With Clyde promising to assist Craig in the art of acting like a normal human being for long enough to ask out Tweek, the pair make their way back to the group. Craig seems to walk with an odd spring to his step, but other than that, his rare eagerness is hidden. For once, Clyde is lagging behind, feeling nauseous over the whole situation. He's even a tiny bit angry, both at himself and at Craig.
While Craig may not deserve it, the childish part of him can't help but glare at his friend's hunched back. Why did Clyde have to make that stupid promise? With his help, Craig and Tweek will probably start dating, then they'll get married and have a bunch of babies and argue over who has to go to PTA meetings and teacher conferences and once they get fed up with it all they'll kill their kids and run away to Mexico where Craig will lead a gang and Tweek will sell his body to pay the bills...
One side of Clyde tells him that he's overreacting, that Tweek may turn Craig down regardless of Clyde's help, but the majority of him thinks that his story has a high chance of happening, and it'll be due to him giving Craig advice.
Maybe he can convince Tweek to leave the country or something, whatever it takes to stop him and Craig from getting together.
Oh, he can tell Tweek that he's been framed, and that the FBI is hunting him down. The paranoid teen would never doubt him!
Although, once again, Clyde is too nice to put Tweek through that.
Once they return to their meetup spot in the hallway, Clyde notices that Jimmy and Token have already left, the comedian having a free period and the class representative prepping the auditorium for tomorrow's prom. That just leaves Tweek, who's leaning on the wall and attempting to button up the rest of his flannel with shaky hands, only managing one after his conversation with Craig. Before the blonde notices the two, Clyde puts a hand on Craig's shoulder to halt him in his tracks.
"Now's your chance, big shot. Offer to help him with his buttons. I'm sure little Tweekie will totally appreciate it!"
The words are out of his mouth before Clyde can really consider if his idea is a good one. Part of him thinks that meek, adorable Tweek will indeed be grateful for the support. However, Tweek may be insecure, but he's also feisty and stubborn. There's a very real chance of him resenting anyone offering help despite the kind intentions. Now that he's told Craig, whose already moved away to do as he instructed, Clyde is curious about which path Tweek will take. He's certain that if a stranger or acquaintance had attempted to fix Tweek's shirt, the blonde would lash out.
Not one of his friends has ever attempted to button it up, probably used to the signature component to his attire. As Craig strolls up to Tweek, stiffer than a statue from his clearly on edge nerves, Clyde feels his own body tensing merely from watching the upcoming display. Then, Clyde realizes that just because Craig is going to make a move doesn't mean that he has to stand five feet away, so he forces his legs to unfreeze and follow Craig.
Tweek's gaze peeks up from his chest, and he quickly drops his hands, embarrassment obvious in his slightly rosy cheeks. Still, his turquoise eyes glow at the sight of his returned friends, and he offers a bright smile that makes both Craig and Clyde's heart pound.
'He's too cute for this world!'
With Clyde beside Craig, he waits anxiously for his friend to initiate the plan. The two are visibly anxious but Tweek doesn't comment on it, still shrugging off the shame of being caught failing at such a simple task. Craig inches closer to the blonde, opening and closing his mouth several times while searching for the right words. If Clyde weren't as nervous, he'd laugh and point out how Craig appears to be a fish trying to breathe air.
Tweek eyes his tallest friend with confusion and concern, his gaze shifting back and forth between him and Clyde, who doesn't notice since he's internally begging Craig to start speaking. Despite wanting to be happy that his awkward friend has finally developed feelings for someone, Clyde can't help the tiny part of himself that is enjoying Craig's struggle, and is rooting for him to fail. Why does Craig have to like Tweek, of all people? Doesn't he know how ecstatic Clyde would be for Craig if he had a crush on anyone else? He'd even support Craig if he'd developed feelings for Cartman!
Clyde nearly jumps out of his skin once Craig begins to speak, so lost in his thoughts and the eternal silence among the trio.
