The following day, the army gathered, in parade dress, to say farewell to the men led by Attalus and Parmenion.
Alexander was sitting astride Bucephalus, next to his father, watching the men march by as the paeon was sung.
Attalus rode over, simpering, as usual, to his father, bragging that he would bring glory in Persia and await his king before advancing further. He then called to Eurydice, who had, with other citizens of Pella, come to watch the army mobilise, wishing her a son.
Not able to bear the man's presence, Alexander looked over to the vanguard, standing in line on the other side of the training ground. He sought and found Hephaistion, looking straight ahead, somehow detached from his surroundings. Looking back to the crowds he then found Alkaios, standing with his family, Pelagia amongst them, talking intently with her mother. Then his eyes found their way back to Hephaistion before Parmenion's cavalry blocked him from view.
"It's finally happening," Philip called to those around him, watching Attalus go with his men. "If Cleopatra were not to be wed then I would have wanted to lead the way...still there are things to do first, in Persia."
Antipater answered him, commenting on information they had received from Persian spies.
Alexander looked to his father, wishing things were right between them. They were polite with each other but wary at the same time. Alexander resented his father's interference and that he punished him so hard for his mistakes.
He turned and watched the parade, then once the cavalry had gone by he looked again to Hephaistion, deciding he would go to him after it was done, if only for a few moments to make the day worthwhile.
After the parade, when all had marched away, Philip had Alexander ride with him, over to Cleitus, and wait while he talked and joked with the favoured general. Alexander saw the vanguard dismissed, watched as Hephaistion rode over to Alkaios and dismounted, seeing Alkaios embrace his new son. Hephaistion then went with them, looking to Pelagia who wrapped her arms around him for a moment, smiling up at him.
"Did you hear me, Alexander?"
Alexander turned to see his father had been talking to him.
"We'll be hunting tomorrow," Cleitus said.
OOXXOO
Hephaistion looked over at Pelagia, as if she were a mystical thing, something from the gods that he could not understand.
She had been quiet with him that morning, hardly speaking to him, let alone looking at him over breakfast, not there when he left for the stables but now, with her family around her, she laughed and smiled, held his hand, leaned close and talked of their marriage as if Aphrodite herself had sanctioned it.
When her sister had commented on how handsome he looked in armour, Pelagia had softly chided her, telling her to find herself her own husband, though she was sure she would find none so handsome.
Alkaios and Theophania were looking at each other as if they were the wisest parents, pleased to have made their daughter happy, or perhaps relieved to have her living somewhere else, the thought crossed Hephaistion's mind as he sat, in their home, at dinner.
At least there was food to eat, Pelagia had told Aspasia to make bread, very pointedly, and fresh today, not thinking of the invitation to her parent's house, that bread was not required, it would be stale again tomorrow when it was.
Pelagia's brothers asked him questions about the army, what it was like to be in a battle, if he had any scars and if he was scared to die, amongst others. He answered them, it passed the time and soon the day was gone and he was alone with Pelagia, walking her home.
She had gone quiet again.
Struggling to find a topic to talk on, to find some common ground, Hephaistion reached for his wife's hand, only to have it pulled away from him, Pelagia acting as though she needed to brush away a wayward curl from her face.
Hephaistion bit his lip. To say anything, to ask any questions, would no doubt bring a tirade or tears in the street and so he stayed silent too.
Nearing the house Phokas came in to sight, crouched down against a wall, talking with two men who did not have the look of fellow servants or even merchants, but of soldiers. They were not dressed so well as the men in Philip's army might have been, they did not appear to be Macedonian.
Phokas stood up as he saw his Master and Mistress approach, the two men muttered farewells and headed along another street as Phokas gave a bow.
"Who were they?" Hephaistion asked.
Phokas shrugged his shoulders. "I just met them, we got talking, that is all."
Hephaistion felt some annoyance. The man's attitude stank of arrogance and though he answered the question he had not bothered with any detail. Tired after the day, he decided to let the insolence go this time but noted that he might have to have words and if he did then Phokas would have no doubt of what his failings were, might even find himself on the streets with his two new friends.
