name Karen?
Probably a shit ton.
Hotch turned to face Derek and I, "Is the tape clean?"
No offense to Hotch, but how in the absolute fuck was I supposed to know that information? I don't know what he thinks my hearing is like, but I'm not a goddamn robot. "Dunno, that's really not my area of expertise. I can call Penelope and ask her to run a check on it if that would help." Hotch nodded in response to my offer before walking away. Which was cool because who needs words anyway?
Since there were computers pulled up all around me it was easier to just call Penelope through video rather than phone. Behind me I could feel Derek draw closer, which shouldn't have been surprising in the slightest. He never passed up an opportunity to talk to our girl.
A real smile graced my lips as her face popped up on the screen, "Hey bambola, sei straordinariamente bella oggi."
Her eyes lit up as she gushed, "Thank you my love!" Inside I was laughing because there was no way Derek could beat me when it came to flattering Penelope Garcia. It was kind of like a little sibling rivalry thing we had going on with her. "What can I do for you today?"
Knowing that I had already pulled out all the stops, because there was really no way he could top me when I used Italian on her, Derek got straight to the point, "Hotch wants to know if the recording of the voice is on a clean tape."
"I can put it through some audio filters."
Derek sighed knowing that Hotch was going to want a little more than that, "Look sweet girl, we need as close to the real voice as you can get, and anything that might be in the background. Can you do that?"
"Okay, you know how on Star Trek when Captain Kirk asks McCoy to do something totally impossible, and McCoy says 'Damn it, Jim I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker?'" Penelope was twirling a pencil between her fingers while looking at the two of us.
Derek leaned in with his head cocked to the side, "You telling me not to expect a miracle?"
"No," her lips then curled into the most wicked smile and elation rushed through me. "I'm saying I'm not a doctor."
Derek chuckled and I was reminded of why I loved this girl so much. My brother sent her a parting wink before he went to cut off the call, "Atta girl."
Derek had gotten stuck with Karen duty with Greenaway and I was not envious in the slightest. Having to go interview every single chick with that name was a class A nightmare that I avoided like the black plague. The only downside was that now everyone else was busy with their own job and I was the odd man out with nothing to do.
I mean I was supposed to be resting, but I wasn't even injured in the first place so I didn't think I needed to heed that advisement. I decided to take a walk around since sitting in one room with nothing to do was quickly making me lose my mind.
I'd only been walking for a couple minutes when I ran into Gideon. I was surprised before I remembered that he was supposed to be with Spencer. That's when my stomach dropped. "Gideon, where's Spencer?"
Gideon did his best imitation of a grin when he noticed my look of concern, "He's with Greenaway and Morgan, I just needed to get some fresh air. Would you like to join me?"
My body untensed in relief and I slowly made my way to Gideon's side. Normally I always enjoyed Gideon's presence, he exuded this peace and quiet that was hard to find anywhere else. However after what happened a couple hours ago I wasn't sure about being alone with him, I had no desire to talk about earlier and I feared that he might.
It wasn't like I could outright say I valued his life over a strangers' and that's why I dragged him away. I didn't want to see the look on his face if I told him I'd do it again in a heartbeat because that teacher was an acceptable loss.
Gideon had stopped to read one of the boards that highlighted student work while I was busy internally worrying. I didn't have time to look at what caught his eye because a door to the left of us clicked open suddenly. On instinct I reached back to grip the handle of my gun, but Gideon reached out to lay a hand on my arm as a deterrent. I didn't think there was anything wrong with being extra cautious but I suppose Gideon didn't want me waving a gun around inside the college without proper cause.
A student in a yellow shirt and khakis walked through and I dropped my arm in acquisition. He took one look at Gideon before recognition sparked in his eyes, "Hey, I didn't scare you again did I?" I guess while the rest of us had been busy Gideon had made some new friends. "Um, sorry if I did. This is one of the buildings on my patrol."
It was cute that hall monitors still existed in college. He clearly wasn't campus security, seeing as how he lacked any sort of weapon beyond a whistle, and he didn't really look big enough to take someone down.
Removing his hand from my shoulder, Gideon nodded back towards the board he had been looking at prior to the interruption. "Just lookin' at the board. The three body problem. You know what it means?"
"Uh, no. No idea."
I knew without having to look that I wouldn't understand either. Afterall there had been a reason I chose not to go to college after graduating high school by the skin of my teeth.
But I guess Gideon knew what it was after all because he explained it just fine. "It's physics. It's one of the great mathematical mysteries." His eyes drifted to the kid's chest, "You broke up with her. No more necklace."
