Chapter Three: Kiss
Remus squinted through the darkness at the book he was holding. A thick curtain of silence and night hung over him in the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey always made him stay overnight after the full moon. Suddenly, a glowing jar materialized out of thin air and drifted to the rickety table next to Remus's bed.
The jar was full of small balls of light, spiraling around one another in search of desperate escape. Remus laid down his book, and took the jar in both hands. Beautiful little gypsies danced around behind the glass, their delicate wings an incandescent blur. Stiff from spending the entire day in the hospital wing, he carefully maneuvered out of his bed. When he reached the window, Remus carefully twisted the jar lid and the fairies zipped away. A huge waning moon gleamed down on the creatures as they raced towards the forest.
"Why'd you let them go?"
Remus turned his head and saw a boy leaning in the doorway.
"It's unkind to imprison innocent creatures, Sirius," Remus said as he made his way back to his bed. He sat at the foot and patted the seat next to him, beckoning Sirius.
"You looked like you needed light," he said, throwing himself onto the bed. "So, how are you?"
"Okay," Remus said. "A little bit worse for wear. Madam Pomfrey says I'm just bruised and I'll heal up fine, like always. Did you guys get a chance to talk to Dumbledore today?"
"James wanted to wait for you," he said, "which I thought was a good idea. We can try to go tomorrow."
Sirius was quite after that, first staring at the ceiling and then walking to the window.
"Why did you really come down here?" Remus asked. "You seemed upset with me yesterday, in the common room."
Sirius turned to face Remus, his palms still pressed on the cold stone window frame. "I'm not really sure where to begin…." He put his face in his hands and then paced over to the bed and stood in front of Remus. "I'm just going to do it. I'm going to stop thinking about it, and just do it. Cos if I don't do it now, I'm never going to."
Remus nodded, nonplussed. Sirius nearly knocked Remus off the bed with the force of his kiss. Remus pulled back in surprise. A wave of confusion swept over him.
"Oh, my God," Sirius said looking at Remus's face. "Oh, God." And he half stumbled, half ran out of the infirmary before Remus could do anything but mutter.
*
The next morning, Remus was let go from the hospital wing in time for breakfast. Warm smiles greeted him, along with an icy cold silence from a certain black haired boy.
"Pass the juice?" Sirius asked of Remus, trying desperately to diffuse the stiffness in his voice. Remus did so and their hands accidentally touched, making Sirius cringe.
"Have a headache, mate?" said James, noticing Sirius's look.
"Er, yeah, I suppose. I'll catch you guys in class, okay?" He stood, grabbed his bags and left.
"What's got his wand in a knot?" James mused as he watched Sirius stride away.
"I'll go find out," Remus said. Obviously, it had something to him. Remus was confused and, admittedly, a little excited about what might happen next. Sirius, judging by how things were going, didn't feel the same.
"Sirius!" Remus called when he'd reached the Entrance Hall.
"Leave me alone," moaned Sirius sullenly as he headed for the staircase.
A moment's hesitation, and Remus said what he didn't have the courage to say the night before when Sirius was leaving. "Stop. Come back."
Sirius stood with his foot on the first stair and then slumped over the banister. "What could you possibly have to say, Remus?" he asked into his elbow.
"You're not acting like yourself, that's what I'm saying, and I want to know if its because of last night?"
"Please, do we have to bring it up?"
"We can't not talk about it, Sirius," Remus said, grabbing Sirius's shoulder and tugging him around. "You-" he looked around. "You kissed me."
"The whole thing's just so embarrassing," Sirius said, throwing back his head. "I want to die. Can't we just pretend it never happened?"
"No."
"It all went so badly. Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up."
"Because you kissed me?" Remus said, hugely offended.
"No, no, no! Oh, no. Not at all. That's not what I meant. It's just, I kissed you and you had this horrified look on your face, and then I ran away. I ran away from you because I was afraid of what you were going to say. And that's embarrassing. Plus, I'd rather just not hear whatever it was you would've said, so can we forget this, please?"
