Alexander sat at the top of the steps, listening to Pelagia's friends wake up and call to other guests still in the house. It was dawn and they wished to wake the bride and groom. A thin, blonde-haired girl stepped forward and began to sing, turning to grin at the other girls and the men from the Vanguard, who were well in to their cups and should have returned to the barracks long ago.

Alexander rested his head back against the wall, moving a little to get more comfortable, closing his eyes and thinking of the changes the marriage might make.

He had lain with women, sent to him by his mother, though only to appease her. Hephaistion understood why he had to do it, that the girls meant nothing to him, but this was different, this girl should mean something, as his wife, and she might break their friendship over time. He hesitated to admit it to himself, he feared nothing but losing Hephaistion.

The song was for Pelagia, to wake her and tell her she was a woman now, to rise up from her bed and take on her wifely duties, if not pleasuring her husband to get herself a child. The third verse was hardly begun before the door opened.

Alexander got to his feet to see Pelagia appear, dressed in a new gown, calling for Aspasia to help her with her hair. The nurse hurried forward and went in to the room with the girls following, laughing. Alexander could not help but smile as Hephaistion soon appeared, dressed in a plain chiton, looking over his shoulder as if in disbelief.

As Hephaistion turned to look on him Alexander could tell that he had performed his duties as a groom, it would have been the first time Hephaistion had lain with anybody else. Alexander stepped forward and embraced him, while the other men gathered around making jokes and crude suggestions as to what had happened during the night.

Downstairs a breakfast was being served. Hephaistion and Alexander led the way to find Phokas laying down a large plate of bread and meat, to see Cleitus asleep upon a dining couch, a youth wrapped around him.

"How was she then?" Sostrate asked.

"She's a pretty one," Epaphras said.

Hephaistion drank the cup of wine that Phokas poured for him.

"Tell us," pleaded Sostrate.

"Get a wife of your own and find out that way," replied Alexander, finding his comment received with laughter by the rest, enough to wake Cleitus, who pushed the youth off himself and struggled to his feet.

"Is there any wine?" Cleitus asked, calling the servant over. "How's the married man?" he asked seeing Hephaistion amongst the others.

Cleitus' answer came as the girls, including Pelagia, came down the stairs singing once again, this time a song that the bride's virginity had gone. They laughed and blushed as they pointed to Hephaistion, wishing him a son and commenting on his radiant wife.

Gifts were brought forward for the bride, a grill, a sieve and a pestle. Phokas brought a cup of milk for Pelagia, along with some bread and honey, which she drank and ate, while laughing with her female companions.

As the morning wore on the guests began to leave and Alexander found himself outside the house, alone with Hephaistion at last.

"It seems strange that I cannot call you to my rooms," Alexander said.

Hephaistion nodded but said nothing.

"We could go hunting in a couple of days, perhaps find a moment to be alone."

"Pelagia is innocent in this," Hephaistion said, shaking his head, "I've told myself that I can come to love her, though I don't know her. I should give her a chance, Alexander, she deserves as much as that."

Alexander felt his anger rise but he quickly overcame it, yet hearing Hephaistion's constant argument that Pelagia deserved a chance was grating on him. She did not know him, she did not love him. "So you can give me up?"

Hephaistion looked away, to some merchants walking along the street, before looking back at Alexander. "Your father will not tolerate us being together, if he should find out..."

"He won't, not if we are careful..."

"This is Pella, the place is rife with rumours and gossip, we have no place to be without someone reporting to your father, to gain favour by it," Hephaistion argued. He hesitated before he spoke again. "I always thought that nothing could make me give you up, Alexander, perhaps my arrogance in this belief tempted the fates but if I have to give you up to keep you safe then I will."

Alexander reached for Hephaistion's hand. "Don't say it," he whispered.

Hephaistion forced a smile. "I never intended to marry. Perhaps it is just the shock of finding myself with a bride, so soon, that I hadn't planned for." He sighed. "Alkaios leaves for Athens in two weeks time, until then there would be too great a risk to be seen with you, but even when he has gone it should just be to go hunting, or to meet in a symposium, Alexander. I cannot hurt Pelagia."

Alexander felt as if a knife had been struck in to his heart.

"I took her, Alexander. I feel that I should try to make this marriage work."

Alexander nodded and stepped back. "If you need me," he said.

Hephaistion smiled. "I know..."

Alexander turned and walked away.

OOXXOO

Hephaistion longed to run after Alexander, he took a few paces along the street to follow him. He had caused him pain when he had no intention to and thought that he should try again to explain his decision.

