Don't Leave
By Alyssa Laine
Chapter 1: Black
They say that right before your certain death, your life will flash before your eyes. You get a fleeting moment to see your entire world from an outsider's point of view. As Remus Lupin stood with a wand pointed directly at his heart, he began to see everything with splitting clarity.
"Any last words?" the man before him asked mockingly.
He realized in that moment, that glimpse of epiphany, that life had dealt him a bad hand; that she was unfair, unjust, and cruel. He also realized that nothing he could say now would change that.
*
It was the year that he'd really began to feel alive.
Silver lightning ripped diagonally across he sky, a million brilliant electric tendrils of energy cleaving away from the single jagged line that touched the earth's horizon. The fire in the common room was churning out it's own soft yellow light. Remus flipped the page in his book and continued reading as thunder shook the castle, always echoing a bright burst of light.
"Remus!" he heard someone call, and he jerked his head around to see Emma Thompson running his way. She pounced on him, wrapping her arms tightly around Remus's shoulders and then ruffling his sandy blond hair. "I was just looking for Sirius. Is he already upstairs?"
"I saw him go up about an hour ago. He's probably asleep by now," Remus replied.
"Bugger," she said, sitting on the floor next to him. Emma gestured to a girl that she had entered with. She had large, dark eyes and warm ebony colored hair cut at her shoulders. She was fidgeting with her books nervously. "This is my very good friend, Oliana."
"Remus Lupin, how do you do?" Remus said politely, extending his hand. She grasped it briefly.
"Emma, I really don't think we're supposed to be in this common room," Oliana said.
"Oh, Oli, lighten up," Emma sighed dramatically.
"I'm serious! We're not really supposed to know the password to the Gryffindor Common Room, are we? Please, if you get me into anymore trouble this year, my mother will kill us both."
"Me? Get you into trouble?" But never the less, Emma followed Oli across the room.
"Remus?" she called over her shoulder when she reached the portrait hole.
"Yes?" he said looking towards her.
"Tell Sirius I stopped by if he's awake when you go upstairs," she flung her brown curly hair out of her face, blew him a kiss, and waved as she left.
Remus sighed heavily, rubbing his tired eyes. He closed his book, the dry pages crinkling against one another with age, and headed to his dorm. He climbed into his bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. The bed curtains were open just a bit and he could see into the bed next to his. Longish black hair swirled messily over a pillow, the merest curve of a bare shoulder peeked out from beneath folds of sheets. It made him smile. With the thunder like a humming lullaby in the distance, he fell quickly asleep.
*
The next day passed slowly. The hot, late summer sun glared down at the Marauders as they leaned against a beech tree beside the lake. Sirius stretched out on the ground with his arms crossed behind his head. Remus smiled as Sirius squinted his eyes against the sun. He noticed all of the things about Sirius he'd missed over the summer. Sirius was wearing a light blue t-shirt that looked almost white in the sunlight. His toned forearms flexed slightly every time he lifted his head. His shirt was pulled up just slightly enough to expose a sliver of skin at his hip.
Sirius sat up out of nowhere, looked right at James and said, "We haven't seen Helen all summer, James. I fancy a visit, don't you?"
"She's always been my favorite," James said, smirking devilishly. "You know that."
Shirts, shoes, and socks flew off the boys as they ran towards the lake shore.
"Where exactly are-?" was all Remus got out before Sirius and James took running leaps into the still, murky water. The students that were scattered around the grounds all turned to look as James and Sirius yelled and splashed their way across the rippling surface.
Emma, who happened to be sitting on the opposite shore, took a running jump and swam out to James and Sirius, still in her shoes. Peter tottered off to the edge of the lake, laughing and admiring from the shoreline. Remus picked up a book James had left behind. Every once in a while, he couldn't help looking over the pages at Sirius, his back glistening in the bright sun.
As he sat against the tree trunk, Remus could do nothing but daydream.
His favorite color, he'd decided, was black. It was the color of the rare moonless nights that crept silently across the Hogwarts grounds, making everything still and calm. It was the color of the ashes that lined the grate after someone disappeared into the flames. And it was the color of Sirius's hair.
Remus Lupin had known for quite some time now that he was gay. His infatuation for Sirius Black on the other hand was a fairly new development.
The summer had brought warmth and sunshine along with an achingly bad feeling of isolation. His only escape had been Sirius's letters, always wishing that he could see Remus, and always signed with, "Yours, Sirius Black."
My what? Remus thought, more than once. My friend? My something-more? Or just mine? The whole thing, as innocent as it was, made Remus's head spin. He read and reread the letters, folded the parchment and saved them.
A few minutes later, he was joined by Oliana. "Hi," she said. "Sorry for being a bit rude last night, but some of the things Emma does are just not sensible."
"It's okay," he said. "I'm friends with James and Sirius, so I understand where you're coming from."
She smiled and sat next to him. "That lake is really disgusting."
"There's a giant squid in it."
"Really?"
"James and Sirius have nicknamed it 'Helen'," he said seriously. "They fancy her."
Oliana laughed and they fell into a comfortable silence.
"Well, that was fun," Emma said several minutes later, squeezing grungy water out of her long brown curls. She flipped her hair back as the boys trudged up to the beech tree.
"Aw, you two look so cute together," James said, plucking his book out of Remus's hand.
Oliana blushed, grabbed Emma's hand and pulled her back around the lake to where they had been sitting earlier.
"You're 17, James," Remus said, smirking. "Act it."
The four of them headed back into the castle. Sirius slowed down to talk to Remus without James hearing.
"Who was she?"
"Emma's friend."
"Well, I know Emma rather well and I've never met 'Emma's Friend', so obviously they're not very good friends, are they?" Sirius whispered.
Remus raised an eyebrow.
"What's her name?" Sirius asked.
"Oliana. Why so interested?"
"She just doesn't seem like she's of very good character, is all."
"You've only just met her!" Remus said. "You're such a prat. She seems lovely."
"Hey- stop flirting, you two," James called, as they had fallen very far behind. "I'm starving."
*
Remus laid in bed that night, letting the darkness swallow him. Black really was his favorite color. It was the color of newly repaired wizard's chess pieces, ready for another battle, another game. It was the color of the old leather-bound books that he read. And it was Sirius's last name.