This conversation was starting to get into that level of personal I typically tried to avoid.
The kid looked down and nodded, "Yeah, I kinda wanna date someone else."
Although I didn't understand the reason we were talking about his personal life, I had to hand it to him. Breaking up with someone when you no longer felt the same way was a hell of a lot more respectable than cheating on them.
There was calculation in Gideon's next words, especially considering we were looking for a Karen. "What's her name?"
"Brian."
Huh.
Well alright then.
"Oh." The surprise on Gideon's face is evident and I watch in amusement as he stutters through a response. "Well, that's, uh-that's a pretty good reason. She take it alright?"
The hall monitor was finding the sight of an uncomfortable Gideon as entertaining as I was. I could now say I was fully invested in this conversation.
However I wasn't expecting to see desperation lingering in the edges of his eyes just past the humor. My smile dropped as I tried to get a reading on the kid.
"Yeah." There was a pause as he swallowed before collecting himself, "Yeah, other than telling me that homosexuality's a sin, and that I'm going to incur the wrath of God."
And just like that my heart cried out for this boy.
This boy who had been told he had done something unforgivable.
While I was struggling to refrain from asking who his ex was so that I could give her a piece of my mind, Gideon was busy connecting dots in his head. "The wrath of God..." Something must have connected because he quickly took off down the hallway. Under normal circumstances I would have followed, but there was something I needed to clear up first.
I couldn't just let the kid walk around with those thoughts in his head.
Not when I knew exactly how he felt.
Like the flip of a switch, I could see remnants of Maria in him. I remembered how her skin used to gleam in the sunlight, the way the sound of her laugh never failed to light up a room.
I remembered the innocence of falling in love with her.
This kid in front of me, who was honestly probably around my age, looked as though he truly felt he had done something wrong by being himself.
But love wasn't wrong.
"Hey kid," I caught his attention with my gentle tone. I softened my gaze and gave him a rare genuine smile, "God has never once struck me down for loving another woman. Love isn't wrong, there's no guidelines you have to follow for it. And there's certainly no cross you have to take up to repent for it."
There was a mutual understanding that connected us.
That feeling of having to hide who you loved because you were told it wasn't right. That ache which settles into your bones when people say you're not normal.
The relieved smile he shot my way filled my chest with warmth. Maybe I was the first person to ever tell him he wasn't fundamentally broken and he didn't need to hide, or maybe I wasn't. Whatever the case, I hoped that if he ever questioned himself, he'd remember my words and find comfort in them.
When I turned to chase after Gideon, I wished the kid would be able to find the strength needed in order to chase his happiness, latch onto it with both hands and never let go.
Because way back when I had loved a girl and now a boy had caught my eye.
It had taken me a long time to realize there wasn't anything wrong with loving a person for who they were instead of what body they came in.
Gideon had been moving at the speed of light, so when I say I caught up to him what I mean is that I made my way back to the room where he was already writing his findings on a whiteboard. At first it looked like a bunch of gibberish to me but then the rest of the team started going on about religion and fire, and to be honest I wasn't having a single bit of that.
Derek and I weren't really into the whole religion thing. We'd both seen far too much to believe that there was someone out there who supposedly loved everyone. Don't get me wrong, I was all for letting people believe whatever they wanted to believe, so long as they didn't try to shove it in my face.
I pulled out my phone in order to check a couple of my emails while I waited for them to finish discussing. I had a lot of reminders for field reports I still needed to send in and one from Erin Strauss about when to reschedule our meeting.
I was supposed to sit down and talk with her last week but like always, we had been called away and I'd had to cancel.
Field reports were always a pain in my ass and there were times I tried to pawn them off on Derek if I knew they were going to be extensive. But it was either the reports or call the director after every case and I was too afraid I'd forget to make that call, so paper reports it was.
Derek always teased me about my loathing for them, wondering how I ever managed in the military with all the reports I'd have to have given. What he didn't know was that I'd never had to make a formal written report.
My squad had been formed with the specific purpose of doing things that nobody else wanted to do, things that no one wanted to admit or take responsibility for. We had done things, under orders from our government of course, in foreign soil that are categorized as absolute grounds for war.
Documentation had to be nonexistent for our safety.
Which was ironic because I'm the only one still alive and documentation was always the least of my worries.
I finished sending out my responses right when Hotch was splitting us up into groups once more. Him and Gideon would make one team while Derek and Greenaway made the other. Spencer and I got the unique privilege of going through surveillance tapes to see if we missed anything.
