Chapter 3

As soon as Leah saw Renee Swan, she had to resist the urge to either run back upstairs or punch the woman. There is a reason why out of all the character in the books she hated Renee almost as much as she hated Edward and that is saying something since anytime she saw the movies with Sarah she spends more time imagining how many ways she would have killed him. There is no way we can coexist together peacefully, Leah wryly thought to herself. She has not been in the woman's presence five god damned minutes and she was already asking Bella a shit ton of questions.

"Bella? where are the keys?"

"Bella? Did you get the dry cleaning the other day?"

"Bella? Where are my shoes?"

"Bella" Why does this light not work?"

On and on it went for nearly twenty minutes. Twenty long minutes of my life that were wasted. Twenty minutes that I had to hold myself back from screaming at the scatter-brained woman that I wasn't her nanny and to get up off her lazy ass and figure this shit out for herself. God if this is what the real Bella had to suffer through than it is not wonder she was so desperate and stupid enough to get involved with the Cullen's. Don't get her wrong some of the Cullen's were…tolerable. But other than that, Leah just wanted to scream at Bella to run the fuck away from the personification of dysfunctional that the family was. Hell, maybe Bella should have moved to another state entirely, far away from Forks. In a galaxy, far far away… Leah snickered to herself.

"Bella?" Leah resisted the urge the groan, just barely. Turning to the newfound bane of her existence, she saw Renee at the door, her newfound keys in hand and two mismatched shoes on her feet which were tapping impatiently on the floor. With her hip cocked and tapping foot, the woman was the picture of impatience. Really woman! We would have been out the door almost a half hour ago if it weren't for your dumb ass and you are impatient with me? Raising an incredulous eyebrow at this woman's audacity, Leah huffed and stomped passed the woman. Good god I can't wait to blow this popsicle stand! Hopefully I won't have to kill her before I can get on that plane to the utensil State.

One very long and trying car ride later and Leah was reconsidering her thought of not trying to kill the infuriating older woman. Oh MY GOD! I want to kill this infuriating, annoying, judgmental, scatterbrained, stupid thing! Leah raged silently to herself, torn between trying to jump out of the car to escape the woman or to lunge forward and strangle her. Thankfully they arrived at the airport in one piece minus her sanity.

Almost crying with relief, Leah sprung from the car and grabbed her suitcase and carry on and escaped to customs before the woman even got out of the car.

"FLIGHT 767 BOARDING NOW! FLIGHT 767 BOARDING NOW!"

Glancing at the ticket clutched in her hand, Leah hurried to the gate to board her plane. By the time Renee caught up to her, Leah was safe inside the plane. Thank whatever fucked up deity that put me here that I managed to escape that horrible excuse of a woman! Leah sagged in seat in relief. As she waited for the passengers to continue boarding, Leah relaxed in her seat and thought about her situation.

First thing of import, she is alive. Leah is somehow alive and in a fictional world where she has the unfortunate pleasure to play a character as pathetic as Bella Swan who has a dog and a sparklepire lusting after her. Leah, who is an out and proud lesbian must play a straight girl with two…boys after her. Well there is only one thing to say about this…FUCK NO!

If she has any hope to survive this tragedy of a new life, then she is going to have to make some changes. First off, these clothes must go, there is no way in hell that she will be wearing clothes that scream meek pushover. Fingering her hair and seeing the split ends, Leah concluded that she minds as well go full out and get a total makeover. With that crisis solved, she moved onto her next plan.

Since she is moving to an entirely new neighborhood who have no idea who Bella Swan is, she can start fresh thank fuck! So, she can be her usual confident self and she will be sure to let everyone know that she is a proud lesbian and if they have a problem then they can kiss her fist when it meets their face. Although it might be a problem if Charlie has some objections. Since Bella Swan is 17 right now she is too young to be on her own and there is no point in getting emancipated because it is only one year until she is 18 and is legally allowed to live on her own. Hopefully the man is as cool as he was in the books and movies. Fingers crossed.

Finally, Leah is sure to stay the hell away from the he-who-must-die, she-who-manipulates and the boy-who-imprints-on-infants. If she can avoid the terrible three, then her life will be smooth sailing, hopefully.

"PLEASE BE SEATED AND BE SURE TO BE BUCKLED UP. FLIGHT 767 PREPARED FOR TAKEOFF."

After ensuring that her seat belt is secured, Leah settled in to take a nap during the flight. Apparently dying, waking up to discover you are cursed to live in this hell and deciding to fuck the character over by changing…everything makes you tired. Who knew?

"THANK YOU FOR FLYING WITH SOUTHWEST AIRLINES. ENJOY YOUR FLIGHT."

I'll try, Leah thought sleepily before she fell asleep with her head on the window. Hopefully when I wake up this will all have just been one fucked up nightmare. Hopefully when I wake up I will be naked in between the sheets with Sarah in our bed and everything will be fine.