It had been almost six months since Sirius had woken up with that monster hangover to see Remus Lupin sleeping next to his bed on the floor. Their relationship resumed tentatively, with them going on dates, and Sirius walking Remus to class. But then Remus had asked him to move back in and it took off full force.
"We're supposed to meet Lily and James for dinner tonight at six. I think Marlene's coming too." Sirius was sprawled out on the couch, mindlessly flipping through channels on the tv.
"Ok, I have class until five. If I walk home quick, we can fuck before we leave." Remus was curled up in a chair, reading a book.
Sirius's head whipped around, blushing. Over the past month Remus had been very forward about, uh, making up for lost time.
"Haha calm down, I just wanted to see if you were paying attention." Remus laughed. Making Sirius embarrassed never got old.
"The offer's still on the table, though?" It was Remus's turn to blush.
"Yes you idiot, it's still on the table." He buried his nose back in his book.
"You know…" Sirius's voice floated across the room. "If you skipped your last class, we could try that-"
"Sirius." Remus cut him off. "I'm not going to pass organic chemistry if I skip class to fuck you."
Sirius, over on the couch, flipped over onto his stomach, the daytime tv behind him long forgotten. "You know, when you're on your deathbed, you're not going to be thinking 'wow I really wish I had done better in organic chemistry.' You're going to be thinking 'wow I sure wish I had fucked Sirius more.'"
"Wow you have such a solid grasp of my inner monologue." Remus rolled his eyes sarcastically as he checked his watch. "I've got class, I have to go."
"OR," Sirius said, "You could skip ALL your classes!" He wiggled his eyebrows at his own brilliant idea.
"It's a wonder I get anything done at all." Remus tipped Sirius's chin up as he walked past the couch, kissing him hungrily before walking out the door.
Sirius flipped back over and tried to stomach his sexual frustration with some Judge Judy.
The hours ticked by as Remus was at class. He didn't have work today and he was just so bored.
He flipped through the channels for a few hours.
He cleaned their room. God, Remus, it wouldn't kill you to put your socks in the hamper instead of RIGHT WHERE YOU TAKE THEM OFF.
He watched some more tv.
He took the laundry down to the laundry room in their apartment complex. "Hey Mrs. Heathers. Yes, I know it's 1 pm. I'm aware I'm still in my pajamas. Not all of us can have it together, you see."
He sat on the washer as it ran, and tried to do the crossword puzzle in that days paper. Prying or inquisitive neighbor. 4 letters. Sirius looked over at Mrs. Heathers who was still eyeing him. Nosy.
After the laundry was done, Sirius hauled it up stairs and began putting it away. It took him a lot less time than he had thought it would. Ugh. He looked at the clock. Two hours until Remus got home.
He slipped his hair into a bun, leaning against the window, looking down at the parking lot of their apartment complex. Their.
It felt good to be able to say it again. And it felt good to be with Remus again.
Their first date post hangover had included a very long conversation about how to move on. Sirius had been focusing on how to make it easier for Remus to forgive, but, to Sirius's surprise, Remus was only interested in how to forget. In his own words, "Thinking about it wastes too much of my energy. I don't want to think about it anymore. I know I love you."
I know I love you. Sirius still felt so undeserving, but Remus had been extremely true to his word. He didn't seem to waste any of his energy thinking about what happened. Not when his energy could be used for...other things.
Sirius pulled himself out of a very explicit daydream to see the mail truck pulling away from the post boxes down below. That's what he could do, get the mail.
He looked down at his outfit, still pajamas, but shrugged. Who cares? Walking outside, however, he kept adjusting his pants. Think about your grandma, or dead dogs, or something.
The mailbox was pretty full today. He sifted through the envelopes as he walked back up to their place.
The utility bill for the month.
He reached the top of the stairs.
A magazine subscription for Remus.
He was halfway down the hall.
A letter from Alice and Frank.
His hand froze on the door knob.
A letter from his brother.
Numbly, his heart pounding in his ears, Sirius opened the door and slipped inside. The other three letters were tossed aside on the kitchen counter as he sunk on to the couch, unblinking, staring at the envelope in his hand.
He slipped his thumb under the corner of the flap, opening the envelope just a tiny bit before his shaking hands dropped it on the floor.
I can't open this, he thought. He got off the couch, his shaking legs carrying him behind the kitchen counter. He rubbed his mouth with his hand, nervously, and stared at the white rectangle still on the living room floor.
Fear pooled in the bottom of his abdomen, knotting his intestines and tearing at the walls of his insides. His head was numb from shock, the only thought in his head was 'no' played over and over.
The fear didn't come from his brothers name scrawled across the middle of the envelope. It came from the fact that it was scrawled in his mother's handwriting.
It was a trick as old as any of the other mind games Walburga Black played with her son. She learned early on that any letter she sent signed from herself would get thrown out. Maybe burned. But oh, she could drive Sirius to the brink of death, but she couldn't make him hate his brother. Not for lack of trying, of course.
Of course, Sirius knew this trick. He knew it was from his mother, and he could throw this letter away just as easily as the others. But if she was using Reg's name to get his attention, it was important. Not 'I desperately need to get into contact with my son' important but 'ignoring this letter will have worse consequences than opening it' important.
It was a cheap trick. She didn't care.
For half an hour, it was just him and that envelope staring at each other across the room.
What could it possibly be about? There was only one way for Sirius to answer that question but even the thought of tearing open the envelope to read it made him want to vomit in fear.
He walked shakily to where he had dropped it. He picked it up tentatively and walked back over to the trash can. He couldn't open it, but he couldn't drop it either.