He wanted to be with Alexander above everything but it was not so simple now, not a choice they each could make when the king had voiced his disapproval, not from his own beliefs but to punish his son.

Cleitus came out of the house his arms around the youth he had been lying on the couch with, laughing as the boy flirted with him, ruffling his hair and pushing him away before walking over to where Hephaistion stood.

"You've no ideas about seeing Alexander have you?"

"Would you stop me?" Hephaistion asked, suddenly realising he might take the chance.

"Your wife is the daughter of an Athenian ambassador, Hephaistion. It would not be taken lightly if you were found disobeying the king's command to keep away from his son...and Alexander needs to learn he can't have everything his way." Cleitus looked over to the youth, who lingered on the street, waiting for him. "If you want the touch of a man there are plenty more to choose from, that goes for both you and Alexander." He called to the youth who came running over, happy to have Cleitus' arm wrapped around his waist. "We are back on the training ground in two days time, until then enjoy your bride," he said, before heading off towards the agora.

Hephaistion went back to the house, feeling that it was more of a prison than a home. Stepping in to the courtyard he saw Pelagia sitting with both Aspasia and Phokas, talking with them. She stood as he appeared and came to him.

"Did you not wish to go and spend some time with your friends?" she asked, softly.

"I thought I should be here with you," he replied, not knowing how to fill the time.

Pelagia took his hand and led him in to the main reception room. "I have a gift for you...well, it is from my father to his new son," she said, pulling back a cloth to reveal a copy of Euripedes play 'Iphelia at Augelia'. Hephaistion thought it apt as it was about sacrifice, he thanked her for it, then realised he had no gift for her."

"Have Phokas call a merchant to the house, any that you like, Pelagia, with silks or jewelery , anything that pleases you. Choose a gift that you would like."

Pelagia smiled with delight and turned to run to Aspasia telling her which merchant Phokas should go to. As Phokas left the house Pelagia ran after him and then returned to sit beside Aspasia once more.

Hephaistion ran his hand along the work by Euripedes, then picked it up and lay upon a couch to read it, passing time that way, though it grieved him to hear mention of Achilles as it made him think of Alexander and he wondered how he passed his time.

OOXXOO

Alexander had not expected to find Philotas waiting for him in his rooms. Tired from his vigil, angry at the fates, he was in no mood for Parmenion's son, who had no doubt come to offer his excuses and apologies.

"I would have liked to have gone...to Hephaistion's wedding," Philotas began.

"As you practically arranged it," snapped Alexander, calling for a servant to prepare a bath right after.

"Don't be angry with me, Alexander. You know that we have always been friends, but I was concerned, I asked my father what I should do. He said he would tell your father, that he would be able to word it properly, make it a joke to soothe the king..."

"And do you think it funny that my companions have been exiled and Hephaistion wed?" Alexander sighed. "I have no time for this..."

"But he would have found out at some time," Philotas argued, "he would have done the same no matter how he heard the news, you offered yourself, it was your decision, Alexander, whatever the outcome you began things."

"Thank you for waiting here to inform me of this, Philotas, but it is something I already knew. Now, be wise for once and leave me."

"I still wish to be your friend, Alexander."

"Because I have such a lack of them?" Alexander laughed bitterly. "You are a good soldier but a poor friend, Philotas. Go find someone else to spend your leisure with."

Philotas went to speak but Alexander raised his hand to stop him, then walked in to his bedroom, lying down upon his bed and thought of Hephaistion.

OOXXOO

Putting aside Euripedes, disturbed by laughter from the courtyard, Hephaistion stood up and went outside to see three merchants, all eager to sell their goods to Pelagia, who was holding up some silk against Aspasia, making her laugh, before turning to smile at Phokas who wore an engraved silver cuff.

"I said one merchant," Hephaistion said as he approached them.

Pelagia pouted. "But it makes me happy when I buy things, Hephaistion, my husband, and they are just trinkets, the cuff for Phokas, the silk for Aspasia and a necklace and fine sandals...and the blue silk for me."

"I thought one gift," said Hephaistion, trying to estimate the cost of Pelagia's greed and generosity.

"I do not need the silk," Aspasia said, not letting it go but running her hand along it.

"They have always been good to me, they have lost their old home too, I thought a gift would help but I did not realise that my new husband was so reluctant to part with his money."