I was a little frustrated that it seemed like Hotch and Gideon were going to pair Greenaway and my brother up as partners. I mean yeah, we all worked together but at the same time we all kinda had set partners within the team. Naturally I figured mine was Derek. I didn't know Hotch had been contemplating switching the system up.
Everything in me wanted to be out there with the rest of them, especially after the fiasco this morning, but I couldn't just leave Spencer on his own. Not when he would be so vulnerable. I mean he didn't even carry a gun, that was worrisome considering our current occupation.
"Outside the box." I turn to see what Spencer was mumbling about as he circled the word fire on the board. I could see his frustration in the way he walked and tapped the marker against his palm. Normally Gideon would have encouraging words or some obscure quote that only him and Spencer ever seemed to understand to help ease the mounting tension.
But Spencer was stuck with me and all I had were shaky morals and a sharp tongue I hid behind.
Anything naturally kind about me seemed to have been burned out years ago in my small Chicago home. The best I could do was pretend to be someone else, "Hey, just remember what Gideon said about taking your time to get three steps ahead."
It was as encouraging as I was gonna get, and maybe if I was lucky it would halt his pacing. Cause if I was being honest, that shit was making me a little dizzy.
And judging from the way he snapped his fingers in my direction before rushing towards the computer, I'd say I did something right. Being as bored as I was, I made my way over to him and rested my chin on his shoulder as I watched him replay the earlier video with the two boys over and over again.
I know it's not a good idea to be this close to him, especially given how I feel, but I never really have been the smartest person. Add to the fact that there have been times he's been very clingy, and I was fucking screwed.
Spencer zooms in on the door handle and the two of us watch as it rattles, something we hadn't noticed before. "Three times," he whispers in surprise. I was more surprised that Spencer seemed to have eagle eyes, cause I hadn't seen that in the slightest without the zoom in.
"And the genius strikes again." I plant a chaste kiss on his cheek and immediately regret it. It was like my mind was at war with my heart. My heart wanted to be something more and my mind was telling me to walk away completely.
Because at times it felt like falling in love with Spencer was a betrayal to Maria.
I quickly let go of my friend and backed away from him as those feelings made themselves known once more. My hands curled into fists when their shaking became evident and I was forced to shove them behind my back when he spun around in his chair to look at me.
"I want to go check on something else."
I nodded in approval, it made sense that he would want to check the actual room to see if there was anything we had glossed over. "Okay, I'll hold the fort down here in case the team comes back." Obviously it wasn't a good idea for me to be around him at the moment. I needed a little time to collect my feelings because right now I could feel it all unraveling.
Unraveling meant unhinged, and unhinged meant the truth.
That was not a path that would be good for anyone.
He seemed a little surprised I wasn't going to come with him, but he quickly put it aside and thought nothing of it. I managed to keep the small smile on my face until he left the room. As soon as the door shut, I let go of the steel grip I had on my emotions.
My hands were still shaking when I brought them up to my face. The privacy of the room afforded a silence that my mind took every opportunity of filling.
Mari, hey wake up!
C'mon you're just fine.
It's just a little bullet wound, it's not even that bad.
Maria Santis you open those eyes.
You swore forever, don't you dare break that promise.
Mari?
The love of my life was dead because I couldn't save her.
What right did I have to fall in love again?
I turned and slammed my fist into the wall behind me, welcoming the pain that radiated through my hand. I blinked back tears and watched as red blossomed against my skin. A color I had grown so familiar with once again filled my senses.
It was all so bittersweet.
I really should've expected this. After all I made it such a point to limit what I said about Maria, knowing that this was the typical response of dwelling on her for too long. But something about that kid told me he needed to hear it, regardless of how it would affect me.
Right now I knew there was only one way to get me through this untimely episode, and that was Derek.
Yanking my phone from my pocket, and ignoring the blood I was smearing on my pants, I hit the first number on speed dial and closed my eyes as it started to ring. I really hoped he'd pick up cause I didn't know what I'd do if he didn't.
Luckily for the sake of my own sanity my brother was not one to stray from his phone.
"Hey, what's up?"
The sound of his voice washed over me like the tide, and I sucked in a sharp breath as I clutched the phone tighter in my relief that he answered. Unfortunately the sound hadn't escaped his notice.
"What's wrong Ariadne?" His voice became stern in an instant and I could almost picture the way he would stand, all tense and brooding at the notion that something was amiss.
There's a second where I debate playing it off, telling him that I was running around the campus and what he heard was simply me regulating my breathing. I could tell him I hip checked myself against the table the minute he picked up the phone. I could give him a thousand and one excuses for that small inhale, all of which would put him at ease. But I was kind of tired of the lies for today, "Turns out today's not such a good day after all big brother."