"Tweek, your buttons are undone."
The statement might as well have come from the announcement speakers the way Craig stated the obvious fact. Clyde holds in the urge to snicker. There's no way Craig can pull this off, let alone manage to ask Tweek out. He pities him, but Clyde is also grateful. Maybe it means he can still have a chance with Tweek. Said blonde is dumbfounded by Craig, going from shocked to a mix of embarrassed and irritated. He looks as if someone has ripped open his shower curtains and he's completely, and rudely, exposed.
"Thanks for the acute observation, Craig. I- I'm so glad you pointed that out to me."
That's it, Craig isn't suited for Tweek. Craig may be book smart, but Clyde is apt in observing people's behavior and knowing how to best interact with them. He could take care of Tweek, make him laugh and smile with ease, while Craig would fumble through it all. Coming to this conclusion on a whim, Clyde steps in front of Craig, who has been a stuttering mess, at a loss on how to respond.
"I can button them for you, if you want. My fingers were practically made for the sole purpose of sliding tiny objects into even tinier holes."
Clyde winks at Tweek, who laughs at his words, but as the brunette moves closer to fix his flannel, Tweek steps away and shakes his head.
"Thanks, but don't bother. I have to take this off for PE class in another minute anyway, so your top notch skills would be going to waste."
Quick to hide the disappointment threatening to slip onto his face, Clyde nods and pulls back, not bothering to spare a glance at what expression Craig is sporting. Tweek motions for him and Craig to get going, but Clyde reaches behind him a bit to discreetly tug at Craig's jacket sleeve. Understanding the notion, Craig stays in place.
"You go ahead, Tweek. I'll meet you in the locker room."
Tweek appears perplexed but shrugs his shoulders and heads off with a wave to his friends. Once out of sight, Clyde turns to look up at Craig. The taller teen glares down at Clyde, anger and hurt evident in his stare.
"Why did you do that? I thought you were going to help me."
Clyde stammers for a moment, but then images of a happy Tweek flash in his mind. He makes peace with himself for what he's about to do next.
"Look, the truth is that I really like Tweek. I like him a lot, okay? He needs someone who can cater to his emotions, and you, my friend, are not capable of doing that."
Momentarily stunned by the confession, Craig's mouth hangs open. Once he finishes processing the information, Craig jabs a finger into Clyde's chest.
"Who the fuck do you think you are? I may not be like you, but that doesn't mean I can't be there for Tweek. You may have muscle and charm and a goofy personality, but that doesn't mean I'm nothing."
"Fine, tell me what you can offer Tweek."
"We're not talking about me right now!"
Clyde is taken aback by the raised volume of Craig's ordinarily monotone voice, but holds his ground. He's made up his mind, but before he can get another word in, Craig elbows past Clyde.
"I'm not experienced like you, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying. I'll ask Tweek out my own way."
Just as Clyde opens his mouth to shout a response to Craig's retreating back, Craig lifts his arm above his head, and flips Clyde off. His face tingling with exasperation, Clyde storms off in the opposite direction, already planning ways to get closer to Tweek.
Clyde has always agreed with the whole 'bros before hoes' concept, but Tweek is no one night stand or temporary pretty face to obtain. No, Tweek is a freaking prince, and Clyde is his noble knight, who will give everything he has to protecting his majesty from the evil, antisocial dragon.
Once the dragon is out of the picture, the knight will dedicate himself to making his prince happy in every way imaginable.
He's not being entirely selfish, right? After all, Clyde knows that he can provide more to Tweek than Craig ever could in a relationship on all levels. It's not complicated: Craig isn't equipped to handle someone like Tweek, and Clyde is just more experienced being with another person, connecting to them mentally, emotionally, sexually…
The thought of Tweek beneath him sends a shiver down his spine. Cheeks heating up, Clyde shoves his hands into his pockets and speedwalks to soccer practice.