When Remus got back from class he walked in to find Sirius still standing there, hovering over the trash can.
"Hey!" He paused. "What are you doing?" Sirius didn't answer, just looked up at Remus, his brow furrowed and lips slightly parted.
"Ok, don't answer." Remus walked over to where he was standing, grabbing the letter out of his hand. "The bills can't be that bad." He looked down. "Oh shit."
It was quiet for a minute, Sirius's shortened breath the only sound in the room.
"How long have you been standing there?" Remus asked quietly. He wasn't sure if he should keep holding the letter, or hand it back. Sirius kept quiet. "Sirius, talk to me."
"I can't open it. I have to know what it says but I can't open it."
"Do you want me to?" Remus's own hands were shaking.
"Yes. No. I don't know."
The stared at each other, and then the letter, both of them nervous and unsure. Remus watched Sirius take a deep breath, swallow the fear that was filling him up, and try to steady his hands.
"Give it to me." Remus handed over the letter. Sirius ripped it open, ignoring his shaking fingers, and flattened it out on the kitchen counter.
Sirius Orion,
This letter is just a formality to inform you of some legal changes you will be required to make, as a result of some recent developments. You have been removed from the Black family will, and will be receiving nothing in the way of money or estate, at any point in time. Steps have recently been completed to have you legally disowned, so upon you receiving this letter, you are no longer a member of the Black family. I'm sure this does not come as a shock to you.
However, because of these processes, we are writing to inform you that, legally, you are no longer allowed to use the surname Black. It is not extremely expensive to change a last name, I'm sure you could manage it even on minimum wage. We are requiring proof of the name change to be sent back to us. If it is not received within the month, you will be contacted by legal representation.
We can not have the kind of person you have become tarnish our reputation, and the high standing name of Black.
Good day,
Black.
The letter was signed simply Black, one last blow, taunting the name he wasn't allowed to have right in his face. Sirius could feel Remus's pity behind him as he finished reading the letter over his shoulder. He stiffened his face and walked to the fridge, pulling out a beer. Sirius popped the top off, and let half of it slide down his throat before he took a breath.
"Sirius…" Remus said, his voice quiet and apologetic. Sirius put out a finger to stop him, before downing the rest of his beer.
"FUCK." He turned around and hurled his empty beer bottle at the wall behind him, shattering it. He saw Remus jump out of the corner of his eye, but he kept his mouth shut. He grabbed another beer out of the fridge.
"I'll clean it up later." He downed the entire beer in one gulp this time, wiping his mouth as he finished.
"Sirius…" Remus started again.
"What?" Sirius looked at him, trying to look angry, trying to look unaffected but the look on Remus's face made him crack. He leaned forward, propping himself up against the counter as he fought the tears threatening to spill down his face.
"Hey hey hey," Remus whispered softly as he crossed the kitchen to pull Sirius into a hug. "Who cares about them? You forgot them years ago."
Sirius sobbed into his shoulder. "I hate the name Black anyways." He mumbled through tears.
"I know you do."
"But it was my choice to hate it." Sirius stepped back, wiping the tears from his face, trying to compose himself. "I don't even want it but I didn't… I didn't think they'd take it away."
Remus wiped a stray tear from Sirius's cheek.
"I wish that bitch wouldn't drag Reg into this."
"Sirius." Remus fiddled with something in his pocket.
"I could just not have a last name. I could be like Beyonce."
"Sirius…"
"Or Rihanna. Or Cher. Or Lorde. Or Pink. Or Drake."
"Sirius."
"Having only one name is more common than I thought, damn."
"Uh, Sirius." The thing Remus had been fiddling with was out of his pocket now.
"I mean there's Madonna. Halsey. Sia. Adele. Does anyone know Adele's last name?" Sirius was distractedly pulling a third beer out of the fridge. He turned around to find Remus bright red and holding a small velvet box.
"I know you're traditionally supposed to get down on one knee for this, but, well there's glass on the floor."
"Remus what are you doing?"
"I've been thinking of doing this for a while, with graduation coming up and all that. I love you and we've been through hell and are still standing, and well, you need a new last name."
Sirius couldn't find any words, all he could do was gasp and try not to drop his beer.
"I was thinking…" Remus popped open the ring box. "That maybe you could take mine?"
There were about two milliseconds in between the moment Sirius finally got the word 'yes' out of his mouth and the moment he firmly and hungrily pressed his lips up against Remus, missing his mouth in his excitement, and hitting up against his cheek. He soon found his original mark, their mouths moving in perfect harmony, Remus leaning back from the shock of Sirius's momentum.
"Shit I dropped it, hold on." Remus bent down and picked up the ring, smiling as Sirius helped him slip it onto his ring finger. It was only a simple gold band, but Remus had gotten the outside engraved with a delicate rendition of the Sirius constellation.
"I love it."
"I love you." They kissed again, Sirius breaking away just so he could look at it again. He looked up at the clock. "We're going to be late for dinner."
"Better get going then?" Remus held out his hand and Sirius took it, but not before crumpling up the letter and throwing it in the trash.
"Do you think a wedding invitation is proof enough of my name change?" Sirius asked.
"Oh god, what if they come?" They looked at each other and cracked up laughing. As if anyone bearing the 'high standing name of Black' would be caught dead at a gay wedding.
Hands firmly clasped together, they headed out the door.
"Oh my god, they are so going to freak at dinner."
"I say we don't mention it and make bets on who notices first. Loser pays."
"Deal."
The door closed behind them.
They got all the way to the parking lot before either of them realized that Sirius was still in his pajamas.