"Phokas is allowed to spend his leisure as he wishes," Pelagia stated.
Turning to his wife, Hephaistion sighed. It appeared she had no qualms about a quarrel on the street and the last thing he wanted to do was fight with her, they were strangers still and an argument would not help matters.
"They were soldiers, " he replied, softly.
"So?" Pelagia snapped. "There are many soldiers in Pella, is Phokas not to talk to any of them?" She looked to her servant, who smiled on hearing her defend him.
"They were not from Pella, not from Macedonia," said Hephaistion, knowing at once that he had given Pelagia a weapon.
Open-mouthed, Pelagia took a breath as she prepared to attack. "I am not from Pella. Not from Macedonia. Neither are Phokas or Aspasia. Do you look down on us? Is that it? Will you dictate how we must live our lives because you are so arrogant? Is it a Macedonian bride you sought? In that case then divorce me," she railed, the final sentence almost a scream. She turned and hurried along the street, with Phokas going after her. "Divorce me!" she screamed again.
A man came to his door, watched the girl hurrying along the street, then gave a pitiful look to Hephaistion. Windows opened, women looking out to find the cause of the disturbance, there was laughter, some shouted advice.
Hephaistion took a step back, changing his direction. He headed through the agora, past the temple of Aphrodite, frowning on the goddess's statue, past the merchant's houses to the barracks. He nodded in reply to greetings given and made his way to his old room, entering it and closing the door. The mattress was folded on the bed, he unrolled it and lay down. Now he could breath again, here at the barracks not the prison of a house with the girl who wanted to be a bride but not a wife.
With no intention of returning that night, with no wish for company, Hephaistion closed his eyes and tried to sleep.
00XXOO
The next morning, Hephaistion woke to think the marriage had all been a dream. Lost for a moment, before he remembered why he had come to the barracks, feeling the pain of his enforced separation from Alexander, stronger than ever.
He left his room and headed to Nikias', knocking on the door to find the man had just finishing washing.
"Did you sleep well?" Nikias asked, laughing at the confusion his question caused. "You were seen going to your old room last night, there has been talk."
A servant came by, Hephaistion asked for water to be fetched so that he might wash himself too. He looked on Nikias, envying him his freedom.
"She's a pretty thing."
"But difficult to live with," Hephaistion replied.
Nikias laughed, reaching for a chiton to put on. "A lover's spat, that is all. You will have fun in the making up, no doubt."
Hephaistion nodded. The servant hurried back, Nikias sat upon the bed and cleaned his sword, watching while Hephaistion undressed and began to wash.
"Borrow my comb, it's there on the shelf."
Hephaistion washed his body, then dried himself. He then shaved his face and reached for the comb. Saying nothing, feeling if he spoke he would tell everything in the hope of gaining an answer to his problems. Only the king could give him what he wanted and it had only been a few days since his marriage, too soon for Philip's temper to have cooled.
"Here, let me have it back later," Nikias said, passing him a fresh chiton.
Hephaistion thanked him and put it on, leaving his own for the servant to have washed. "I better go home, breakfast might be waiting."
Nikias stood up. "What if it isn't? I have five sisters, older sisters, my father had to work hard for a son," he smiled. "I know how they simmer on things, how they would see you go hungry and take delight from it." He slapped Hephaistion on the shoulder. "Come. We'll go eat at the dining hall. Go home on a full stomach, Hephaistion, that is my advice."
Conceding to Nikias' logic, Hephaistion went over to the dining hall, meeting up with others on the way, until he found himself in the centre of a good-natured group, laughing with them, until things did not seem so bad.
OOXXOO
It was mid-morning by the time he headed for the stables to fetch his horse. He rode along the streets and in to the courtyard of his house, finding his wife, sitting with the servants.
He held out his hand to her. "Come."
Pelagia hurried to her feet, looking back to Aspasia and then Phokas as she came to him and took his hand.