When I was first discharged my life was made up of good days and bad days. Now everything's been blending into one. I was either on top of the world or curled up on the floor. I wish someone would have told me that sacrifice really wasn't worth the pain.
"Do you want me to come to you, or you come to me?"
I closed my eyes and smiled. He was asking if I wanted to talk about it or if I simply wanted to stick by his side. There was no ultimatum with him, just the simple assurance of companionship should I require it. "If it's not too much trouble I think I'll stick with you for the rest of the case." I paused but decided I really couldn't help but throw out one last barb, "That is if you think Greenaway can behave herself in my presence."
"Listen, I'm not getting in the middle of you two. I like my extremities where they are, thank you very much."
I laughed and left the room, not bothering to tell Derek I already knew exactly where he was. After all the tracking devices are supposed to be a secret. As I made my way down the hall, listening to my brother's voice fill the space, I left the echoes of my broken cries behind to fade in the silence.
I knew Derek could see the spots of blood on my jeans from where I had wiped my hand off when he saw me, but I offered no answer and he asked no question. He placed an arm around my shoulder and let me lean into his warm embrace, and it was enough.
Greenaway had shot us a questioning glance at my entrance but it seemed that even she was smart enough to understand when to keep her mouth shut. As I sat and watched them finish interviewing Karen after Karen, I realized that I probably should have let Spencer know I wasn't going to be in the room when he went back. It was an oversight on my part, but if he was concerned I knew he'd call.
About a half an hour into watching Greenaway and Derek tag team the interviews, Hotch called to let us know that they figured out the identity of our arsonist.
Clara Hayes.
The chick from the team of chem students who told us how to make a Molotov cocktail.
I'd been slowly learning not to be surprised by who the unsub's turned out to be, but sometimes I really couldn't help but be a little shocked. Besides the awkward timing of her laughter, she had seemed pretty normal.
Because the three of us were closer, campus security met us and we made our way to Clara's apartment, abandoning the rest of the girls waiting to be interviewed. It wasn't too long of a journey and I was grateful for the reprieve from my thoughts, although some might not think that catching killers is a good coping mechanism.
Although we were the agents, the campus security officers insisted that they be the first to enter the apartment, for reasons I didn't understand but didn't care to find out. Derek was feeling some type of way, and after my vague phone call I couldn't blame him, so he was being an overprotective bastard and kept me behind him at all times.
Once we finally entered the room there was a moment when we all stopped in shock.
What in the absolute fuck?
The entire room is covered in fire paraphernalia. Newspaper articles about fire, photos of fire, quotes of scriptures about burning in hellfire. There was not a fire free spot anywhere.
It was absolute insanity.
Derek lets out an involuntary disbelieving chuckle upon further examination, "Oh, you gotta be kidding me. OCD? I'm thinking more like Omg."
Had this been a different setting and it was just the two of us, I totally would have laughed at that.
"Omg?"
I look over at Greenaway, not bothering to hide my confusion. How in the world could she not know what that stood for? What, had she been living under a rock her entire life?
"Oh my god," Derek and I both clarified. It still boggled my mind that it needed to be clarified in the first place, but whatever.
Derek was quick to get Hotch on the phone while the rest of them began to comb through Clara's room. Something didn't sit right with me, the fact that she wasn't here was the first indicator. There was no other reason for her to be anywhere else, so why the hell wasn't she in her apartment?
I can't stop the unease swirling around in my gut, it weighs heavy and thick. Without a word, I slip out of the room and make my way back down the stairs we had to climb to get here. There's a rule; we aren't supposed to go off on our own if we can help it. But my instincts have helped me survive over the years and I learned to trust them a long time ago.
It's those instincts that prompt me to head to the science building.
If I was thinking logically I could rationalize that the science building would have been on the first places to look for a dedicated student who liked to work late. But if that was the case then why had we gone to her apartment first?
I pull out my gun when I enter the building, it was more of a precaution than anything. There's a chance she won't be here, a high chance she won't, but I had to be thorough. The building's abandoned for the most part, something I'm sure had to do with Gideon and Hotch, but as I continue twisting down corridors I start to hear faint voices.
Coming face to face with Hotch's back was not something I was expecting. What was even more shocking was the sight of Clara kneeled down with a lit flare clutched in her grasp.
There's a moment where I glower at his back, because what the fuck was he thinking not telling us that he had located her? A nice long chat about the benefits of communication was something he apparently needed more than anyone else.