The merchant with the silk had the decency to offer Hephaistion a sympathetic look. Pelagia began to cry, quietly, a tear ran down her cheek, and not wanting the marriage to get off to a poor start, and not knowing what else to do, Hephaistion agreed to the purchases and went to fetch some money, only to return to find Pelagia now laughing and set upon two rings and a hair comb as well.

"She's a pretty thing," Aspasia told him, "what are such things if they make her happy?"

The merchants took their leave and Pelagia went in to the kitchen with Aspasia, acting as the mistress of the house and organising what they should have for supper.

Phokas began to clear the breakfast things and put back the furniture to where it was usually located.

"Did you serve Alkaios long?" Hephaistion asked him.

"Long enough," came the laconic reply, Hephaistion had yet to receive a word of thanks for the cuff.

"Were you sorry to leave him? He will be going to Athens soon, I thought you might like to see the place again."

"Perhaps one day I will," Phokas replied and actually smiled at the thought. "Aspasia loves Pelagia," he added, "she has known her all her life, where I have only known her for a couple of years."

Hephaistion felt proud of himself for having coaxed a full sentence from the man. "Have you always been a servant?"

Phokas shook his head. "I was a merchant once but lost my fortune, my aunt obtained the position for me in Alkaios' house...and now here."

Another victory.

"Would you like a bath prepared?" Phokas asked.

"Later, in the evening," Hephaistion replied.

"You are restless here," Phokas said.

Hephaistion did not reply, instead he went to fetch his sword, then took a seat outside and began to sharpen it. He was still a soldier, that part of his life had not gone.

OOXXOO

Two days later Alexander brought Bucephalus out on to the training ground, riding over to where the vanguard were assembled and looking for Hephaistion, feeling it had been two years since he last saw him.

He found him in the centre of the group, calming his mare, while Epapharas and Sostrate joked with each other. As Hephaistion looked back up he caught sight of Alexander and smiled over at him, urging his horse forward to go alongside Bucephalus.

"Joy to you," Hephaistion said.

"Joy to you," Alexander replied, wanting to touch but stopping himself from doing so, instead he looked across the ground to where his father sat upon his battle horse, talking with Antipater, Attalus and Parmenion. The latter two were leaving for Persia on the next morning, at dawn and this was a final gathering of the entire army, a final chance to drill. Alexander smiled to think he might be a part of that invasion, that Hephaistion would be with him then, away from home and able to seek affection where he chose. There would be a delay though first, his sister would be married at Aegae before they could go and fight.

He turned back and smiled again. "We'll get a chance to spend some time together today, at least."

Hephaistion looked around at the rest of the vanguard. "Though not quite alone," he said and grinned.

"Are things alright," Alexander asked, thinking Hephaistion looked tired.

"I am happy enough, for the way things are," came the reply. Hephaistion could never help but be honest. "Though I am glad to be here," he said, returning the smile.

Alexander heard his father calling and knew it would just be for the days orders, instructions on what drills they needed to practice. He rode over, ignoring the dry wit of Attalus, thinking only that the man, who was a thorn in his side, would soon be gone yet Attalus laughed that Hephaistion was married and would have said more except for Parmenion telling him to be quiet, for which Alexander was grateful.

With an understanding of all that was required, Alexander rode back to the vanguard, calling out commands to his captains, seeing them followed and the cavalry begin to move, around behind the phalanx, splitting in two, equal parts taking the right and left flanks.

Hephaistion had come with him, rode alongside him now, as he always had. Alexander felt some relief that they could still be together this way and though Hephaistion seemed reserved at first, he came back to being more like himself as the day wore on.

By the time they headed back to the barracks they were relaxed again, having found a way to be together. It had only been a few days; a few days ago they could have headed back to the palace together, to his rooms and spent the night together if they chose to do so.

Now Hephaistion had a wife and a home to return to, but he seemed reluctant to leave the camaraderie of the barracks, dismounting and leading his horse over to the trough, joking with Epaphras.

Alexander jumped down from Bucephalus and went to join them.

"There's gambling tonight, if you want to come," Epaphras was saying.

"Not with the way the fates are playing with me," replied Hephaistion, patting his mares neck, then handing her to a groom who had come over for her.

"My father wants me to accompany him to Parmenion's house, for a farewell banquet," Alexander said, watching Bucephalus drink.

"To build bridges with Philotas?" asked Hephaistion.

"I think Philotas got the message the other day," Alexander replied, looking over to where Paemenion's son was sitting on his horse, talking to his father and the generals.

"He's a good soldier but..." Hephaistion said and smiled to see Alexander's reaction. "I know you," he whispered.