Hephaistion lifted her up in front of him, holding her safe, then turned his horse and headed out in to the streets, towards the nearest gate that would take them away from the city. Pelagia called to some girls that she knew, waving to them, laughing at their obvious desire to be held in such a way, to have a husband who would treat them so.
"They all think you are handsome," Pelagia purred, "they all would want you."
Wanting to say that she had talked of divorce last night, Hephaistion bit his lip. "We will ride out to the river, I think you will like it there."
Pelagia pointed to the distant mountains. "Can we not go there instead?"
Laughing, Hephaistion pointed out that the mountains were two days ride away, but as they reached the city gate he turned his horse towards them. They could reach some hills soon enough which should satisfy her wishes.
He urged the mare forward, in to a slow canter, but Pelagia wanted more speed, so they galloped for a while, up to the hills, while Pelagai turned and held him tightly. He saw fear upon her face, realised the speed was frightening her and so he slowed the pace once more.
"Are you sure those mountains are so far?"
"I've hunted in them often enough."
Pelagia gave sigh, then looked to him and smiled. "Let me ride alone."
"The mare is strong, you might not hold her."
"I can ride, my father and brothers let me. You will see."
"I will see you fall."
"You don't believe I can do it." Pelagia pouted.
Hephaistion had hoped to mend things between them and now another argument was brewing. He reined in the mare and waited while Pelagia sat astride and took the reins, then he jumped down. She was no rider, his mare would know it and take advantage. He reached for the reins, intending on leading her.
"I want to do it on my own," Pelagia snapped.
Hephaistion let go of the reins and stepped back, watching as his new wife turned the mare too sharply, held her too tightly between her legs and almost lost her balance as the mare began to trot. Pelagia gripped harder, the mare bucked, then began to canter, ignoring Pelagia's cries which only caused more speed. Pelagia dropped the reins and clung to the mare's mane.
Giving a quick, sharp whistle, Hephaistion instantly slowed the pace of the mare, who turned to come towards him. Grateful that Alexander had once challenged him to train the mare as he had trained Bucephalus, that, at the time, he was annoyed that the mare would only learn to come to the whistle, he was glad for it now.
He hurried to his horse, took the reins and reached up for Pelagia, lifting her down to the ground.
"She is a wilful creature," Hephaistion said, thinking the phrase applied more to the woman in his arms.
"Then you should sell her."
"Or divorce her."
Pelagia studied him for a moment, looking into her husband's eyes as if to guess his thoughts. "I was angry with you," she whispered.
"Aspasia and Phokas are servants, not friends, Pelagia. You must remember that."
Pelagia opened her mouth to protest but then said nothing although her face flushed.
"Did you want to get married?
"Yes," came the reply, but she looked away, would not look in to his eyes.
"Sometimes you do not act that way," Hephaistion said, putting his hand under her chin, lifting her face so she had to look at him. "Sometimes you act as though you would prefer to be at your father's house, still playing with your toys."
"I am a woman," Pelagia protested.
"Then it is time to let go of the past," replied Hephaistion, wondering if he were saying it to himself or to his new bride.
"You love Alexander," whispered Pelagia, as if she truly could read his mind.
"We cannot be together. I have you now."
Pelagia frowned. "But you would be with him if you could. You lie with me and think of him. I know this."
Hephaistion pulled Pelagia close. From the hills, from where he stood, he could see the whole of Pella. Somewhere within the city walls was Alexander and he loved him with every fibre of his being, he would always love him, but he was not being fair to Pelagia, and he could see how all their problems came from her belief that he would never love her. He had to try to make things right, to finally accept the days with Alexander, the nights were in the past.
"I apologise, Pelagia," he said. "I did not want this marriage, it is true. I promise you this though, from this day on, I will try to make you happy, try to make love grow between us."
"You do not love me?" Pelagia almost seemed surprised.
Hephaistion laughed, then leaned forward and claimed a kiss from her lips, feeling Pelagia's arms wrap around him as she parted her lips to deepen the kiss.
