Endless Dusk
by Caius Carvaldi
I look down below at my relatives, all wearing black. Except my Aunt Rose, she never wore black to a funeral. She stood there in her pink sun dress giving lectures on how my dad had mishandled money and that he had borrowed a hundred dollars from her. Great day to bring up that conversation. Mother and her new boyfriend did not attend, out of town, sailing the Pacific Ocean, I overheard. Typical of her. Grandma wiping her tears away. I had spent most of my childhood summers at Grandma's place down by the riverbed. How dad would push me on the tire tube swing, as I begged to go higher. Tears stream down my cheeks. God, I miss him already. It had been a few years since I had spoken to him. I do not regret having gone into obscurity. He probably would have died sooner if he knew all the shit I had been through. And I could not live with myself if I had brought harm to my real father. Many saw Edward and me as radical instigators, out to change the vampire lineage for our love. And it was not long after our daughter was born that The Volturi Revolt erupted and within it an insurrection created a group of fascists out to cleanse the world of "abnormal" vampires and their descendants. Those who do not wish to harm the humans. Us. Carrying this burden came with a price. Isolation from the ones you love. Wish I had said goodbye to Charlie. He did not even have a chance to meet my daughter. Oh, how he would have loved her. I hope she is safe; it was too dangerous to bring her here. I stare into Edward's eyes and lean my head against his chest. He knows me. We will have to leave soon. I am weak when it comes to death. The priest throws some water around, some landing on my human relatives, but our altitude, high on a Juniper tree, keeps us hidden from their view. My dad's relatives and friends throw a handful of dirt on the coffin as it is lowered a few feet, then after some tearful goodbyes they head to their respective cars and drive off.
Unseen, Edward and I climb down from the Juniper tree in seconds. He is silent, on alert, and looks around, making sure there are no witnesses around. They cannot see me, I wish I could of been there among my family, comforting them, no matter how extremely dysfunctional they might be, but the sun would of given us away. I reach toward the wooden casket and reminisce about the times my dad played hide and seek with me. He loved me so. He would never say it out loud, but I knew he did. Not fair. One bullet and his life was over. It was his day off. Why did he have to answer that call? How fragile humans are. Gone in seconds by a small piece of metal. Well, even we vampires have our own weaknesses I suppose. How I wish I would have been there, before his heart stopped, and given him life once again, but I could not have handled the guilt of giving this burden to someone who did not long for it as I did. I lay a necklace on top of his casket, one he had bought me for Christmas when I was ten. I had never taken it off, til now.
Edward senses danger, We have to go, he says to me in my mind, his thoughts continue, we were not welcome here. I climb on Edward's back, my legs trembled, I was not up for a chase, and we disappear among the shadows of the trees. I look back. Jacob stands there, his black hair now long as it had been when we first met, shirtless, more tanned and muscular from the many years of hunting in the wild I suppose. He was surrounded by his pack of brothers, or where they his kids?, I thought to myself, as Jacob looks around sniffing the air. We were not seen. Did he sense my return? Or did he know I would visit my father's funeral. Did he long to see me? It had been ten years since we last saw each other, and as I felt him, I knew our special bond had not been broken. Even from a few meters away, I could hear his heart beating ever so rapidly. As fate would have it, he would be my last memory of this small town; an old, unrequited love, a small part still lingering in both of us perhaps. If it were not for a stronger force, Edward, one which had caught me off guard, blinding me to a false sense of wonderment and fantasy I had only read in books and seen in movies, my life would be different now. Maybe it would have been a little more normal with Jacob, but not quite. No sense in thinking of the past. Back then I could have the made the choice of dating Mike and had a normal life as a doting housewife, one where my daughter would of had a carefree childhood, instead of one where she is so confined, under the protection of the Volturi.
But I could not see myself leaving my loving Edward, he is so attached to Renesmee, she is the reason he remains here with me. After injecting me with his venom, he did not want to live, knowing he had given me such an immense burden, one I had wanted so selfishly years before, but its side effects I do not think I could ever overcome. My thirst for blood is ever-present, driving me to insanity at times, I was a hardy meat eater when I was a human, and now as a vampire I have tasted a human and I craved it. Edward has helped me through these tough times, when I salivate for human blood and then my thoughts turn to my daughter, and I control myself. Renesmee, my sole reason to go on with this life of darkness and insatiable hunger, is almost 13 human years. She is growing up so fast, it won't be long before her eyes open up, and boys will be clogging up her mind.
Saying goodbye to Forks is equally hard on Edward, the fond memories the small town held for him, the first time he kissed me replaying in his head. I can see his thoughts. He loves me. And this trip only assured me of that. Yet, there was no reason for me to return to Forks now. Ten years had passed, my friends had moved on, most had graduated college, married, and had children; settling into nearby cities. No family here waiting for my return either. Most live down in Colorado and East Texas. And my dad was gone. The Cullens had also moved taking up a permanent residence in Italy, under the protection of the remaining Volturi Guard, where my little girl waits for our return. No reason to ever come back to this godforsaken, claustrophobic town.
Hope he knew I loved him.
Chapter 2
September 2009