Alexander nodded, wanting to ask Hephaistion to spend some time with him...alone, if not spend the night. To let him touch once more, to defy his father and find a place to be.

"I hear Nicanor is home." Hephaistion moved to sit on the edge of the trough, close to where Alexander was standing.

"He'll go to Persia with Parmenion," Alexander replied, "I think Philotas will have to stay for Cleopatra's wedding and I'm glad he won't get to Persia before me."

Hephaistion nodded. "Parmenion has ambitious sons," he unstrapped his breastplate and pulled at his chiton, "I need a bath," he said.

Epaphras, who was still close by, heard this comment and moved quickly, grabbing Hephaistion by the waist and making as if he would dunk him in the trough. Hephaistion caught hold of Epaphras' arm to save himself from getting wet, laughing as he pushed back and wrestled Epaphras to the ground.

Alexander laughed to see Hephaistion fight back so ably, there was a beauty and a grace about his movements, the handsomeness of his form, well-formed muscles, well-defined, lightly tanned skin. He felt arousal and turned his attention to combing through Bucephalus' mane with his fingers, not daring to look further.

Epaphras fell with a thud to the floor but did not bother to get up and fight further. He held up his hands in submission, accepting Hephaistion's hand to help him up. He brushed the dust from his chiton. "Bathe here at the barracks, I have a fresh chiton you can borrow."

"I asked for a bath to be ready," Hephaistion said, "I would have put my servant to a lot of trouble for nothing if I bathe here".

"That's what servants are for," Epaphras said.

"What are they for?" Sostrate asked, coming over to join the conversation.

"To fetch and carry," replied Epaphras.

"I have a couple of girls to go and see. Do you want to come?" Sostrate asked his friend. "The one I don't want is not so ugly for an old man like you."

Epaphras went to fight with Sostrate but Sostrate ran off towards the baths.

"Would you like a drink of wine from the dining hall?" Hephaistion asked.

Alexander smiled and nodded then followed Hephaistion to find an empty table in the busy hall. A male slave hurried over to pour diluted wine into their cups.

"It's not the same as your rooms," Hephaistion said, as soon as they were alone, "but we are not alone and can talk here at least."

Alexander looked around, nobody seemed concerned by them being there. He looked in to his cup of wine, took a drink of it, then looked to Hephaistion. "If I could change this then I would," he said earnestly.

Hephaistion shook his head. "I don't see how you can, Alexander. This is the way your father sought to punish you, and innocent people are involved now. It's not that I can divorce Pelagia while her father is here...and so soon after, and if I waited until he left for Athens then that would leave the girl alone."

"You've thought about it then? Alexander asked, feeling hope rising.

Laughing softly, Hephaistion drank his wine, then hesitated before he spoke. "I'd be a liar to say I haven't, this was not my choice, Alexander, and though it has only been a few days it already feels like a lifetime." He looked at Alexander. "You are not alone in how you feel."

Alexander reached for Hephaistion's hand, only to have it withdrawn.

"And yet you deny me," Alexander whispered.

"For both our sakes," Hephaistion said.

Alexander remembered that Cleitus had told him Hephaistion might have been executed and pulled his own hand back, not wishing harm to the man he loved more than life. He thought of something else he could talk of.

"I had a letter from my mother this morning."

"Is she still scheming to return?"

"She is bitter about my uncle marrying Cleopatra, she knows my father can divorce her then..."

"And that would jeopardise your chances of taking the crown some day," Hephaistion said.

Alexander laughed. "You know her too well, you were always a subject of her scheming, she always wanted you out of the way."

"Then she would be pleased now."

"Or displeased that my father can achieve what she could not."

Laughter filled the room, from a group sitting in a corner, a man got up from the floor having fallen from his stool.

Alexander turned back to see Hephaistion studying him, his eyes held a sadness.

"I wanted to spend time with you, Alexander, but now you're here I do not know what we can talk of without reminding each other of our pain. I don't want to talk of married life, of what I know of it so far, and there is nothing else for me except the vanguard and you, at least, share that with me. I don't want to talk of barracks gossip, who has quarrelled with who, how the gambling went last night, who drank the most and who throws the best spear. I want you, Alexander, but as we were, not how we are, and this pains me too greatly to continue it, to pretend we are only friends when you are so much more to me."

Alexander was stunned by Hephaistion's words and only sat and watched while Hephaistion stood up and left the room without looking back once. He stood then and went to follow, wanting to catch up with him but with every hurried step he took he knew Hephaistion was right. They could never be just friends, that moment had passed long ago.