"Well, you can't blame me for the look I had on my face. It wasn't a very graceful kiss, and you can't deny it came out of nowhere."
"I was kind of nervous, if you didn't notice."
"And I'm also a little confused because for about seven years I've been under the impression you liked girls."
"I do, but…" Sirius sighed, "I… like blokes, too." He looked around the Entrance hall, which was still empty.
"How did you know that I," Remus began, "I mean, that I do, too?"
"I didn't. Sort of just hoped, I suppose."
Remus blushed. "What happens now?"
Sirius stepped down from the step he was on and moved in front of Remus so that their faces were inches apart. "This," said Sirius. Remus could feel his breath on his lips. He'd forgotten to breath himself. Their lips met as their eyes closed.
Remus had been kissed before. There were impromptu games of "Truth or Dare", the time when Hestia Jones caught him under the mistletoe, and the girlfriend he'd had for a week when he was 13. He'd been kissed before, but he'd never been kissed like this.
It was a lazy, slow kiss. Sirius had two fingers pressed against Remus's jaw. His mouth was warm and smooth, kissing Remus's bottom lip, then the top. Remus found his arms were wrapped around Sirius's middle and he wondered how that had happened. Sirius's tongue moved slowly across Remus's mouth. Remus's teeth grazed Sirius's bottom lip.
They didn't stop until they'd heard footsteps coming around the corridor. Turning away from one another and trying to look inconspicuous, they saw the culprit was Emma.
"Hey, guys!" she said, "Why are you both blushing?"
They laughed, without restraint, because even if they'd told her, she wouldn't have believed it.
*
Lessons took their course that day, Friday, as always. Remus's mind was dwelling on and reliving the kiss over and over. Sirius teased him, purposefully stumbling into him in the halls. The weekend was coming and Remus was hoping to steal a moment alone with Sirius in which they could talk about what being a couple meant, if that's what they were. It had only been a kiss or two, after all. Sirius kissed a lot of people. What if he had changed his mind? Remus pushed the thought away and bent low over the chapter review he was supposed to be copying down.
Sirius and James cornered him after class. "Let's go," they said, "Peter's going to meet us outside of Dumbledore's office."
Remus and Sirius followed James from the classroom, their hands brushing as they walked side by side. When they reached Dumbledore's office, Peter was already there and seemed very nervous.
"How do we get in," he squeaked, "None of us know the password!"
James rolled his eyes. "I arranged the meeting with Professor Dumbledore, you squib. He gave me the password." James's chest swelled importantly and he said, "Blood Pops."
The large stone gargoyle leapt aside and allowed the boys entrance. They reached his doorway from the moving staircase and knocked twice.
"Come in," said Dumbledore gently. "Ah, boys, I'm glad you wanted to talk." He beckoned them forward, and conjured a few extra chairs. They all took seats.
Sirius looked over to James, who spoke, "Sir, we've come because we want to help."
"Help?" Dumbledore asked.
"We're adults, all of us," Sirius began, "and all nearly completely qualified. We know what's happening outside of Hogwarts."
"It's about the Order of the Phoenix, sir," Remus continued. "We've heard rumors that you're leading the fight against You-Know-Who."
"Don't fear his name," Dumbledore said, "Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself. He should be called as he wishes to be: Lord Voldemort."
Peter squeaked, and clapped his hands over his mouth. James spoke first.
"We want to fight him," James said, "Lord Voldemort."
Dumbledore surveyed them over his spectacles. "You four are only on the verge of adulthood." He surveyed them thoughtfully over the rim of his half-moon spectacles. Remus felt oddly bare, staring into Dumbledore's eyes, as if the headmaster could see into his very soul. "The rumors you've been hearing are true. The Order of the Phoenix is real. By choosing to become a part of it, you're giving your life to the cause."