I make no effort to mask my footsteps, not seeing the point in trying to hide my presence from either one.
"Clara, you don't have to do this, all right?" Hotch keeps his voice soft, which might have been to take away from the fact that he too was aiming a gun in Clara's direction.
The sound of cries fill my ears and I briefly glance towards the elevator. When I realize there's three different voices coming from it, my jaw clenches.
Hotch has until she moves before I shoot her.
"I have to do this," Clara looks up at us and pleads for understanding.
Keep them safe.
"You know it's not rational, Clara. You were trying to tell me," Hotch reaches his hand out like one would when faced with a small frightened animal.
The words don't pierce her and she inches towards the elevator doors, "God chose me to be tested, and now he has chosen them. If I don't do this, something terrible will happen."
The only terrible thing that's about to happen is me having to shoot this kid to save her classmates.
Do not fail them.
"What's gonna happen, Clara?" Hotch begins speaking faster, trying to displace her attention from the three she's deemed fit to be tested. "A flood? An earthquake? You know this isn't rational." Hotch knows that he is the only thing saving her right now.
For a moment it actually seems to be working. Clara starts to pull back and scrunch her eyes in frustration as she rocks back and forth, "I know, I know, I know."
"Then resist."
"I can't. They must be tested. God's wrath…"
It's sad cause she actually believes this.
Hotch makes a last ditch attempt to reach her, "Clara you told me it was a chemistry student. You left the message about Charown." It doesn't work and he fails. Maybe there just wasn't anything to reach in her.
His words set something off in her because she continues her chanting, "Charown, Charon, Moloch." It was as though she were making an offering to whatever god she was praying to.
Gideon arises from the other side, behind a sheet of plastic, with his gun drawn as well. He was a little late to the party, but I was grateful for the extra hand.
Clara bends as she prostrates herself on the ground, arms outreached as the flare was forced closer towards the elevator. The cries from within grew louder and more panicked.
There are no second chances.
I pulled the trigger the second the tip of the flare crossed the line into the elevator. The sound was deafening in the sudden silence, Hotch's shoulders jolted as Gideon hurried to put out the flare. The three trapped in the elevator screamed when the sharp sound vibrated around them.
When Clara's body slumped over and blood pooled around her figure, there was no regret.
I tucked my gun away and walked past Hotch to step over her body to check on the other kids. Although the sight of their dead classmate was gruesome, there was relief in their eyes. It came close, but they were alive.
Finally taking a moment to look down at Clara's still body I couldn't help but think it was a shame she was so young and so troubled. But it wasn't my job to find the good in people, to try and save them from themselves.
My job was very simple, protect this team from any and all threats. I had killed to protect in the past and I would do the same now without another thought.
Callous as it sounded; Clara Hayes was nothing more than another name on that long list.
The plane ride home was one of the more quiet ones. It had been a long case, one that involved minimal sleeping, so most were making up for that now. Only Gideon, Spencer, and I remained awake. I was sitting beside my friend with my feet up in his lap as I watched him try to beat Gideon in chess. He didn't seem to notice I was using him as a personal footstool, but I don't think he'd mind either way.
Spencer clears his throat and a small satisfied smile appears on his face, "Check in three."
"Not bad," Gideon says softly as he looks up at him. The look of satisfaction on Spencer's face doesn't last very long because Gideon's moving a piece on the board and crushing his dreams, "Checkmate. Don't worry you're getting there."
As Gideon sets the game back up I look over at my brother who looks very comfortable passed out in his chair. He hadn't been happy about me slipping away, but he couldn't say anything since everyone had done the same at least once before, especially him.
My mind shifts to Clara and the look on her face as the bullet ripped through her chest.
Hotch thought he could save her, protect her from the end she had written for herself, but that had been wishful thinking. Clara was gone the moment she decided to set those fires, for her there was no going back.
She wouldn't allow herself to be talked down and that's what sealed her fate. Gideon could send as many regretful looks in my direction as he wanted and Hotch could lecture me for however long he deemed fit. Neither would ever change my mind.
Yes, two people died today as a direct action of my decisions. I wouldn't deny that nor would I make an excuse for it.
The teacher Gideon couldn't save and the girl who couldn't let herself be saved.
Both would haunt me in the morning hours just before the sun rose in the sky, but neither would stop me from protecting this group of people.
The consequences were high, but I was willing to pay them.
Translations:
Bambola- Doll
Sei straordinariamente bella oggi- You look exceptionally beautiful today.
Mi dispiace, non volevo spaventarti - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.