"All the girls want you," she murmured as the kiss ended. She sought another. "They say they envied Alexander, but now they envy me."
Hephaistion let his hands caress her body, trying to familiarise himself with the soft contours, which still felt strange to him. Pelagia moaned and moved in to his touch. He broke the kiss, looking in to her eyes and seeing desire there, he had dropped the mare's reins at some point, he now took his wife's hand and led her up the hill, to a place where the city was out of sight, where tall rocks hid them from view and there was a small area, covered in grass that would suffice as a bed.
He lay Pelagia down and quickly undressed himself, before lying down next to her, taking her in his arms, telling himself that all was good, that he could live with this. Unclipping her gown he pulled the fabric away to bare her breasts, reaching for them, caressing them, while he kissed his wife, as she arched her back and moaned.
He undressed her, her hands guiding him, helping him, until she was naked before him, different this time in her desire, she touched him, caressed him, encouraged him.
Desire building in him, needing release, as Pelagia seemed to need it too, he pushed her legs apart and lay over her, positioning himself, while Pelagia writhed beneath him, urging him on, as if she could not get enough of him.
He entered her, as gently as he could when his need to feel her, to feel the tightness around him was almost too much. He thrust forward, taking pleasure from the act as Pelagia clung to him, moaning and whimpering, clawing at his back, encouraging him on. She cried out, losing herself, then clung to him, kissing his neck, as she urged him to come inside of her.
Crying out, Hephaistion reached his own release, waves of ecstasy crashing through his body before the thought that he was letting Alexander go brought him back to earth, before the realisation that everything he had just done had all just been an act, there had been nothing done in love. He swallowed back these thoughts and kissed Pelagia's lips, thanking her, caressing her and telling himself he would learn to love her, it would just take time. Perhaps their first child would bring love with it.
He withdrew and sat up, shocked by where his thoughts had taken him. A child. He had never thought of children before. A son he could call Alexander...a daughter... He looked at Pelagia, watching her dress and absently reached for his own clothes. A daughter might take after her mother, might be as wilful and spoilt as the woman he hoped to love.
Standing up he helped Pelagia to her feet, embracing her and thanking her once more, as he thought a husband should. He dressed and turned to see Pelagia standing high upon the rocks above him, too close to the edge, her gown blowing in the breeze, her tousled hair lifted around her.
"Be careful, not so close to the edge," he warned, climbing up to stand a little way behind her."
Pelagia turned and laughed. "What if I should fall? Do you think I might survive?" She looked down. "If the rocks were little higher then I would be killed. Would you mourn me, Hephaistion? Would you think of me at all?"
"Pelagia this is madness," Hephaistion said, stepping closer to her, close enough to think that he might save her if she fell.
"Women have no choices," Pelagia said. "Women have to obey what their father's, what their husband's would have them do. They have no choices." She smiled and turned to look over the edge. "But if they are clever...they might find a way to have all they desire." She laughed and stepped back, embracing Hephaistion as she came over to him. "I am a clever woman," she said and laughed, pushing away from him, running over to the mare.
Hephaision followed, confused by her. Wondering if all women were the same.
0000
Alexander finished the letter to his mother, sealing it before handing it to a servant to give to the messenger who would soon be leaving for Dodona.
In a way, he wished he could go to his mother, and talk to her in person. He felt isolated and alone within the palace, with no companions, no one to talk to, other than his father's men. The brief times he had seen Hephaistion, too many people had been with them to talk freely and he could only guess how things were for him, think over it all when he was alone.
On a couple of nights he had dined with Philotas, just to have the silence broken, just to take his thoughts away from where they led, but tonight there would be a banquet, a farewell feast as Alkaios was leaving in the morning. The Athenian ambassador would come to say his goodbyes and with him would come his sons, and his son-in-law, Hephaistion.
Noting the position of Apollo in the sky, Alexander stood up and went to the balcony. Late afternoon, time he should be making his way to his father's rooms, to accompany him to the banqueting hall.