"But isn't that all that matters right now? Lord Voldemort," Sirius struggled saying it at first, "is killing so many people. He's everywhere. How can we stop him if we don't all do our part?"
"And all of you are quite confident that your part is best served as an Order member?"
"Yes," Remus said.
There was a moment of silence before Dumbledore spoke again. "This is not a club that you join and leave when it suits you; not something to brag or boast that you are a part of. I trust that you understand the seriousness and secrecy of what you're asking to do."
Peter looked like he might pass out, but they all nodded.
"You are all very young and bold-hearted. For now, I ask only that you focus on your studies and prepare yourselves. You're still in school, and I'm still your teacher, and I expect you all to apply yourselves."
The conversation seemed to have come to an end.
*
That night in the dimly lit and fairly empty Common Room, the Marauders gathered around the fire to discuss their first prank of the year.
"We're starting out small," James demanded for the umpteenth time. "We should work our way up to the big stunts like we do every year."
"But why?" Sirius whined.
"Because I really do think that turning everyone into stone is going to cause somewhat of a panic."
"That's the beauty of it, though!" Sirius said with sheer jubilation in his voice, "They won't panic! They won't be able to! They'll be stone!"
"Yes, Sirius, but this is going to be a good year for me, and I'd rather not be murdered in my sleep when they change back," James laughed.
"Don't you guys think we're getting just a bit to old to be doing this?" Remus asked.
"We're only seventeen!" Peter said.
"Which means that we're adults," said Remus.
James sighed, "Remus is right. I think it's time to grow up a little."
Sirius looked at the two as if he couldn't believe his eyes. "I'm all for growing up and being an adult, but we're not going to do a single prank? All year? We're the Marauders! It's what we do! Everyone is going to be waiting for something."
"Then we'll spend all year planning one spectacular prank to pull and finish our school days with a bang. Maybe even literally," Remus suggested.
The other three boys sitting around him nodded in agreement. James yawned and said he was heading up to the dorm. Peter got up and left as well, bidding both Remus and Sirius "Good night". Remus was sitting in his usual spot on the rug, and Sirius was lounging on the couch. The fire in the grate was dieing; it had to be nearly two in the morning. Sirius patted a spot next to him, beckoning Remus over.
"So, is Emma your Potions partner?" Remus asked simply to have something to say as he sat down next to Sirius.
"Yeah," Sirius sighed. "I'm actually rather good at Potions, but she really is awful."
Remus watched him as he talked. He wanted to reach out, take his hand, touch him in some way just to confirm he was real. Sirius, who must've sensed Remus looking at him, turned his head to look back. They sat in silence for a few seconds, just looking at one another. Sirius smiled at Remus through the darkness, slipping his hand into Remus's and leaning onto his shoulder. It might have been instinct, recklessness, or maybe even stupidity, but Remus took Sirius's face into his hands and the next thing either of them knew, they were kissing.
Sirius's kiss, he noted, was not only full of intensity but it also held the slight taste of caramel, as if he'd just eaten a piece of candy.
"I take that to mean," Sirius laughed as he broke away, "that we're definitely a…" he paused to think of an appropriate word, "thing?"
Remus could hear his own heart pounding. "Definitely," he breathed. "But people... I'm not ready for anyone to know. Not now. How are we going to hide... us?"
"I don't really know. I've never done this before." Sirius touched Remus's hand. "Are you sure you're up for the challenge?"
Remus twisted in his seat, testing the boundaries of their fragile relationship, and put his legs over Sirius's knees. "Yeah, I think I can handle it." He leaned into Sirius's shoulder.
Sirius made a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sigh and kissed the top of Remus's head. Remus closed his eyes simply listening to the sound of Sirius's breathing. In the ever-dwindling light of the fire, he nearly fell asleep, content and wrapped in Sirius's strong embrace.
Some time later, he woke Sirius and they moved to the dorm silently, each going to their separate beds.