He fetched Bucephalus and rode back to the palace.

OOXXOO

Hephaistion made his way back to the house, determined not to pain himself with thoughts of Alexander any more, he had to put aside the past and deal with the present, with no hopes for the future.

As he walked in to the courtyard Phokas came out from the kitchen, carrying a jug of water and informed him that the bath had been ready for a while.

It did not matter, nothing seemed to matter. Hephaistion stripped off his clothes, then kicked off his cavalry boots and stepped in to the tepid water, sitting down, aware of Phokas watching him so he freed the man of any further duties that night.

He wiped at his face and sank down to wet his hair, wondering whether Pelagia was in her rooms with Aspasia, he had not thought to ask.

The day after the wedding she had retired early to her own bed, saying that she was tired, then she was not well last night. He supposed he could not blame her for avoiding him in bed, he had not been as attentive as he should have been, not so loving.

There was a comfort in her remoteness, better she be that way than fawning all over him, trying too hard to please.

His thoughts led him back to Alexander and so he closed his eyes and said a fervent prayer to Aphrodite to help him love Pelagia.

He sank under the water once his prayer was done, then stood and reached for a fibula, oiling his skin and cleansing himself. When he was done he dressed in a clean chiton and walked barefoot in to the main room, finding Phokas putting out a plain supper of bread and cheese.

Where is Pelagia?" he asked.

Phokas shrugged his shoulders. "With Aspasia I think...she ate earlier, I think she has retired to her rooms."

Go tell her I would like to see her," Hephaistion said, thinking he was sure he heard the servant sigh before he went about his task.

The bread was stale, the cheese was rancid. Hephaistion picked up his plate and made his way to the kitchen intent on finding something edible. He had not eaten all day and wanted something more substantial than bread and cheese.

He found an empty pot, which had contained a meat broth, now soaking in some water, the smell of it still lingered in the air. It appeared the servants were eating better than he was. An apple, sitting alone in a wooden bowl, was rotten on one side.

"Is there something wrong?"

It was Pelagia, standing in the doorway, looking at him as if had no cause to be in the kitchen. He realised he probably should not have been but he was hungry.

"Is there nothing to eat here but stale bread and rotten cheese?" he asked.

Pelagia stepped in to the kitchen, pointing at the empty pot.

There was a stew but I did not know when you would return and so we ate it."

"Has Aspasia not made bread? Did you not send Phokas out for more supplies?"

Pelagia pouted and ran her hand along the empty table.

Hephaistion sighed.

"Aspasia has been helping me to make a gown, one I thought might please you and we did go out for supplies, because Phokas needed to prepare your bath, and while we were out I saw a necklace...this necklace," Pelagia lifted her hand to her neck where a silver torque necklace now sat. "I did not have enough money for things to eat then, but I shall send Phokas in the morning, who will not be distracted by anything." Pelagia turned to him, looking at him appealingly. "Please do not be angry with me." Her eyes filled with tears.

"I have gone hungry before, but I do not have endless funds, Pelagia, I know that you like beautiful things but you cannot buy everything you see."

"You are angry with me," Pelagia said, accusingly.

"I am tired and hungry, Pelagia."

Pelagia thought for a moment and then smiled. "I could have Phokas go to my mother and have her send something to me, for your supper."

Hephaistion shook his head. "And they might think that you are failing your duty as a wife," he said softly. Thinking it might be something a husband would do, Hephaistion went to her and embraced her.

Oh," Pelagia replied, pouting once more.

"You will learn, as I will learn," he whispered, kissing her brow, then lifting up her chin so he could claim her lips."

Not here," Pelagia snapped and broke the embrace, leaving the kitchen and heading across the courtyard.

Hephaistion hurried after her and caught hold of her right wrist pulling her round, Pelagia squealed, though he did not hold her hard, but he let go of her.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked.

Anger flashed in Pelagia's eyes, her lips parted to speak but then she held her tongue and took a deep breath, looking to where Aspasia and Phokas had appeared on the stairs before looking back to Hephaistion. "I made you angry, you'll hate me for it," she said.

"I don't understand you," breathed Hephaistion.

"Then go be with Alexander," Pelagia screamed, before running towards her nurse, going past her and up the stairs.

Hephaistion watched Aspasia follow her charge, then Phokas as he went to the kitchen. He stood alone, his world had fallen apart.

"I can't be with him," he whispered to no-one.