He waited a moment, settling the turmoil inside his head, knowing he should act the loving son when his father had been too harsh. All that he had done forgotten for a single mistake.
Taking a deep breath, calming himself he turned and left his rooms, heading along the hallways to find his father, already well in to his cups, laughing with Cleitus and Antipater over some joke, some story he had heard.
His father sobered a little, seeing him arrive, straightened his long chiton and pulled his chlamys up on to his shoulders. With a grunt he lifted himself up off the couch he had been lying on and with only a nod to his son he led the way to the dining hall where guests were already gathered.
As his father settled himself, while Antipater took the couch next but one on Philip's right, Cleitus the one after, as servants rushed forward to serve more wine, Alexander looked around the room for Hephaistion. With no sign of him, Alexander took the couch on the left of his father, taking wine from a servant and drinking down a cup of it right away.
As the servant poured more wine, Alkaios arrived, hurrying in, aware that he was late, his sons behind him, Hephaistion behind them. While the ambassador apologised for his tardiness, while his sons stood dutifully behind their father, Hephaistion took some offered wine from a servant and came over to the couch next to Alexander and sat down, smiling at him.
Alexander returned the smile, wishing at the same time he could pull the man before him in to his arms and kiss his lips. Envious of Hephaistion's wine cup as Hephaistion drank, his lips soft against the rim of it.
"Alkaios was arguing with one of his sons...Andreas," Hephaistion said. "He has met a girl he wants to marry, while he has been here, but apparently a Macedonian girl is not good enough for their family."
Alexander looked over at Alkaois, watching him take the couch next to his father, then turned back to Hephaistion."Will you try to find some time alone with me tonight?"
Before Hephaistion could answer, Alkaios' sons came over, the love sick Andreas sitting down by Hephaistion's side, looking to the floor, unhappy with his lot.
Servants hurried in, carrying trays of food, musicians began to play and laughter and talk filled the hall.
Alexander patted the couch he was on, trying to get Hephaistion to come to his side, but he would not, so they could not talk unless they shouted over the noise and then all around could hear them. Alexander called for more wine, watching Hephaistion eat, while talking to Andreas, trying to lift his mood.
When all had eaten their fill, Philip stood and made a toast, as was customary, for Alkaios' health and prosperity, wishing him safe passage back to Athens. In turn Alkaios stood and made a speech, well-rehearsed and over-long, praising Macedonia, Philip's hospitality, the beautiful women, the educated men, before turning to politics, but Clietus reached over Antipater, snagging Alkaios' robe, pulling him back down to the couch. All laughed, Alkaios with them though he was clearly upset to have had his speech cut short.
As Alkaios had mentioned the beautiful women of Macedonia, Andreas had decided he had had enough and shot up from his couch, storming out of the room by the nearest exit. Hephaistion looked to Alexander, then hurried after him to try to bring him back.
Alexander waited a moment, then put down his wine cup and stood, walking slowly, talking to others, as if he was in no hurry, then reaching the exit he turned and ran along it, hoping to catch up with Hephaistion and be alone that way.
The gods were with him, definitely with him, as he turned a corner he saw Hephaistion on his way back, walking back to the dining hall alone.
Alexander stepped in to view, to see Hephaistion look around, obviously checking that the hallway was deserted. His footsteps faltered, it was the first time they had been alone since the wedding morning.
"We should not be like this," Hephaistion warned, holding up his hands as if intending to stop Alexander getting close.
Alexander broke the defences taking Hephaistion in his arms, and before he could protest he kissed his lips.
Like a drowning man being given water, Hephaistion reacted to the kiss, as if his life depended upon it.
Alexander grabbed Hephaistion's chiton, clutching it, pulling Hephaistion around then pushing him back against the wall, his hands exploring the body he knew so well
"No," Hephaistion murmured, but he held Alexander all the same, returning the kisses with equal passion.
Overwhelmed with desire, Alexander encouraged Hephaistion to turn his face to the wall intending to take him there and then only, somewhere along the hall, a door opened and then closed and Hephaistion pushed back and freed himself.
"We can't do this...be like this," Hephaistion said.
"You want me as much as I want you, I know it," Alexander argued, feeling his temper rise in his frustration. "Or do you not want me any more, Hephasition? You have a wife to satisfy you now, perhaps she gives you more than I ever did." He took a deep breath, softened his voice. "Hephaistion. Just a moment, that is all I ask." He looked around and saw alcove they could go to, he held out his hand.
"Not here. Not now. Not like this," whispered Hephaistion.
"Afraid to upset your father-in-law?" Alexander challenged.
"No, your father, Alexander. I won't see you throw away your future, see your dreams turn in to nothing. I share those dreams, remember? You mean more to me than anything, you always will, but now is not the time for us to be together."
"Perhaps you wanted it to end; perhaps you welcomed this marriage as a way of ridding yourself of me," Alexander snapped, knowing as he spoke the words that they were not true, not able to stop himself hurting the one person he had never wanted to hurt. The wine had made him unreasonable, he knew it but he could not stop himself.
Hephaistion looked as though he had been hit. "You know that is a lie," he said, stepping forward, intending to embrace his friend.
Alexander pushed him away, not understanding why he did so, wanting to stop himself, to pull Hephaistion in to his arms but not able to. The hurt ran deep within him, the jealousy of Pelagia being able to lie with this man every night, the anger with his father for ordering the marriage, the pain of separation, of Hephaistion refusing him when they were finally alone. "Go be with your family...with your wife," Alexander urged him, hoping Hephaistion would stay.
"You are not alone in this," Hephaistion said.
"I shall do well to find a new companion," spat Alexander, not able to stop himself.
Tears sprang forth in Hephaistion's eyes, he nodded his understanding, then turned away, but instead of heading back towards the hall he walked away in the opposite direction, beginning to run just before he disappeared from view.
Alexander stood a moment, feeling dead inside. He turned to go back to the dining hall as he did so he saw Cleitus watching him. He wondered just how much the man had heard, how long he had been there, then without a word he walked right by him and made his way back to the banquet.
0000
Alkaios and his family left the next morning. Hephaistion and Pelagia were there to say goodbye and Hephaistion held his young wife to him, comforting her as she cried.
It was the first time that he had held her, since the morning they had ridden out of Pella. She had avoided him ever since her return, making sure she was not alone with him, and telling Aspasia to tell him she was unwell, her head hurt, she was too tired or busy with running the house.
Hephaistion sighed. He had looked forward to the banquet last night, it had been a beacon in the darkness of his life, to see Alexander once more. He had resolved to go to him, to spend time with him. When they met out in the hallway, when they kissed, it was what he wanted, but one of them had to see the sense of it. As the door opened he had realised the risk and broken away but he had not expected Alexander to react just as he did.
"You'll see them again, Pelagia," he soothed.
Pelagia shook her head, crying as though her world had ended. Hephaistion put his arm around her waist and, holding her close, began to walk her home, perhaps Aspasia would know what to say to calm her, he wished the woman had come with them.
Reaching the house, Pelagia pulled away from him and took comfort from her nurse, who led her away to her rooms, though Pelagia's cries could be heard all around the courtyard.
Phokas took the opportunity to excuse himself and hurried out on to the street so Hephaistion headed to the kitchen and fetched a cup and poured some wine.
He lifted up the flask, intending to get drunk, thinking that would be the way to stop the memories of last night echoing through his mind. To block Alexander declaring he would find a new companion. He sat upon a couch and lifted the cup, a toast to Caria coming to mind. Laughing to himself he realised he could not drink the wine, that he had found a way to stop himself from easing his pain.
Alexander and the Carian princess, the idea of him marrying her. Hephaistion shook his head and threw the cup hard against the wall, watching the wine flow down it, red like blood, to touch the remnants of the cup.
